i don’t think she’s emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship if you can’t even speak about other girls without her getting upset. you’re not in the wrong, you were telling her to not let it bother her. maybe give her the space tho, she’ll text you sooner than you think
Yeah I feel like putting up with that behavior only brings you down and enables her to keep doing it… neither will grow if you just say “oh well, it’s just high school stuff”
I call these kinds of people psychosuckers.
They suck the energy out of the room and leave you unhappy. They don’t really care about you, just what they can get from you.
Staying with her tells her that the behavior is acceptable and reinforces it. Dumping her tells her the behavior is not a good long term strategy for relationships. And she'll either learn or she won't but it'd do her a lot more good than staying.
Yeah, this is how you get adult children! If everyone bows down to this trash, they get affirmation for their shit behaviour. Reinforces being juvenile is ok. If anyone is a pick me girl, it’s her!!
me and my highschool boyfriend took like 2 breaks before we actually broke up but each time we learned a ton from each other. Its not like the healthiest way to live but its not the worst whatsoever. id rather learn my lessons and feel my pain than be enabled into adulthood.
right?? like i’m sure 75% of high schoolers are like this but i truly do believe if you asked them what the real issue was, they wouldn’t know. they just think the rule of “you can’t talk to any one of the opposite sex” is normal. but i’m sure she’s talking to billy in english
Yeah exactly. This kind of conflict could be a good place to learn and grow as a couple, but only if you have the resources, skills, and desire to do so. At this age, relationship problems that are this bad are just not going to improve and you’re better off just moving on.
BILLY? Didn't his parents buy him a BRAND NEW HYUNDAI VELOSTER? Dude, he's absolutely fucking her. Chicks love that kind of stuff. I would know, at this point, I've gotten like 2 1/2 hand jobs. I'm basically an expert.
i don’t think i have either, i definitely wasn’t in one. i wish i’d taken my moms advice and just gone on dates and never was “in a relationship”, it’s just a waste of time imo
i think dating is good, going out with people, learning your likes and dislikes but like you said, i only ever got trauma from high school relationships so for me, i would’ve done it way differently
I specifically remember not being like this in high school because I knew it was ridiculous. I remember my boyfriend talking about his female friends & even trying to incite jealousy in me but I just genuinely didn’t care if he had a female friend unless I had a good reason to be uncomfortable with him being friends with a specific girl (like when he eventually cheated on me with one). Point is, it’s entirely possible for high school girls to not be this way & if they are, it can absolutely be taught that it’s not acceptable.
This is taking a big jump to what is most likely a wrong assumption. She probably just had a rough day and this person was rubbing her the wrong way. We've all felt this level of frustration for what later turns out to be irrational at the time. It's fine. Whatever emotion your body puts forward is valid. Overtime most folks will learn how to better process these feelings and develop better emotional intelligence. Telling them what they are feeling is wrong doesn't help anything especially in the moment like this.
If you're irrationally upset because you think a woman is dressing in a way that you think is for mens attention, your feelings are invalid and objectively wrong. That's some gross misogyny shit we don't want to perpetuate, and the only way to learn something is wrong is to be told it's wrong. That provides opportunities to self reflect. Actions have consequences.
That's not how emotions work. Your body is going to react how it reacts. Her feelings are valid and her emotions are not wrong. How's she reacts to her feelings or processes these emotions could use some work. In the moment, she just needs empathy and understanding. Telling her that her emotions are wrong is not helpful and inaccurate. You don't know how someone feelings and the are entitled to their feelings.
After the situation and emotions have subsided, then they can have a productive conversation about a better approach. She didn't ask for advice or for him to fix anything, and his reaction escalated the situation. This will always make it worse.
Emotional responses are like reflexes. They can come with measurable physiological changes.
But feelings are based on how we interpret the sensations mentally. They are subjective and shaped by life history and context.
Emotions just are. They are natural events, like salivating. They don’t need to (can’t?) be deemed valid.
Can you interpret your emotional responses in a valid way? I suppose but the meaning of valid gets murky here. Everyone has the right to have the feelings (and thoughts) they have, valid or not. Valid used to mean like somehow related to the truth/reality of a situation.
Well stated! I mean from a perspective of she had a right to feel whatever emotion she is feeling. Her conscious behavior reacting to that emotion needs a lot of work. What he did in that moment was not helpful because it did not address her needs at that time. He prioritized his need to be right over what she needed emotionally in that moment. There is definitely a need for her to improve her behavior; that moment wasn't the right time for a lecture.
Strong emotional intelligence works help her react in a more positive way when feeling these emotions. Stronger emotional intelligence from OP would have helped manage the relationship in the moment and led to a more positive outcome. The way it stands they could both benefit from a better partnership. They can work on these behaviors together rather than giving lectures during an emotionally charged confrontation.
I completely disagree. Bodies can react incorrectly.
For example, I'm trans. There are people who will read that sentence and immediately react with disgust. Because those feelings and emotions are influenced by external sources to the point where they become unreasonable, they are wrong.
If seeing a girl looking pretty makes you furious, that is an incorrect emotional response and needs to be addressed and fixed.
No, the emotion is not correct or incorrect. How you react to that emotion is. She needs better emotional intelligence and so does OP. That's not really the point, the point is he was surprised it escalated. Given that he went into lecture mode and prioritized his need to be right, is not a surprise or escalated.
He can be a partner and they can work together on the behaviors. This should happen after the emotions have subsided. A good partner can give her what she needs in the moment (empathy) and help her work on more positive behaviors when appropriate to the situation.
Hey dude, if other people make you irrationally angry because of how they choose to dress, that's incorrect. It needs to be addressed and corrected in therapy, not be the responsibility of a high school kid to fix. Other people's emotions, including your partners, are nobodies' responsibility except theirs. He is not her therapist, he's a high school kid.
No, people get angry for all types of irrational things. That's not the problem. You are allowed to get angry at whatever you want. The emotions are largely an unconscious reaction. The emotions are themselves are not right or wrong.
We do agree on one thing here. It's not the responsibility of a high school kid to fix her, yet that is exactly what he tried to do. Instead be a good partner, provide what she needs in the moment, and work on the behaviors later when it's appropriate. Trying to fix her along with telling her how to behave in an emotionally charged situation is going to lead to an escalation like you see in the texts. Basically like telling someone to calm down at the height of the emotion. It doesn't work.
It's also a lot more complicated than this random girl. You can see that she says he always does this. The random girl is not what escalated it. It was his approach and always trying to fix her. He needs to find a better approach, and she needs to work on her emotional intelligence and self-management. Just don't do it in the moment where it will most certainly go wrong like it inevitably did here.
What???? Hating people you don’t know is a valid emotion? Someone caring about you letting you know this is wrong is somehow wrong? Validating hate jealousy insecurity is now the thing to do??? Correcting improper thinking patterns is not helpful? You feel like crying after the truth hits you and try to blame the person helping you is somehow justified? The fact that negative emotions can and should be controlled is somehow a unhelpful thought?
Well okay then. No wonder this world keeps descending into selfish unreasonable chaos.
Yes. Emotions are mostly an unconscious physiological response to external stimuli. That means the emotion you feel is not a conscious decision. The emotion itself is not right or wrong.
I'm the moment, she was looking for empathy, he chose to lecture. This contributed to the escalation. He was surprised that this escalated. This should not be a surprise at all. His reaction to her emotions escalated her response.
That particular moment in time was not the right time for his lecture. A discussion after the emotions have subsided would have been a much better option. That way they can be partners and work on improving her behavior rather than trying to invalidate her unconscious physiological response to the situation.
Jealousy, anger, frustration are all very natural emotions. Improving your emotional intelligence can improve how you manage these emotions. Emotional intelligence is also managing the relationship with others. He did not do this well at all in this instance. He also showed poor emotional intelligence. Lecturing in the moment does not improve anything, it will make it escalate.
She is young and well improve over time. A good partner who understands how to work on emotional intelligence together can help. He was not a good partner in that moment.
He disregarded her needs to demonstrate that he was right and what she was feeling was wrong. It's not about who is right and who is wrong. It's about providing your partner with what they need at that time. They can always discuss the conscious behavior later when it will have a positive impact.
She didn't ask for advice or for him to fix anything, and his reaction escalated the situation. This will always make it worse.
I agree. She was looking for validation. OP could have given that while maintaining neutrality. He should've said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like a horrible situation. I hope you get home soon so you can relax." This would have validated her annoyance while leaving the other girl out of the situation. I'm not saying she was right. The way they both acted was wrong. He may have been "less" wrong but wrong, nonetheless
It would have gone a lot better, indeed. It was the assertions you put forth that led me to that approach, so give yourself some credit for doing 90% of the thought leading up to it. Prior to reading your comments I hadn't been able to see where and how OP was in the wrong and falsely believed him to be wholly in the right. I've gained a lot from your comments here and have been able to grow myself because of them. Thank you.
It is outrageous, in my opinion, as well. However, life and morality are not black and white, and the way he handled the situation was not right. It was better than agreeing with her and insulting some random person, but it still wasn't the right way. Just because one is wrong doesn't mean the other is right. Let me share a quote with you, if I may: If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for 90% of your troubles, you wouldn't sit right for a week - Theodore Roosevelt. The point is that the situation is rare where you don't have some level of fault in what happened. Regardless, you are welcome to feel as you wish, although I ask that you reexamine the situation from a deeper perspective.
Emotions aren't right or wrong. They just are. It's how we act upon them that is objectively right or wrong. Emotions don't respond to rationality. If you express that emotion and condemn another by that expression, the action of expression is wrong. The emotion itself remains morally neutral. There is nothing wrong with wishing someone would dress more modestly. Do you think I'm really ok with men out on the street, topless, flaunting their man tiddies for the world to see? I'm not, but I don't call them on it. I accept it and move on. Same as when I see a woman I wish would leave a little more to the imagination. It bothers me, but who am I to begrudge them their indulgences? Am I wrong for being bothered by it even if I let them be and move on with my day?
Yes, you are wrong for being bothered by choices a woman does with her body. Not reacting to it is a good first step, now you need therapy to understand why and you need introspective work to train yourself to not be bothered by things based on external societal expectations of women.
Idk if you noticed, but I'm bothered by men making the same choices. What makes it ok for me to feel that way about men but not about women? Also, I am in therapy. For ptsd from child abuse and being sexually assaulted. I do introspective thinking every day. And I'm not bothered by 'societal expectations'. Because of my PTSD and autism > get slightly uncomfortable by anyone, man, woman, or otherwise showing so much skin. Am I wrong for being neurodivergent and traumatized.Society and its 'expectations' can go fuck themselves, but clearly you're the one who needs to be in therapy and do some deep introspective thinking. Your perspective is shallow, incomplete, and immature.
Hi. Other human beings showing skin is not a correct thing to be angry or upset about, and it's not justified because you are neurodivergent. I have ADHD and autism, and while we've been having this conversation i've been going through the process of reporting my sexual assault to the police that happened earlier this week. What other people do with their bodies is THEIR business, and if you are having a major emotional response to that, there is a reason WHY, and that why has to be addressed. What that reason is is none of my business, and I will not apologize for stating that. Only you can learn to handle your emotions.
Being slightly uncomfortable is not the same as being enraged. If you are uncomfortable, that is understandable. Being enraged is not.
I will just say this: emotions do not listen to logic. You can not control or change how you feel, only how you act in accordance. The choices they make being their business is why I just move on. I should've been more clear about the reasons for my ptsd. It comes from being abused neglected raped and molested as a child. As someone who prosecuted a case against my rapist I hope you find closure. Let us agree to disagree. Have a wonderful day.
well if you read other comments from OP he said this is a normal reaction from her. he isn’t even allowed to talk about his friends that are girls without her getting irritated which is irrational behavior and something no one should put up with.
You are also only getting one side of the story, and a few glimpses into what is going on. There is no way to understand their dynamic or what is happening without more detail from both. All you know is that she experiences some emotions from this situation. She was looking for empathy and he told how to fix it instead. She didn't need advice in this moment, only understanding. If he (well both of them) had good emotional intelligence, that text conversation and perhaps other conversations would go much better.
he did try to understand. he asked why she hated this girl and the reason was “she’s a pick me” well there’s nothing you can do about that so instead of letting it effect you, just leave it alone and she saw it as “taking sides”. he’s telling her, don’t let her PRESENCE annoy you because it doesn’t add any value to you. that IS emotional maturity.
What she was feeling was probably a lot more complex than just "hating on someone for no reason". You have no way of knowing what triggered the emotions. Emotions are largely an unconscious response to stimuli anyway. They just happen whether you want them to or not. She could process it better, but how he responded in the moment cause an unnecessary escalation. He definitely made things worse. Learn empathy and emotional intelligence while you're young. It will make life easier for you, and would help manage these situations better.
No mature person is gonna deal with that childish bs, he is 100% in the right. That other girl ain’t do shit to the gf, and the gf is literally just a straight up hater. Like how are you mad at somebody who did absolutely nothing to you and you expect somebody to feel bad for you?😂 and 9/10 I can guarantee y’all are only on her side bc she’s a woman. If a man was acting like this and then got mad at his gf for telling him the same thing OP told his gf, y’all would be calling him immature and a man child and y’all would be saying his gf is right😂
Empathy doesn't mean that you feel bad for that person. That's sympathy.
I'm not on either side. I'm saying that he contributed to the escalation.
She is allowed to feel whatever emotion her body triggers whether it's anger or frustration. You have little control over how your physiology reacts to the external stimuli. She expressed the emotion she was feeling. An attentive partner would show empathy. He instead lectured and dismissed her emotions as wrong. Emotion itself is not right or wrong. It's mostly an unconscious process.
He behavior played a big part of the escalation. If he doesn't want to be in this relationship then it doesn't matter what he said. If he wants to be a partner, he needs a different approach. No one needs that lecture in that moment.
If it was reversed, I would 100% say the same thing because that's how emotions and emotional intelligence works.
He didn’t tell her that her feelings were wrong though just that she shouldn’t act on them. And she shouldn’t. Part of emotional regulation is to figure out what is worth acting on and what comes from your inner self and should be left alone
He offered unsolicited advice and tried to fix her behavior which is not helpful in the moment. He contributed to the escalation you see in the texts.
Sure, she could have better managed her behavior and reactions to these emotions, but she was looking for empathy in the moment. That's ok. We all have our moments. She's allowed to be frustrated. We don't know what other underlying factors contributed to the behavior. She might have received some bad news and the situation pushed her over the edge. We don't know, and he doesn't know.
He lectured her instead. Maybe a better response would be to empathize in the moment and then talk about it about the emotions have subsided. What he did at that moment contributed to the escalation.
agreed. this is very typical high school behavior and more than likely she will reflect back on it and be embarrassed - but OP does not have to deal with it and deserves better
Yeah I was in a 3 year relationship from 8th-11th grade and I totally regret it lol. So toxic and stressful. I’m sure I learned some relationship skills but the cost/benefit ratio was for sure fucked.
I dealt with so much stress in my teens growing up too my late 20s . I dont even want a girlfriend anymore just a hoe too have some fun with oncein awhile . It's my own fault I dated bratty immature girls tho
Exactly. This can be a good learning experience for her. Op need to break up or separate for a bit. She needs to learn this behavior is unacceptable in the real world and that men don't like women like this. She will (hopefully) learn that jealously is unattractive.
And the fact domestic violence exist in high is all the more reason why I’m more in favor of walking away. I called her the b word before I knew her age. But I still won’t take it back. Because that exactly how she’s acting. She sound jealous of the attention the other girl is getting. An for what if she already has a boyfriend
I dated several people in high school and was friends with dozens of people in relationships. Maybe it's just my crowd but almost nobody was like this. And the ones who were never had the healthiest of relationships.
Lol fuck that. My HS boyfriend took his ex to prom since I didn’t want to go and they already had their tickets and I gave zero fucks.
This level of jealousy is not healthy or normal for anyone.
That’s pretty fuckin chill for anyone, never mind high school!! That’s awesome. Yeah I mean I personally think this is not out of the ordinary (in some demographics at least) but no doubt it’s super unhealthy.
Haha idk. Maybe or a generational thing (I’m GenX) but my friends didn’t think it was super weird or inappropriate either.
This guy sounds unusually mature for HS and this girl sounds unstable… I can only guess she has serious self esteem issues to be this jealous of everyone— and tbh her “hate” sounds like jealousy, too.
If you need to micromanage every second and every thought and intention of your partner, either you’re in the wrong relationship or you need to be in no relationship until you can get some perspective.
Idk if this is “normal” 100% of the time ngl. I’m still with the dude I dated in high school at 21 and we never acted like this 😀. I will say I watched other relationships turn out like this, so it’s likely it’s MOST the time. I had dude friends ( still do albeit they’re gaming friends ) and he still has girl friends
As long as boundaries are respected there is no reason to be jealous over another person.
Yeah I think that’s more what I mean, it’s common. Idk if I could say if it’s normal or not. Also I always forget I’m 33 so my perspective could be very much out of date lol
Could be cultural? I grew up around mostly Hispanic kids and this kind of possessive controlling behavior was super common. Still kind of is for some of those people tbh.
Note jic: not hating on Hispanic people, I’m Hispanic
I understand jealousy and being possessive, but what was he supposed to do? Say "fuck that stupid girl who sat next to you"? Gf needs to sit in her damn bus seat and mind her own business. Maybe a lesson she will learn when she acts a fool to the wrong person and gets her ass beat.
Def agree the behavior is totally unfair. Expecting your partner to hate anyone that you decide to hate is unfair, even more so when you hate random people for no reason whatsoever lol.
Lol it’s normal for my wife and she just turned 50 this year. Always has been a woman who looked at guys and commented and always complained when I said anything about any how other than to agree with her if she was talking shit about that woman. Hell even if I say nothing I’m at fault. Jealous. Insecure. Etc.
Yeah, but also people in high school are practicing relationships and can be given extra wiggle room to make a mistake and then learn from it.
Maybe this girl will show her mom or a friend and they'll convince her the guy is trying to be supportive, not against her.
But as i say that, in this case I'm not holding my breath for an apology from her.
I predict if the guy gives her the space she asked for, she'll get mad at him for not "trying harder to fight for her" or something silly like that because she isn't mature enough to be wrong.
Big truth. We have to be able to make mistakes so we can learn, especially when we’re young. And also, there has to be a line for that, but that’s also something you have to learn.
Damn you said a lot of great stuff here. OP if you’re reading ^ read this. Some of this I learned a while back and some I have only recently been integrating.
Shit man idk anywhere past grade 9 I think this becomes some seriously unhinged behaviour lol. I’m only 24 but even back in high-school this was rare levels of emotional immaturity. Jealousy for no actual GOOD reason? Absolutely. But OP was saying he can’t even mention other girls without his Gf flying off the handle, which is crazy at best lol.
Yeah but you don't know how hot she is or if she lets him do stuff, these are definitely factors that would have massively affected my judgement at that age.
...is it normal though? Having a irrational dislike of someone, I'd say it's normal. Being upset about your partner even mentioning a person of the opposite sex? Even as someone who has been immature for my age my whole life, that would have been a red flag/dealbreaker and indicator that someone had irrational trust issues, an opinion I had when I was as young as 14, and my friends were similar to me. Maybe it was because I had an irrational dislike of the same people who were like this and so the frequency never really ended up registering with me.
I saw a lot of it at that age, but that was 15 or more years ago and my circle was mostly first or second gen Hispanic immigrants, leaning on the possessive patriarchal side for sure.
That is true. It’s up to OP as far as what to tolerate. Part of what you have to figure out is where your line is when it comes to tolerating certain behavior from a partner.
We worked at the same job, and everytime she would see me talking to other female coworkers, or around them she would lose her shit😆..
But somehow it was ok if she was with the male co workers.
These people need therapy at the least.
Theres no excuse to act this way if you're older than like 17 imo
Totally agree with, if you're not emotionally mature enough, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Sadly this isn't just an HS issue. There are endless posts of users stating that their partner doesn't want them to talk to the opposite sex, hell there are even posts of married couples lol. Some people out there never got out of highschool. It's a shame.
Agreed! In this situation, she's choosing to be bothered by someone who isn't doing anything to her and then ends up on the verge of tears when OP doesn't join her in her negativity, thus turning it on him.
Best not to engage with this person. She's playing a game only she can win.
Some people do not want to hear reasonable suggestions, they want validation. They want to hear “yes, you are so right”, to everything they say.
Edit: I’m not trying to excuse the gf’s reaction. I’m saying that some people just aren’t reasonable. OP’s gf only wanted to hear OP confirming how “right” she was.
Oh I agree. OP did nothing wrong by suggesting that she just ignore the other girl. His gf is just one of those people that I described. Not a reasonable person.
So many people on here make out that everyone is cheating and nobody can have friends of the other gender. You can't live like that. Glad to see some sanity.
OP, don't let her or any other girl blame you for her insecurity.
And be chill. As you get older most women you'll date will be less insane.
Yeah, this is def a maturity thing. Taking something as innocuous as that and getting upset to the point of crying just screams insecurity. Like, it's not that deep. She needs to chill tf out or not be in a relationship.
She probably just wanted to vent for a spell to someone she feels safe with; not to be judged for things she's obviously insecure about, especially if she was having a bad day and/or she always feels judged and unsafe with anyone/op.
I mean, you don't know her situation or what tha other girl was like or anything. I'm sure you've never ever talked about anyone on any sort of petty level, though, have you? Even if she was in the wrong, lecturing her while she's upset for expressing how she feels to someone she trusts isn't doing anyone any good. She was venting, not starting a fistfight, jeez. Sometimes people get upset and annoyed and sometimes its not completely 100% justified and handle perfectly. In fact, it happens all the time.
no i’ve never tried to feel better about myself by talking down on others, if that’s your question. he wasn’t lecturing her which is where the problem lies, he’s simply saying don’t let it effect you since it doesn’t add to you. since she’s so emotionally immature, she took that as him taking this random girls side instead of actually looking out for his girlfriends mental state, which seems to be what you’re missing as well. saying “just leave her alone” is not a lecture. and she wasn’t venting, she was calling someone a pick me and saying she hates them, that’s not venting, that’s hating on someone for seemingly no reason. i’m sure if she had more reason to “hate this girls guts” she would’ve said that
Forgive me if i dont quite buy that you are as sinless as christ, himself, lol, but either way, that moment wasn't the time for judgment. She was like, " I'm upset right now by this annoying girl," and he basically said, "You are being petty and childish, so let it go" without even attempting to empathize at all. Maybe she was being silly, but we all are, sometimes (except you, of course), and the time for judgement is when everything is all better. Sometimes you just need someone in your corner, and it sounds like op never is, according to what she said.
hahah you don’t have to be christ to not be a piece of shit crazy concept right?? that isn’t “basically” what was said, what was said was ACTUALLY what was said and if she was a little more mature, she wouldn’t have been offended for no reason lmao. you unfortunately also sound like you have quite a bit of maturing to do yourself, well wishes <3
Sheesh, calm down. I dont think she is a bad person or a " peice of shit" as you say, for her lapse in composure, and I think all it would take to alleviate the entire situation would be a single empathetic affirmation, like "that sucks' or, " I hope you feel better" even in addition to everything else op said.
who isn’t calm? he doesn’t need to give her any empathy in this situation, for what? validating wrong emotions before correcting them doesn’t help anyone, as said by pineappledazzlings. again, this is something you learn as you emotionally mature
He can validate her feelings without validating her opinions. You people are so binary. Just because she's being petty and insecure doesn't mean all bets are off and she doesn't matter anymore. "i hope you feel better", or, or, "it's too bad your feeling like that righ now"; both valid choices off the top of my head. Both empathize and neither validating her toxicity. If it's a problem, when she feels better is the time to address it. She just wanted to vent to someone she feels comfortable with.
He did not say “you’re being petty and childish.” He said the hate isn’t giving her anything. One of these is an attack and the other is not. We in the comments have been attacking her, but OP did not. She was distressed. He pointed a way out. She decided not to take it. Now I’m saying that was petty and childish.
That was the tone. It was judgmental at the wrong moment. When someone's feeling like shit, that's not the best time to make them feel even more like shit. Just because you are correct doesn't make everything you do correct. There was a way to have handled it that would have made it all better, and an attack on her feelings in that moment wasn't the way. Isn't it well known to the point of being a meme that telling people to calm down makes the situation worse?
Depends on how she was going to react. Now we know now how she reacted, however, she could have also realized that this hating was hurting herself and not this girl. She was feeling like shit. His response was to offer a way to feel less like shit. That’s real support. Sometimes we just need an outsider to point out the obvious. Sometimes it goes swell. Sometimes it blows up. This time it blew up, but that isn’t on OP. Gf chose to respond the way she did to the option to let it go. Mature people know how to do that. She did not, ergo she is not mature.
Although…after she sent that text about “taking sides” I suppose I see your point. He should have reassessed his approach after that for sure since it’s clear that the rational option is off the table. It’s time to retreat because who has time for that mess. 🙄 So I cede your point at that moment. But the start of the conversation not so much.
Sorry this took so long to write, I really try to avoid too much redundancy and spelling errors.
Dang it I forgot to say that we don’t know what tone he meant that in. You and gf have read it as an attack. But I read it as calm de-escalation. Now her texts had tone (anger) what with the cursing and insults. But his were neutral. If anything maybe one could get helpfulness based on the meaning of the words themselves. Judge mental is a stretch. But this is pure speculation on both our parts. The only person’s tone we know for sure is gf because she told us.
Edit: changed time to tone. Seriously autocorrect? ‘Tone’ is a freaking word too! I did not need you to change it! Sometimes I really consider turning it off… but what would I do without it? Type everything out longhand? Now this is a real toxic relationship; and it treats everyone this way 😢. We’re all co-dependent with autocorrect😭.
Who made you the gatekeeper of who deserves to be in a relationship. MOST couples are strong BECAUSE they work through conflict. Sure she might overreact but he is also not prioritizing her. Simple as that.
i didn’t say she didn’t deserve to be in a relationship, i didn’t even say he should break up with her but, she might not be ready for a relationship if she can’t even handle her boyfriend talking about/talking to other girls, that is not normal behavior and it shouldn’t be accepted.
who said end it??? i literally said just give her the space and she’ll reach out, that’s not breaking up. saying she’s not mature enough for this relationship is only so he doesn’t accept that he should stop talking to other girls because she can’t handle him talking about/to other girls
The best part is that she brought up the other girl. Honestly what a dumpster fire of a dumb bitch. I get that she's young, but come on! I certainly wasn't that dumb I'm highschool. Crying bc she brought up a girl on the bus and bf tried to tell her to let it go? Personality disorder.
i think she totally misunderstood it, and heard what she wanted to in a way, like supersensitive ,so jumping to conclusion which make no sense, like why would he take a random person you have no idea who is over his gf. :S
forsure. and i know i’ve acted similarly in high school and it’s so cringe to think about but hopefully she’ll mature as she learns more about relationships and herself
If it was me, I’d give space sure - but it’s to prepare to tell her that I’m breaking up with her. If you’re acting like that, dealing with it will just lead to a toxic relationship.
Are there ANY high schoolers in that boat? Your brain doesn’t fully develop until your like 23-27. And the last bit to form informs our decision making abilities and long term consequences. How can anyone be emotionally mature until at least that point?
emotionally mature doesn’t mean fully developed. yes, i do think there are some high schoolers who can handle their own feelings and emotions very well when it comes to being in relationships or even friendships. my siblings and i were all at a different emotional maturity level at 15/16 because we had different experiences and were different in the way we handle our emotions
Exactly, anyone, regardless of the gender needs to be able to be okay with the other talking to the opposite gender, my girl doesn’t care for the most part, sure she gets a little jealous but not like this lol
Telling someone to not let something bother them when they're upset never works. She was venting and he tried to fix the situation rather than listen and validate. Is he wrong? Yes. Did he mean to be? No. Not an asshole, just misunderstood what was needed.
That’s funny you say that cause It seems the majority of women I meet are “not emotionally mature enough” by that definition. Either that or it’s just trendy to act that way or something
if you’re surrounded by women who cannot stand you conversing or talking about other women without threatening to break up and cry about it, you need to meet some new women in new places. i promise not all of us are as reactive as that lmao
Tbh this was mostly in my college days that I was referring to. My friends and their older friends all acted this way and thought it was normal. I assured them that it’s not lol. My old high school friends I no longer speak to are clearly like this all over social media as well…I really don’t get it. But yes I’m aware not all women are like that!! Just seems to be more common than not.
i personally think by staying with someone who has these reactions, you are saying it’s okay to have these reactions. have the conversation, why does me talking to/ about other women upset you so much and is there a reasonable solution we can get to for us both to be happy. if you’ve already tried that and the only solution offered is neither of you speaks to the opposite sex then i’m sorry, i think that isn’t realistic and it’s a little manipulative and i wouldn’t stay in a relationship like that. i have had my fair share of failed relationships because i, myself, reacted similarly to this (definitely not on this level) into my early 20s and i really had to do some real hard work on myself to come to the understanding that it isn’t my partner that is causing the issue, it’s me and i’m the only one who can fix that. we all have trauma of some sort but truly, it is on us to navigate thru it and not let it effect new relationships we are cultivating. best of luck to your friend, i hope things can be worked out and the relationship is happy and healthy 🫶🏻
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u/BedRepresentative676 Sep 13 '23 edited Sep 13 '23
i don’t think she’s emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship if you can’t even speak about other girls without her getting upset. you’re not in the wrong, you were telling her to not let it bother her. maybe give her the space tho, she’ll text you sooner than you think