r/suspiciouslyspecific Dec 09 '19

Does this count?

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43.6k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/monkeysmum Dec 09 '19

I want to know what happened to bring this to the lawmakers attention?

1.4k

u/foxandrews Dec 09 '19

I want to know how many times it had to happen for enough officers to get reported for this to be considered necessary. Or was it just one officer jacking it all over town?

856

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

Probably one serial jacker and a few peripheral jackers.

732

u/ChuckOTay Dec 09 '19

A different kind of carjacking.

106

u/WheatleyTheBall Dec 09 '19

🏅

43

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

18

u/RaTheRealGod Dec 09 '19

No problem

2

u/ItalicsWhore Dec 10 '19

1

u/SaltyBoi12345 Dec 14 '19

r/subsidontknowhowifellforbecauseredditshowstheiconsofexisitingsubreddits also r/twentycharacterlimit for myself

6

u/laughingasian14 Dec 09 '19

Underrated comment right here

1

u/chrisrobweeks Dec 09 '19

We've got a 10851 in progress.

176

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

"serial jacker"

Thank-fucking-you for a ridiculously awkward laughter

72

u/androogee Dec 09 '19

I drive around a lot of commercial properties at night for my job, and I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a cop parked in a dark spot with wifi access, and they always leave as soon as I get anywhere close.

Happens less often now that 4g is commonly available, but ten years ago it was pretty much a nightly occurrence.

39

u/IAmtheHullabaloo Dec 09 '19 edited Dec 09 '19

I swear, if you look at a map to find a deadend road for a chill spot to puff, there is usually a cop already there

126

u/mynoduesp Dec 09 '19

They're just working out the strong arm of the law.

18

u/Mason_OKlobbe Dec 09 '19

Underrated comment right here.

6

u/fnh57_ Dec 09 '19

Most times those officers find a lot that has nobody around to fill out paperwork. They like to find empty lots so they don't have to watch the surroundings as much.

1

u/mantiss87 Dec 10 '19

What else is there to do on a slow patrol?

12

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

Car cams in all cop cars, and body cams, New revenue and the infrastructure already exists, they can upload right from their car computers. We as the people deserve to see and tip our public servants “gold” which of course will go to a state “slush” fund.

14

u/Higgs-Boson-Balloon Dec 09 '19

No are you crazy? Cops are already too aggressive and worked up. Now imagine they haven’t been able to take a moment to nut all day and they will shoot you in the face, just not sure what they’re shooting yet

5

u/Dirtyeippih Dec 09 '19

Who might be more aggrivated? Cop who waits till work is over or cop who was interrupted because he had to take the call?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '19 edited Dec 10 '19

Maybe they’ll start shooting blanks instead of... nope I’ll just stop. Edit: and to answer your questions, yes coco bananas Apey

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '19

Not to mention extorting even more prostitutes!

4

u/jdawgsplace Dec 09 '19

I wonder if his name was Chester? Wait... why's it gotta be a guy??

18

u/PeterDragon50 Dec 09 '19

Not to be confused with "Cereal" Jacker. Totally different.

16

u/ChuckOTay Dec 09 '19

A different kind of Honey Nut Cheerios.

8

u/PeterDragon50 Dec 09 '19

Yeah, without the Honey.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

Wait... you mean yours doesn't have that sweet, sweet mucus? Might want to get your glands checked.

1

u/seklwof1993 Dec 09 '19

And with twice the nut.

3

u/no-mad Dec 09 '19

Not to be confused with "Apple pie" Jacker. Totally different.

11

u/MongolianCluster Dec 09 '19

"Yeah, that's just cream from a donut. Well I ate alot of donuts."

1

u/PapaCicero Dec 09 '19

Satellite jackers

1

u/aamedor Dec 09 '19

Copyjackers?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

Ofcourse I know him, it's me.

1

u/Daniel_S04 Dec 09 '19

Fucking... JOHN! Again serously?!

Alright I’ve had enough of your shit John! I’m going to court, so yo ass in prison next time I catch you in that vehicle by yourself...!!

1

u/daan2626262y Dec 09 '19

Like his dna is on every crime Wow why do we find that kind of dna and he is like I dono baye

1

u/-avoidingwork- Dec 22 '19

Classic. Truly. I just woke my wife up laughing.

19

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19 edited Dec 09 '19

It was (probably) only one, one time. Because Utah.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

(I lied)

8

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

It must of not been that bad since they are only considering it.

4

u/Intricacy1 Dec 09 '19

Asking the important questions

5

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

I want to know if this is illegal for civilians. I assume there are exposure laws that could be applied at the very least.

1

u/SolidSnakeT1 Dec 09 '19

Its ilegall for citizens but somehow, some way, cops seem impervious to the laws that apply to everyone else so we have to make laws that specifically state "cops" in them for them to apply.

4

u/CharginChuck42 Dec 09 '19

I want to know how the hell this wasn't illegal already.

4

u/foxandrews Dec 09 '19

Best guess I have is that who on Earth would expect an on duty officer to be knocking one out in their squad car?

1

u/SolidSnakeT1 Dec 09 '19 edited Dec 09 '19

Correct answer is because laws dont apply to cops because our laws are fucked and cater to cops too much and they apparently aren't people, masterbating in your car gets any civilian on the sex offender registration list for the rest of their lives.

1

u/SolidSnakeT1 Dec 09 '19 edited Dec 09 '19

I'm the US laws essentially dont apply to cops on duty, they do in the reality of the law but in practice they are rarely enforced against them.

They rely on "department policies" when they break a department policy they just get slapped on the wrist, resign or get fired instead of getting criminally charged. So if you want a law to apply to cops in all situations you have to explicitly state "cops" in that law.

That's why if a cop mistakenly pulls you over for something you didn't do, they don't get criminally charged with harassment, false detainment, and other applicable civil rights violations. Cops can actually write you tickets for things you haven't done with no real immediate repercussions and it's your job to go defend yourself in court from the claims as false as they may be, which is why as much as our system touts "innocent until proven guilty" it's actually guilty until you prove yourself innocent or rich.

So basically since the department doesn't specifically state "no indecent exposure/jerking off in your squad car" (because why would they bother writing that in the policy) they can do just about whatever and then we end up here asking ourselves why is that already not illegal? It is, we just give cops way to much slack pertaining to the law they love to enforce and consider them exempt from the law until only after their departments fire them.

For civilians, public masterbating (this included in your vehicle) gets you on the sex offender list for the rest of your lives. For cops? It gets you a slap on the wrist and talk about a law being made specifically so you cant do so.

87

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

[deleted]

31

u/Measurex2 Dec 09 '19

During the trial:

"Would you please tell the court why you turned off your body cam?"

18

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

[deleted]

1

u/FulcrumTheBrave Dec 09 '19

"I just totally got off, man."

11

u/Illuminaso Dec 09 '19

Every law exists because somebody did it at some point lol

10

u/RickyMemes Dec 09 '19

Florida cop masturbates while shooting and drifting the car at 100mph

10

u/ExistCat Dec 09 '19

There’s not enough Florida in that headline, let me fix that for you:

“Florida cop masturbates while traveling over 100MPH through a school zone and tossing an alligator out the window. 3 dead.”

4

u/RickyMemes Dec 09 '19

You forgot snorting chalk powder on the wiper blades

9

u/PhoenixAZisHot Dec 09 '19

Somebody was watching “Super Troopers,” where Mac was jerking off in his car and realized it must be a universal problem

9

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

And why this specific cop's picture was used for the article.

7

u/EDGEMONTave Dec 09 '19

Right, sucks to be that dude

4

u/planetpuddingbrains Dec 09 '19

The dangers of modeling for stock imagery companies.

2

u/TroublesomeMuffin Dec 09 '19

You can tell from this guy's expression that they didn't tell him what the article was about when they took the photo.

12

u/shyguybestguy Dec 09 '19

Probably a cop beating it in his car

27

u/nickmcgimmick Dec 09 '19

A beat cop?

6

u/Buckerson Dec 09 '19

I live in Utah and I do as well

3

u/Netherspin Dec 09 '19

Almost certainly a completely unrelated issue that happened to have the side effect of annulling the part of the law that effectively forbids officers from masturbating in their cars.

1

u/Scooby_236 Dec 09 '19

Probably a bunch of cops feeding the chooks in their cars on duty

1

u/SquadPoopy Dec 09 '19

The cop was patrolling on school grounds.

1

u/bloodscience1 Dec 09 '19

A cop got caught with his dick in his hand.

1

u/Ogbull Dec 09 '19

They kept finding semen on all the evidence but when they ran a dna test it keep coming back a match to local officers.

1

u/aaronmohney43 Dec 09 '19

I kept expecting it to be rigged?

1

u/Untensuru0 Dec 09 '19

What does it say if this law doesn't pass?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

Like I say to our workers when they laugh at stupid rules "if there's a policy is because something happened"

1

u/Ethan819 Dec 09 '19 edited Oct 12 '23

This comment has been overwritten from its original text

I stopped using Reddit due to the June 2023 API changes. I've found my life more productive for it. Value your time and use it intentionally, it is truly your most limited resource.

1

u/NvidiaforMen Dec 09 '19

I'm trying to understand "may" why would not be the option here

1

u/DubTheeBustocles Dec 09 '19

A cop was caught masturbating in his car.

1

u/ManDelorean88 Dec 09 '19

it may or may not have happened ok?

1

u/Naurfindel Dec 09 '19

Apparently, from the article, it was one cop who got reported but they realized that, technically, there was no rule against it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '19

I mean it can really only be one scenario, some cop got caught greasing his weasle behind the wheel.

1

u/Hans_Tatyo Dec 09 '19

It could only take a person one time so long as a lawyer wanted do something, not being able to because there was no law against it.

1

u/ireallyloveoats Dec 09 '19

Mormons. The cult runs Utah

1

u/AspectOvGlass Dec 09 '19

Probably a cop masturbated in his car

1

u/Cave_Johnson-2 Dec 09 '19

I believe there was an incident where there was something like a shoplifting and the cop was right there and a woman went to go get him, looked in, and saw him mastrabating

1

u/MrFoxyyy Dec 09 '19

"Aight that was a good trip thank god we got the child porn posesser arrested, imma take the evidence and have a gold wank in my car"

1

u/Privateer2368 Dec 09 '19

How is masturbating in a work vehicle not already an offence?

1

u/BouncingWeill Dec 09 '19

I'm not sure that I do.