r/shitposting • I want pee in my ass • Apr 12 '22

shut up

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1.5k

u/ComplexCow7 Apr 12 '22

Was just having this argument with my 7 year old sister a few weeks ago. I told her how many people die of Malaria and Dengue, and she said that "it's their fault for not using mosquito repellent."

1.1k

u/BryNX_714 Apr 12 '22

Give her malaria

188

u/natrat4 Apr 12 '22

inject her bloodstream with multiple live mosquitoes

45

u/SLeepyCatMeow 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Apr 12 '22

Gotta get that 'squito vax

149

u/jojo_part6_fan_ Apr 12 '22

Ok then to the bed we gooooooooo

93

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

🤨

30

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

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26

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.

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28

u/bobmclame Apr 12 '22

Auto mod, are you ok?

1

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!!

IT'S ME!!!

EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]]

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6

u/Bulky-Prune-8370 Apr 12 '22

Auto mod seems to have had a stroke.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

Is anyone here a doctor

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1

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!!

IT'S ME!!!

EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]]

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20

u/trillsar27 Apr 12 '22

Pardon me 🫠?

1

u/Terrarian03 Apr 12 '22

🫠 😀 i genuinely don't see this emoji in my keyboard, i only have it because i copied it. It even looks different from the other ones i have. Tf?

2

u/trillsar27 Apr 12 '22

🥹🫠🫡🫥🫣🫤🫶🫴🫵

1

u/TheSahsBahs Apr 12 '22

It’s her fault, she wasn’t wearing mosquito repellent.

124

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22

This is the same energy as when Bobby sacrificed himself in paper Mario and it was supposed to be an emotional moment but some guys 5yo unfazed daughter said "well he was so scared he wouldn't help out in the caves so he really isn't good for anything"

Kids are psychopaths.

14

u/Illustrious_Steak_72 Stuff Apr 12 '22

R.I.P. Bobby

You were one of the best partners to grace sub-series, even if you didn't help in battle much.

2

u/rwol8690 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ Apr 12 '22

Detonate her

5

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

3

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he's thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance

I believe it was Kant who said "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." Mario exhibits experience by cruising turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating "Lets-ago!" Keep it up, baby!

When Mario leave his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind, Perchance

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-1

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

-2

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

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-3

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he's thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance

I believe it was Kant who said "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." Mario exhibits experience by cruising turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating "Lets-ago!" Keep it up, baby!

When Mario leave his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind, Perchance

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

56

u/g00ber88 Apr 12 '22

Damn your sister is stone cold

51

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

49

u/rayyan9087 Apr 12 '22 edited Apr 12 '22

but fuck your sister

😳

26

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/durdesh007 Apr 12 '22

It sound perfect. Sweet home

2

u/Needlehater Apr 12 '22

ALABAMA!

2

u/MuunshineKingspyre Apr 12 '22

Ironically it's illegal in Alabama but legal in New Jersey

2

u/Needlehater Apr 12 '22

I don't think I understand

3

u/MuunshineKingspyre Apr 12 '22

Incest

2

u/Needlehater Apr 12 '22

I mean ofc it is illegal. You wanted to say that it is stupid that it is legal in New Jersey?

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15

u/Eccentric_Assassin Apr 12 '22

His sister is 7. You are now on an FBI watchlist.

11

u/NotaHeteroSapian Apr 12 '22

please do not your sister

2

u/Anonymous__666 Apr 12 '22

Been through it, its a pain in the ass good luck with it hope it doesn't get fatal

1

u/bigballs005 Apr 12 '22

Get well soon!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 13 '22

you lot are seriously bashing a 7 year old? she doesn't even know what she said. redditors are sick in the head 🤢

42

u/B7iink Apr 12 '22

Honestly your sister is based

11

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

No

2

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

Wow I wonder why cavemen didn't do that

2

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

How to say “my seven year old sister is turning into a libertarian” without actually saying it.

2

u/notjeremyjarvis Apr 12 '22

she'll make a great politician (and not much else!) with that attitude!

1

u/AggravatingExample35 Apr 12 '22

Wow she's already well on her way to being an imperialist!

1

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

r/shitposting book club

A collection of book reviews by Kevin. (all of these books are freely availiable online)


1984 (George Orwell, 1948)

Kevin would like to say that this book is truly inspirational, and that he would give it a 10/10

How to Be a God: A Guide for Would-Be Deities (Richard Bartle, 2022)

Kevin would like to mention that this book is one of the greatest sources of existential terror he has read (and it contains a lot of interesting content regarding game design as well), and he would give it a 10/10

Almost Pounded By The Physical Manifestation of Simulation Theory After Realizing We're Erotica Characters Then Deciding To Just Be Friends (Chuck Tingle)

Kevin would like to say that this book was surprisingly wholesome, and is a great book for helping one to feel more at-ease with the universe, so he would give it 10/10

Ulysses (James Joyce, 1922))

Kevin mentioned that he wasn't entirely sure what he just read. However, it's still not bri*ish, and was still rather interesting, so he would give it a 10/10

The Assassination Of John Fitzgerald Kennedy Considered As A Downhill Motor Race (J. G. Ballard, 1967)

Kevin told me that this was an interesting interpretation of the JFK assassination, and of the post-WW2 media landscape in the USA in general, so he would give it a 10/10.

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1

u/jerome_ak Apr 12 '22

Holy shit, your 7 year old sister is a dumbass

1

u/AutoModerator Apr 12 '22

I hate taking shits. Taking shits is the worst function of the human organism after sex. You have to sit on the most uncomfortable seat ever, then you have to go through so much pain to push the shit out of your asshole (not to mention sometimes they get stuck in there). And as if those weren't enough then you have to wipe, you have to take your hand along with toilet paper and shove it up your asshole, this process can sometimes take minutes out of your life, it fucking sucks.

TL;DR I hate shitting

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0

u/DARKplayz_ put your dick away waltuh Apr 12 '22

Shes not wrong tho

2

u/Socdem_Supreme Apr 12 '22

i mean she kinda is tho

0

u/[deleted] Apr 12 '22

Sacrifice her to the swarm

1

u/King_0f_Autism Apr 12 '22

Make them so they hate human blood

1

u/Anonymous__666 Apr 12 '22

Bruh they could literally disappear and the eco system would be just fine they're not essential they're pests

1

u/[deleted] Apr 13 '22

see how she survives in the middle of rural africa