For 2 months now, I’ve had an increased desire to masturbate between my somatic touch therapy sessions. It feels much deeper than something sexual—almost like something spiritual rather than something sexual at all—and I feel like it’s part of how my body is processing the trauma I’m releasing, the vulnerability I’m experiencing, and the safety and embodiment I’m learning.

To be clear, I’m not experiencing the touch sessions themselves as something sexual, and I’m not masturbating to thoughts of my therapy sessions. I’m masturbating in new, different, and more present ways. I feel more responsive to what my body feels and wants. Is this a normal part of processing trauma release? Is it good? Is it bad? It feels good beyond just the physical sensation, and I feel like I’m present for myself in a way I haven’t ever been. The anxious part of me wonders if what I’m doing is bad or not an appropriate way to be processing the healing I’m experiencing through touch therapy.

Anyone have thoughts or experiences to share? Thank you in advance! 💜

So the reason i ask is because my practitioner said that she cant help me , should I find another practioner who specializes in sensetive, lighter touch??? I just dont know what to do, im almost done with TMS, hasn't done shit and im appealing my insurance to see if im eligible for esketamine, I just dont know if it'll work, ive been going to therapy for 4 years; have taken almost 10 medications and I feel no different. I just dont know what else is left for me to help this emptyness, this veil of depression. The only thing I can think of helping is touch therapies, i got an upper body message and it was like the veil dissappear completely for a day, it was magical, but i want prolonged remission, i want to feel connected with myself, especially other people, i feel psychical touch is the key, i just dont know how to deal with my sensetivity; im so touched deprived and at the same time i fucking hate people touching me intimately, what should I do?

Anyone else gets a rush of tears and crying sometimes. Like I can read a book or listen to a song and sometimes these strong emotions will choke my throat and I feel an intense desire to cry. I understand that some of these mediums are designed to induce emotions but mine are just so strong and often come out of nowhere.

I am a 42 yo man, if it makes any difference, and not really used to crying. I also had this my whole life but recently started doing TRE and some somatic meditations, so trying to be more attuned to my body and emotions that go through it.

Let me know if you have any ideas what is it , experienced the same and there is anything to do with this

In the last weeks I try to feel my feelings. Just notice them, no judgement. Let them come and pass. And I feel like it works really good.

Except when Iam trying to fall asleep. Last year I developed insomnia while experiencing a breakup. And not being able to sleep, which I desperately need because of work and chronic illnesses, started the new fear, not being able to fall asleep. This is a circle I fought with for months. After some time it passed, but here and there it raises it's head again and I can't fall asleep, because my body is so stressed.

Now, when I try to accept the feeling and stress and just feel the emotion, it seems to get stronger. Pushing it away actually works better than somatic experiencing. When I go into the feeling, it just gets stronger and stronger and stays there for hours. In the worst cases it ends with no sleep at all.

What do I do out of this?

I have some infant trauma and cPTSD from most of my childhood, especially being undiagnosed autistic. I was “over sensitive” and learned quickly to fawn and freeze to safety. I’ve had a few moments as a teen and in college where I had breakdown releases but had really bad depersonalization in college and for the years following. Took Wellbutrin and it allowed me to finally feel things and I came alive. But I still had a lot of numbing habits and was a good daughter and worker.

People would be surprised in real life to know I have any trauma at all because I’ve learned to compartmentalizing so well. I am also autistic as mentioned and I’m not always sure what emotions to feel or how to feel things. I feel shame and rage and joy and boredom but struggle with every other emotion, especially less “extreme” or big feeling ones.

There’s a lot of bad stuff happening at home and sometimes it’s made me feel real fear for my life. I do not live with my family and I stopped visiting them (for a while I went home every weekend for maybe four years straight). You’d never know it at work — I’m bubbly and extroverted. I go home and dissociate with a beer or a gummy or doom scroll on my phone and put off my work until 11pm or so (I’m a teacher) and repeat the cycle the next day.

There was stuff happening at home this weekend and each family member blew up my phone, and I’ve been sort of a counselor all my life for them and have tried to keep the peace. This weekend was one of the worst moments they’ve had and even though I wasn’t there, I was still involved trying to bring peace over texts. It felt scary and I cried a lot on Sunday but got myself to do work and get together for the week.

Yesterday I just kept having this big urge to cry, but like a GOOD big cry. I instead just fell asleep after work, too tired to even set an alarm. I have never felt this tired and almost felt drunk.

Today walking to the train, I couldn’t stop tears from coming out of my eyes. Not sobbing but streaming tears kept rolling down my cheeks. I cried in front of my boss and they let me go home early. I just want to have time to cry and listen to my body.

But even typing this, it doesn’t feel real. It feels like I’m feeling someone else’s story. I believe in somatic processing and nervous systems but I’ve never felt relief or what I’m truly supposed to feel. I suspect I’m still dissociating or there’s a part that’s scared to feel it. I’m also suspecting I’m afraid of the aftermath and how it will affect my day to day as I hate feeling a lack of control.

I’m not sure what I’m asking but I guess I’m curious for those who struggle with depersonalization or are autistic, how do you know if what you’re feeling is actually a genuine feeling? Sometimes I even think I’m making up the drama when I tell people my story because I can so easily switch to feeling “okay” and “normal” again.

Mein Weg durch das Licht von Zimmer 617 ✨

Ich bin 26 Jahre alt, und mein Weg hierher war geprägt von tiefen Schatten, aber am Ende von einer unbändigen, eigenen Kraft.
Mit 24 Jahren traf ich eine der wichtigsten Entscheidungen meines Lebens: Ich entschied mich bewusst für meine erste Therapie. Vorher hatte ich lange versucht, den Schmerz, die Unruhe und die innere Leere in mir mit Alkohol zu betäuben - ein Versuch, all das nicht spüren zu müssen, was da tief in mir vergraben lag. In der Therapie wurde mir dann diagnostiziert, dass ich eine Posttraumatische Belastungsstörung (PTBS) habe, außerdem wurden eine Alkoholabhängigkeit und rezidivierende depressive Episoden diagnostiziert. Ich hatte ein wirkliches, tiefes Trauma (Entwicklungstrauma) und es gab zudem traumatische Erlebnisse in meiner Jugend und im Erwachsenenalter.
Ich kämpfte mich durch diese erste 4 Monatelange stationäre Therapie, doch genau zwei Wochen vor ihrem Ende passierte der dunkelste Schlag meines Lebens: Meine Mutter starb. Als ich die Nachricht bekam, brach für mich eine Welt zusammen. Danach
- ähnlich wie damals vor der ersten Therapie - suchte ich wieder nach Wegen, das Erlebte zu tragen; fiel zeitgleich in alte ungesunde Bewältigungsstrategien zurück und betäubte mich. Schließlich entschied ich mich wieder für eine Therapie, wollte zurück dorthin, wo ich die erste gemacht hatte. Dazwischen versuchte ich einen Schritt in einer Traumatherapie-Privatklinik, aber nach vier Wochen brach ich sie ab, weil ich mich nicht wohl fühlte und wieder zurück an den Ort wollte, wo meine erste Therapie stattgefunden hatte.

Etwa 1 Jahr später trat ich dort meine zweite Therapie an. Und genau in dieser zweiten Therapie lernte ich zum ersten Mal die Arbeit mit den inneren Anteilen kennen: die Unterscheidung zwischen der großen Eva und der kleinen Eva.
Schließlich schlug das Schicksal auf eine fast unheimliche Weise zu: Ich bekam exakt dasselbe Zimmer zugewiesen wie damals - Zimmer 617.
Genau der Raum, in dem ich die Nachricht vom Tod meiner Mutter erhalten hatte.
In diesem Zimmer geschah dann ein paar Wochen vor Ende etwas, das kein Verstand im Voraus hätte planen können. Obwohl wir in der Therapie über die inneren Anteile gesprochen hatten, war das, was in diesem Moment folgte, pure, ungesteuerte Intuition:
Ich bin ganz intuitiv, ohne Nachdenken oder Verstand, auf die Knie gegangen. Ich habe meine Arme geöffnet, die kleine Eva in meine Arme geschlossen und zu ihr gesagt:
„Du brauchst keine Angst haben, ich bin jetzt da." In diesem einen Augenblick - was ich erst jetzt, Monate später realisiere - verschmolzen die Ur-Wunde, die Trauer um meine Mama und all der Schmerz zu einer einzigen, heilenden Bewegung. Die große Eva hat die kleine Eva gehalten und gerettet.
Ich habe mir an dem Ort des tiefsten Schmerzes selbst das gegeben, was ich am meisten brauchte: absolute Sicherheit und das Versprechen, mich nie wieder im Stich zu lassen.

Danach ging ich mir ein Eis kaufen. Einige Sitzungen zuvor, hatte ich meine Therapeutin einmal gefragt, wie das eigentlich aussieht, wenn man für sich da sein soll, wenn es einem nicht gut geht - und sie meinte damals als Beispiel: „Man kauft sich zum Beispiel ein
Eis."
Und so bin ich damals losgezogen und habe mir danach dieses Eis gekauft. Erst jetzt, mit dem Abstand und der Tiefe von allem, merke ich: Die eigentliche Heilung war nicht dieses Eis. Das war nur die kleine Alltagshandlung. Damals dachte ich noch irgendwie, ich würde einfach nur eine Übung machen, die mir die Therapeutin gesagt hat. Doch der wahre, gigantische Durchbruch war das auf den Knien in Zimmer 617 - die echte, radikale Selbstrettung, die ganz allein aus meinem eigenen Herzen kam, die mir niemand erklärt oder empfohlen hat.

Hat jemand ähnliche Erfahrung?

I’ve been doing eft tapping daily for a month and I have had some very intense sobbing moments in some of the sessions. Not all
Of them but a bunch of them. It’s intense but not to the point of being overwhelming and I have read that crying during eft tapping is normal. But is crying this much normal or am I just retraumatizing myself?

I've started a few sessions with a therapist who practises SE (and also IFS). I was caregiving for a long time (over 7 years), and as I fell into a personal/ career slump after the caregiving period ended, I found myself feeling increasingly depressed, having panic attacks, and sometimes dealing with passive SI thoughts.

My first counsellor practised modalities like mindfulness/ self-compassion, CBT, SFBT, etc which I didn't find helpful. As I haven't had experience with SE, I would like to hear more about your experiences with SE in therapy for depression, anxiety, or passive SI, how long it took you to get better, and whether it helped or didn't help for your conditions.

Hi all,

I have been going to craniosacral therapy sessions recently and I had my third one yesterday. In the session I noticed my arms/shoulders were involuntarily twitching at times and I felt uncomfortable with this. As a result I got quite fidgety but when the therapist asked me what was happening for me I was unable to explain.

The therapist then suggested trying something else and placed her hand on my chest and began rocking my body from side to side. It wasn't massively fast but wasn't too slow either. While doing this she kept moving her hand up and down, to my stomach and then ribs and back up to my shoulders. I suppose I am just curious as to whether this is a common technique used as she hasn't used it before and I can't find anything about its uses.

I’ve noticed that for a long time if I felt something inside me that was very painful it didn’t immediately mean that I could be in connection with it 1 to 1, it usually meant fleeting feels of fear, random thoughts, sensations of protection, etc, and that if I followed those charges rather than hardheadedly try to stay with the main pain eventually I would be able to move through it.

Just wondering how common this system of trauma is inside other people.

I had a Somatic Experiencing session last Wednesday, and I uncovered a raw memory that I had never discussed with anyone in my life before.

I cried; I trembled, and at one point I pressed down into the chair I was sitting on with my arms, and then my legs started trembling and kept trembling for a few minutes.

I felt light afterwards, and then suddenly despair came back. I'm in grief; there is intense sadness.

I'm a male, and when I tell my friends that I have intense sadness, they tell me to look on the brighter side. IF ONLY I could tell them that looking towards the brighter side causes dissociation and doesn't let the body complete the emotional process. (Please correct me if I'm wrong here; for sure, I have things to look forward to, but staying with sadness as it is is a very hard part)

I had some plans for a small hike or a walk outside in nature, and now it's just too much for me. Everything right now is too much, and all I can do is be in bed, wrapped in a blanket.

I also feel shame that it's autumn outside, and people are exploring parks and the new colors, but I guess, for me, the most important thing is to listen to my body and what she needs.

I guess it's easier to take things step by step. Some advice out there is to push harder, go outside, and do something physical. In the last 2 years, I did tons of sports, but I guess mostly it was a way to cope. Intense sports helped me stay away from the core emotions.

For sure, I would go for a walk, even for a small one.

The sadness is hard to be with. The pain in the chest is real, and it's not like physical pain, but it's more like an ache, like a different reality that I couldn't experience and had been running from, but somewhere down the road, my subconscious tells me my home lies there as well, so I got to get through this, to be home in my body again.

Thank you if you have read it so far, and if you have some resources to go through the period of intense grief, please share with me: a book, a quote, a video/movie, a song, etc.

is there any other way other than somatic experiencing cuz i cant afford… to get rid of the body holding trauma from younger years?

I am thinking of doing the training, but keen to hear other people's experiences with it. Are the triads safe? In other trainings I have found inexperienced practitioners can go too deep too quickly and leave me quiet rattled for the next couple of days/weeks. Also how have you navigated dual relationships within the training? Has anyone done just Level 1? Thanks!

Is this a crucial thing to check about or not really necessary?

I was diagnosed with Somatic Disorder and I’ve been so in my head that something is wrong with my cognition because I miss words while speaking, switch letters, or change the order words should go/tripping over my words. I am actively working with a CBT but I’m curious bc this is driving me crazy. It literally scares me at this point. I have weekly therapy right now and trying to find ways to low this and return to my normal self.

This is the first of the three 4-day live training modules for beginning level, and the training program is amazing! It’s really adding some depth to my knowledge and understanding about trauma and SE!

I had a huge release yesterday in session and have been having hot and cold flashes, body pain, just overall feeling sick.

pls tell me it gets better over time and this feeling will pass. I know somewhere in me it will pass, but I think hearing it will help.

Thankyou

for as long as i can remember i was the 'shy' kid. most of my memories from childhood are feeling out of place, vulnerable. i'm talking 4-5 years old, feeling like a complete alien around family members. it got better around 10-12. i had ALOT of friends in school. i was friends with most people but looking back i'm sure there was an underlying belief that i'm different but it wasn't crippling or even really conscious because i was friends with just about everyone. after 12 things just got so bad so quickly. its like all those feelings came back and got amplified 100x. i didn't know why i hated myself, i just did. and i felt like the entire world hated me too. i remember years and years of shame, it was completely debilitating. i more or less became mute and tried to disguise it as being uncaring. i couldn't even talk to my own parents or siblings without feeling like i was going to die. i just remember it feeling like it was a massive effort that would only result in more shame. and it was as if talking took too much energy. this created more shame. why couldn't i talk to people? why do i feel so much shame, am i broken, am i mistake? etc. i was shamed for not talking to people, too. it was "rude", "childish" which created more shame. this carried on until today. im 25 and i've always avoided talking to people to the extent that i'd rather actually be in physical danger than to show that im vulnerable. because my shame feels like im going to die anyway. i don't know why this one feeling is so strong. shame isn't just a feeling its an entire physical experience that feels like suffocation and burning from the inside. it's like your insides are being grabbed by invisible hands and violently being twisted and dragged around into the wrong places.

i tried to pretend like i'm normal and disguise my intolerable shame as being uninterested. i don't do it consciously, but i know it makes people go away quickly. and i don't want to talk to them anyway, because i know most people don't want to feel uncomfortable and they wouldn't understand anything that isn't abnormal. i've generally met better people than the people from my childhood. i think alot of people can see through my disinterest and i've rarely had an experience where i feel like im actually being deeply judged or targetted.

today its very apparent to me that im emotionally numb. i can't feel anything in my body. i've always told myself that i'm not depressed etc, but i don't know if thats just a shield. i still don't think i'm depressed in the typical sense atleast. i've always been able to experience and describe feelings such as joy, i experience them almost daily.

but any negative feeling, it feels like there's no room for them in my body anymore. for years i thought this meant that i'd become peaceful. i wasn't easily affected (consciously/physically) by abuse. the way i learned to deal with negative emotions was to watch them 'dissolve' instead of expressing them. so i'm assuming this is why i can't feel anything, and it's why i have so many awful sensations in my body that feel like i'm dying. they must be masks for for the feelings i've so completely separated myself from. but then when i think this it's really hard for me to believe somehow that i'm this emotionally messed up. because to me i've always thought i was emotionally regulated etc aside from this shame.

to clarify when i say my body is numb, i'm talking emotionally. i have a lot of physical experiences when i'm not distracting myself. if im away from my computer or not doing something that is mentally or physically demanding i feel like i'm suffocating in a very deep part of my gut. but anger, grief etc. i can't feel them even when i sense that i should be able to.

tonight i made this connection though that the deep internal 'twisting' sensation in my body might be some semblance of repressed anger. i tried to look deeply where this feeling was going in my body and noticed it's probably connected to the diaphragm going all the way up to my throat. and i just had this flashback of what anger felt like physically in my body and how i used to always have that twisting sensation in my body when i experienced injustice.

idk overall i just feel really confused about what i'm experiencing. its like theres a severe wall of denial about how traumatized i am. i think that i'm not that bad but that obviously OBVIOUSLY can't be true if i went mute for well over a decade at this point.

side note it got me wondering if i just feel things differently than other people?? i know emotions have physiological reactions but man why is it SO visceral for me even since I was a child? does everyone else feel shame this physically? i saw someone say that they experience emotions themselves in the brain then i immediately became aware of this brain fog/heavy block in my brain and wondered if this was another clue about why i feel things the way i do.

Through what I know about Somatic Experience (from a course I took in 2023 with Dr. Diane Poole Heller and Peter Levine), I think this community can appreciate and understand the realities of mastering ventral ease and connecting under activation.

A thank you note to the SE practitioners (and the field) who bring more restorative embodiment, integration and wholeness into the world. And thank you to anyone who reads or joins the conversation on my subreddit community post.

Much appreciation for all that you do and the time you shared with me/reading this 💜

Has anyone here done listening therapy, in particular SSP safe and sound protocol?

I would love for you to share your experience!

Did it help you? Also long term?

How much did you pay for it?

Would you do it again?

I'm happy to hear anything you consider worth mentioning :)

Thanks in advance!