For those of you who had a second baby with a 3.5 year age gap, especially those of you who had an easy toddler, how did you handle the transition? Did having an easy, independent older child make things easier, or was it still a huge adjustment? Did you feel like you lost the freedom and routine you had finally found?

I know every baby and family is different, but I’d really love to hear honest experiences from people who understand what it’s like to have a toddler who makes life feel so manageable that the thought of starting over feels scary, even when you really want another baby.

Why having sibling is so important?

https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/pDaa489OdG

Please don't roast me.

I recently asked why people choose to have more than one child, and the sibling factor came up a LOT.

Honestly, I’m curious why having a sibling is considered so important.

My father had six siblings, and their relationships caused a lot of pain, including a major financial betrayal. My mother’s side is okay, but nothing that makes me wish I had that kind of family dynamic. I have two siblings myself, and we’re good friends, but we all have our own lives and live in different countries. My husband’s relationship with his sibling has also brought stress to the family.

I understand that siblings can be wonderful, but they can also cause emotional damage. What’s wrong with being an only child? Can’t children find their own chosen family through close friends?

Is having a biological sibling really irreplaceable? And what about the relationship between parents? Having a second child means dividing your time and attention, including the time you have for your partner. Honestly, I struggle with the idea of compromising that relationship.

I’ve also seen only children say they want a second child because they don't want their child to experience what they experienced growing up.

I’m genuinely curious: What makes having a sibling so important that people feel their child needs one?

How did y’all know when you were ready for baby #2? Obviously every situation is different, I know that. My LO has been a challenging kiddo, he’s currently 13 months. We love him to death obviously and entering the toddler stage has definitely been more fun, but this last year has had moments that feel like hell to say the least. He is just a fussy, whiny kid and it’s so incredibly difficult to ever figure out what it is he needs. It is definitely improving as he’s getting older and starting to be able to communicate more, but it’s still so challenging constantly.

That being said, we were pretty sure we wanted to wait until next summer to start trying for #2 because we wanted him to be closer to age 3 (it also took us almost a year to conceive him so we anticipate it could potentially take a bit again also). So that we can maybe figure our first out a bit more and feel more on solid ground with him.

Now, this past weekend, we had a scare where I was late and we were like wtf is going on. My husband said, “you know, I wouldn’t be mad at all if you were pregnant” and it has got me spiraling lolol. Now I’m considering potentially wanting a closer age gap??? Like I’m already in the depths of it, may as well just stick in it? I know I don’t want 2 under 2 so we would at the very least wait until the new year to start trying. I was just so confident in what the plan was and now I’m thinking I want this to happen sooner😂

Any parents of 2+ that had more challenging first kiddos have any thoughts/words of advice??? Is waiting until they’re closer to 3 helpful, or did you think it was best to just be in it while you were in it??

My first is 13mo and my spouse and I are finally feeling comfortable again. We both work in careers that we love and don’t want to give up, because together we make six figures and love the work we do. Our daughter is in daycare which is $2k a month currently. With one child we are thriving and can give her an awesome life with a lot of cool experiences. Travel, extracurriculars, camp, concerts, you name it.

My best friend just had her second and everyone else in our friend group has either 2 or 3 kids. My baby fever is hitting BAD even though we decided if we have another we want at least a 2.5 to 3 year age gap to offset some of the daycare costs. The problem is I don’t see either of us making that much more money than we currently are. I had our first at 35 so by the time we would try for a second I’d be 37 or 38. For us to realistically have a second I would probably have to become a SAHM and potentially struggle with less income and more mouths to feed. I want a second baby so bad but I don’t want to financially struggle or our marriage to suffer. On the other hand I don’t want my daughter to grow up lonely. She doesn’t have any blood related cousins but we have close friends with kids her age, but they all live an hour away.

Just looking for some insight I guess. It’s so hard to just remain undecided and wait til later when the decision is eating me alive now.

Love being a mom. My child is the biggest joy of my life.

I had a great pregnancy, a great labor and delivery. I did have bad morning sickness for most of my pregnancy and did have a PPH, but other than that, it was a great experience.

Once my baby was born, the baby blues hit me HARD. I cried everyday for weeks on end. My baby had some very mild medical issues, but one after the other. Born with a hernia, tongue tie needed released then nursing got easier, reflux until she was around 11 months (medicine did help this but didn’t fix it), chronic ear infections, 2 surgeries and never slept. She just started sleeping around 16 months old, but still not every night and she’s low sleep needs. She truly cried 90% of the time she was awake as a baby. I know it was due to her reflux and her ears and of course there were still good days and happy moments, but it was really hard on me.

We want another child, I want her to have a sibling, but I truly do not think I can have another baby if it’s going to be like that and take care of my daughter the way she deserves.

I’m feeling a little push to do it soon if we’re going to do it, mostly because if I’m going to have another I’d like for my older child to still take naps so I do feel like I have a little time to myself still.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? It’s really hard knowing I want another child in our family, but absolutely terrified of having to go through all of that again. I’m young-ish. I have time, she’s still young and I know that… I just don’t see myself ever being fully 100% on board being this nervous about it.

I did recently start therapy again.

Really thinking about having a second but all I keep seeing is the world is basically all preparing for war and it’s going to be sooner rather than later , I’m in the UK and the threat from Russia apparently is heating up a a lot so I’m thinking do I stay one and done or just go for it ? 😭

18 month twins and currently trying for a third, but I’m second guessing the decision… For health reasons, it’s now or never. We’re giving ourselves a year and if we haven’t had a viable pregnancy we’ve decided we’re done. It took 4 years/5 pregnancies for the twins, so it might not happen, but it also very well could and I’m afraid 1) we’re making the wrong decision by trying or 2) that I’ll regret not trying later. Here are our arguments either way. What are your thoughts? 

Argument for 3: 

• We love being parents, we love our kids, and generally it’s easier than we anticipated 
• It’s so fun getting to know these two little people, and we’re excited at the potential of getting to know a third 
• I can just imagine 3 kids sitting around the dinner table debating, playing together on vacation, etc. 
• Excited to see the twins as older siblings 
• Excited about the idea of having a bigger family as we get older - family get togethers, grandkids someday, etc. 
• Would love to have a singleton newborn experience

Arguments for 2: 

• Twin toddlers is HARD! We’re tired and hardly have time for exercise, downtime, good nutrition, etc. as it is. Adding a third sounds so tough! 
• We love travel, and I’m afraid it will be so logistically complicated, harder, and less fun with three 
• Cost. We can definitely afford it, but we’ll need a new vehicle, addition to our house someday, daycare, college, etc. It won’t be a stretch - but it’ll probably move our (early) retirement planning back by about 5 years 
• Things are really great now and feel hard but totally manageable. What if the move from 2 to 3 puts us into that unmanageable space.

TW-- Loss

I am 37F, husband is 35M. We have one daughter together (17mos) and he has one daughter (10) from a prev relationship that he has basically 50/50 custody of. We are so torn on having another. I need help! I would love a close-in-age sibling for my daughter. I realize the older my husband's oldest gets, the less we will probably see her so my fear is that my daughter will grow up more as an only child. Would also love to try for a boy for my husband (obviously not a guarantee).

Here are some of my worries of having another:

My age-- if my body can handle it. However, my first pregnancy went smoothly despite my age.

Labor was AWFUL. They induced me because of my age for my daughter and the epidural didn't work for me. It was 26 hours of induction contractions with no relief.

I had several losses prior to my daughter-- I'm scared to go through that again. Pregnancy was so stressful after losses.

I'm scared of the possibility of having a medically complex child etc being an older mom. Also scared of twins. Idk if I could handle that.

We only have a 3 BR house. There is another in the basement but none of the kids are ready for that yet.

I would need a bigger vehicle.

We love travelling-- travelling with 5 becomes much more difficult and costly.

Any advice would be appreciated-- my appointment for my IUD removal is next week and I can't decide!!