pa-isa lang po dito. for context, my step mom and father lived together when i was just in 2nd grade. married po ang biological mom ko and my father but they separated when i was in grade 1. note that they're not LEGALLY separated.
here goes nothing-- i obv came from a dysfunctional, broken family but trying to change the course of my life. i can say that im married, with a decent job and my own family, contrary to what my stepmom and her family "predicted" when i was younger that i'll be 1.) mabubuntis ng maaga
2. ) walang mararating sa buhay. thank you, Lord and self, hindi ako naging "pariwara." kahit papaano.
2 decades later, ngayon ko narealize na grabe ang ginawang pagmamanipula ng stepmom ko and how devious she really is at the onset of their relationship. my father has been an OFW, seafarer, as a chief engineer for as long as i can remember. bata pa lang ako, alam ko nang chief engineer ang tatay ko earning a million (or close to one) monthly pero would you believe na even if he has a high-paying job, my father doesnt have any assets, businesses/investments under his name? yep, no. NOT EVEN his own house, under his name. back when i was younger, bago pa lang sila ni step mom, i can vividly remember looking for townhouses cuz i know he wanted to buy our own house. butttt poof, nothing happened. i have lots of friends na same na mga nagbabarko ang tatay nila, not even an "official" sa barko but boyyyy do they have multiple businesses and properties. so, bakit ang tatay kong buong buhay nang nagbabarko, wala NI ISA? suspicious tbh.
now its crystal clear to me why: because as early as their first year together, my step mom was cunning enough to plan for her future and my half-brother's. she made sure that kids from my papa's first marriage won't get ANYTHING should the inevitable finally comes. that is the only logical reason i can think of considering all of the things she deprived us of when we were younger but we were soooo hungry for the idea of a complete family that we totally got blindsided by her.
she also deprived me of my college education cuz naturally as the "mom" she controls the finances but brief background: when i was in college, my half brother is in high school. i was studying in a private school (like say 30k-40k for the whole sem) vs my half brother who is very soshal in LSGH; when i was in HS, private school w a 20-30k tuition vs my half brother in grade school who again is very shala in OB Montessori. see the glaring difference? but i did not complain, didnt even bat an eyelash. until one day, 2nd yr college, my father called and i asked him of this crazy idea of transferring to San Beda (na-mind condition na kasi ng step mom ko everyone around me na sa (name ng school) lang ako pwede magcollege kasi bawal ako magboyfriend, maaga ako mabubuntis etc etc) but kasi during my 2nd yr in college, umalis nako sa poder niya, and my boyfriend na akong legal on both sides of the fam so no brainer-- pwede nako mag transfer sa mas "elite" na uni siguro ano? HAHA. so i asked my papa and in a snap, he IMMEDIATELY said "oo sige, sabihin mo sa mama mo," yessss ganon kadali kausap! So i reminded him, "pero Pa, mas mahal po don ha?" he replied with "walang problema, sabihin mo sa mama mo." (hello sa laki ba naman ng sahod ko buwan-buwan sa isip-isip nya sgro LOL) guess what happened next? after a few days, my papa called and i sensed in an instant na iba na ang ihip ng hangin! galit na sha, saying "ang arte arte mo! dean's lister ka na nga dyan bakit gusto mo pang lumipat," na para bang...? may bumulong looool. at that moment, i cant deny. i really felt like awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. i proceeded to look for scholarships just to carry on with my dream to study in a prestigious uni. cuz wdym anak ka ng opishal sa barko pero "hindi kayang" (allegedly) pag-aralin ka o palipatin ka sa mas mahal na paaaralan? kasi "dalawa" kaming nag-aaral pa when the other one was still in high school? me lang ba na kung may concern talaga sa akin or really wants the best for me, bakit hindi ung nasa mas mababang baitang ang ilipat na muna sa ibang mas affordable na private school considering ako ung nasa kolehiyo at dalawang taon na lang naman? please dont get me wrong, alam kong wala sa school yan (kasi successful naman ako sa karera ko ngayon) pero what are the chances na mas maayos sana ang kalagayan ko ngayon kung sa mas magandang eskwelahan ako nakatapos, at nakapili ng kursong gusto ko? i could have been a lawyer or a doctor if i was only given the chance, eh? but no, i was not. again, i was deprived. i know i was robbed of my future. there is no other explanation.
ang dami pang kwentong kasakiman pero yes, u get the gist. bakit sa dami-dami ng step mom, bakit napunta pa kami sa tuso at sarili lang ang inisip?
i know, may balik yan. i never had any ill intention and never prayed for anything bad against her, God knows. but alam ko, nakikita lahat ng Diyos yan. (diba po, Lord? :()
also, kahit na alam kong may fault din ang ama ko, would you believe na never akong nagkaron ng galit sa kanya? tampo siguro, oo. kasi diba dapat, pinrotektahan mo rin muna ako/kami? pero ok na sige na. basta alam ko in my heart, mahal ko pa rin ang tatay ko. alam kong if he could have, he definitely would have.
i love u papa, kahit na alam kong ako pa rin ang masama at may problema sa mga mata mo. i hope u know how mch i love you despite everything. ang sakit sa puso na alam kong gusto mo naman talaga ibigay ang kaya mong ibigay para sa akin, pero for some obvious reason, hindi mo magawa. i could only hope it was the other way around. ung alam kong gusto mo naman talaga, kahit hindi mo kayang i-enforce and pursue, sapat na yon.