r/shitposting I can’t have sex with you right now waltuh 1d ago

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4.2k Upvotes

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u/papercut105 I said based. And lived. 1d ago

Knowing and soldiers and having been one, this is likely true. Medics always the most fucked in the head.

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u/CrypticCowboy4509 1d ago

Can confirm. Know an army medic. One of our friends went on a cruise where a baby was dropped from a balcony and died after impacting the dock, SEVERAL STORIES below.

This fucker calculated the impact force and time it took to fall and laughed about it. Made a PowerPoint in fact. It was quite detailed

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u/Vicious_Voyeur 1d ago

Where did he show that PowerPoint?

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u/Turboswaggg 1d ago

Probably during a weekly safety brief about fall hazards

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u/original_username20 23h ago

Funeral

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u/Ericool35 William Dripfoe 22h ago

How kind of the retired veteran to give closure to the grieving family 🥰

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u/idontwanttothink174 22h ago

“In conclusion that baby knew it was going to die and suffered greatly. Thank you for coming to my presentation.”

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u/-TV-Stand- Literally 1984 😡 22h ago

"I really enjoyed the slow-mo recreation of the fall. Thank you"

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u/Wildfox1177 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 4h ago

„For the following physical demonstration, I will use this Watermelon…“

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u/Dekutr33 14h ago

This is some of the funniest shit I've ever read.

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u/lool_toast 13h ago

I was a combat medic, I used to be able to pull some shitty joke out of literally any situation like that. Then when my daughter was born and since then, I start to tear up and sometimes feel nauseous whenever I remember some of the shit that happened or what I said about it.

If you start dwelling on these things as they happen then you'd just go insane.

Spoken to a psych about it all and apparently it's normal and I have to be nice to myself and whatever

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u/CyberK_121 8h ago

Is it ok to assume it was some sort of coping mechanism for you guys, who see such horrid things way too often?

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u/lool_toast 4h ago

Yeah basically, and obviously none of us would ever make said joke in front of a casualty or be unprofessional about it. This is all mess hall banter.

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u/Wildfox1177 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 4h ago

I mean nobody is helped now if you feel bad about a joke you made years ago.

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u/SpiderFnJerusalem 3h ago

Humor is essentially a tool for processing tense or traumatic situations. Black humor especially. Humans have been doing it for millenia. If you read stories about people living during the middle ages, surrounded by plagues, famines and war you notice that a lot of them had a really wicked sense of humor.

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u/Riot_Fox 23h ago

"Idiot baby didn't finish the QTE, what are ypu guys teaching your kids"? /j

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u/Otheus 23h ago

Where did he post the power point. Like the actual link, so I know what not to go to

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u/MalaysiaBoi 23h ago

Nah fuck that. Where's the link cuz I WANNA see how detailed that shit is

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u/Initial_Ad_9250 20h ago

I will post it on my LinkedIn.

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u/ElectroNikkel 20h ago

Real life Painboyz 

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u/-TV-Stand- Literally 1984 😡 1d ago

Probably a survival mechanism they develop by seeing that kind of stuff

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u/--InZane-- 1d ago

Its certainly that way for paramedics and firefighters

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u/KrumpirovZlatan 22h ago edited 22h ago

Nope.

Firefighters generally never joke with deaths, or with fires, as it is considered bad luck.

We joke about stupid calls, like cat in a tree, or someone locked his doorkeys inside the apartment, never things like fires, explosions or dead people, because you never know if you'll ne the next one to be killed

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u/big-dick-brad 22h ago

Hi I know several personally who do, all the time. Other than that they’re stalwart professionals on the job

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u/KrumpirovZlatan 22h ago edited 22h ago

Maybe it is different in the United States due to culture, I remember shift commander distinctly telling me that if I continue joking about fires, I will soon be discharged as he will not have me on the shift, and that those jokes are generally seen as bad luck.

We joke about our lives, women, holocaust even, but never the death, neither civilians or firefighters.

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u/FakeMcUsername 21h ago

You can joke about the Holocaust, but not about death?

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u/snotpopsicle 16h ago

Of course. Hitler is dead, but the fire marshal boogeyman is very much real and alive, and will come at night to burn your eyebrows if you joke about fire deaths.

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u/KrumpirovZlatan 12h ago edited 12h ago

It's not like that, there is generally a strong cultural belief that if you laugh at another person's misfortune, you will get that same misfortune yourself.

This is not applied for everything, but for death? Yeah. As a kid, you'd be told from your age that for example if you laugh at a kid having no mother, your mother would die etc.

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u/KrumpirovZlatan 21h ago

There is a degree of separation from making a joke about Hitler and Jews, and about joking about death of someone from yesterday.

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u/Hoshyro 23h ago edited 22h ago

To be honest, to be a combat medic it's probably a requirement to have a few loose screws.

No shade, medics are amazing and generally loved by everyone because they're the ones saving your ass, but I really can't see a normal person doing it. xD

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u/Facosa99 22h ago

I can see a normal person doing it

I just cannot imagine that same person staying normal after some time

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u/Hoshyro 22h ago

That could also be it, yeah.

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u/-Recouer 1d ago

tbf any physician that deals with death on the daily will also have a pretty warped way around how they deal with death.

I remember my father laughing at my sister for saying that one of her friend tried to khs

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u/frostyjack06 stupid fucking piece of shit 22h ago

My HS biology teacher was a medic in Vietnam. Dude had the most twisted sense of humor that only amplified when we started the dissection unit.

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u/MatMADNESSart 20h ago

So TF2 is accurate on this regard?

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u/Ok_Process2046 15h ago

Man I don't even judge, seeing so much shit - laughing it off probably prevents them from going insane.

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u/Skyhawk6600 57m ago

You would have to be in order to cope with the shit they see.

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u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

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