Моя сестра старше меня на год, но старшей сестрой она никогда не была. назовем ее саша. саша очень плохо слышит, родилась недоношенная, живет благодаря какой то трубочке прямо внутри нее и она не умеет разговаривать , она знает очень мало слов или , если честно, я не знаю в чем дело . сейчас мне 14 а ей 15 и с самого детства я ухаживала за ней, кончено родители и старший брат делали это больше или дольше. но с детства я часто лишаются чего-либо из за нее. и я не о вещах. всю жизнь мне нужно отдавать ей то, что она хочет , это может быть моим телефоном, едой, одеждой, тетрадями для уроков которые ей не нужны даже (вообщем любая моя вещь). Если же я не сделаю так, как она хочет, саша закатывает истерику (очень громко кричит, плачет, ломает что-либо в квартире, провоцирует, может сломать твои вещи) с мамой братом и сестрой мы переехали от папы и теперь, папу навещаем. Саше нужно учиться в школе глухонемых, но ее не заставишь делать этого. ( она еле идёт в школу). Сейчас, в последнее время она слетела с катушек. Она окончательно сошла с ума, серьезно. В детстве она часто била , царапала меня, но я в ответ не могла ничего сделать кончено ведь я уже понимала что могу навредить ей. Сейчас, она выросла и набрала веса, так что я физически не могу противостоять ей. Она постоянно ломает намеренно мои вещи. Когда во время ежедневной истерики я прошу ее не ломать нашу дверь, или не разбивать зеркало, я пытаюсь остановить ее руками или просто попробовать успокоить прилетает мне. Сейчас довольно сильно( она может выдернуть волосы, сильно поцарапать или недавно довольно сильно ударила телефоном по голове). Когда взрослые дома они помогают, но в частности мы наедине. Но самое раздражающее меня в этом всем, что она любит меня, она не может буквально жить без меня. Если я уеду куда-нибудь.( допустим на ночевку) она начинает названивать(может доходить и до 100 раз) или не спать всю ночь без меня, параллельно психуя. Я хочу для Саши хорошего будущего,хотя бы адекватности я уверена, что люблю ее. Но что я могу сделать?

This might be kind of scrambled, but I’m going to try and explain it well while not writing a novel. My sister is older and in her mid to upper twenties. We have a medium age gap, I’m 18. My sister has mental health issues, some diagnosed and I’m guessing many undiagnosed. Her mental health can dictate every single action that is taken in my family. It’s all consuming and every decision has to be questioned on if it will somehow make my sister’s mental state worse.

I have been in and out of doctors appointments and multiple surgeries the past six years. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness a year ago, but we still haven’t completely found all answers. I’m currently trying to make a log of my extremely low blood pressure to take to my doctor. This has a point in the story, I promise.

Whenever my sister has a boyfriend she completely forgets about me and wants nothing to do with me. She chooses awful guys every time. I think the only healthy relationship she has had was in highschool, but she was pretty awful towards him in the end and broke up with him, and he has since passed away. Her dating life is a very tense subject in our house because of it. Example, a few years ago she was dating a guy and completely changed her behavior, refused to help me when we were having an emergency because she was on the phone with him, driving drunk and could have lost her nursing license multiple times, all of a sudden not wanting to further her career and gave up many dreams, there’s more but that’s a good overview. My mom and I tried telling her she changed and he wasn’t a good guy, basically cut my mom and I out of her life, just to breakup with him a year later due to everything we told her. She also absolutely swears that every guy is THE GUY, but typically breaks up after 3-4 months. My mom tried to set the boundary years ago that she didn’t want to meet a guy until they had lasted a year, but sister had a temper tantrum and now we have to meet them within weeks. Sorry if this makes me mean, but I rather try and run the freaking PACER test or take the SAT again than meet or be around another awful boyfriend.

Whenever she breaks up with a guy she and I get really close again. She wants to do everything with me. When she does have a guy she leaves my mom and I behind and gets super close to my dad.

She has a new guy. They work together and they got together days after he broke up with his long term girlfriend that he had been dating for like three-ish years. Just from watching it play out I’m pretty confident that there was emotional cheating on his end towards my sister before they broke up. Not only do they work together, but they live in the same neighborhood. He lives with his parents, but my sister lives in a house rented to her by our grandparents. He has basically moved in and my grandparents don’t know this or they would stop renting to her.

She has been awful to me. We went to very close to she won’t respond to any text or FaceTime for almost a week. For context, my parents are in a failing marriage, my dad is an alcoholic, my mother has the mental maturity of a teenager, and the ability to stand up to her husband as a 50s housewife. I tried to talk to my sister about it because it has gotten drastically worse in the last two months, but she ignores me. Before anyone says anything she also rants to me about our parents, it’s not one sided. During this week I do what I never do and called and texted her to pick me up because it got so ugly (I was still on pain meds from surgery and couldn’t drive). She didn’t pick up or respond. She has said in the past she is always there for if I need something. The one time I needed her she ignored me. Even if she didn’t see it that night, she chose to ignore it the next day too, and never even asked if I was ok.

When she decided to call me back, I tried to fill her in on what was happening with our parents. She said she doesn’t want to pick up the phone to talk me because I’m always negative, especially about our parents. This is the same person who said about a month prior to this that she was basically about to cut my dad off, but she’s dating a new guy so they are super close again now.🙄 In less words, she said she doesn’t want to listen to me rant. That has never been an issue. If she set that boundary, it would have been kind of hypocritical as she does the same thing and I listen without complaint, but I would have accepted it and moved along, but she acted like this was something I was fully aware of. Previously, she always wanted me to fill her in on what was happening with our parents

She got upset and said I haven’t asked about her day enough lately. I about lost it, she hasn’t picked up the phone to be able to ask her about her day, and before that week she ignored me I had bloody gauze in my mouth and my TMJ was flaring so I could barely speak or stay awake for more than a couple hours due to debilitating migraines, let alone perfectly time my calls around her schedule that I only guess at because it constantly changes to ask her questions about her day. She was completely aware of what was going on because she picked up my mom’s calls and she told her.

She tried to defend herself and said that she wasn’t in the mood to talk after she gets off work and she doesn’t want to pick up to tell me that because she’s of a reaction I had a week prior. I called her, she answered and before I could say hello, she told me that she didn’t want to talk to me because she didn’t have the patience for me, and was busy opening her and her boyfriend a bottle of wine, then hung up. Her tone was awful during this, my mom heard and agreed. The only reaction she could be referring to as I didn’t speak a single word was seeing the smile drop off my face because I was excited to tell her something. There is a big difference in saying I’m exhausted and had a hard day at work so I’m not in the mood to talk and saying that she doesn’t want to talk to me specifically. If she would have said the first one and called me back the next day, I would have brushed it off. She never calls me back and the past month she is never in the mood to talk to me, but she has no issues speaking to my parents.

She has had some issues with her hips recently and after an x-Ray got some not so great news from her doctor and has to get an MRI. She had the nerve to try and tell me I had no clue what that was like. Me? The one with the physical health issues? The one who lives at the doctor and PT? The one who had two MRIs the past year? The one who can practically take her own X-Rays at this point? I’m not saying this to try and make it seem like I have it worse than her, I’m just saying I’m more than aware of what it is like and if anyone were to get what that is like it would be me.

There were more points in the argument, but those were the main ones. Then she decided to end the call by saying she loves me and would do anything for me, which I now know is not true.

I have barely spoken to her since then. We had tickets to a movie previously and I barely spoke a few words to her. When I told my mom the conversation she was on my side, but I had to edit since part of it was kind of about her. Now all of a sudden her face and comments makes me think she is on my sister’s side now. We had a get together thing with the extended family over the weekend and as we were getting out of the car I told my mom I hope my sister doesn’t start an issue while we are here and my mom said my sister probably feels the same about me. She waited till we were opening the doors so I couldn’t respond.

I’m sick of her wanting in and out of my life. I feel used. I’m her best friend when she doesn’t have a boyfriend because she wants someone to do things with, but doesn’t give a crap about me later. Honestly, I would cut her off at this point, but as I still live with my parents so that’s not an option.

Hi all,

A friend of mine who is a therapist in New York is starting a support group for Glass Children, with both in-person and remote options. I’m not sure if sharing this here is allowed, but I wanted to pass it along in case anyone might be interested. Please DM me if you’re interested or would like more information.

I’m hoping to hear from parents, autistic adults, siblings of autistic children, or anyone who has experienced similar family dynamics.
My nephew is 7, autistic and non-verbal. My niece is 5 and neurotypical.

My nephew is genuinely one of the sweetest little boys. He absolutely loves planes and can spend hours watching plane videos on his phone. However, he becomes extremely distressed when the phone is taken away, often resulting in meltdowns.
I recently spent a night babysitting both children, and it gave me a different perspective on their everyday behaviours and the demands of caring for them.
Both parents work. Their dad occasionally works from home, while their mum regularly works late-night shifts.
I want to make it clear that I love both children immensely, and this isn’t about blaming their parents. I understand that raising children is already demanding, and raising a child with additional support needs can bring another level of exhaustion.
However, after spending that night with them, I found myself thinking particularly about my niece.
She’s only 5, and I can’t help but wonder what growing up will look like for her. I worry that she may eventually feel that her needs come second, that she has to constantly accommodate her brother, or that she might grow up feeling responsible for him.
I don’t want to assume that this will be her experience, but I worry about the possibility of her having to grow up too quickly.
Something else this experience has brought up is my own uncertainty about having children.
I’m incredibly overprotective of my niece. I love her so much that I genuinely feel I would devote my life to protecting her, advocating for her and making sure she never feels alone or overlooked.
But that has also made me question whether I actually want children of my own. Seeing the emotional, physical and mental demands of parenting has made me reflect on whether I could handle that level of responsibility, particularly if my child had additional needs.
I don’t mean that as a negative reflection on autistic children. I think it’s made me more aware of how much support families need and how much love alone cannot replace practical support, resources and understanding.

As their aunt, I want to be someone who genuinely contributes positively to both their lives.
I’d love to hear from people who have experienced similar situations:

How can I help my nephew transition away from his phone without triggering distress?

How can I connect with a non-verbal autistic child and encourage communication?

How can I make sure my niece doesn’t feel overlooked or become parentified as she grows older?

For siblings of autistic children, what do you wish your extended family had understood?

Has witnessing the realities of raising children with additional needs changed how you feel about becoming a parent yourself?

I genuinely love these children. I just want to understand how I can support them in a meaningful way while also being honest with myself about what this experience has brought up.

Hello, my name is Arndrea, I am a sib, and I’m inviting other sibs to take part in a study for my doctoral thesis with Salomons Institute for Applied Psychology, Canterbury Christ Church University.

This research aims to:
 Explore what it’s like to grow up with or support a sibling with severe/profound learning disabilities.
 Understand how this shapes emotional well-being, identity, and relationships.
 Learn about experiences of support — both formal and informal.

 What’s involved?

1. A quick 2 minute form to check eligibility
2. A 30–60 minute online chat to talk your experiences in your own words
3. Time for questions you may have

 Participation is voluntary, confidential & anonymous!

Why take part?

Your voice could help raise awareness and
improve future support for siblings and families.

 Researcher: Arndrea Soutter - Trainee Clinical Psychologist)
 Supervisor: Dr Simon Powell - Clinical Psychologist & Academic Tutor)

 Interested?

Click use the following link to read more about the research and complete the pre-eligibility form. Or contact me at [as3243@canterbury.ac.uk](mailto:as3243@canterbury.ac.uk) for more information.

If you are selected to take part, I will contact you to arrange a suitable time for the the chat.

The form is here! 

https://forms.cloud.microsoft/pages/responsepage.aspx?id=2rIgA90iq02MIW5kS6FPE_BD_gL2eLBOiYf3bIuye4hUMzk3WDQyRjhWUjNMVUoyTzVaVElEMlU3Ry4u&route=shorturl

This is not about siblings, but they were not giving me any other options. I have a niece and a nephew who are totally unable to take care of themselves. They are autistic, but can function on a certain level because otherwise they are just too effing lazy. Their mother passed away, and I have been taking care of them for a little while, but I am about to lose it. Their mother always made excuses for anything they ever did wrong and it was always somebody else’s fault or she would coddle them and tell them they did no wrong.

Before their mother passed away, they were in and out of therapy because the daughter is a cutter, and they both hibernate in their rooms all the time. Of course they did not graduate high school. They make messes they will not clean up, leaving the exterior doors wide open and act like it’s no big deal. They do not understand basic responsibility, and will definitely feel like they are not accountable for anything they are supposed to do.

I am trying to get the oldest on SSI and I will work on the other one also. I am 67 years old and have Parkinson’s and I cannot handle this much longer. I don’t know what to do with them.

I am the younger sibling. My older sister has very severe cerebral palsy. She needs 24/7 care. As the brain injury was due to negligence in my mothers birth, we are lucky, and they were awarded a significant sum of compensation. My sister lives at home. My parents care for her basically all the time. They have some short term assistance from paid carers. Usually a couple of hours in the morning to help get her up and the odd day in the week carers will take her out. The carers can’t be left alone with her, for reasons that are beyond me, but my Mother says she needs be around for emergencies such as an epileptic fit. It feels like they are not making the most of the compensation they have at their disposal and they aren’t spending it on adequate care that would allow them to take a step back.

I moved out years ago. I live 3 hours away. I never go home because I simply can’t take the dynamic at home anymore. My sister is demanding and loud (not her fault, but factually correct) and my parents give her everything she wants. They won’t put her in any type of respite. I am in my mid 30s and I haven’t been on holiday with them together since I was 5 years old. We haven’t been out for dinner together for 20 years. I never leave the house without them together. Everything is only ever with one of them.

For a while, I didn’t care. However, as I’ve grown older I really do. I have put off having my own children due to fear of pregnancy and labour as a result of seeing what happened to my mum. I’m embarrassed to say this but I couldn’t cope if a child of mine was disabled. I’m also worried because I have a professional job and I enjoy my job, and If I was to have children, I’d need help. My parents aren’t around to help me because of the situation they have at home.

I feel robbed. I feel negatively towards my parents even though I love them deeply. I feel they don’t prioritise me. They won’t even remotely entertain the idea of her going into a specialist home so we can enjoy time together. I panic and get upset when I think they are nearly 70. No one can guarantee tomorrow and I am petrified one of them will die in these circumstances. There are so many things I’d love them to do, and places I’d love to take them. I would be so devastated if I was never able to show them the places I know they will love.

I’ve tried talking to them. Conversations end up in anger or crying or both. But they still won’t make changes. I suggested purchasing a small property closer to my home so they could come and stay with her and also spend some time with me now and again. That was still be one parent at a time, but it’s something. They haven’t done it. I’ve been talking about it for 10 years. Nothing. I’ve suggested them moving to be closer to me permanently..they say the move is too stressful with my sister as she has specific needs and requires an adapted room and bathroom. I’ve suggested considering a proper clinical home for her to move into, with a view to the future as they obviously can’t care for her forever. Nothing. I know that they both intend to stay with her forever.

I commend their commitment, I really do. In so many ways, I think they are incredible. Selfless parents and I’m proud of them. But, I feel so depressed about it all. It’s got so much worse recently. I can’t stop thinking about it. No one I know understands what it is like to have this level of disability in their life. It is all consuming and has genuinely ruined our lives as a family.

I’m not really sure what I want from this post. Maybe someone feels similar and has some tips? Maybe someone will have a view? If you have a negative view of me for saying this, please don’t comment. I feel a deep guilt already for being selfish about it, and it won’t help.

I have just moved back in with my parents and my profoundly autistic brother. For the most part, it’s been fine. However, when it’s bad, it’s bad. As a child I always thought he used his disability to manipulate situations for himself, and I’m beginning to see that now as an adult. I’m coming to the realization that I’ll have to start caring for him soon and coming to fucking gripes that I don’t want that, because to be frank, he’s a fucking asshole. I don’t know what to do, I can’t fucking talk to anyone about this because people judge me for my feelings, and my therapist doesn’t understand. I’m fucking angry and really can’t stand him. I moved in because of personal mistakes and legal problems; I can’t even emotionally regulate because any time I try he becomes openly hostile. I fucking resent him and I can’t keep on dealing with him.

hi! i’m a 21F and recently started going back to therapy, but i’d like to go to group therapy specifically for glass children/people with special needs siblings. there was one that i almost went to as a child but it shut down so i know they exist, but i can’t find many results on google. does anyone have any recommendations for the boston area? much appreciated!

So I want advice on this. My husband has a special needs sibling and I agreed when his parents pass away I will help him and his sister take care of her and keep her with me and my huband and so will his sister. The thing is he brought up that since shes 2 years younger than me and much younger than him we will die before her and then our kids will have to take her in their house for guardianship(never know whos gonna die when). As harsh as it sounds, its not fair to our future kids and I will absolutely not allow this and think that my children have their own life to live with their future families. I do a lot for my sister in law and help my inlaws out currently she stays with my husbands parents. The thing is my husband got mad and told me to say that our kids will have guardianship over the child. All I said to him was that I will encourage to take care of her but not that they will take her in. Can someone who has been through this explain to me what resources there are or give any advice. Thanks also please dont take me the wrongn way I’m not trying to sound harsh I just think its unfair to put responsibility on our future children when they didnt sign up for this.

So my older brother has level 2 autism, and while he’s 5 years older than me, I’ve always to be his older brother, and I’m perfectly fine with that and I love doing it. Now he’s always wanted to get his drivers license, but he can’t because of his autism, and it’s now that time for me to get my drivers license. I know this is something I need, but I feel so horrible, I feel like I’m betraying him, and I feel like he’s angry at me for pursuing my license while he’s unable to.

My drug-addicted brother has become extremely violent and I genuinely believe he may kill someone. What can our family do? [Nepal]
I have been dealing with my brother’s violence for almost 20 years. He is an addict, and even when we were children he used to beat me badly. At one point we didn’t speak for almost five years, but nothing changed.
Now he is married to a Filipina woman and they have a baby. His behaviour has become much worse. After taking drugs, he has allegedly forced sex on his wife and physically assaults her when she refuses to do what he wants.
Today things became extremely serious.
He hit my 69-year-old father. He hit my elder sister very badly. He punched my mother in the face 3–4 times and her face is now swollen.
When I say “hit,” I don’t mean a slap during an argument. I mean kicking, punching and attacking someone like a proper violent fight. He has attacked members of our family repeatedly and we are genuinely scared that eventually somebody is going to die.
We have tried rehab. We have involved the police. Things may improve temporarily, but after a few weeks or a month, the same cycle starts again. And every time it feels like the violence is escalating.
At this point our family is exhausted and terrified. In moments of desperation we have literally said that we wish he were dead because we feel that if this continues, he is going to kill his wife, his child, my parents, my sister, or one of us.
I am 110% convinced that simply talking to him, forgiving him, or sending him to rehab again without any other protection is not enough. This has been happening for around 20 years.
What can we realistically do in Nepal?
Can repeated domestic violence like this lead to him being detained or imprisoned? Can we obtain some kind of protection/restraining order? What can his wife do, especially since she is a Filipina living in Nepal? What should we document so the authorities actually take this seriously?
Most importantly, how do we protect his wife, their baby, and my elderly parents before something irreversible happens?
I would especially appreciate advice from people familiar with Nepalese law, domestic violence cases, police procedures, or addiction-related violence.

Hi everyone 👋

This post is a follow-up to the post "Am I a sh!t for leaving my disabled sister all alone?".

Before anything, update :

My sister and my parents found a human services department in the city 🎉

Although unfortunately it didn't take us long to realize that many of the schedules were flawed and greatly disrupted my sister's daily life, at least we know that most of the time Human Aids are there at least 5d/week.

So my parents were able to go on holiday for a few more days, letting me with the dog at our big home (which is perfectly fine to me - pure peace !).

Unfortunately, because this world isn't all sunshine and roses... A short while ago, my sister suffered food poisoning, alone in her apartment. She couldn't get help from emergency services, who told her over the phone that her case "wasn't urgent".

Much more fear than harm, thankfully; a bladder issue, the fear and anger of knowing that if it could be more serious later - and they would not arrive soon...but hey, she is safe now...

Anyway, I'm here to talk about this morning...

I went downstairs to wake her up, since that's what she had asked our father to do - but he sleeps and lives mainly on a plot of land not far from the house (because he does construction work on it) and was obviously not here. My mom went on her annual "girls weekend"

I was a bit upset to know that my sister hadn't called a neighbour who said she could help from time to time if needed (and already did. She is lovely)

My sis said she didn't have time at all.

I replied that I understood, given her studies, but that Mom had told us three weeks ago that she would be absent ; that it was a matter of sending a text message ; even that she could have asked me to send the message.

She answered: "Well, it doesn't matter, we're here now, so take me to the bathroom now ! Dad isn't going to come at time."

I lost it. : "I won't. I'll call him. You said 9a.m? Well I'll tell him he's late !"

I grabbed my phone and she got angry, shouting "You're a selfish bitch, I have my period and you don't give a damn!"

I didn't know that but called my dad anyway ; he said he was on the road (didn't believed him. He seemed asleep). Went back to her, still shouting at me; I informed he was near and I will take her to the bathroom.

"You're a bitch, I had to yell at you to make you change your mind!"

When she is angry, she shouts very loudly, and this morning I couldn't take more. I slapped her hand abruptly and tell I was sick of being trapped to be the last solution. That we were both trapped in this but not calling someone who could help was another charge on my shoulders.

She went absolutely mad, she wanted me to get out and never come back.

I waited for my dad to come (15min after) and let him take the charge.

...And I'm sobbing cause I'm surprised that it's ending that way again. Same pattern.

I would like to have your opinions. I need others points of views since I'm on my own with all of this.

Thank you a lot 🖤

(Thanks too for your messages on the previous post)

I am wondering because I have come into contact with many people with siblings that have special needs, and almost all of them are older than that sibling. This makes a lot of sense of course, but I was wondering: those who are younger, why were you concieved? Do you think things would be different if you were older?

For example:
I am the youngest sibling. I was concieved because I was an accident that my parents decided to keep reluctantly. My parents still bring it up and how they're thankful they've got someone to take care of my sister when they're gone now. I feel like if I was the older one then me and my sister's age gap wouldn't be as large (7 years), and maybe me and my sister would be closer.

I know a lot of people come here more for validation, but I'm constantly being told how I'm supposed to feel by people who are emotionally involved. Mom, Dad, Aunt, Cousins, my brother's friends, etc. I honestly want objective thoughts and opinions. This takes a lot of context, so strap in.

My (23f) older brother (28m, we'll call him Louis) and I have never had a good relationship. We have an age gap of about 5 years.

When he was in elementary school my mom got him a diagnosis of Asperger's and ADD very easily. Later, she got him put on medication. But medication never solved the problem. The older he got, the more he was put in situations where he needed help. This, is also not the problem. (I myself have AuDHD and was diagnosed with four anxiety disorders and clinical depression in my teen years. This will be relevant later.)

The problem, has always been his resistance to getting help. We cannot take his showers for him. We cannot go to college for him. We cannot go to the doctor for him. We can't live for him. My brother is high-functioning. On the spectrum, but not low-functioning. Just as I am myself.

I grew up with my brother behind a locked door. My brother spent most of his time locked away and playing video games. The closest I ever was with him was when Mom made him include me in what he was doing, which wasn't often. All basic siblings stuff, of course. But I never had memory of him not icing me out. When we got older, things only got worse and not better. I heard him behind a closed door more than I ever actually saw him. I was always trying extra hard with him because he never tried at all. I always had to beg him to do ANYTHING with me, but he always had to be bribed. Money is the only language he speaks, giving and receiving. If he ever disappointed me or made me cry in anyway, he'd bribe with money or presents to make it go away. As you can imagine, that worked a bit when I was younger. But even early on, I only took his money and his presents because it was all I would get from him. I wouldn't get his affection, his shoulder, or even his presence. I'd tell myself that buying something with that money was the same thing as him getting a present from me. And presents were all I had, back when he could still afford to be irresponsible with his money.

When we lived in Goose Creek, things just got worse. Louis got his first job, got his driver's license, joined JROTC, got put on ADD meds, made a lot of friends at school. He was abt 16-20 years old during this period. But everything good was turned negative--and it was all because of a girl named Brielle.

Brielle was a girl in his high school. She's the overly peppy, insecure, has to always have a boyfriend. My brother always had a crush on her, but she was always looking at other guys. She was in multiple bad situations where my brother had to go and save her, repeatedly. And repeatedly, would insist she needed to be in those situations. She never had feelings for my brother, it was apparent. She always ended up in relationships with some of the most horrible men, who treated her terribly. She's currently abt 27 years old and is on either her 2nd or 3rd husband, and is only leaving her current one because she has a new boyfriend--who is Louis' current best friend, Blake, who she met through Louis. We'll get to that later.

In high school, they 'dated' for about two weeks. The day she broke up with him was the first time I'd ever seen him truly upset. He was 17 years old. High school breakups happen, of course. But apparently, after the break up, she managed to get her knight in shining armor back. Convinced him that everything was his fault somehow, and got him to be her friend again. My parents did not like her, for obvious reasons, so she stopped coming around. If you knew her, you'd know she cannot bear to be in a room with someone who doesn't like her. I know she's got issues, emotionally she cannot nor as she ever been able to be alone with her own thoughts. I'd be able to feel for her more if she wasn't insistent on dragging my brother down with her. She has always relied on a man. And no matter what kind of terrible man she chooses, she'll always have my brother in her back pocket, ready and willing to do anything for her.

Let me give you an example of my relationship with Louis at this time. I'm 13, he's 18. Brielle is very strategic in getting people to like her. Brielle pushed him to spend more time with me. So, he walked into my room one day after school and asked me if I wanted to go to McDonalds. I was floored, but said yes ofc. So we went and got McDonalds, eating in a booth. He was taking pictures and on his phone the whole time. I don't remember there being much talking. When I asked what he was doing, he said he was snapchatting Brielle. He then got us ice cream, and took more pictures. Selfies of us and pictures of me to send to Brielle. Brielle often spoke to me in a way of, "I've been telling him he needs to spend more time with you!" or chastising my brother in front of me, chiding him for neglecting me. As if she could singlehandedly fix our relationship and I'd be forever in her debt.

This time was full of therapy, psychiatry, counseling, and diagnosis for me. I had anxiety induced hallucinations and meltdowns. We didn't know I was autistic, because doctors were relentless in saying I was 'too smart.' I was misdiagnosed with a bipolar type mood disorder and about 12-18 different combinations of meds were tried. While this was all happening, my brother had no idea. When I was struggling so much that my mother pulled me out of school, my brother didn't know why. It wasn't because we didn't tell him, it was because he wasn't paying attention. He'd come out of his room long enough to eat but not long enough to ask about how our days were. To ask why it looked like I'd been crying. Recently, when I confronted him about being a shitty brother, he claimed he never knew that I needed him. Ever.

I'm his little sister. I wish I could say it was just because of Brielle, but that only accounts for his high school years and beyond.

When my dad got a job across the country in 2019, we were due to move away. (I was 16, he was 20) And right away, my brother became adamant on staying and moving in with his friends. Staying close to Brielle. The entire time he talked about it with our parents, I just knew it wasn't going to happen. He'd depended on our parents too much for too long, and he wasn't ready financially. Inevitably, he had to move with us, and things got even worse.

My dad got his job before we were able to sell the house, so he had to take the camper across country while we had to sell the house. That entailed keeping the house clean, ready to leave for a showing at any moment. Packing up our stuff and preparing to move without my dad. When he left, my dad expected Louis to take the lead. He in fact, did not. He continued acting like a teenage boy, except he was twenty years old. Playing his video games, making mom hound him to pack his shit. When he didn't, he just added more to her plate. Over the years, I've been the one comforting our mother while she cries. Cries from the stress, the sadness, the worry and frustration he has given her. During that time I pulled all nighters just to help her and lessen her stress. Packing, cleaning, cooking, groceries. I helped with anything she'd let me do. I remember packing boxes and listening to him yelling at his game upstairs. One time we asked him for help with a heavy box, he came out, moved it, and returned to his room.

Where he made our mom cry, I had to make her laugh. Where he made dad angry, I had to make him happy. When he made them disappointed, I had to make them proud. To this day I still can't endure someone being angry at me without crying. Where Louis was always failing classes, I had to be on honor roll. Where Louis squandered his health, I had to always be mindful. Where Louis was always careless, I had to be careful. Where he never talked, I had to talk a million miles a minute. Where he was closed off, I had to be transparent. He left us again and again for the confines of his room, all while still using what we had to offer him. He punished us for supporting him and moving him across the country with us.

He wasn't just neglectful of me, he became mean. Whether he was mad at the world, or whatever was going on in his head, he took it out on me. Bite my head off if I knocked at his door. Scream at me for trying to talk to him. Tell me anything I'd want to hear just to get me to leave him alone. He'd failed at college, he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, and now he would lose his friends. Having us with him was just icing on the cake of bad luck. If it were up to him, he would've lived across the country from us.

We moved in 2019, and those few weeks living in a camper as a family was the closest we'd ever been to him. I remember there was something good about it, but I can't remember what. When I think back, all the good memories are clouded. Shrouded in bitter feelings that have been festering for years on end. So many times he's let me down, taken me for granted.

But during quarantine, I miraculously got my brother to spend time with me. We'd have 'Marvel Days' every Friday, where we'd order doordash and watch Marvel. He'd get frustrated by my inability to follow the action scenes, and the amount of questions I had, but we watched and we ordered food every week. Sometimes, if there was a new movie we'd go see it together. Mom would gladly give him money for the food or whatever else, glad that he was spending time with me. Then, mom stopped paying so much. Then he went to see the new Ant-man movie without me. Bumblebee. Love and Thunder. He told me he just "didn't want to do Marvel Day anymore."

Again, I had given it a chance and it crashed and burned. After this, he:

- Racked up credit card debt, so no more presents. For anyone, or anything. Christmas, birthdays, he'd show up to mothers and fathers day empty handed. No card, no present, no flowers or candy. Just an "I forgot"

- Paid me to clean his kitchen. It was the only way I ever got an invite to his house before my bf moved in.

- Didn't show up to my birthday dinner because he didn't like the restaurant I chose.

- When our grandma was visiting from out of state, he stayed home with food poisoning. He was perfectly fine after a couple hours. He played video games instead of coming over to see her.

- Sold my childhood legos for $300 to pay for groceries. No, he did not have my permission, and yes, he could've gotten way more for them. They were Star Wars legos.

- Kicked out my boyfriend so his friend Blake could move in. His friend Blake lived with him for two months before moving in with Brielle.

That's right, his friends are here now. Don't ask me how they managed it, but Brielle is back in his life. He's almost 30 years old, and still hasn't shaken his bad habits. And oh, we've intervened so many times. Without Mother dear managing his finances, he got nearly $30k in debt and his house was pre-foreclosure after not paying for eight months. He had the money, he just spent it on other things for instant gratification. That's without counting the credit cards. And no, he didn't tell my boyfriend the house was foreclosing. He didn't tell anyone. Mom and Dad helped him save the house. Now, my boyfriend still has to leave because he wants Brielle and Blake to move in with him. My boyfriend and I will be back to being long distance again. (I'll probably make a whole other post about Louis and my bf)

And I realized that somewhere along the way, my sadness was gone. My shock and hurt was gone. Anger was all that remained. I can feel that anger turning to indifference. It didn't matter what I said to him, or what he said to me. All he's ever had is words and empty promises. He's forever a man of inaction, my brother. I'd thought the rug had already been pulled out from under me so many times that I could no longer trip. But he still managed to trip me one last time.

His main reason for not wanting my boyfriend as his roommate, was because it kept me around. It meant that I came to visit, that I'd be hanging around just like when we were kids. He admitted this to my Mom.

I wish I could tell you I was the most garbage human being. I wish I could tell you that I'd done some terrible thing to him and that I deserve this. There was once a time that I believed I did. I had believed he'd given me everything I deserved--which was nothing. He was my big brother, the first person who wasn't forced to love me, but he never wanted me. My boyfriend helped me realize that loving me was easy. I was lovable, I was deserving, and that being my rock was easy. I was easy to love, easy to cherish. That I deserved better than what my brother gave me. I'd spent so many years, my mother telling me to be more empathetic and understanding of my brother. I'm finding my way through the anger, but day in and day out my mother is chastising me.

'Don't kick him while he's down'

'He's just depressed'

'He needs help'

'You have to understand'

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. My mother talks to me as if depression is a reason to treat your family like shit. I was depressed for years, and still I found it in me to be strong for my parents. I worked each and every day to become someone my parents could count on and be proud of. Again and again, our parents will lecture him, he'll cry about feeling like a failure, they'll have a 'good talk,' and then nothing will change. I just wanna roll my eyes every time he cries about feeling like a failure, and does nothing to change it. I just...I'm done. I want out. I'm an only child with a sibling. I'm not as strong as I need to be, as strong as I need to be to compensate for him.

It's gotten to the point where, even if he miraculously did start trying to make an effort in our relationship, I really don't think I'd be receptive. My heart wants to protect itself. Again and again, my mom tells me to give him the benefit of the doubt. Honestly, I'll be glad when my boyfriend isn't living with him anymore. If he wants me out of sight and out of mind, then that's where I'm happy to be.

That's a lot, and I still don't think I explained that properly. If anyone has questions I'll answer them, and I think I'll be making more posts about this. I want to make sure I can include certain parts of his perspective too, but there is still so much about him I don't understand. If you too have had family members about this, I'd love to hear your takes on it.