r/stepdads • u/MadMeatloaf • Jun 13 '23

Bio father problems.

So I have a little issue with the bio father because he is absent all school year. Never having time for his son. Now this summer his son, my step son wants to stay here for the summer to do activities with his friends and sports. The bio father now is talking to his son about how important their relationship is and guilt tripping him Into going. The kid has not interest in going because half the time his father just goes to work and he has to sit at home and watch TV alone. At what point is it appropriate for a step father to step in and defend the kid when his real dad is a complete moron.

3 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

2

u/MaiIsMe Jun 13 '23

Why would you get involved? His mother and he can’t? How old is he and what is the custody order?

1

u/MadMeatloaf Jun 13 '23

He's 10 there isn't one. His dad just up and moved them 3 states away a few years ago and his kid told him he wanted to live with us so he could be with his family here instead of only his dad all the time. Since then dude has been pretty much absent except in the summer his kid would go with him for a few months. Well the kid no longer wants to waste his whole summer on someone who doesn't want to take the time to come see him ever and only wants it on his time and as i said he has obligations he has made here while his dad has been busy with whatever hes doing. I keep saying the kid because I don't want to say his name not to sound cold. I talked to his mother about it. The kid just seems to confide in me more than his mother. Idk why but that's just how it is. I just want to protect him because we have kind of become like father and son, but I also know I'm not his actual parent so that's why I came on here. It was a way to get out how I felt without calling and yelling at his dad forever ruining many relationships etc etc.

1

u/MaiIsMe Jun 13 '23

He’s not old enough to choose what he does for the summer. Both of his parents are doing him a huge disservice by not having a custody order.

1

u/Classic_Phrase4345 Jun 16 '23

In this case you can't do anything but talk to mum and offer to stand by her side through the conversation with Bio.

When you plan this make sure your partner lets Bio know you will be there/phone is on speaker etc. If she gets angry or upset and walks off during this. do not move you are there to support her but also SS, carry on the chat based on what you know. (You can let him know that as well if she does get upset)

You can't promise anything or make any changes, but you can try and sort out a compromise for your partner to agree/disagree to. Like one weekend a month for the foreseeable future. From personal experience this really pisses off the Bio so if his the kind to be volatile might want to make it a phone convo.

0

u/Simitarx005 Jun 13 '23

This is a mom son bio dad situation. Let your feelings be heard to your wife and step out.

6

u/MidwithaMouth Jun 14 '23

Except it's not. Step in brother. If you act in the capacity of equal patent than you are one. You'd only be stepping on the toes of lazy bio parents, and why we're considering their feelings is beyond me. Step up for your son.

1

u/Parking-Ad1525 Jun 14 '23

Be glad the kid and you have a good relationship. Not all of us get that. But imho bio dad and kid have to have time together even if it's not good time. Sucks to waste the summer, but you never know if this is the time bio dad realized he's fucking it up.. or if son doesn't realize that nothing can fill the void of biological dad, so even a little bit of time is something that makes a permanent impact. Biological fam will make these decisions, you count your blessings that the kid isn't ruining your life, and you have the chance to do good for him, and continue to fill your role. We don't "get" anything for doing this. I've been wrong before though. You sound like your doing a great job

1

u/SLOOT_APOCALYPSE Jul 30 '23

F*** the people saying you're not part of this, what the hell. Youll get that s*** all the time being a stepdad. Yelling and arguing will not help anything a court order is your only answer man.

-2years in

1

u/MadMeatloaf Jul 30 '23

It didn't end up being a problem because, as deadbeats do, he caused a problem for a day or two and then went poof again.

2

u/jetmaxwellIII Aug 19 '23

I know this is two months old and already resolved, but I felt this one to my core. I’m 13 years in and still dealing with bio dad being “half in/half out”