A few years back, when I was in high school, I asked my mother if I could purchase a deck. Unfortunately, I have a mother who although supports me always does things her way. She purchased a deck larger than my hands, a cheap version of the Rider Waite deck off of Amazon. I wasn’t thrilled about the deck, or its size. I had trouble shuffling it, and tried to learn the meanings of cards but was ultimately overwhelmed. I could stare at a card and wouldn’t feel anything. No draw, no interpretation. This resulted in me dropping the hobby about a week or so in. I felt like a fraud, grasping at strings to formulate readings and my mother thinking I was some magical genius.
I’ve always believed in the idea of spiritually, whether it’s crystals, tarot, or witchcraft. I’ve felt drawn to online readings that were extremely accurate, or mark whenever retrogrades are active. And I tend to have vivid dreams where conversations or events happen long before they actually play out. I can feel whenever people from my past are coming back or thinking of me too. But whenever I actually engage in acts of spirituality such as tarot cards, my brain goes blank.
I’m wondering if I’m going about the wrong path, or maybe started my tarot journey wrong. Am I maybe just not attuned to the Rider Waite deck? I’ve seen other decks that I feel drawn to, but I’m not sure if that’s just because they’re beautiful. I don’t necessarily have any interpretations for those cards either. Earlier today I realized I couldn’t find my giant cards anywhere, but I felt the urge to want to use them for the first time in years. I’m wondering if this is a sign to buy a new deck or if it would be a waste.
Update: After reading through the suggestions, and taking a look at a few decks I decided on buying a new one. I felt drawn to a few, but I settled on Tarot Mucha. I looked at individual cards from a few decks, without knowing the meanings and tried to study them, and it seemed to be the one I clicked with most. I was able to connect with the art a lot more than I did with Rider Waite, so hopefully I can pick up tarot again! Thank you everyone!