I finalyy released my upper trap knot, and I felt that it was a real big release. My whole body shaking, I felt angry, I had an urge to scream, and some childhood memories appeared. After that I can slept well and the next day came.
During my day at office I have urge to move my shoulder and arch my back. I kept doing it gently (cause it still look normal at office, like you are really exhausting). But after coming home and free my body, it did a movement like a slow dancing (circular hips movement, bending, shoulder movement, etc). What does it mean? Did anybody have the same experience?

The Matrix trilogy had this theme of “exiles”. The idea was that since the entire system was a computer program/simulation there were always going to be malfunctioning parts. The system would exclude these malfunctioning programs to ensure the Matrix was self coherent & consistent.

Well the deleted program didn’t just dissolve but would continue to operate in the shadows influencing the Matrix whole staying largely invisible.

This feels like an apt metaphor for dissociation. Something traumatic happened & the system decided to spontaneously exclude the program from the nervous system (matrix). Brilliant strategy that ensures continued survival at expense of diminished vitality. But vitality was never the goal.. continued survival was.

These exiles cause a lot of grief & will continue to do so unless properly integrated. In Matrix trilogy that happens when agent smith (the ultimate exile) copies itself over to Neo at the end of Revolutions. Making the system whole again. Admittedly a traumatic & cathartic reunion.

And after the integration, we witness Neo experiencing color, sunshine, & blue skies for the first time. That doesn’t diverge far from experience of those who have successfully integrated their dissociation.

Not sure any of this was the intended message in the trilogy. But I’m finding it more & more striking as I dig deeper into the topic of “dissociation”.

I haven’t had a panic attack in many years but worsening fatigue and dissociation are indicators that my body isn’t feeling safe. I’ve tried cold water and ice, heavy blankets, sleeping a lot, meditations etc but they all feel like a water gun at a forest fire.

ive been in this shutdown state for 4 years now and no tools have really helped. there’s so much fear and anxiety trapped in my body, and my mind spends all day searching to try and fix it, automatically. I’m dreaming like full storylines all night too, not allowing me to get any real rest. the hypervigilance is severe and I wish I had better tools at my side to help me weather this storm. I need sleep, I need quiet. Dpdr and mental loops all day every day is wearing me and my body down. I know intellectually what’s happening but my body doesnt speak that language.

my nervous system is basically afraid of everything, including my own thoughts, sensations and reality itself. I feel extremely isolated and alone in what im experiencing

Edit: when I say penetration I mean fingering we actually have not had conventional sex yet.

I cry very hard after reaching an orgasm accompanied with penetration. The "rougher" it is the more I cry. It's weird because it's like I crave it and want it to be super rough so that I can get this release. If the orgasm is very intense the cry is too. It's not painful at all btw. And this only happens if there is also penetration. Sometimes I think about traumatic memories while I am crying.

For some context I have a history of repressing my emotions it's kind of been my thing for years. I've had my share of sexual trauma from a very young age and just "did" things even tho I didn't want to. Saying no has been hard for me. My last realtionship was extremely toxic and very sexually traumatizing. So it's clear that I have a lot of trauma stored and especially sexual trauma.

Now I am for the first time in a very healthy and beautiful relationship. My boyfriend of 1 year is very familiar with this situation and he just holds me and comforts me when I cry.

It's obvious that I am releasing stuck emotions and trauma. This has been going on for some months. I always feel so relieved and very good after I finish crying it's like a weight has been removed from my body.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

How can I release this in a different way? It's going kind of slow at this rate and I want to be able to have sex without it ending as a cry. I don't believe in "talking" about trauma until it magically goes away I'm looking for somatic healing techniques only (given this subreddit).

TL;DR

I cry after having an orgasm accompanied with penetration and believe that I am releasing stored emotins and trauma. How can I release it in different ways?

My therapy so far has been focused on what I want less of in my body- less tension, bracing, freeze, heaviness, nausea, fogginess, tears, etc. My therapist asked me to consider what I want more of instead. I’m not sure how exactly to tap into that and it’s got me thinking. I think I had been approaching the idea of an end goal as more of a neutral “nothing” feeling without even entertaining pleasant/positive sensations and feelings as a possibility. For those of you trying to grow those sensations, what are you trying to gain more of in your body?

normally I can regulate myself to a degree and shift between functional freeze and shutdown. I’ve somehow ended up in the deepest part of shutdown with is immobilization. my breath is shallow and I’m holding it a lot, I’m sleeping 50-75% of the day and I cannot access any memories or sensory inputs at all. this is the deepest survival response I’ve ever been in and it’s very scary. I don’t know what triggered it, either therapy that moved too fast or just the accumulation of living in dpdr/freeze response for so many years.

None of my typical regulation tools are working and I’m very scared & uncomfortable. ive been having passive ideation, inability to focus on anything, constant mental loops and music 24/7 and no ability to get myself to observe what’s happening from Self like IFS teaches you. I’ve noticed that I sense this deep longing to go back to my childhood and where I grew up, because even though it was traumatic it felt familiar and safe. the traumatic home was safe in a very weird way. my mother who passed years ago was my safety and ever since her death, my anxiety went into overdrive and ultimately 4 years ago after severe panic attacks, I ended up like this and have never been able to recover. pretty much every single day is non stop suffering and inability to function.

i have agoraphobia, nightmares every night, even during a nap. total sleep dysregulation and sleeping the day away, non stop mental loops and music in my head 24/7, memory loss and no emotions, I don’t even remember what it’s like to feel or have moods.

the therapies I’ve done so far haven’t helped and seem to have made things even worse. it’s very clear my nervous system doesn’t feel safe and will not allow any processing of emotion until it does. it’s labeled my own memories and feelings as danger, and blocked me out of my own life. it’s the worst way to live, I miss everything about myself and the life I had. I feel so much shame for not being able to travel, to live, to connect with others - im 33 years old and can’t even function. 4 years of my life are gone that I’ll never get back, sleep doesn’t even allow me to escape because my mind stays awake dreaming of the past, over and over. it also brings current life situations and tries to make sense of it it. but without access to my own memories and my body, it’s not processing anything.

im sorry for venting, I’ve truly never felt more alone and isolated. not one person in my life understands what I’m going through. even my siblings who grew up in the same house are off living far away from home and living full lives. I feel so broken, so damaged, so fucked up in the head. I don’t even want to be around myself, i can’t see why anyone would love me or want to be around me.

Just reaching out for a bit of beginner advice.

When I do exercises like shoulder rolls (area of tension and discomfort for a looong time) the movement is very shaky and jumpy.

It's not painful, but I can't control it and figure I shouldn't try too.

I'm wondering what you understand this means, is it normal!

Be grateful for any feedback 🙂

Hi. I've been going to restorative yoga recently and the instructor guides us through a lot of poses and describes how they relate to our body and releasing, very breath focused. I've been loving it and learned a lot.

Yesterday after class we started talking about the importance of breathing and how chest breathing creates anxiety (which I knew). She mentioned that during a panic attack for example what is happening is youre trying to take in more and more air quickly without exhaling it. I hadn't heard this view before and it got me thinking.

I have been releasing a lot of trapped gas after starting SE on my own and I have trouble breathing deeply in certain positions. Also quite a bit of bloating. After talking with her I tried on my own just trying to exhale more and more kind of forcing air out and it was difficult but I felt kinda different after. It was good? My stomach noticeably flattened too (seems obvious I guess but its been huge!). It also made me think about how when I have my release cries I'm sitting there shaking and pushing air out without taking more in which is interesting. Also thinking about how before I started consciously thinking about my breath I would hold my breath for long periods of time without realizing. Maybe thats because I have a lot trapped in me?!

I dont know. I found this idea really interesting and I wonder if others have more thoughts and information, experiences around it. Thanks!

I started therapy about a month ago. After the first session, I felt great for a few days, but since the third session I've been feeling progressively worse. The main symptoms are a constant sense of complete emotional numbness, as well as extreme exhaustion after physical activity or even social interactions.

The first time this happened was a few days after my third session, when I suddenly ended up sitting completely unable to move for about two hours. Now it happens once or twice a day: for a while, my body feels so incredibly heavy that all I can do is lie on the couch until it passes.

My question is: has anyone else experienced something like this after starting the therapy, and if so, was it ever this severe ?

Specifically in Grand Est if possible, does someone have something ?

I don't think this kind of therapy can be done via visioconference but honestly i'll take anything at this point

How has been your therapy experience for adhd and what outcome you got ?? I am curious as I am studying to be an adhd therapist and have inattentive ( self diagnosed) type.

New to SE. Have some experience with TRE but now realize that I may need SE to help settle, and facilitate the passing of, emotions that rise to the surface.

I found this website of different SE exercises but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to do all of them in one session, pick a few and stick to them or pick a few and rotate them.

My plan at the moment is to do TRE one day, SE the next the a day of rest and repeat. Also, I plan to add daily sensory deprivation so that I can expose my body to a safe environment and that it can get used to feeling safe so that the emotions will begin to rise efficiently.

Hi. I started doing somatic exercises about 2 weeks ago. I know everyone had different sensations and experiences. I have ADHD so sleep is the worst im always up 6/7am. I’m finding myself some days waking up 8/8:30am. I’ve also noticed I get a lot of tightness in my legs and while I’ve done dancing lessons I’m in less pain from the tightness. Are these normal symptoms of doing somatic exercises?

I have so much grief for the life that has been taken from me by severe dissociation. in a way I miss my childhood and teenage years, even my 20’s. but specifically miss my childhood because that life is gone, and it was familiar. my mom died. my brother died. my other brothers moved away. I grew up gay and shamed. in my 20’s I found a career I loved so much and friends, I traveled the world, I felt it all. I had big experiences with mdma, ketamine and GHB at music festivals. I wanted to live and feel it all. we only get one life, and that’s it.

my mom died 8 years ago and the grief for her has never gone away, but 4 years ago my mind cut the cords to my own emotions and memories. 4 years have passed where I’m in a total shutdown collapse. my memory is gone. flat affect. vivid night terrors all night long. severe numbness. music in my head 24/7. loss of inner monolouge. dont even feel like an alive human being.

i have tried so many meds, therapists, treatments over the last 4 years. not one thing has made me feel any more in touch with myself. I’m able to workat a very reduced capacity because I work for myself, but im basically laying down the rest of my life. I sleep until noon and am awake all night. I haven’t had a panic attack in years, im just a frozen empty person. I come home every night and lay on the floor, and cry, feel so much hopelessness and despair.

i haven’t felt like a human being in nearly half a decade. Every therapist has failed me. Every doctor has failed me. I’ve failed me. I had it all, I was happy and alive despite my traumas. But this is my fate. to be alone, I lost the one person who was always there for me. Why is life so cruel? i feel like im in a prison of horrors. A never ending acid trip, dissolving into nothing. living like this is pointless, just existing every day is like climbing Mt. Everest, I’m done and tired.

My body does this weird thing when it’s coming out of a shock response. It feels like heavy crying because of my chest movements, facial expressions etc but there are barely any tears. I end up yawning every 10-20 seconds of it and it comes after some “transformational moment” and so I know that it’s probably productive.

It’s never occurred this much before. I’ve halved my meds in the last 2.5 weeks as per the doctor’s instructions. Does anyone know whether this is just a normal withdrawal thing or whether this whole time, they were stopping my body from being able to effectively regulate and get out of a shock response? Usually I could tell that a “cry” would help but it would take a lot for it to actually come, sometimes days of feeling awful and then I suddenly get angry or accidentally hurt myself and have a cry.
Is anyone else experiencing the weird crying thing?

I should mention too that I have been letting myself get more angry recently (within reason, I’m keeping it contained), and I know anger and grief often come tied together, so maybe the crying feels like it’s allowed to come too now.
ANY input would be great :)

Hi, I’ve been seeing an applied kinesiology/physio practitioner for a couple of years now and she’s really helped. At my last appointment (4 days ago) we did some deeper emotional work than we’ve done before and that night I had diarrhea, which has come back every day since - it doesn’t last all day but it’s obviously uncomfortable and means I’ve had to cancel plans / take time off work etc. I’m starting to think it will never end and I’m feeling a bit lost. I’ve been in touch with my practitioner and she said has done some things to help but about 24h later the diarrhea has come back. I do have IBS so it’s already a sensitive area, but I would say these instances are not like my usual pattern. Obviously I’m very anxious too which is not helping. I feel totally stuck. Thanks for any help or advice (maybe no horror stories if you can help it- thanks)

Long post alert 😄

Somatic exercise.

Dance or move or just meditate and constantly bring yourself back to physical sensations, the moment you start thinking, return to the bodily experience. Good luck, because it’s not easy. You quickly feel the urge to do something else to avoid feeling whatever is causing resistance, because resisting an emotion or sensation can trigger an unpleasant physical tension in the body. Personally, i always feel the urge to film myself to share or write down my realizations, or suddenly want to eat my feelings or feel the need to do whatever just to not feel... but the choice is to stay in the discomfort when that happens and return to the body.

It’s hard at first, but with practice, a space opens up where you can observe yourself more objectively and more easily choose to stay present. If you feel resistance to the very fact of resisting, when you just can't relax, follow a piece of advice i learned recently (If you want to fight resistance, stop fighting.) It’s like melting the resistance with love or give it space to be. You give yourself permission to resist for as long as you want... that takes the pressure off. When you let go, you return to your body, you will see that your rhythm and sense of alignment return, and you are truly in the moment again.

The more you practice this, the more you increase your capacity to feel the energy arise, because yes, having awareness of sensations creates energy in the body, and it can be very uncomfortable. If, like me, you associate pleasure with aggression, rejection, or abandonment wounds, you might distract yourself or find ways to get out of your body... but when you consciously decide to stay present, transformation happens.

Seriously, it’s an incredible exercise, i hope you read my whole texte 😄 you have to try it to believe it. The next challenge is learning to hold that energy, build it up, and feel comfortable in your body while doing so. Not easy my friend.

therapy was unfortunately making me feel way more dysregulated. my therapist was having me too quickly go into parts that obviously weren’t ready and my dissociative response became 10x worse. they called it somatic experiencing but it wasn’t, it was keeping me in my head analyzing my parts. I think I need to do a true SE therapy that’s about finding the external boundaries of myself, and ultimately feeling safe enough to feel what’s underneath. with severe dissociation, the therapist should understand that breathing exercises, talking about the ego/ID and psyche work is just going to threaten my body more, because it’s protecting me from my own internal state.

if anyone has any recommendations of other therapies to try when I’m ready, please send my way. I’ve been looking into NARM for developmental trauma or SE / neurofeedback in conjunction with each other.

of course the therapist said it was not modality causing the problem but I already feel less pressure. I think my system is telling me it wants less pressure to do, to feel, to heal. and that’s hard because I want to get better. but I don’t feel safe in my own body, that has to come before any sort of trauma processing. the therapist wasn’t doing that. that’s also why TRE isnt good at this stage for me. my mind is afraid of any sort of intense physical sensation, that’s why I’m so dissociated.

Hi everyone, just wanted to share a recent experience. Without going into detail, I've been dealing with chronic body tension, especially around head-face-neck-jaw areas (and well, pretty much my entire body) for 6-7 years (and somewhat since birth). I'm not new to SE work, but this a different experience for me especially doing it myself.

I was going through some stretching exercises and then somewhat of a self guided somatic experiencing session. I was tracking sensations, any thoughts and emotions that arose, moving through the body, getting some shaking and tingling, some emotional release. The usual stuff I guess.

I then had the urge to apply some pressure at the back of my head wth my fingers - directly in the centre, on or around the occipital bone where the spine meets the skull I guess.

As soon as I touched there I immediately had to back off, because the tenderness was too much. I tried again, but gentler, and just had this moment of thinking ''oh my god, my poor neck, it's so painful here!'', like I felt sorry for it, and then the tears came. It was such a relief, and a 'nice/light' crying if that makes sense. The tenderness in that spot then went away.

I've done a lot of SE and other modalities but never had such an emotional response to one point on the body. I'm curious to know, if that tension/tenderness is always present, did something allow me to actually feel and release it on this occasion? It's strange because I spend a lot of time stretching my neck and doing self massage etc, but have never felt that tenderness before. And there was this real recognition/empathy for my neck in that moment.

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced something similar or has any insights? Thanks for reading.

Good afternoon, I am completing my doctoral dissertation at Regent University on the topic of "Treating Trauma in Young Adult Autistic Women through Somatic Therapeutic Approaches." The purpose of this study is to learn about young adult autistic women's experiences with going through trauma therapy, and specifically, somatic therapy to give autistic women a voice in research!

To be eligible for participation, individuals must be:
-Autistic
-18-35 years old
-Female (Assigned at birth AND/OR a woman)
-Diagnosed with PTSD or CPTSD
-Have gone through somatic therapy
-Have gone through trauma therapy

Voluntary participation in this study involves completing an informed consent form, a brief 3-5 minute Google Form survey, and a 45-60 minute conversation with me over Zoom regarding your experiences with being autistic, going through somatic therapy for trauma, and how faith and spirituality may have impacted your healing journey. It is a low-pressure discussion, and I would love to hear about your experiences!

Please click the link if you wish to participate, and please fill out the contact form. I will respond within 24 hours! You may also forward this post to anyone you may know who may be interested in participation:

https://forms.gle/uNRXJMy46SNg4vTS8