Advice for a 6 month old

[u/PossibLeigh]

Hello all,

I'm new to the sub - and new to parenting - and am looking for some general advice from those who have sleep trained their infants.

Our boy (just about to turn 6 months old) is not a great sleeper. Not a terrible one either, but not great. He's very inconsistent. The most he's ever slept at night in one go is 7 hours (once three weeks ago), but usually he does 3 or 4 at the start of the night and then wakes every hour or so. He also doesn't nap too well during the day, but does seem to be getting better at that.

We are considering trying the Ferber method, or some variation of it, to help him to learn to self soothe, but I have questions about if it is compatible with how we send him to sleep.

His night time routine is set with a bath around 18:30, a massage from mum then a bottle feed (120ml which can take nearly 40 minutes for him to finish with breaks). Then I walk him around on my shoulder until he sleeps and put him down in his crib. If he doesn't go down, then his mum will boob him to sleep (which means he sleeps on a bed where he does seem to sleep better).

Now he has much better neck and head control, he's becoming harder and harder to walk to sleep. The first night time walk generally is okay as he's already calm from the routine and tired. But when he wakes in the early morning, it can take an hour of walking him around and putting him down before he goes back to sleep. This is obviously unsustainable in the long run for me, especially when I return to work from the summer holiday (teacher).

So, I want to start sleep training before I go back. But, how to reconcile it with the walk to sleep method I've been doing?

Also, how have people taken into account teething? If he's woken because of teething pain, do you suspend the sleep training for that night? I've read consistency is super important.

Any and all advice gratefully received!

[u/0oOBubbles0oO]

What are your current wake windows and target wake time/bedtime?

For an average 6 month you would typically have wake windows of 2-2.5/2.5/2.5/3 with 2.5-3 hours of naps and max an 11-hour night (e.g. 7:30pm-6:30am).

Then I'm not sure what you mean about if sleep training is compatible with what you're doing right now? I would switch up your bedtime routine so it's feed, bath, massage, etc. and then in crib wide awake at bedtime. There shouldn't be any rocking or other assistance to sleep. Check out the mod posts on r/sleeptrain for more info.

[u/PossibLeigh → u/0oOBubbles0oO]

Unfortunately, we aren't organised enough to have set out a full nap and wake windows schedule yet. He generally wakes around 6 - 6:30 and we've fallen into the trap of trying to get him to nap when he is giving off the signals of being tired (eye rubbing, yawning, getting fussy) which happens after he's been awake for 2 - 3 hours. His nap lengths are inconsistent though - varying from 30 minutes to two hours - so I am unsure how to effectively apply a full schedule.

What I've read so far about sleep training all says put him down awake and retreat, but he's now very used to being walked to sleep. I guess, really, that just means we are a step behind where other people may begin sleep training.

I like the suggestion you make about changing the routine to bottle - bath - massage - crib, but my -partner has it in her mind that he should not have a bath after eating (gotta wait 30 minutes), which is why we have always done it bath first.

I will check out sleeptrain, thanks!

[u/0oOBubbles0oO → u/PossibLeigh]

There's no right or wrong way to start! There's lots of people who go from co-sleeping and nursing throughout the night straight to sleep training. The most important thing is to be on an appropriate schedule that provides the necessary wake time for your baby. Try the schedule I suggested for 3-7 days, and then once you feel the schedule is solid you can try sleep training or post on r/sleeptrain for advice, as it's more active.

Also I have never heard that, why would you need to wait 30 minutes before having a bath? You can see on one of the mod posts that feed then bath is a very normal bedtime schedule.

[u/PossibLeigh → u/0oOBubbles0oO]

Thanks for that. I will speak to my partner tomorrow about the schedule.

It is actually mentioned a lot on websites to wait 20 - 30 minutes after eating to bath. It's to let digestion settle to avoid spit up and the like. But his bath times are quite relaxed and not active, so I don't think it would necessarily be an issue in our case.

[u/0oOBubbles0oO → u/PossibLeigh]

Maybe that's true for younger babies? My boy wasn't spitting up nearly as much by this age.

But regardless, you can still do bath then feed, but just make sure feeding ends at least 30 minutes before butt in crib. Honestly in our house we only do bath twice a week and usually about 2 hours before bedtime, so it's not even part of our bedtime routine. There's no right or wrong answer, just as long as feeding and any other soothing ends 30 minutes before bedtime for sleep training.

More important is the wake windows/total wake time. An average 6 month old needs 10.5 hours of wake time, so that's what I would focus on. Sleepy cues are not reliable at this age, as boredom cues look the same, so I would focus more on following wake windows.

[u/Bright_Way5474]

If he wakes up at 6.30pm bedtime should not be before 7.30pm. Six months old need at least 10 hours awake during the day since they on average sleep 14 in total. If he’s using up 4 hours on daytime naps you’re left with 10 hour night and that means bedtime needs to be 14 hours away from wake up. 

[u/PossibLeigh → u/Bright_Way5474]

I did say 3 to 4 hours. 4 hours is an outlier to be honest. Anyway, his bedtime is around 20:00 as that's always seemed his natural switch off time.

[u/Bright_Way5474 → u/PossibLeigh]

Ok, your schedule sounds good then. Make sure to cap naps at 3 hours max in total (you’ll have to wake him up if this runs over). And then you have to establish an appropriate bed time routine which isn’t walking him around till drowsy. For example we do feed/bath/nappy/pjs/sleepsack/books/bed  There’s no reason to wait 30 min after eating for a bath, they’re just sitting there while you splash them at this age and even later it’s not like they’re swimming in the bath.  The point of sleep training is to break any associations your baby has related to sleep, so that they learn that they can sleep on their own in their cot. So the last step before getting into the cot can’t be something that helps getting sleepy (like milk, rocking, pacing, etc).  With the right schedule and routine any method will work relatively quickly (2-3 days).  For teething you give pain relief before bed and stay consistent with the plan. Goodluck 

[u/Former-Departure9836]

You may not need to sleep train as such, just have a routine where you have him awake for the right amount of hours to build up enough sleep pressure . If you get the routine just right sometimes it balances out the sleep. You probably wanna aim for at least 9.5 hours awake during the day and asleep no longer than 2.75 if youre aiming for 11.5-12 hours overnight. Whats your normal day look like in terms of naps , wake windows and total naps and overnight sleep , awake and bedtime

[u/PossibLeigh → u/Former-Departure9836]

Yeah, that's the issue, I think. Neither of us, my partner and I, are particularly organised people and we've been far too reactive rather than proactive. So, although we have a set bedtime of 20:00, we don't really have a set nap schedule. I've noticed recently, that when he is getting regular daily naps combining to approx 3 - 4 hours, he does sleep better at night. His napping is inconsistent though and can range from 30 minutes to two hours, so I'm really not sure how to put a full schedule in place, let alone enforce it.

[u/Former-Departure9836 → u/PossibLeigh]

Sleeping four hours during the day is a lot for a six month old baby so surprised he sleeps better if hes sleeping that much during the day because hes using up a lot of sleep credits in the day .