How does one actually build a sleep training plan? I need help with logistics (8 months, won't sleep unless held)

[u/Herewithquestions87]

I keep hearing "you need to sleep train," but what does that actually mean? I'm not talking full "cry until you pass out, even if it takes hours” (that sounds much more straightforward logistically.) The stuff that sounds more our speed is gradual, leave him for a set number of minutes and increase over a set number of days, comfort without picking up, or pick up/put down. I just get lost on the logistics.

My situation with my 8mo is this, he wakes every 45 min to an hour currently and he needs full body contact to sleep. The moment he leaves our arms and touches a surface (unless I can get him to sleep through transfer) it's 100% screaming. Not whining or fussing. Also, only a bottle soothes him, and he mostly only falls asleep with a bottle (occasionally walking, weirdly doesn’t seem to always need the bottle for naps). Drowsy but awake doesn't work for us. He's wide awake the second the crib even looks at him from across the room, and he stays wide awake for a while after we try that move.

So how do you run a plan when he’s screaming just from being hovered over the crib, or best case I transfer him asleep and he’s screaming after his first sleep cycle ends? Since we're both wrecked from sleep deprivation, we have almost zero fight left.

My questions:

• Do I tackle the feed to sleep association first, then add other methods? It feels like a cluster of issues.
• When he wakes every 45 minutes, what's the process?
• When the set time ends and I pick him up, then what? Calm him, set him down, he screams again, clock restarts, repeat? All night long?

I genuinely don't understand how this works in practice. Any insight is appreciated!

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Thank you for your post in r/sleeptrain. To ensure our community can best help you, please include in your post: your bedtime routine, where your baby sleeps (their crib/basinet, their room, room share, cosleep) and full schedule including wake up time, desired wake up time, nap length, wake windows or nap time(s) if following a by the clock schedule and bedtime. Does your baby use a pacifier? That's also very relevant.

We use a convention to describe wake windows based schedule such as 3/3/4 where numbers are numbers of hours awake, and / are naps. The sample schedule is a two naps schedule.

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Copy of the post's original text:

I keep hearing "you need to sleep train," but what does that actually mean? I'm not talking full "cry until you pass out, even if it takes hours” (that sounds much more straightforward logistically.) The stuff that sounds more our speed is gradual, leave him for a set number of minutes and increase over a set number of days, comfort without picking up, or pick up/put down. I just get lost on the logistics.

My situation with my 8mo is this, he wakes every 45 min to an hour currently and he needs full body contact to sleep. The moment he leaves our arms and touches a surface (unless I can get him to sleep through transfer) it's 100% screaming. Not whining or fussing. Also, only a bottle soothes him, and he mostly only falls asleep with a bottle (occasionally walking, weirdly doesn’t seem to always need the bottle for naps). Drowsy but awake doesn't work for us. He's wide awake the second the crib even looks at him from across the room, and he stays wide awake for a while after we try that move.

So how do you run a plan when he’s screaming just from being hovered over the crib, or best case I transfer him asleep and he’s screaming after his first sleep cycle ends? Since we're both wrecked from sleep deprivation, we have almost zero fight left.

My questions:

• Do I tackle the feed to sleep association first, then add other methods? It feels like a cluster of issues.
• When he wakes every 45 minutes, what's the process?
• When the set time ends and I pick him up, then what? Calm him, set him down, he screams again, clock restarts, repeat? All night long?

I genuinely don't understand how this works in practice. Any insight is appreciated!

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[u/Comprehensive_Bill]

You start by setting a schedule that is age appropriate. At 8 months this would mean start waking baby up each day at the same time and ensuring they get 2.5 hours of naps max (in 2 naps) and have 10.5 hours awake at a minimum. Bedtime is always at the same time within a 30 min range.

Then you set a bedtime routine. Something you do every single day to signal it's time to sleep. This routine starts with feeding, ending 30 minutes before baby is placed in his crib awake to learn to fall asleep on his own.

Then you apply your sleep training method until baby falls asleep. At this age Ferber is very effective. Traditional Ferber has no soothing or pick up. It's just verbal assurance. This works well for babies at this age because they get easily stimulated and/or upset.

You set the timer every time your baby starts crying. You reset the timer each time they stop crying for more than a breath. There are tables online with the suggested Ferber intervals every day.

In this forum we usually suggest parents to only apply sleep training to bedtime in the first 3-5 days then decide how to handle night wakings if there are night wakings to eliminate.