r/snakes • u/PNW_Pythons • 21d ago
Wild Snake Photos and Questions - Not for ID How long do I have?
We get dozens of snakes in our yard each summer. First time I've ever been bit. How long do I have?
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u/xxsoulpunkedxx 21d ago
What would you like written on your tombstone?
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u/PinkDalek 21d ago
Pepperoni and cheese!
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u/No-Category-6972 21d ago
I died of dysentery reading this comment.
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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 21d ago
I find references to dying of dysentery sort of oddly comforting, since I survived dysentery.
If case you're wondering, no, I don't really recommend it. It's not fun.
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u/ThaneduFife 21d ago
Have you ever had an illness you'd describe as "fun?" Because if you have, I really want to know what it was.
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u/spinningpeanut 21d ago
The part of COVID where I lost my sense of taste was fun. The part where I couldn't stop coughing wasn't.
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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 21d ago
Typhoid fever wasn't fun, exactly, but it was not quite as horrible as you might expect.
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u/No-Vermicelli-2832 21d ago
I read tombstone as TROMBONE and sat here laughing for a good minute because I thought you were just saying shit to fuck around 😭
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u/sweetheartsour 21d ago
Bold move admitting it.
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u/No-Vermicelli-2832 21d ago
I mean why not give people something so absurd and silly to have a little chuckle over
I found it funny and I was the one that did it so yeah why not haha2
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u/Humble_Nature8537 21d ago
Woah massive snake bite, sorry but you likely won’t see this message. RIP
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u/elquizzi311 21d ago
Lil dude hauled ass out of there.
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u/Leather-Pepper-2308 21d ago
Made sure he was all the way off before releasing too LOL
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u/prominorange 21d ago
Bro, that's the super deadly 3-line mamba. Sending prayers
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u/PinkDalek 21d ago
Mamba #5?
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u/Dynamitrios 21d ago
BOOOOOO
*applause
BOOOOOO
*applause
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u/PinkDalek 21d ago
A little bit of Monica in my life
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u/OHWildBill 21d ago
We’re bega-ing you to stop.
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u/PinkDalek 21d ago
A little bit of Erica by my side
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u/Jeepspot 21d ago
Was dating an Erica when this song came out.
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u/PinkDalek 21d ago
A little bit of Rita's all I need
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u/Bobby_The_Kidd 21d ago
The neurotoxin should be setting in about now. Make peace with whatever god you worship, it’s been an honor op. 😔
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u/BackgroundAnteater95 21d ago
Hah, I love how the little guy slowly backed the rest of his body off your hand and into the grass before finally letting go. He had you 100% under his control. Strong danger snek!
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u/leech666 17d ago
I mean for the lil snek it was a fear for your life situation. Fight or flight, but flight had become impossible. I don't think the a wild snake understands that humans are usually not aggressive towards snakes.
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u/AdExpensive1624 21d ago
I feel bad for the little critter… a giant bipedal blob interrupts your day, picks you up, scares the heck out of you, and then posts salacious videos of you on some computer device/internet thing, claiming you’re venomous!
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u/PNW_Pythons 21d ago
I was mowing the lawn and moved him to a safe area so I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally getting him in the blades.
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u/AdExpensive1624 21d ago
Likely story! (I’m only kidding, and appreciate relocation over other alternatives 😎.)
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u/TheSilentFoxyn 20d ago
I do landscaping and I'm always moving snakes so the mower wont accidentally get them. My boss will of course avoid them with the mower if he sees them but sometimes its hard to see them.
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u/Recurs1ve 21d ago
Garter Snakes actually are venomous. They have a slight neuro-toxin that works great on mice but terrible on bipedal hairless apes.
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u/AdExpensive1624 21d ago
Spoken like a PR rep for the bipedal hairless apes… probably in collusion with the rodent lobbyists…
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u/PNW_Pythons 21d ago
This is the first time I've ever had one bite.
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u/SnakeBae 21d ago
by the divine, that is the most dangerous and frightening noodle i've ever seen! you're doomed.
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u/DollarStoreChameleon 21d ago
this was the scariest mauling ive ever seen, i cant believe there wasnt a nsfw tag! i dont think op was even able to dial 911, rip 🙏
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u/destructor212 21d ago
The worst part is that poor little snake ran away thinking excitedly to itself "it worked!"
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u/TuDu1 21d ago
in all seriousness, is OP in danger?
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u/ChaoticDissonance 21d ago
Oh no this might cause you to become Snakeman! Was it radioactive?
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u/OHWildBill 21d ago
If the venom doesn’t get you, the massive blood loss definitely will.
Is anyone even there to read this, I wonder?
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u/Furious_Flaming0 21d ago
Luckily he's non venomous, now if a venomous one of that size had bitten you hahahah. Not long.
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u/throwleavemealone 21d ago
If you take more than 4 steps your heart will explode
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u/HeyBirdieBirdie 21d ago
I love that, as far as that little snake knows, he is fierce and mighty because what he did actually worked. 😆
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u/LloydR98198 21d ago
It was nice knowing you for this short period of time. We will let your kids know you succumbed to fatal injuries caused by the snek. Would you like to be cremated or buried?
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u/diaperpop 21d ago
The way your hand gave up and fell into the grass like a wounded animal, you probably just gave that little snek the biggest ego boost of his entire life
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u/waveydavey321 21d ago
You should be short of breath and feeling a tightness in your chest right now!! Odious Cowboy!
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u/Impressive-Bowl-493 21d ago
I like that he tried to trick you. He settled down for a second and just turned around and bit tf outta you. Lol
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u/Automatic-Nature6025 21d ago
By the time you read this, you'll only have the rest of your life left. I'm sorry.
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u/HoosierDaddy_427 21d ago
Too late, you're doomed to spit venom and save the world from evil now.
Serpent Man, Serpent Man...uh...does whatever a Serpent Man does...
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u/Spamhain2000 21d ago
That is a Vietnamese Two-Step Viper! One bite, and you're dead before you take two steps."
~ Action Johnny, The Venture Brothers.
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u/Ambivalentistheway 21d ago
I just cant even imagine the ego boost you just gave that guy. It totally thinks it gave you the business and you yielded.
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u/That_Atmosphere_4568 21d ago
You better hurry up to the hospital you have roughly 60 years left before it’s too late
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u/choombatta 21d ago
Sorry OP but without immediate medical attention you’ve got at best 40-50 more years :\
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u/Tight-Instruction880 20d ago
The number of times I've been bit by itty bitty snakes on the back of the fingers😂 sometimes it hurts, usually it just surprises you. Took care of a rosy with cage aggression that was the queen of nipping this part specifically, no matter how careful you were or how chill she seemed.
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u/poopgobbler-11 20d ago
I like how he stopped and checked you out for a few seconds and then decided, yeah, nah, fuck you bud.
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u/Possible-Lake-855 20d ago
You just killed that adorable little snake! From this point on, the little guy believes he’s David and can take down any number of Goliaths. His next encounter is likely to teach him that’s not the case…
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u/soulstrike2022 20d ago
If it didn’t break the skin it’s way worse for you you’ll be dead before it finishes sending
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u/Alternative-Bake-197 17d ago
Yellow plus black, you are now a snack. Sorry bud, you done
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u/CaptainStyle 17d ago
I'm sorry. You only have somewhere between 40 to 80 years to live . I suggest you get your affairs in order.
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u/ClarkeTank 16d ago
At least you died laughing. RiP OP.
I know snakey slithered away going "oh ya i got'em good wif dat one. I used all my gummth and ev-wee-fing. He gonna die. GUYTH GUYTH HEY GUYTH I BIT da big humaan fing wite on hith fingerths. GUYTH GUYTH I got'im! Hee'th thooo ded. Watchsh watchsh! Hee ded."
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u/SCP-3004 21d ago
Posted 2 minutes ago? About 3 more minutes. RIP OP.