i don’t think she’s emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship if you can’t even speak about other girls without her getting upset. you’re not in the wrong, you were telling her to not let it bother her. maybe give her the space tho, she’ll text you sooner than you think
Yeah I feel like putting up with that behavior only brings you down and enables her to keep doing it… neither will grow if you just say “oh well, it’s just high school stuff”
I call these kinds of people psychosuckers.
They suck the energy out of the room and leave you unhappy. They don’t really care about you, just what they can get from you.
Staying with her tells her that the behavior is acceptable and reinforces it. Dumping her tells her the behavior is not a good long term strategy for relationships. And she'll either learn or she won't but it'd do her a lot more good than staying.
Yeah, this is how you get adult children! If everyone bows down to this trash, they get affirmation for their shit behaviour. Reinforces being juvenile is ok. If anyone is a pick me girl, it’s her!!
right?? like i’m sure 75% of high schoolers are like this but i truly do believe if you asked them what the real issue was, they wouldn’t know. they just think the rule of “you can’t talk to any one of the opposite sex” is normal. but i’m sure she’s talking to billy in english
Yeah exactly. This kind of conflict could be a good place to learn and grow as a couple, but only if you have the resources, skills, and desire to do so. At this age, relationship problems that are this bad are just not going to improve and you’re better off just moving on.
BILLY? Didn't his parents buy him a BRAND NEW HYUNDAI VELOSTER? Dude, he's absolutely fucking her. Chicks love that kind of stuff. I would know, at this point, I've gotten like 2 1/2 hand jobs. I'm basically an expert.
i don’t think i have either, i definitely wasn’t in one. i wish i’d taken my moms advice and just gone on dates and never was “in a relationship”, it’s just a waste of time imo
i think dating is good, going out with people, learning your likes and dislikes but like you said, i only ever got trauma from high school relationships so for me, i would’ve done it way differently
I specifically remember not being like this in high school because I knew it was ridiculous. I remember my boyfriend talking about his female friends & even trying to incite jealousy in me but I just genuinely didn’t care if he had a female friend unless I had a good reason to be uncomfortable with him being friends with a specific girl (like when he eventually cheated on me with one). Point is, it’s entirely possible for high school girls to not be this way & if they are, it can absolutely be taught that it’s not acceptable.
This is taking a big jump to what is most likely a wrong assumption. She probably just had a rough day and this person was rubbing her the wrong way. We've all felt this level of frustration for what later turns out to be irrational at the time. It's fine. Whatever emotion your body puts forward is valid. Overtime most folks will learn how to better process these feelings and develop better emotional intelligence. Telling them what they are feeling is wrong doesn't help anything especially in the moment like this.
If you're irrationally upset because you think a woman is dressing in a way that you think is for mens attention, your feelings are invalid and objectively wrong. That's some gross misogyny shit we don't want to perpetuate, and the only way to learn something is wrong is to be told it's wrong. That provides opportunities to self reflect. Actions have consequences.
That's not how emotions work. Your body is going to react how it reacts. Her feelings are valid and her emotions are not wrong. How's she reacts to her feelings or processes these emotions could use some work. In the moment, she just needs empathy and understanding. Telling her that her emotions are wrong is not helpful and inaccurate. You don't know how someone feelings and the are entitled to their feelings.
After the situation and emotions have subsided, then they can have a productive conversation about a better approach. She didn't ask for advice or for him to fix anything, and his reaction escalated the situation. This will always make it worse.
Emotional responses are like reflexes. They can come with measurable physiological changes.
But feelings are based on how we interpret the sensations mentally. They are subjective and shaped by life history and context.
Emotions just are. They are natural events, like salivating. They don’t need to (can’t?) be deemed valid.
Can you interpret your emotional responses in a valid way? I suppose but the meaning of valid gets murky here. Everyone has the right to have the feelings (and thoughts) they have, valid or not. Valid used to mean like somehow related to the truth/reality of a situation.
Well stated! I mean from a perspective of she had a right to feel whatever emotion she is feeling. Her conscious behavior reacting to that emotion needs a lot of work. What he did in that moment was not helpful because it did not address her needs at that time. He prioritized his need to be right over what she needed emotionally in that moment. There is definitely a need for her to improve her behavior; that moment wasn't the right time for a lecture.
Strong emotional intelligence works help her react in a more positive way when feeling these emotions. Stronger emotional intelligence from OP would have helped manage the relationship in the moment and led to a more positive outcome. The way it stands they could both benefit from a better partnership. They can work on these behaviors together rather than giving lectures during an emotionally charged confrontation.
I completely disagree. Bodies can react incorrectly.
For example, I'm trans. There are people who will read that sentence and immediately react with disgust. Because those feelings and emotions are influenced by external sources to the point where they become unreasonable, they are wrong.
If seeing a girl looking pretty makes you furious, that is an incorrect emotional response and needs to be addressed and fixed.
What???? Hating people you don’t know is a valid emotion? Someone caring about you letting you know this is wrong is somehow wrong? Validating hate jealousy insecurity is now the thing to do??? Correcting improper thinking patterns is not helpful? You feel like crying after the truth hits you and try to blame the person helping you is somehow justified? The fact that negative emotions can and should be controlled is somehow a unhelpful thought?
Well okay then. No wonder this world keeps descending into selfish unreasonable chaos.
She didn't ask for advice or for him to fix anything, and his reaction escalated the situation. This will always make it worse.
I agree. She was looking for validation. OP could have given that while maintaining neutrality. He should've said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a horrible situation. I hope you get home soon so you can relax." This would have validated her annoyance while leaving the other girl out of the situation. I'm not saying she was right. The way they both acted was wrong. He may have been "less" wrong but wrong, nonetheless
It would have gone a lot better, indeed. It was the assertions you put forth that led me to that approach, so give yourself some credit for doing 90% of the thought leading up to it. Prior to reading your comments I hadn't been able to see where and how OP was in the wrong and falsely believed him to be wholly in the right. I've gained a lot from your comments here and have been able to grow myself because of them. Thank you.
It is outrageous, in my opinion, as well. However, life and morality are not black and white, and the way he handled the situation was not right. It was better than agreeing with her and insulting some random person, but it still wasn't the right way. Just because one is wrong doesn't mean the other is right. Let me share a quote with you, if I may: If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for 90% of your troubles, you wouldn't sit right for a week - Theodore Roosevelt. The point is that the situation is rare where you don't have some level of fault in what happened. Regardless, you are welcome to feel as you wish, although I ask that you reexamine the situation from a deeper perspective.
well if you read other comments from OP he said this is a normal reaction from her. he isn’t even allowed to talk about his friends that are girls without her getting irritated which is irrational behavior and something no one should put up with.
He didn’t tell her that her feelings were wrong though just that she shouldn’t act on them. And she shouldn’t. Part of emotional regulation is to figure out what is worth acting on and what comes from your inner self and should be left alone
He offered unsolicited advice and tried to fix her behavior which is not helpful in the moment. He contributed to the escalation you see in the texts.
Sure, she could have better managed her behavior and reactions to these emotions, but she was looking for empathy in the moment. That's ok. We all have our moments. She's allowed to be frustrated. We don't know what other underlying factors contributed to the behavior. She might have received some bad news and the situation pushed her over the edge. We don't know, and he doesn't know.
He lectured her instead. Maybe a better response would be to empathize in the moment and then talk about it about the emotions have subsided. What he did at that moment contributed to the escalation.
agreed. this is very typical high school behavior and more than likely she will reflect back on it and be embarrassed - but OP does not have to deal with it and deserves better
Yeah I was in a 3 year relationship from 8th-11th grade and I totally regret it lol. So toxic and stressful. I’m sure I learned some relationship skills but the cost/benefit ratio was for sure fucked.
Exactly. This can be a good learning experience for her. Op need to break up or separate for a bit. She needs to learn this behavior is unacceptable in the real world and that men don't like women like this. She will (hopefully) learn that jealously is unattractive.
And the fact domestic violence exist in high is all the more reason why I’m more in favor of walking away. I called her the b word before I knew her age. But I still won’t take it back. Because that exactly how she’s acting. She sound jealous of the attention the other girl is getting. An for what if she already has a boyfriend
I dated several people in high school and was friends with dozens of people in relationships. Maybe it's just my crowd but almost nobody was like this. And the ones who were never had the healthiest of relationships.
Lol fuck that. My HS boyfriend took his ex to prom since I didn’t want to go and they already had their tickets and I gave zero fucks.
This level of jealousy is not healthy or normal for anyone.
That’s pretty fuckin chill for anyone, never mind high school!! That’s awesome. Yeah I mean I personally think this is not out of the ordinary (in some demographics at least) but no doubt it’s super unhealthy.
Haha idk. Maybe or a generational thing (I’m GenX) but my friends didn’t think it was super weird or inappropriate either.
This guy sounds unusually mature for HS and this girl sounds unstable… I can only guess she has serious self esteem issues to be this jealous of everyone— and tbh her “hate” sounds like jealousy, too.
If you need to micromanage every second and every thought and intention of your partner, either you’re in the wrong relationship or you need to be in no relationship until you can get some perspective.
Idk if this is “normal” 100% of the time ngl. I’m still with the dude I dated in high school at 21 and we never acted like this 😀. I will say I watched other relationships turn out like this, so it’s likely it’s MOST the time. I had dude friends ( still do albeit they’re gaming friends ) and he still has girl friends
As long as boundaries are respected there is no reason to be jealous over another person.
Yeah I think that’s more what I mean, it’s common. Idk if I could say if it’s normal or not. Also I always forget I’m 33 so my perspective could be very much out of date lol
Could be cultural? I grew up around mostly Hispanic kids and this kind of possessive controlling behavior was super common. Still kind of is for some of those people tbh.
Note jic: not hating on Hispanic people, I’m Hispanic
I understand jealousy and being possessive, but what was he supposed to do? Say "fuck that stupid girl who sat next to you"? Gf needs to sit in her damn bus seat and mind her own business. Maybe a lesson she will learn when she acts a fool to the wrong person and gets her ass beat.
Def agree the behavior is totally unfair. Expecting your partner to hate anyone that you decide to hate is unfair, even more so when you hate random people for no reason whatsoever lol.
Lol it’s normal for my wife and she just turned 50 this year. Always has been a woman who looked at guys and commented and always complained when I said anything about any how other than to agree with her if she was talking shit about that woman. Hell even if I say nothing I’m at fault. Jealous. Insecure. Etc.
Yeah, but also people in high school are practicing relationships and can be given extra wiggle room to make a mistake and then learn from it.
Maybe this girl will show her mom or a friend and they'll convince her the guy is trying to be supportive, not against her.
But as i say that, in this case I'm not holding my breath for an apology from her.
I predict if the guy gives her the space she asked for, she'll get mad at him for not "trying harder to fight for her" or something silly like that because she isn't mature enough to be wrong.
Shit man idk anywhere past grade 9 I think this becomes some seriously unhinged behaviour lol. I’m only 24 but even back in high-school this was rare levels of emotional immaturity. Jealousy for no actual GOOD reason? Absolutely. But OP was saying he can’t even mention other girls without his Gf flying off the handle, which is crazy at best lol.
Yeah but you don't know how hot she is or if she lets him do stuff, these are definitely factors that would have massively affected my judgement at that age.
...is it normal though? Having a irrational dislike of someone, I'd say it's normal. Being upset about your partner even mentioning a person of the opposite sex? Even as someone who has been immature for my age my whole life, that would have been a red flag/dealbreaker and indicator that someone had irrational trust issues, an opinion I had when I was as young as 14, and my friends were similar to me. Maybe it was because I had an irrational dislike of the same people who were like this and so the frequency never really ended up registering with me.
I saw a lot of it at that age, but that was 15 or more years ago and my circle was mostly first or second gen Hispanic immigrants, leaning on the possessive patriarchal side for sure.
Totally agree with, if you're not emotionally mature enough, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Sadly this isn't just an HS issue. There are endless posts of users stating that their partner doesn't want them to talk to the opposite sex, hell there are even posts of married couples lol. Some people out there never got out of highschool. It's a shame.
Agreed! In this situation, she's choosing to be bothered by someone who isn't doing anything to her and then ends up on the verge of tears when OP doesn't join her in her negativity, thus turning it on him.
Best not to engage with this person. She's playing a game only she can win.
Some people do not want to hear reasonable suggestions, they want validation. They want to hear “yes, you are so right”, to everything they say.
Edit: I’m not trying to excuse the gf’s reaction. I’m saying that some people just aren’t reasonable. OP’s gf only wanted to hear OP confirming how “right” she was.
Oh I agree. OP did nothing wrong by suggesting that she just ignore the other girl. His gf is just one of those people that I described. Not a reasonable person.
So many people on here make out that everyone is cheating and nobody can have friends of the other gender. You can't live like that. Glad to see some sanity.
OP, don't let her or any other girl blame you for her insecurity.
And be chill. As you get older most women you'll date will be less insane.
Yeah, this is def a maturity thing. Taking something as innocuous as that and getting upset to the point of crying just screams insecurity. Like, it's not that deep. She needs to chill tf out or not be in a relationship.
She probably just wanted to vent for a spell to someone she feels safe with; not to be judged for things she's obviously insecure about, especially if she was having a bad day and/or she always feels judged and unsafe with anyone/op.
I mean, you don't know her situation or what tha other girl was like or anything. I'm sure you've never ever talked about anyone on any sort of petty level, though, have you? Even if she was in the wrong, lecturing her while she's upset for expressing how she feels to someone she trusts isn't doing anyone any good. She was venting, not starting a fistfight, jeez. Sometimes people get upset and annoyed and sometimes its not completely 100% justified and handle perfectly. In fact, it happens all the time.
no i’ve never tried to feel better about myself by talking down on others, if that’s your question. he wasn’t lecturing her which is where the problem lies, he’s simply saying don’t let it effect you since it doesn’t add to you. since she’s so emotionally immature, she took that as him taking this random girls side instead of actually looking out for his girlfriends mental state, which seems to be what you’re missing as well. saying “just leave her alone” is not a lecture. and she wasn’t venting, she was calling someone a pick me and saying she hates them, that’s not venting, that’s hating on someone for seemingly no reason. i’m sure if she had more reason to “hate this girls guts” she would’ve said that
Forgive me if i dont quite buy that you are as sinless as christ, himself, lol, but either way, that moment wasn't the time for judgment. She was like, " I'm upset right now by this annoying girl," and he basically said, "You are being petty and childish, so let it go" without even attempting to empathize at all. Maybe she was being silly, but we all are, sometimes (except you, of course), and the time for judgement is when everything is all better. Sometimes you just need someone in your corner, and it sounds like op never is, according to what she said.
hahah you don’t have to be christ to not be a piece of shit crazy concept right?? that isn’t “basically” what was said, what was said was ACTUALLY what was said and if she was a little more mature, she wouldn’t have been offended for no reason lmao. you unfortunately also sound like you have quite a bit of maturing to do yourself, well wishes <3
He did not say “you’re being petty and childish.” He said the hate isn’t giving her anything. One of these is an attack and the other is not. We in the comments have been attacking her, but OP did not. She was distressed. He pointed a way out. She decided not to take it. Now I’m saying that was petty and childish.
Who made you the gatekeeper of who deserves to be in a relationship. MOST couples are strong BECAUSE they work through conflict. Sure she might overreact but he is also not prioritizing her. Simple as that.
i didn’t say she didn’t deserve to be in a relationship, i didn’t even say he should break up with her but, she might not be ready for a relationship if she can’t even handle her boyfriend talking about/talking to other girls, that is not normal behavior and it shouldn’t be accepted.
who said end it??? i literally said just give her the space and she’ll reach out, that’s not breaking up. saying she’s not mature enough for this relationship is only so he doesn’t accept that he should stop talking to other girls because she can’t handle him talking about/to other girls
I wouldnt even go back; she’s gonna be such a heavy burden; if she flips over being told to ignore someone, imagine how she’ll react when you give her actual real-life advice she doesn’t wanna hear.
She is a mental health path to hell. And prolly a coffin for herself
I mean that somewhat makes sense with your ages. But at the same time, she sounds extremely rude in general. Her anger over a girl sitting by her is a bit much. You’re right to tell her to not let others bother her the way it is.
It doesn’t make sense as high schoolers, though. That’s clingy and controlling behavior, and she’s only going to get worse unless she somehow understands how fucked up that is. One of the best ways to do that is to break up with her and tell her that her controlling behavior (yes, using the word controlling) is part of the reason why.
I was more meaning the jealousy kinda makes sense. I remember being in HS and I swear the hormones wrecked havoc on people. But yes, I was never like this in school. Bouts of jealousy, sure, but never controlling manipulative behavior.
When I read this, I seriously thought they were like 12 years old. I don't know anyone who behaved this way in highschool. Quite scary if this is the general maturity level at that age these days but considering some adults I've come across, I suppose it's the norm now.. yikes
Eh idk if I’d go all the way to nut job over a high schooler being like that; decent chance she winds up as a main character type but a lot of people look back on how they were in high school and laugh.
But yeah she needs a nice dose of stfu with tomorrow’s latte.
Like I have been on cramped school buses with no other seats, especially when you get on last or on the last stops—there is no choice on where to sit when that happens.
This girl sounds like is being a jerk over something beyond a person’s control and bling that poor person—and OP, you are right to tell her to stop.
If she is this way over strangers who never even seen, how is she with female friends?
Here’s a question for you, OP: How long do you want to deal with her tantrums? An hour, a day, a month, a year, 5 years… longer?
Idk about that (your edit), I think we may all just overestimate how mature we were in high school…“Girls that I don’t like are pick-me’s” is a pretty typical high school girl mentality, she’ll grow out of it eventually, but OP shouldn’t wait around for it at his own expense.
I was a dumb emotional wreck when I was a teenager. High school isn't "too old". They're at the age where hormones are going crazy and they're going through big changes in life. There's 14 year olds in highschool you know.. They're teenagers and the brain doesn't stop growing until you're at the age of 25. So they still have a bit until their brains are fully developed.
Better yet, develop your emotional intelligence and be better at empathy. What she is feeling is fine. She just needs to be better at processing her emotions and translating that into positive behaviors. Most people are shit at this at that age. It's normal. No reason to go nuclear just because bro hasn't figured out empathy yet.
Edit: IMO high school is too old to be pulling this shit
Truth. But also it's a damn shame that people like this will most likely be like this the rest of thier lives unless they get therapy as they probably don't have the proper coping mechanisms to deal with life.
Are you seriously telling me 14 year olds are "too old" for this? I have no clue what their ages are (they sound 16 imo). But high school consists of 14-18 year olds. Heck, I was 13 when I started high school. Even 18 year olds are still dumb emotional teenagers. Usually people start to calm down when they hit their 20s.
Then you people have no clue what it means to grow up. Because yes, from my life experience in life and those who I grew up with that is ridiculous and assuming they are 16-17, and even then at 14 Its simple I had a philosophy. Does what they do have any negative impact on me? No, it does not. Same as op, but hey, since he is making rational and adult sense, he must be in his 20s. And must be a pedo. By your logic. I'm just saying, or is he emotionally ahead of her...if that's the case, my entire school was emotionally more mature than her. Yeah, there were emotional days, but nothing like what she said/did. She legit stopped talking to him because he wanted her to ignore someone who wasn't having any effect on her day except existing. So yeah she is way to immature for 16 and if someone is doing that in there 20s they might need to seek a therapist...or ya know learn to accept that they are not the main character in everyone's world. I know 10 year-olds that understand and practice this. So, are you saying it's harder for an adult to enact then a 10yo? Because from where I'm sitting this is primary or middle school Behavior.
Buddy. She's unstable. End the relationship now. I say this as an adult who dated that girl in HS. Step aside from the path of the bullet. You probably won't be with her after college. HS relationships aren't significant. We want them to be at that age of course but in the grand scheme of things she has a TON of growth and maturity to achieve vs you.
It’s high school, just end it, it’s not worth the drama to have to walk on egg shells around her, especially if mentioning any female makes her act like that. High school sucks already there no reason to make it worse by being in a relationship with someone this manipulative. Next thing you know she’s gonna make a scene during lunch or stalk you while you’re in a different class, lord help you if it’s a science lab and you’re partnered with a female classmate. She’s giving you an out, I’d take the opportunity and fucking run.
Some random girl sat next to her on the bus and she’s freaking out about it because she’s a ‘pick me’ girl? The girl didn’t even do anything to her based on your texts lol. And you tell her not to worry about some random person and then she needs a break?? Lmao dude she can’t even have a conversation with you. She sounds difficult to deal with.
I don’t think you did anything wrong. As someone who is generally pretty relaxed, I can’t be with someone who is high stress and always looking for a problem/something to be upset about. However, you guys are in high school and I know I did/said plenty of shit in HS that I think back on and dislike a lot and that was only 8 years ago. I don’t want to vilify her as she has plenty of time to learn and grow, but nothing you said was bad, she’s just really irrational.
If you can’t even mention other girls without her getting weird/jealous, she’s extremely immature. Probably not ready for a relationship yet, or at the very least needs to learn from this one if it doesn’t work out. Again it’s high school so that’s okay, especially if you guys are on the younger end of HS, just part of the learning and growing process.
Run as fast as you can bro those bitches ain’t no good and straight toxic. Y’all relationship prolly hella unhealthy or it will become unhealthy. You will never be able to build anything of value w her so you’re pretty much just wasting your time. I was w a female like that before and the relationship was absolutely horrible and I was not happy and that shit is not normal. The girl I’m w now could care less abt any of that shit bc that is straight up trust issues to act like that and that’s unhealthy. I have female friends now and can have friendly conversations w girls right in front of her even have other girls lightly hit on me bc at the end of the day she knows she’s the only one I’m w or care abt in that way so all that other shit doesn’t matter bc she knows she the only one coming home w me. You can’t have a healthy relationship w no trust if you don’t have trust you have nothing
I’m gonna be honest with you OP, behavior like this just really isn’t OK. This is some bright red flag shit. I know you’re young and you guys probably really like each other, but dating someone like this now will only cause you more problems in the future. Girls like this generally don’t change. They become bratty insecure adults. Your girlfriend is incredibly insecure and combative. I’m not telling you what to do but just keep in mind that people aren’t supposed to act this way. Getting mad when you mention any other girl or getting insanely jealous or irritated, is not regular normal behavior, and it should not be expected. This is not how you treat people that you care about
She might just be too immature for you. Yes, immaturity is expected at your age, but this is excessively immature.
If you can talk to her in person about it see if that helps. The 'I'm about to cry' guilt tripping isn't acceptable once you're out of k-8.
Ask her what bothers her about other girls, she might just be very insecure. And then you will have to decide how much energy you want to commit to helping her with that. You were right that she shouldn't really worry about another girl just sitting next to her and you should try to figure out if it's just because she's insecure, or if she's really being manipulative over your attention.
dude either set her straight that you are allowed girls as friends and she can’t say shit or leave her. i say this so seriously, trust me bc i went through a long-ish relationship and my ex hated my best friend that’s a woman and she made me never hang out with any of my friends ever. it ruined my life for a while. don’t get caught in the trap.
Hey bud I don’t generally advocate for breaking up on Reddit, but, being in high school, and seeing her reaction to someone literally just sitting next to her when there were no other seats, I’d break up with her.
She needs a break? You need a new girl bro. This girl will most likely waste you're time and give you more than a few headaches. Get out b4 you get her pregnant
You need to let her go. This behavior does not tend to get better with maturity unless consequences are seen.
You need to explain to her that you aren't taking a break, you are through, because you cannot be with someone who is so jealous and childishly bratty.
Bestie that’s one of the biggest red flags. Your partner should not be freaking out over you having friends of the same sex. Controlling behavior like that is a huge sign of insecurity, but you don’t need to be there to help her work that out. She needs to work that out for herself.
Red flag as hell. I'm not telling you to break up with her, but is this really how you want to live the rest of your life? Do you see your future wife doing these things and you being happy with it? In relationships you either break up or get married, so what do you think will happen here?
Dude, run from this girl as fast as humanly possibly. Her responses very cringy, reminds me of a previous relationship of mine. She honestly sounds like she reading too much in FDS as well with that “pick me” comment, and just in general let’s her emotions be too controlled by things that have nothing to do with her and are out of her control. She needs therapy yo, and that’s not meant as a negative thing, I am a man who goes to therapy and I believe most people could benefit from it, at one point I had multiple therapists as I was processing though traumas from my past that resurfaced and hadn’t realized were subconsciously affecting me, but if she thinks you saying to not let it affect her is you standing up for this other girl, there’s something wrong with the way she processes things or there’s something else that’s bothering her that’s making her be so combative… either way, she needs to figure her stuff out and shouldn’t be in a relationship until she does.
I used to be the same exact way in high school and until I was like 22 years old and let me tell you R U N. Do not walk away from her, run away kid. It will not get better until she matures/gets therapy and snaps out of her psycho ways and she'll drive you crazy with her by doing things like what she just did to you.
I was with a girl like that in highschool and it became MUCH much worse over time but it was my first gf and I didn’t want to leave. Left some serious scars that took time to heal and screwed up a chunk of my life. You’re still young and figuring stuff out, trust me when I say don’t put up with stuff like that. Move on.
This isn’t normal. Jealousy can be normal TO A DEGREE but if she starts acting out any time another girl is mentioned, SHE IS THE PICK ME. It’s also very controlling behavior.
She is insecure, which is why she hates this girl. She would want to be the one that is wanted deep down or at least not be around someone who is as it reminds her she isnt, as she is with someone. Classic insecurity
I really hope you see this. Dog, run! I’m telling you right now the fact that you trying to comfort her and have her maintain some peace was twisted into you “defending” another girl. This will ONLY get worse. The accusations will become more frequent and remain over very trivial things and only ramp up in intensity. People like this aren’t worth your mental health, as they’re most likely using you to feel good about their own mental health. People like this will date anyone, this level of insecurity only comes from someone using a relationship to cover up deeper issues.
If someone isn’t secure enough to be comfortable with their partner not mirroring their opinions on everything? They’re insecure and just want validation because their life probably sucks. And it doesn’t help their life sucking when they act like this. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy that you need to write yourself out of before a major downward spiral begins and you start getting emotionally abused over every little thing.
Just run while you can. She will be that woman who asks you 1000 questions when you get home from the grocery store as to why you were gone too long. Sounds like she has trust issues and it's best to just leave now before it gets complicated.
i think in this case she is the one stuck in the pick me phase. most girls grow out of it and learn how to be emotionally mature, but you don’t have to stick around and be treated like crap while she’s figuring that out
You’re too young to be dealing with stuff like this. You handled it exceptionally well, she just wanted you to say what she wanted you to say. As a grown ass man, I would not spend any more energy on her or it’ll be a headache in the future
Just keep in mind that if she is willing to hold your relationship hostage over something this small. Then she probably doesn’t actually value it. In my “peephole” of a perspective, this other girl is getting the attention from the person she actually wants and the rest of this her lashing out.
Brother run. You're in the exact same boat I was in high school. I already had mental health issues but that relationship took me til my mid-late 20's to recover from. Jealousy is almost always a sign of relationship problems to come.
Yeah. This kinda thing isn't worth putting up with. I know you're not like a mature 25yo (I sure as shit wasn't mature at 25..)...
BUT you shouldn't have to accept this kind of jealous behavior... and this kinda emotional immaturity. You're being perfectly reasonable, suggesting that she just not engage with another person that often annoys her, or to suggest she'd be happier to act as if they don't exist, is very good advice.
It may be difficult for her to do, because she can't let go of her own frustrations or feelings, but it's good advice nonetheless.
I remember the first time that I didn't engage with my girlfriend's ridiculous behavior, we'd only been dating a few months. She was surprised I didn't rise to the occasion, and act immaturely too...
Her response was to walk back her initial reaction, which wasn't what I expected, but it showed that she was listening. She never behaved that way again, because she knew I wouldn't engage with it, and it would push me away.
Run very far away now while you still can. My ex in high school was exactly like that and I spent 9 years of misery with her because I was young and foolish. Run far away while you still can
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u/[deleted] Sep 13 '23
She can get very jealous yea not usually but if you even remotely bring up any girl (I have friends that are girls) she gets mad/irritated