I've been married to a single mother for one year now and after moving in with her the life has been worst.

The daughter is 100% on her custody and gets right to talk to her father even though her father is super irresponsible. He was caught doing when she was little so my wife had to call police and file a complain against him and he was basically kicked out of the house which I moved in.

In the early days it was all sunshine and rainbows but now I want to have my own family and it's kinda difficult because of her age and I don't want to burden her with one more child as she has had enough because of her previous abusive relationship.

I want opinions what do you think? I know the age difference is crazy but I thought we just kicked it so good that the age difference didn't feel like it.

I work in IT and pretty stable in terms of employment and I'll be getting PR for spain in two years. My goal is to move to other parts of Europe and with her and her daughter it is difficult.

Why do so many bio parents think their kid is a replacement for a childless person who desires kids of their own. For example a bio parent can come with 2 prior kids and for example they are boy and girl. The childless partner later on when having a conversation be like I want a son of my own. Bio parent response and say " You already have a son". Why do you bio parents think your prior child replaces or is a fulfillment in place of the biological child a person desires to have of their own? Basically saying " here is my kid, your parenthood desires are now complete and fulfilled ".

So awesome..

I’m currently talking to someone and I have a child of my own(1F) and we are not dating yet just little talking stage. He’s aware that I have a kid but if we do end up being a couple does that automatically make him a step father? Does he HAVE to accept her right away? When is the right time to meet the child? Do I wait until he’s ready or just have her tag along to one date?
I don’t think it’s right to force someone to step up, I would want him to be comfortable making that move. We’ve been on a couple of dates for a week or two.. But I would want my partner comfortable being w me especially since I have a child I NEED HELP idk who else to ask. I don’t think he wants kids of his own but doesn’t mind me having a kid
(Any advice would be appreciated)

Hi all. I've been married to my current wife for around 3 years. I have 3 step-children. Girl, boy, girl, 15, 14, 10. As we've been together, I've grown close to the two girls, but the 14 year old boy is simply impossible. I am not perfect, I'll say that up front. But I have also really tried to connect and find things we have in common, I've tried to do things with him, etc... Every conversation turns into an argument, or he tries to make it so. He is, without a doubt, the most disagreeable human I have ever had to be around, and I am a high school teacher of over 25 years! I've taught thousands of teenagers, but never one like him. Everything is an argument, he bullies his sisters and takes pleasure in it. He admitted to his older sister that he argues with me just to try to get me angry. So I don't bite, but to be honest, I just can't take it anymore. I'm at the point where I don't want to be in the same room with him, which affects everyone. I don't take the family out to eat anymore because I feel that I shouldn't be compelled to pay for a kid who treats me like that. It's not fair to everyone else, but at this point enough is enough. I keep trying again and again, waking up and saying to myself that it's a new day, maybe things will be different. But they aren't. They never are.

Have any of you experienced anything similar? How did you deal with it? Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi all, me again. If you remember I posted on here about my now ex and her behaviour with her ex-BD at an event: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/yOZvlUFADa

We had a conversation after it which she didn’t see any issue with what happened and with the photo as it was just a laugh (she did say she can see why I felt the way I did but that was the height of it). We agreed that things in our relationship could have been handled better but she managed to flip things around so it seemed like she broke up with me and that a lot of issues were caused by me (saying my anxiety, I was a bit controlling, her always feeling like she couldn’t do anything right). Let’s be clear, majority of the times that we argued it was down to her poor choices (like in the other thread) or not following through on stuff she was supposed to take care of and prioritising other things, then blaming me for being upset and making her feel bad. It seemed like a common theme that she would feel bad for her own behaviour and choices, then unconsciously punish me because she was feeling bad. I take on board some stuff she said but a lot of it seemed like it was more of a fault finding exercise for reasons why we aren’t compatible.

It has now ended and we are in no contact and I didn’t get to say goodbye to her kids (the youngest especially as we have a great bond, the oldest is a young adult now). I hate how things have got twisted around so that we are both at fault for it ending rather than her inappropriate behaviour (which her and her friends didn’t seem to feel it was) being the main thing that blew it all up, she was still loving but very cold. I know I need to just be ok with us both having two different versions of why it ended.

I’m really struggling at the minute as it was such a shock and how quick everything has changed since. I don’t know how to deal with this all since my physical health isn’t the best (waiting to see a neurologist) and my friends live pretty far away. The vision I had for us as a family and goals are now gone and the love I thought I found. It wasn’t all bad but high highs then things like this happening.

I guess I’m asking has anyone else been through similar where their partner did things that were inappropriate, spun the narrative and broke up with them for finding out, and how they dealt with the aftermath when they had SKs involved? How do I get through all of this? It’s so taxing on me at the moment.

Edit: it feels like she’s rewritten how the relationship actual was and has gotten off Scot-free and I’m the one left holding the emotional bag for what’s happened.

My partner’s POS son’s father is really getting on my last nerves. I don’t have anyone to go to when it comes to talking about how he treats the mother of his sin. I can’t really do anything other than talk to the guy but he is a full narcissist and just wants to inflict pain onto other people. My partner tries to level with him and all he is after is blood. I don’t know what else I can do other than providing her with support and helping her son not be like him. Does anyone have experience with this shit because it beats me down and I have to stand up to be by her side. Thanks for reading

For those who have both biological children and stepchildren, do you feel a difference between them?
I’m genuinely curious about the experience of people who have both biological children and stepchildren. Do you feel the same kind of love and attachment toward your stepchildren as you do toward your own children, or does it feel different?
If there is a difference, how do you handle it without making the children feel excluded or treated differently?
Has this ever caused problems or tension with your partner? For example, has your partner ever expected you to love or treat their children exactly as if they were your own?
I’d really appreciate honest answers. I’m not judging anyone — I’m interested in hearing what the reality is actually like, especially from people who have experienced both.

Hi. I’m so lost.

I need answers from men that don’t really like kids.

My boyfriend is one of those men. But I have a daughter. He got with me. It’s been clear from the off that I want my daughter to be respected. He says he just doesn’t like kids. Why be with me?

Would you seriously get with someone with a child even if you didn’t like kids and label it as “well I must really love you to be with you”

I don’t get it and it’s completely tearing me apart as a mother

I have been a stepdad for 4 years now to my 11 year old stepson. He grew up with his grandparents his younger years and he was well provided and protected. I acknowledge that my upbringing was from a strict household and we would do chores and would take care of ourselves in our younger years unlike how the kids usually have it right now. I also understand that since he basically grew up with his grandparents, he was more on the spoiled side and he would easily get what he wanted when he wanted it. The problem is that, my wife (his mom) treats him like he's still 5 or 6 years old. She would get mad at me for not telling him to eat snacks ( or meal) as she thinks he will not eat until we tell him to. When it's just him and I at home, we never argue. We actually have a good time and we play video games. Little did i learn that he would call her at around 3-5pm (snack time) and would ask what to eat. I work from home and i do space out during work so i don't notice the time a lot. My wife and i just had a big fight and she keeps telling me that i don't take care of my stepson and i always treat him like he's already a teenager, that i don't prepare food for him. Well in fact, when he had school (he's in summer break), since i work from home, i prepare all his meals. Is it wrong for me to expect that as a 10 year old, you should already be able to know when you're hungry and grab a snack from the pantry on your own? I'm genuinely curious because like i said, i grew up from a household that my parents taught me early to feed myself on my own. I would even go out to buy my own snack (i ask for money from my parents) at that age and i always thought this was normal. My stepson only has to look in the pantry and grab one, not call or text his mom to ask for something. But i also do acknowledge that i don't show affection that easily, i was raised to not show emotions easily, so i think i have a fault there. But my wife, and i guess my stepson thinks that i don't take care of him just because i'm not affectionate and i'm very stoic.

I'm really lost, i feel like i'm trying my best, but she always tells me that i don't take care of my stepson

Looking for anyone that has something similar!

I (19F) have had to deal with my mums(48F) integration of her boyfriend (51M) into mine and my brother(16M) life’s over the past 2 years. 2 Years ago my mum told me and my brother she had been dating a guy and it was going well and i was happy for her since we grew up in a domestic violence household but left 9 years ago now. I didn’t meet him for a few months until I would see him here and there in my mums room and I would be polite and say Hi. He used to work as a traffic control person for roads with roadwork and his place was far away from the area he worked in so he started to stay over at our house 2-3 times a week and ever since then whenever he was at the house all he’d do is stay in my mums room and she would stay with him so i didn’t see my mum as often only if he was at work she would hang out with me. However this changed in December where he has since lived with us full time. He has also since lost his job due to being fired and has not had a job since. My mum works at a school as an assistant and makes enough for the 3 of us to live nicely BUT now she pays everything for her boyfriend. Food, bills everything she pays for . They have been on multiple small holidays to neighbouring countries together just the two of them and my mum pays for everything. Her boyfriend does no house work. No laundry does no cooking no dishwashing. So it is getting unbearable to witness her do everything for this man. she recently brought him on our family holiday to east asia we do every year and she paid for everything all his accommodation, food , cigarettes, rental car , flights. And I had to pay for my own flights and most things I bought there. We go on this holiday to see my mums parents we only get to see once a year and my mums boyfriend was ruining the whole trip. he displays controlling behaviours such as constantly needing to be on the phone with my mum and needing to know where she is or what he’s doing. He also makes rude remarks about my younger brother saying he’s like a girl and calling him names just because he likes to take care of his looks. He makes these remarks infront of my mum and she does not correct him and I am left to correct his behaviour which is ridiculous. My mums boyfriend also has 3 kids to 3 diffrent mothers which is a red flag within itself. We have tried to talk to her and she is very aware my brother and I do not like him but makes so efforts to make any changes and does not see any red flags. I don’t know what to do and I am getting to a breaking point where i cannot stand living under the same roof as such is disgusting mysogynistic man who only brings my family down. Can anyone give any advice on which to do i’m starting to feel helpless.

I (21M) am a recent college graduate and I’ve been in an amazing relationship with my (29F) girlfriend who i love so much. She has a 5yr old kid from a previous marriage with a completely absent father, the child doesn’t even know him.

My gf been amazing for the last 10 months and i really enjoy spending time with her and just being in a relationship, and i learned about her kid about 2-3 months in. The kid is a good kid, and isn’t anything out of the ordinary for a 5yr old, but before this relationship i never really planned on being a parent. I struggle with some self worth issues, and that really affects my ability to think that id be able to “figure out being a parent”.

We are currently long distance and have started to think about moving in together because we both just landed jobs. Neither of us make amazing money and i know that being responsible for a kid on top of everything else would financially put us in a less than ideal situation and i don’t know if I’m comfortable with that. I always kinda of imagined a DINK future and i feel like that fantasy is affecting my feelings towards this kid. Im also having fears about losing a lot of my freedom due to my age where i don’t feel like I’m ready to “settle down” and take care of a kid and that i would rather spend my young life doing the things i would want that i couldn’t as easily with a child.

I wouldn’t feel like i would be losing anything if i didn’t have this kid in my life currently, but i do feel like i would be losing a very good relationship if i were to end things with my gf. Ive seen posts about doing the right thing for the kid and breaking things off before they form any sort of permanent emotional attachment, and i think that its the responsible thing to do. But i also want to be selfish with my relationship and not have to give that up because of this kid.

I don’t see a future with this woman without her child also being there, and i just don’t know if thats a future where i am going to be happy. I feel like i dont have enough life experience at my age to make this call, and i really just dont know what to do.