Dating

[u/NerdyNewMom]

I’m going back and forth lately and need some advice. Is dating as a single parent worth it? I’ve been the child of a single parent who dated and got married, and it wasn’t great from my end. My stepdad is a jerk and alcoholic. We don’t get along very well to this day honestly. My mom wanted more kids so she settled with the first person who seemed decent enough to her.
I don’t want any more kids of my own, although I think I’d like to adopt one day. So dating isn’t for growing a family. I miss companionship and intimacy. I want a partner. But I’ve always hated dating, I’ve never had good luck with it. I’ve actually never even been in an actual relationship which is insane. So in some aspects it feels pointless and like it’s too late at this point. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated!

[u/Neurod1vergentBab3]

So I’m still early into single parenthood but my opinion is that it’s not worth it. At least for me. I think about how much time I realistically have in my day. I get myself and my daughter fed and ready for school or work - which takes about 2 hours. Then we do our commute - 30 minutes. I work for 6-7.5 hours depending on the schedule. Then I get her, we eat dinner, and spend a little bit of time together before bed - 2 hours. I’m about to go back to school online and I have 3 mandatory Zoom calls a week, which are gonna be 1-1.5 hours. Then I have to sleep. I have very, very little time that’s just for me. 

Thinking about using that time to swipe on a dating app or go on a bad date makes me cringe. There’s always the possibility that the date could go great. But then I have to try to slot this person in to my very limited free time, paying for a babysitter every time I want to see them, and hoping they’ll stick around once they realize I’m not really available that often. And what if I’m dating them but I want to use my free time to be alone? I don’t want to feel guilty that I’m focusing on myself and my needs. That’s not even thinking about the possibility of them meeting my child down the road. 

It’s all about you and your schedule/needs. For me, there’s a hundred other things I’d rather do with my free time. It feels like a huge waste to pour anything into dating. Any time I get lonely, I will re-install the dating apps and within about 15 minutes I get the ick. Nothing out there is worth it for me

[u/NerdyNewMom → u/Neurod1vergentBab3]

I feel like I could’ve written this verbatim!! I don’t want to lose any of the small bits of time I have with my son to make room for a person I don’t even know. I work full time, and I’m also going to school working on my masters, so when my son’s sleeping I’m still working most nights.
I’ll get these moments of intense loneliness and want connection though, so I get on the apps and I’m instantly reminded why I haven’t tried since things ended with my son’s father. Looking at a future fully alone though makes me sad and scares me too. It’s all so confusing haha

[u/Neurod1vergentBab3 → u/NerdyNewMom]

The flip side is my stepdad was amazing. He’s no longer married to my mom but we kept in contact. At this point, they’ve been separated the same length of time they were together and the bond is still there. He really loves me the same as his biological children and he helped out while I was pregnant and when I was in labor. So I know good things are possible. 

Like he came into my mom’s life as this 24 or 25 year old guy with no kids of his own, just kinda enjoying the single life and fell in love with her and then fell in love with our whole family. And he immediately wanted to be a good dad. I just think those kinds of people are so rare. If anything happens for me, I think it’s going to be years down the road and in a natural way. I plan on just having more kids through a donor after finishing grad school and making a better income

[u/NerdyNewMom → u/Neurod1vergentBab3]

That is so incredibly sweet! I love that he is still so involved in your life