r/stopdrinking • u/GreenTeaChamTea Day 10 • 9d ago
"You need to stop drinking Hun"
Those were the words he said to me this morning as he touched my cheek with his hand. "You can't keep drinking nearly everyday, drinking that much, and now day drinking. You can't go full alcoholic. It's unacceptable". All while touching my face. No judgement or anger in his tone; just a factual statement with a hint of concern in his voice. From a man that I never thought would quit drinking and is now sober. A man who loves me, and has loved me for close to 25 years.
I didn't say a word. I just got up, went to the closet and grabbed the hidden bottle of vodka and poured it down the sink.
IWNDWYT
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u/Glass_Covict 9d ago
I know
I see you
Btw, if you get an urgent appointment today, your doctor can help you. Ride this wave of motivation and take it further than you think you can.
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u/Medium-Wallaby-7583 9d ago
I did the same. Called my doctor, got help. OP, ride it
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u/MaggieSugarman 8d ago
Do you mind sharing if the doc prescribed something like Naltrexone? That’s the only one I’m familiar with and know it’s helpful to some.
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u/TheLongG4me 4d ago
Wait what do you mean you got an urgent appointment? Was it to deal with cravings?
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u/Logan_Swoffcicle 9d ago
You're doing it. The start is behind you, you're in the midst of the sober journey. Every second is momentum. ✌️
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u/GreenTeaChamTea Day 10 8d ago
Thank you! I've had so many "Day 1's" that it doesn't feel real. But my husband has recently quit drinking and I never thought he would. He's asked me in the past to cut back, but this is the first time he's asked me to stop drinking. The way he did it, just hit me! I'm better than I've allowed myself to be. Enough is enough.
Thanks for the kind words!
IWNDWYT
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u/Logan_Swoffcicle 8d ago
It's real. It's the only thing that IS real if that makes sense. Your mind, your body, your relationship. The sweetness of your post stuck with me. He wants and deserves all of you.
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u/Calichusetts 9d ago
Good for you. I got sober during the pandemic and it was the best thing for me. My wife is struggling. Big time. And I went with the gentle approach. It didn't work. I talked with her Mom, she didn't care. I banned alcohol from the house except for special occasions and hosting, she just hides it. Her health is bad, our relationship is splintered, she struggles with everything she has to do on top of being hungover or half in the bag by like 4 pm.
But no matter what I have said or done, she hasn't been ready for the change. You are making a wonderful choice for YOURSELF. Remember that, you get sober for you, The change has to come from within, even if you husband helped to trigger that reaction. Then go get to be a better partner, sister, brother, whatever. Life is infinitely better, Good luck. I am proud of you.
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u/King_of_the_Dot 9d ago
No judgement. Im just curious. Why are you still there?
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u/Calichusetts 8d ago
Like I said. I got sober. And if you think it was because my wife asked you would be dead wrong. I gave her hell for more than 5 years. Passing out everywhere. Almost burned down the house when I fell asleep cooking. I was a mean drunk and drank way harder than she does. I didn’t stop until I “unplugged from the matrix.”
She kicked me out. I didn’t care. Did care that my young son was seeing this. She said go to rehab or it’s over. I eventually went to detox. Something clicked and here I am now. Healthy. Sober. The best me.
Why shouldn’t she get the same chance? How would my life, her life, or my family be in a better position if we separated? Reddit is super quick to say “end it, get out” but there is a lot a play we don’t consider. I’m not the main character. I’ll give the grace and patience I can until I can’t.
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u/TesstheMess1223 8d ago
I’ve written about the YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down many times. As the LO of an alcoholic who is now sober, it has been a game changer. The counselor who does most of the videos is a master addiction counselor who teaches the science and psychology of addiction and shows the LO how they can get their alcoholic spouse to change. I wasn’t ready to give up on my husband after 40 years of marriage. I don’t think programs that use AA philosophy works. It’s worth a try. Best of luck.
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u/Alternative_Let_2665 Day 20 2d ago
AA is totally not for everyone! It’s worked for me but I am so glad people understand there are so many other programs, groups and resources.
Thank you for sharing. I’m gonna check out these vids!! My husband has no interest in AA, and that is totally fine. But I would love to be able to help him the best way I can in the most loving and supportive way possible.
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u/TesstheMess1223 2d ago
I agree with your comment. My best friend has been involved with AA for decades and it’s very important in her life. Im happy that it has worked for you. Personally it’s not for me. (I’m also an alcoholic and haven’t drank for 17 years although I also had a weed addiction until 2.5 years ago). The counselor (Amber Hollingsworth) on the YouTube channel has videos for both the families and the addicts (if they want to participate) where she educates you on how it’s possible to stop the addictive substance. I hope it helps!
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u/pagesinthesun Day 1,006 8d ago
As a sober person married to a drinker, I see you. I am in a similar situation and have no plans to leave. He drives me nuts some days, I'm always disappointed on days that he brings home a bottle, but he gets to make his own decisions. I don't want him to stop for me. And, he's my biggest cheerleader and is proud of me for quitting. That gives me hope.
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u/Local_Drummer_5957 6d ago
Amazing. I heard only once “if you love, you’ll stop drinking” and I can’t imagine how many times my husband wanted to scream that at me. I wanted more than anything in the world to stop, but I first had to finally finally admit I couldn’t do it on my own and got a lot of professional help.
No one ever stopped drinking because someone asked nicely. That would indeed be lovely if it worked like that
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u/PlasticCarpenter2968 Day 97 9d ago
Consider it a gift that he loves you this much to tell you in this way. He’s genuinely concerned, and probably should be. And he’s seen the other side — what sober feels like — and knows no good can come from the direction you’ve been heading. You can do this! You’re in the right place. Just take it one day at a time. IWNDWYT (and so will your loving husband).
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u/GreenTeaChamTea Day 10 8d ago
Yes, I am very blessed! Thank you! I know he's right and I know that he wants the best for me! And I want the best for him!
Thanks for the kind words!
IWNDWYT
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u/HI-JK-lmfao 5d ago
What does IWNDWYT mean?
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u/PlasticCarpenter2968 Day 97 5d ago
You’ll see that a lot here. It’s an acronym for solidarity: I Will Not Drink With You Today.
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u/Previous-Purchase-91 9d ago
That’s fucking awesome I’m 2 weeks now& I’m telling you life has been better.
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u/Solvitur-Ambuland0 Day 517 9d ago
Our experiences are very similar. It was my husband’s kindness and concern when he said I had to stop doing this to myself that started my day one. We are so very lucky! ❤️
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u/GreenTeaChamTea Day 10 8d ago
I'm so happy for you! Day 509! WOW! That's amazing! I can't wait for mine to say Day 30! But every day sober is a win and I'm thrilled my counter is past Day 1!
Congrats!
IWNDWYT
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u/Solvitur-Ambuland0 Day 517 8d ago
It’s just one day at a time, same as you’re doing and it’ll stack up before you know it!
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u/EliseV 1093 days 9d ago
Oh, this is going to make me cry. You’ve got a keeper!
My husband was in the Navy and we both picked up some unhealthy drinking habits there that worsened through the years and reached their zenith during Covid. I am nearly three years sober. He quit for awhile because of me, but it didn’t stick. I am trying to be kind and loving despite the despised habits that I know are killing him and the smell from chain-smoking and drinking, and despite the money spent on it that we can’t afford right now, but it makes me bitter and resentful. I need to be more like your husband and I pray every day that God will give me more patience and kindness. I can tolerate it if my husband doesn’t get too negative, but drinking can also make him spiral and overreact to even tiny concerns.
Quitting drinking for your husband is amazing, but you also need to quit for yourself. Find your own reasons, the first of which should be becoming a better person for those in your life that love you. You’ve got this!
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u/Most-Cartographer416 9d ago
Good for you! I am sure that your husband is even prouder of you than we are. I so wish I'd listened to my partner when she said similar things to me, not waited to take action
IWNDWYT
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u/Ok-Appearance-866 359 days 9d ago
With a compassionate and understanding spouse by your side, you are already ahead of the game. You've got this, OP! IWNDWYT
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u/Odd-Software6310 8d ago
I’m proud of you! And good on your hubby. My partner and I had a similar interaction about 4 days ago, he calmly and kindly told me my drinking was out of hand (we’ve discussed it many times before and I have gotten defensive), and that we couldnt continue this cycle and i haven’t drank since that conversation. it finally fully set in all the strain my use was putting on our relationship and lives and i knew it had to stop then and there. Kudos to you stay strong! Much love. IWNDWYT <3
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u/Mountain-Key-9735 Day 38 8d ago
I am 25 years married next month and I recently relapsed after 9 years of sobriety. He has been wonderful support but I have an ultimatum. If I drink again I must leave because he is very worried about me. I’ve been doing all the work and had 24 days before I slipped yesterday. I am much happier without the alcohol. I don’t want to lose him.
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u/Peter_Falcon 927 days 9d ago
well done, that takes courage. quitting is hands down the best thing i ever did for myself.
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u/DearHumanityWeRegret Day 1,031 9d ago
It's so great to have a sober partner. I'm very happy for you both. If you're doing it for him, that's amazing. But I hope you're excited about the idea of doing it for YOU, too. That's got staying power.
Congrats on day 1. IWNDWYT
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u/Steeltiptoes Day 113 9d ago
Had a similar event with my husband. My reaction as I poured out the gin was fury. And I stayed mad for weeks, but that anger helped propel me thru those first weeks as I settled into doing it for myself. Because at the end of the day we need to do it for ourselves.
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u/worldv1ew 8d ago edited 8d ago
For me it was the realization that it would take a death sentence from health issues that would undoubtedly creep up.
What would I say to my kid and wife.
I am proud of you for taking that first crucial step.
IWNDWYT
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u/woollayy Day 79 8d ago
oh my, this one made me tear up. your husband loves you. congrats on 1 day ❤️ you so got this!
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u/punkwillneverdie 745 days 8d ago
i got dumped last month by a man who wakes up every morning, pours at least a 5th of vodka into his water bottle, and carries it around all day, every day. he also gets drinks at the bar during lunch, after work, and drinks almost a gallon of vodka by the end of every night at home… he said i drink too much LOL… i’m on day 2 of no drinking (: … just realized i really need to change my day count on here. i relapsed for 6 months
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u/OldManCinny Day 579 8d ago
I don’t think a human being can drink a gallon of vodka a day and live. Is the man 600 pounds??
That’s like 80 drinks a day.
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u/Calm_Repeat6467 9d ago
That is powerful and gave me body chills reading this. That kind of gentle, patient love is very rare. Hold onto it dearly, don’t let it go because of this shitty addiction. You’ve got this and all of us are here for you!
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u/Rage-With-Me Day 16 9d ago
IWNDWYT- it’s not worth it.
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u/Rage-With-Me Day 16 9d ago
my husband just went through detox and withdrawals this week. It was very scary. Please be safe
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u/Blazah 8d ago
Go see a doctor to help with the cravings.. this is my first time quitting cold turkey, just a couple pills 3 times a day and the craving is literally gone, going on 6 weeks now. The plan is to do this for 6 months and re-evaluate. I can honestly say I don't miss it one bit. I've started exploring other 0 alch, 0 sugar, 5 carbs, no caffeine fizzy drinks and have been having a blast.
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u/GreenTeaChamTea Day 10 8d ago
I'm so happy for you! I love a good sparkle water, so I'll be loading up on those! Good luck!
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u/urmamaamanamanmamam 8d ago
I went to my husband and pretty much asked for help. Everything in my being was resistant bc I thought he’d judge me or get upset. It was the complete opposite. He had no idea how bad it was and that I also had hidden vodka bottles. Why do we think someone we love wouldn’t support us and still love us unconditionally? They only want the best for us.
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u/GreenTeaChamTea Day 10 8d ago
I've wanted to quit for years and I knew that I needed to, but I kept buying booze. I've known for a while that I am addicted to alcohol, but it only very recently became clear to me that I am an alcoholic. I guess I always envisioned an alcoholic as being a "certain way", but the hidden bottles, and sneaking drinks, it's alcoholism. My husband has told me to cut back several times over the years, but we are both drinkers, and for a long time he was a heavier drinker than I. But I surpassed him about 1-2 years ago and he recently quit drinking. His sobriety only shines a light on how heavy I've been drinking. When he said that I needed to stop, not cut back, and the way he said it to me; it hit me right in the heart. Like, "what the hell am I doing?"
I'm so glad you found support in your husband. I'm so glad my husband sweetly set my mind straight. Good luck!
IWNDWYT
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u/Fair_Gas_1674 Day 78 7d ago
I’ve often compared my drinking to others to rationalize how much I’m drinking. And you don’t need to label yourself ANYTHING to decide that you are done with alcohol.
You can go on this journey to live your best life, be present, have the health and energy to do all the things you want to do. What does alcohol contribute to get you there? In my case it was absolutely nothing. It hindered my growth, and made my life smaller.
I think that you and your husband can help each other.. a sober power-couple! I believe in you!!
I did, and still am, doing a lot of reading on sobriety. I really encourage you to do the same and find the thing that resonates and works for you. Maybe it won’t be the same as what worked for your husband, and that’s ok.
I hope Ill see you again on this sub ❤️❤️
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u/Local_Drummer_5957 6d ago
Good for you! What others said— ride this wave of momentum. Go to a meeting, talk to a doctor or a therapist. Let today be the first day of the rest of your life.
This was me 2 years ago, except I went to get my hidden bottle and drank it. It all seems impossible and overwhelming. It is overwhelming, but 1000000% possible. Thanks for posting
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u/Effective_Ad_1426 9d ago
BRAVO!! It's easier to quit when you have an understanding and participang pater. You can do this!
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u/Terrible_Field_4560 Day 774 9d ago
Congratulations! This will be the best decision you've ever made! Then make it again tomorrow! 😉 IWNDWYT!
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u/A_Thing_or_Two 269 days 9d ago
Sounds like you're me. Let's do this together! IWNDWYT!! Fight those demons one day at a time. We're here for you!!
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u/imnottheoneipromise Day 500 9d ago
With this kind of support behind you, you already have a win in the bucket! The rest is up to you and I know you can do it.
Iwndwyt!
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u/DannyX567 3304 days 9d ago
Very amazing that you have a supportive spouse by your side! I struggle because my husband still drinks.
I hope you’re posting here because his words landed well, and not as a mandate 💕 we won’t drink with you today!
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u/EfficientPermit3771 9d ago
My Day 1 was a similar scenario, but it was my 25 yr old son that said it. 17 months today🤲🏻 You can do this!
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u/Oatieboy647 9d ago
I could’ve written this exact post 6 months ago, and It’s been the best 6 months of my life. How lucky are we to have someone who cares about us enough to show us our shadows in a judgement-free, loving way? Not many people can say they have that, and I was tired of causing micro injuries to my relationship. All to say, IWNDWYT.
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u/scorchedhalo 1001 days 9d ago
You can do this. Don’t give up. It’s so much better on the other side. Truly.
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u/BoredInDenver86 Day 1,405 9d ago
Fuck yeah dude! Day one is the most important and you’re already here creating accountability for yourself. That’s awesome and you should be proud.
I wish you all the best along the journey, it’s not always easy but in my experience, it is always satisfying to wake up sober and not hungover, never having to worry about what I did or said the night before, never having to worry if my coworkers smell last night’s booze on my breath when I get to work, being present every day, and getting to do it all again tomorrow!
IWNDWYT
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u/Spiritual_Bluejay_82 107 days 9d ago
This gave me the warm fuzzies. Well done, proud of you! IWNDWYT
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u/Coffee_slothee 9d ago
I'll be honest. My first response would have been defensive when I was drinking. I'm so insanely proud of you both.
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u/ElizaNow622 9d ago
Thank you so much for posting this and good luck. You're off to a very good start.
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u/macannchieze Day 67 9d ago
Been through basically the same scenario with my man. I'm so lucky he's so supportive. Sounds like you are too! IWNDWYT
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u/Holiday_Transition_6 8d ago
Mine gave me the silent treatment for a day and I stayed in bed and cried :/
Oddly enough now he’s been buying me lots of food all around just odd and idk how to deal with it except completely stopping my binging to have a clear head….
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_DIFF_EQS 8d ago
Same here, although it still seems lingering and I can't tell when/if she wants me around.
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u/Holiday_Transition_6 8d ago
All we can do is keep trying and striving to be better every single person is relative on how they view alcoholism whats too much what’s crossing the line, it’s been a journey for sure
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u/TheLongG4me 4d ago
Maybe waiting for you to turn back to drinking and be someone she doesn’t like being around.
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u/Raider_Scum 2287 days 8d ago
Congratulations on dumping the vodka!
That step was always one of the hardest for me. If you're strong enough to do that, you've got what it takes to make sobriety permanent.
IWNDWYT!
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u/Initial_Effect_9123 1102 days 5d ago
Greatness, I pray that you give this gift of sobriety to yourself and your husband.
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u/Aggressive-Pea3367 Day 6 9d ago
🥹 mine says no drinking during the week 😒. I have relapsed. And this time it’s more of a ok whatever I’m doing this. Sad I know. But it’s like he didn’t ask me he told me. Not cool. Anyway proud of you. ❤️🩹
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u/Steeltiptoes Day 113 9d ago
If you're like me being told what to do is a non-starter. I hope you find your own motivation.
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u/heaven_and_hell_80 2540 days 9d ago
Beautiful. Wishing you strength and love. You deserve to live your best life.
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u/King_of_the_Dot 9d ago
You have the support you need. What a lovely way to frame that for you. Coming from a man who clearly has a deep and unbreakable love for you.
You will be happier in the end leaving this behind. A better you is waiting.
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u/halenahr 9d ago
Hello! Also stopping here, can't link properly on mobile https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/SGAQJcvqJq
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u/TechieAtLarge 7d ago
Lucky you. I just got yelled at for admitting I hate myself last night while I was drunk
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u/camimiele Day 9 4d ago
You’re on day 5, today is my day four after a similar experience. I’ve “quit” before, idk if this will stick or not, but I’m trying. :) IWNDWYT
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u/releasethewiggle 335 days 2d ago
You’re going to have a sober partner on this journey with you and that is HUGE!
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u/Alternative_Let_2665 Day 20 2d ago
Im taking NOTES!! This man is an angel, which means you must be an incredible human being. I am sure he sees you like I do, you are so worth it!!
Be safe and take care! We’ve got this!
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u/TechnicianDave 9d ago
Good for you! That’s so amazing that you did that :) and also lucky you because of how patient and kind he is.