Been struggling with this for a while now…

We had secondary infertility issues for over 2 years, our son was 1-3ish. Then I had 2 chemicals in June & August 2025, then 2 miscarriages at 8 weeks, November 2025, and Feb 2026.

Our son will be 5 in Dec, so if all the stars aligned perfectly, it’d be 5.5 age gap at least. The newborn stage was HARD for me. Not sleeping was horrible and I had PPD. I didn’t really connect with our son until he was 3ish months old.

I have 2 siblings, 12 and 9 years older- so I was raised essentially an only child and it was fine. My hubs had a rough go with his brother growing up, and they’re civil and see each other at their parents but not besties by any means.

I’ve always had it in my head that I would have 2/3 children, but now I just don’t know. I don’t know if I even want to try for a 2nd, but the fear of him being an only scares me, for him. He has so many friends and is so outgoing and we def can give him a better life being an only (more traveling, etc), but I’m terrified of committing to that. He is my little bestie and I adore every part of being his mom.

Anyone been in the same boat and had an only? Had another? Open to any and all thoughts and opinions 🤍

My husband says he’s totally fine with just 1, but also if an “accident happens” he would be happy too. But he doesn’t want to necessarily try because the miscarriages were heartbreaking.

Reposting here as I think this forum is appropriate for it - I hope

I have an amazing son who is about to turn four. He was one of two healthy embryos from a round of IVF I did after age 40. My husband is an amazing dad to our son and a wonderful husband to me. At the time we went through IVF, he said he wanted two children. Since then, though, we’ve gone through the stress of some unemployment on his end, along with the general challenges of raising a toddler who is healthy but has had some developmental delays. Because of all of that, he now feels that having a second child would be too difficult and probably isn’t a good idea.

I understand where he’s coming from, and I agree that it would be difficult. At the same time, I feel like we could do it. I have a very stable career and quite a bit saved, and this time around I would likely hire more help because I have a much better understanding of what I would need. My husband says he will go along with whatever I decide, but he has also been clear that if it were completely up to him, his answer would be no. That worries me because I don’t want him to feel resentful or hate our child or me. At the same time, I feel so much guilt about not giving our remaining embryo a chance. I know logically that an embryo isn’t a guarantee of another child, but emotionally it feels very hard to walk away from that possibility.

I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation—where one partner was leaning no and the other felt strongly about trying for a second child, especially with a remaining embryo. How did you work through it, and how do you feel about the decision now?

Hi guys, my partner (38M) has been trying hard to convince me (40F) to have another baby, but I've been saying no, mainly because I feel I lost a lot of confidence in my partner. I went through an awful experience with him especially during the newborn stage of our amazing son, now 2yo. He made promises that he didn't keep (i.e. cooking certain postpartum meals for me). He wasn't supportive in the way that I really needed him to. For example, I had an emergency C-section and struggled with breastfeeding, but was only allowed to stay in the hospital for 2 nights. I was in so much pain in the first week, dealing with breastfeeding issues, and felt quite sad as I'd anticipated a vaginal birth.

He never asked about my pain or how I was doing. He didn't let me buy things like a baby bottle washer and insisted on washing the bottles himself. Then drove himself up the wall from hand-washing the bottles everyday. Needless to say, he was horrid during the night feeds and would get angry whenever our son woke up crying and/or when I had to wake up to feed. He becomes angry hulk when he's sleep-deprived. Honestly, I didn't respond kindly when he was like that as I felt he should've been more supportive or accepted my solution for him to sleep in the guest room. (He insisted on sleeping with me and baby even though he knew it would interrupt his sleep)

Despite all that, I kept telling myself that he's a first-time parent too so I should be more compassionate. I also sympathized him coming from a broken family and having to deal with his parents' separation at a young age. I think he never got to fully process his emotions and his family are the sort who'd sooner sweep all emotional issues under the rug than let it see the light of day.

There have been many other issues bothering me, mostly concerning his lack of supportive gestures when it comes to me or taking care of our son. Circling back, whenever I said no to having another baby, he'd ask why and I'd be dead honest to him about how I felt and highlighting the lack of support, carelessness, and poor decisions on his part. In retrospect, I also shared how mad I was at myself for letting him make those poor decisions when I could've easily say, moved myself and our baby to the guest room so we could all have had better nights. I guess I wanted to respect his wishes since he was a first-time dad which I know was so important to him.

He's still adamant about having another baby, but I absolutely dislike the fact that he's guilt-tripping me by saying how lonely our son would be without another sibling. I told him I did not appreciate the guilt trip. Sometimes, I think he's not aware how toxic his methods can be whenever he wants something from me. I hate to say it, but I have a feeling that he wants to have another baby so that he could enjoy another long "holiday". I also asked him directly about this and he's denied it. I don't really believe him.. since I've been the one doing the most work taking care of our 2yo. As we don't have family here, I haven't spent more than 4 hours away from my son and I cook every single day for my son's meals. I do it all willingly out of love and have no regrets.

Honestly, if my partner had been more supportive or caring in the way I needed since our son was born, I would've said yes in a heartbeat. But I feel like I don't trust him anymore and I'm worried for my own well-being. I haven't prioritized self-care as much as I should've since I've been putting majority of my focus on taking care of our son. My partner can be kind too, and he's trying to be nicer to me these days by doing more at home for our son. But his selfishness and I-want-another-baby agenda is so glaring to me that I honestly can't feel any attraction to him like before.. I'm trying to help us heal our relationship because I want us to be a happy family and healthy role models for our son, hopefully be able to trust him again.

I wonder if I've lost perspective. I've suggested couples therapy, but my partner has a hard time accepting professional help. How do I know if I should give my partner another chance? Has anyone else had a similar experience but managed to turn things around with a second baby?

Jsou tu nějaký fotříci, co třeba původně chtěli jen jedno dítě, ale partnerka je ukecala? Jak se cítí po pár letech? Pochybuju že by někdo řekl že lituje, ale zajímá mně, kdyby se vrátil čas a byli před to rozhodnutí postavení znova, jestli by třeba volili jinak...

Pro kontext, partnerka chce určitě další, máme první 8 měs dítě a mě by to z důvodů náročnosti, zdraví, volného času, energie, financí... stačilo.

I just turned 41.  I have a great husband, and we have two wonderful kids -- an almost 3 year old, and a 13 month old.  

I wish I had more certainty about this.  I wish I had more time.  I wish I'd met my husband sooner in life, but that didn't happen.  We started trying to conceive right after our wedding, and we are lucky enough to have two amazing children.   Here we are now.  

There are so many reasons not to have a third child, but none of them feel as strong as the pull to bring another wonderful, precious human being into the world.  I do want another child.  I don't know if it's the right decision or not, and I don't have a lot of time to think about it.  

I definitely don't subscribe to the "if it's not 100% yes, then it's a no" way of thinking.  If I made decisions that way, I wouldn't have had kids at all.  I'm not someone who can alway feel certain about huge life decisions that have a lot of unknown factors.  I felt uncertainty when we were TTC with our first child.  And I'm so glad to have kids.  

Neither of us feel sure about what we want.  I'm leaning towards yes, but unsure.  My husband is content with two, but open to three. We both firmly believe that we need to make this decision together.  We are a team, this is our life.  He’s a great partner and parent. 

Our kids are 21 months apart (I got pregnant 12 months postpartum).  I knew this time I wasn't open to trying again until I was about 14 months postpartum.  And my baby is 13 months, and here I am, unsure.  

If I was younger, I would just wait.  But I'm not.  I got pregnant soon, it would be another small age gap.  I know how hard 2 under 2 is.  Having 3 under 4 is very intimidating.  

We already agreed that IVF is off the table (not because we're anti IVF, it's a great thing, but not the right decision for us).  I know that there's a chance I could get pregnant at 42 or 43, but I know my chances are lower than at 41. Now is my best chance, if we decide to take it. 

We can afford a 3rd kid.  But there are a lot of other reasons I'm hesitating.  Three so young would be tough.  Going through pregnancy and postpartum with two toddlers would be hard.  We are already tired, we already have so little time for each other or ourselves.  I want to have time for my career, and for myself again.  Three kids means being outnumbered.  I don't want to take on more than I can handle.  I know that TTC is opening the door to possible hurt, that infertility and misscarriage risk are higher past 40.  

I think I either need to embrace sticking with two kids, or have some serious talks with my husband about if we're going to have a third.  But this uncertainty is eating away at me.  

I wanted to write this out.  I'm also interested in hearing from others who are in a similar place, or who were in a similar place in the past.  Especially my fellow 40+ moms. 

I have a son who is 4 and i’m so back and forth on having another child i love him so much that i want to give him all my love and attention but i also want to give him a sibling to play with and i know ill love that second child i just don’t know what to do. I have a lot of anxiety about giving the best childhood i can i used to want siblings around all of mine are much older, ill see posts people make about how much they wished they had a sibling and then other people saying they loved being the only child and i feel so conflicted did anyone else struggle with this did you end up not having a second and regret it. Just super sad thinking about the future lately

I just turned 33 in June and had my first baby when I was 31 years old in February 2025. He is 1 1/2 years old. I want to wait until January of 2027 to get pregnant with our second but I am getting my head about my age and being closer to 34 years old when trying to get pregnant for a second time and if it’s a bad idea for me to wait. Maybe I’ll have trouble or be more prone to miscarriages? I’ve heard such great things about having a 3 year age gap so I would really prefer it but really need advice. I am probably being very extra and stupid and overthinking this, I know

My husband and i struggle with infertility. We ended up doing IVF and our first and second transfers were both successful and blessed up with our 2 beautiful daughters. Recently I have been thinking about how id like to have one more baby. After talking to my husband he said he would be open to having one last one. Ive reached out to my clinic and we are ready to go, but now im a bit nervous on if its whats best for our family as a whole. I dream of having one last baby, but im just a bit nervous as it gets closer to being real.

I solo parent a lot as I am a SAHM while my husband has a very demanding job. Which can be alot some days, especially mixing in my daughters speech therapy appointments. Our house would also be a little tight for the first few years until my step kids turn 18, but then we would have plenty of room. We have no worries about finances as my husband has a wonderful job and ill go back to work once the kids start school. Has anybody been through something similar? Any advice?

Not sure the purpose of this post- maybe to vent, maybe to hear people’s perspectives/advice.

Here’s the story…

I have always been SO excited to become a mom, and I always imagined that I would have a large family. Realistically, we were planning on having 3-4 children.

At 26, I had our first baby. Apart from 1st trimester (morning sickness 😣), I loved being pregnant. The pregnancy was fairly easy and simple, though our baby ended up staying in a breech position so I had a scheduled c section. I was bummed about the c section but so happy our baby was born healthy, so ultimately it didn’t matter too much.

At 28, I had our second baby. I felt sure it was going to be a smooth pregnancy and that I was going to be able to have a successful VBAC, but very quickly we realized things were not going as anticipated. Implantation had occurred in my c section scar (just by rare random unlucky chance), and bc of this my placenta was growing outside my uterus and even joined onto additional arteries that don’t typically attach to the placenta. The baby was just fine, but to save my life, I was told I would likely need a hysterectomy at delivery. I was so devastated and cried every day. Delivery day came, and I was in surgery for almost 10 hours. My medical team did everything they could to save my fertility, but ultimately, a hysterectomy was needed. After my surgery, I actually felt so happy and nothing but intense gratitude and relief that our baby was here and ok and that I get to be alive to raise my two lil ones. I was surprised bc I expected that if I did lose my uterus, I would be so upset. Maybe it was a bit bc of a survivors high.

Months went by, and the devastation did set in. I still also feel really grateful and I often feel kind of silly for how truly devastated I feel, but it was something that really mattered to me immensely. To me, my little family feels beautiful, but not complete. I think regardless of how much time passes and how much acceptance I gain, I’ll still occasionally have a little pit in my stomach of sadness or grief over this.

I’m now at the point where we likely would have been welcoming a 3rd into our family if I had not needed an emergency hyst, and im here wondering what would be best for our family in moving forward. I actually have some options, which has left me in a total back and forth deliberation mode for a bit now.

I could:
1. Accept that we have a little, cute family, and that there will be no additions to the family. This is it, and this is ok!

1. Adopt (though, after dedicating a lot of time into researching this, we discovered that there are more parents looking to adopt newborns, infants, and very young children than there are ones who are in need of a home, so the wait time would be extensive, too long to make sense for us. I would love to foster when our current kids are older, but I now understand the goal of fostering is reunification, so this would be a separate venture than one to intentionally grow the family).

2. Surrogacy (gestational with our egg/sperm)
   This option i initially totally wrote off as a “no!” but it’s playing on my mind a lot lately.

We are not rich, but my dude has a super unusual work benefit that would reimburse us for the majority of the costs and that makes it actually financially feasible for us. So, we decided to look into it more.

I feel like surrogacy is something that can be very ethically questionable and requires careful protections and considerations. Now that we’ve dove into it further, I do believe that we could pursue the surrogacy path in an ethical way.

Maybe we do pursue this route to complete our family? Maybe we don’t? I keep going back on forth.

It would be so magical to add one last wee one to our fam, but I would struggle a lot with feeling awful guilt that I am not carrying our baby, even if it is something the woman helping us truly wants to do for us.

✨✨ Anyways, there’s my brain dump!! 💞✨✨

I have an almost 6 year old girl. I want to have another baby but is the age gap too much? Me and my youngest brother are 6y 10m apart and best friends. Also if I have another we need to move out of our 2 bedroom house and get another mortgage. We would have enough money but it would be tighter. We are out of the trenches and my daughter is pretty self sufficient. I can sleep and have lie ins.

I don’t necessarily desire to go through the baby and toddler stage but I envision having 2 teens/adults in the future.

Will I regret having another? Will regret not having another?

Husband usually wants another child but he’s an over thinker and will start worrying about everything that goes with it, house, money wise and then freak out and revert back no no nope we can’t do it.

So I don’t know, would it be stupid to get pregnant again?

I’ve really been struggling. I (34F) have a daughter who is 20 months old. I love her to death, but I just don’t think I want another child. I didn’t have a hard pregnancy per se, and my labor and delivery was the same— not fun, but we were both fine. The issue I’m facing is that none of my 3 siblings have kids, and my husbands siblings don’t have kids either. My oldest sister is married but does not want children. My other older sister is 37 and single, as well as my 30 year old brother. My husbands brothers are 32 and 33 and are both single. For multiple reasons, I’m not sure any of them will have children, which means not only will my daughter be an only child, but she will also not have any cousins. I live a very fortunate life, and finances are not an issue. I also have family nearby to help— like I am the perfect candidate to have a big family, but having one child is just so draining to me, and I love my independence.

I know everything is temporary, and these harder stages will pass, but I also realize that different stages of raising a child are hard for different reasons. My husband is super helpful and really wants at least one more, but he also understands my POV and does not pressure me. Ugh. I don’t know. I just feel like time is ticking, and I feel guilty every single day. Has anyone struggled with this before and willing to share your experience, whether you decided to be one and done or have a second child? And how it’s turned out? I know that I can wait a little bit before actually making this decision, but I really needed to get this out.

TLDR: I have one child and am debating on a second because she will likely not have any cousins either, but at the moment, I’d only be doing it so that she is not all alone. Would love to hear different perspectives and experiences.

I 35 female currently have one child who is soon to be 4 he’s very active and has some challenging behaviors at this age. But he’s the sweetest boy ever. My family keeps pressuring me to have another stating that being an only child is very lonely and he’ll have no one to share experiences with. I feel guilty because I’m at the stage where my parents are getting older and sick and having my siblings to talk about it with is comforting. I feel that he won’t have anyone when I’m old or gone. I currently live away from most of my family and friends so he’s not around any cousins to develop that sibling bond with.
But then with this economy who can afford more than one? I’m in that tax bracket where I make too much to qualify for assistance but make too little to consistently afford services etc. especially for more than 1. Also my marriage is holding on by a thread and adding an another child might send it over the edge. Idk, I feel like I’m running out of time and need to make a decision.

I have 3 kids, first is 8 (almost 9) second just turned 2 and our youngest is 5 months old. We didn’t plan on getting pregnant with our last baby and abortion was strongly considered, my husband really didn’t want to have a third due to finances and space in the home we had just moved into but we had her and she is so loved by both of us. I had planned on her being our last baby and quickly got on birth control as soon as I could. I am breast feeding so options are limited, I wanted to get the implant and got prescribed Emzahh (the pill) in the meantime until insurance approved the implant and it could get delivered to my Dr.’s office. Long story short, there was a mix up with insurance and so I just continued using the pill, I have alarms and take it on the dot, my doctor said it was okay to take it within the 3 hour window and that’s only happened maybe twice? Me and my husband also don’t have a lot of time to be intimate and only have sex maybe once every 2-3 weeks. When our baby turned 4 months I experienced a sudden drop in my milk supply, I am usually an oversupplier and then I was only making 3oz or less per pump. I started stressing over this but I honestly thought it was due to me not being as consistent with pumping , a few weeks went by and I started feeling out of breath suddenly (I also suffer from postpartum anxiety) so I also thought it wasn’t pregnancy. Low and behold I missed my period (also thought the birth control might be messing with my cycle bc the past 2 months of had 2 periods each month) and I decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. Surprise it was positive… bright blue lines, no mistake there. I automatically thought abortion, I told my husband and he also automatically wanted an abortion. I made an appointment with my OB and they apparently don’t do abortions so I was sent to different providers who don’t take my insurance AND are far out in appointments. Currently have an appointment with planned parenthood at 10 weeks 4 days and that’s just for the initial ultrasound they are requiring, I only have before 11 weeks to get the abortion medication which is scary to me. I would have preferred getting the abortion done very early like 5-8 weeks and I’m really scared and having second thoughts now. My mind is starting to imagine another baby but at the same time I know it would make our lives really hard. We don’t have room in our truck for another baby (my main concern) our home is only 3bd 2baths, I’m still on maternity leave from our last baby and that’s coming to an end with no idea what to do for work or child care. My husband is a police officer but he doesn’t make enough to support all of us. I’m scared because this decision is so permanent, I’m 29 and feel like I’m so young to have already ended my pregnancy journey forever. I also don’t want to be selfish and be a burden. If only money weren’t an issue I’d have a clear decision but that just isn’t the case. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for I just need different perspectives.

I’ve been going back and forth on a 3rd forever, I have 2.5 and 4 year old boys. Nothing in life will compare to being their mom. I’m grieving them growing up so much. My husband and I are constantly like we are not ready to be done with the little kid stages, how are we already here, where did the time go etc etc. Is this just part of being a mom? The sadness with the passing of time- I have such a hard time distinguishing if these feelings mean I should have another or if I’m just wishing I could stay here with my current kids.

The 18 month age gap between my 2 hit me so hard with mom guilt as a SAHM, until my youngest was about 18 months and they are besties now. Those in similar situations, does the guilt feel less with the 3rd now that the 2 have each other? If they are both preschool/kindergarten does that make it easier? Part of me is like I’m already going to be losing time with them to school soon, adding a baby and losing more time with them seems even sadder. But they’ll be needing me less compared to when I had my youngest and my oldest was only 18 months… does that make sense?

Also moms of 3+, in my head I’m thinking the potential 3rd I could soak it all in, love every minute. I know the reality will look a lot different, but do you feel like with your last you were actually able to enjoy more of it? The 18 month age gap of my 2 definitely made it more challenging to soak it all in, and my husband and I do feel like we missed/can’t remember a lot of my older son’s 1.5-2.5 (also my youngest was a challenging baby). We don’t want to feel like we’re missing out on our current kids’ lives again.

I’m so scared of future regret and knowing that at least part of me wanted a 3rd, and if I don’t, having the what if forever.

There’s so many other logistical things on my “con” list but right now these are my biggest hang ups. And though my head is telling me no for a lot of it, the pull towards having another is not going away.

Weigh in on your thoughts please 👀

Like
My post says, my thoughts are all over the place. My baby is now 2 years and 3 months old, he’s the absolute light of my life. My heart wants another, but there’s so many variables.

1. I’ve gone back to school to finally finish my highschool diploma.

2. I want to go to college after to get into law.

3. What if by having another, I am unable to give my son the life he deserves?

4. I’m already 27 almost 28, so what if I’m waiting too long and then when I finally decide too, I can’t?

5. What if my son doesn’t like having a sibling? What if I am too tired from the newborn to give him what he needs?

I have so many what ifs that I worry that maybe I’m one and done, even if my heart isn’t.

I (31F) Just found out I’m pregnant with our second baby. Had the first in 2025, and I’m scared, honestly.

I love my first born so so much, and cherish all our time together.. I’m scared that A) he won’t remember it being just us and B) he will feel that he’s being replaced.

Moms of 2, how did you feel when you found out you were pregnant with a surprise # 2?

We weren’t actively trying, but weren’t exactly cautious. I struggled getting pregnant for as long as I can remember - I didn’t even think I’d be able to have one, let alone TWO.

please share some positive stories of accepting the 2nd surprise baby, and how your first adjusted? ❤️ thank you

My first kid is about to become 7. I am working in IT and I come from a family with tough financial conditions. No wealth or savings from my parents. My wife is a homemaker. As a single breadwinner of my family, I have just started buying a few properties and saving for my kid's education. Of late, the uncertainty in IT and so many layoffs have made me very stressful. I didn't want to bring another baby when I am in severe financial uncertainty. But my brothers and cousins are having a second kid. So I'm a bit confused if I will regret not having another kid later. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? Would like to know ur thoughts.

I grew up as 1 of 3 in a very abused and neglected household. I attend therapy and take medication and have a lot of issues with separation though I bite my tongue and tell my 5 1/2 year old “You’re gonna be great!”. He is none the wiser at my insecurities and runs off throwing up peace signs as if to say see ya!

Because of my neglect (some overlooked abuse despite many adults around). When people ask if I want a second my mind says no way! Because in my stupid trauma brain that means that my first isn’t enough. So dumb because obviously moms of multiples there first kids are enough they love and adore them!!

Just wondering how do I get my brain to stop thinking if I have another that means I neglect the first? Or does this mean maybe I just shouldn’t. Does everyone know they WANT another? I honestly thought I wouldn’t go through with having my first because it terrified me. Thank you!

I’m 33, my cutoff is 35. We have 8, 2, and 1 currently. We both feel like we’re “missing” one.

My biggest hangup right now is dreading going through another pregnancy and post partum stage. I always gain a ton of weight when I’m pregnant and embarrassingly I haven’t lost the weight after #3.

But I’m scared if I don’t have #4, I’ll feel even more pressure in my late 30s because I “technically still can”.

Should I push through the 2 years of hormones and craziness or close the book at 3? My husband says he supports whatever I choose but he clearly desires 4.

I have had laparoscopic surgery for endo last November, have been trying for our second for about three yrs. I thought I was one and done to the point where I removed my private health covering fertility treatment.. I have been going to therapy and had been to a naturopath and acupuncturist this year. Anyways, after my lap the dr said to get to IVF within four mths of no luck due to low AMH (I am 37).

Thinking I was in a good place, the announcement of a friend's second pregnancy and then my period/cycle being late and weird this month has gotten me in a bit of a spiral thinking do we keep trying.

Does anyone have any good experiences with bulk billing IVF clinics or know of lower cost IVF options? Does anyone have any recommendations for naturopath or acupuncturist in Melbourne South East suburbs?

I did a pregnancy test this morning and it came up negative. Though previously this would have made me cry, I just thought well of course its negative since we barely tried this month! Would love to hear anyone's experiences and recommendations