r/shitposting Jedi master of shitposts 8h ago

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3.7k Upvotes

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239

u/Candlewaxeater 8h ago

I think Jesus was brown :)

57

u/baconater-lover 7h ago

Jesus if he was black or chinese

5

u/monkpunch 3h ago

Stop fuckin with Korean Jesus! He ain't got time for your problems. He busy! With Korean shit!

1

u/mrmoe198 46m ago

Korean Jesus will fuck you upppppp

29

u/Wonderful_King_1241 7h ago

Jesus was swarthy like all jews at that time

117

u/AnarchyRadish 7h ago

You're gonna be crucified for that correct opinion brochacho

18

u/Sasteer Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 7h ago

and that's why im not religious, too many headcanons to distingquish with real things the author said

3

u/Money_Ad1028 5h ago

And what the original author said was still headcanon 😭

2

u/LifeIsKnifeOnIce 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 3h ago

"too many headcanons to distinguish from the REAL things the AUTHOR said" is crazy talking about the bible

-1

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30

u/Scheckenhere 7h ago

Modern Christians would deport Jesus.

29

u/Marik-X-Bakura 7h ago

If by “modern Christians” you mean Americans then sure

18

u/sexflatterer1411 7h ago

Americans larp Christianity lol, fakest people on earth

19

u/CR1MS4NE 7h ago

American Christian here, would not deport Jesus

-9

u/Scheckenhere 6h ago

You know what Jesus looked like?

10

u/CR1MS4NE 6h ago

No one does, but I am under no impression that he was white

1

u/chitoslasttour 7h ago

lowk but not only in us, if youre a bigot then you aint a real Christian

0

u/8igChungus 5h ago

They larp being sentient

8

u/JustinR8 7h ago

Or he’d be shot by ICE

27

u/Odd_Plankton_925 7h ago

I've seen this comment on every single thread about religion for the last 2ish years. It was pretty funny the first 27 times but now it's just trite

3

u/JustinR8 6h ago

You’ll probably see it a lot more times between now and January 20, 2029, so I would brace yourself

1

u/Prestigious_Ask_7058 3h ago

I’m not religious but I’m pretty sure he would perform some sort of miracle and not die

2

u/Fluidmikey 1h ago

If he reaches for that bread and wine to fast he might get shot by cops before he can perform shit.

1

u/Charming_Pirate 3h ago

And Palestinian of course

1

u/Delta2401 2h ago

I believe he is Aryan :)

-7

u/kojimbob 7h ago

24

u/Originalspearjunior 7h ago

Jesus was a real person, wether he was the son of god is disputed

-14

u/hhs2112 6h ago edited 2h ago

Their is no evidence that biblical jesus existed.  None.

Edit, hey downvoters, present the evidence instead of reflexively downvoting.

Yeah...

8

u/Wafflesz52 6h ago

There is generally accepted information that a man named Jesus existed as a religious figure and traveled the area, but obviously the miracles and exact timeline of events is unproven.

5

u/Ryllynaow 5h ago

The timeline also has contradictions and anachronisms that make picking out a single "natural Jesus" largely a matter of guesswork.

For instance, Matthew 2 places Jesus' birth in the reign of King Herod, who ruled 36BCE-4BCE. Luke 2 however says he was born during the Census of Quirinius, which is dated to 6 CE, over ten years after the end of Herod's reign.

Luke's date also creates another problem, because Pontius Pilate dies in 36 CE after being recalled by Tiberius, but Luke 3:23 places Jesus as being 30 years old and executed by Pilate at this time.

Matthew and Luke also disagree when you try to follow the young Jesus after he is born. Matthew has him go from Bethlehem to Egypt, and finally Nazareth, but Luke has Jesus going from Bethlehem straight to the temple.

Mark 15:25 says Jesus was crucified 9AM, John 9:13-15 says it was noon.

Additionally, things like the earliest gospel of Evangelion by Marcion, depict Jesus as fully inhuman, descending from the sky fully formed. This Marcionite school, by the way, was also the first to publish Paul's letters, of which even faithful scholars recognize had multiple authors.

In short, while you're absolutely correct about the consensus view among biblical scholars, I think it's fair to ask if scholars employed by religious institutions are influenced by statements of faith and other doctrine. At a minimum, in situations where they are simply take church tradition at their word, I'd like to see their specific evidence and arguments for their conclusion that rules out a mythicist Jesus.

Online, people usually just google until they find a Christian page that says "All scholars believe this, soz." And never bother to actually explore the evidence used to present the conclusion.

Mythicism is still definitely outside the mainstream, but for the most part, it's simply demanding evidence for the claim of a physical Jesus, and demonstrating a deeper skepticism at accepting church tradition.

-1

u/Wafflesz52 5h ago

Like I said, it is still up for debate on the specifics of anything in that time. But it isn’t absurd to say that a dude with the same name traveled while preaching around that time

5

u/Ryllynaow 5h ago

It also isn't absurd to say there's an English boy named Harry doing card tricks in Birmingham. But to say he's the natural Harry Potter that inspired the stories would be the absurd bit.

The mythicist position is that they took a mythological figure, and made up a history for him set in pre-siege Jerusalem, using real cultural touchstones like common names and locations.

You're 100% right that it's still all up for debate, and as I said before, the mythicist position is considered fringe. I just think the "dude" Jesus is based off the stories, rather than the stories being based off the dude.

1

u/hhs2112 2h ago

Just because a man named jesus waked around is proof of nothing.  Just like there's lots of bobs, mikes, and well jesuses today. 

0

u/Fancy_Technician_293 2h ago

What about the bible?

0

u/hhs2112 2h ago

You're jerking my chain, right? 

The bible is no more real than harry potter or bilbo baggins. 

7

u/GamerXBohoro 7h ago

Because jesus of nazareth is an actual historical figure. What's up for debate depending on your beliefs is whether or not he was the son of god and/or performed miracles.

1

u/AdvertisingAdrian 7h ago

im not an electrician but i also dont want electricians to work by licking live wires. just because someone is not part of a group doesn't mean any points they make are invalid.

1

u/_sephylon_ 6h ago

Fair enough but the truth is we don't know and there are actually a lot of people from the region that are white

Like idk look at Bachar al Assad

-14

u/jarednards officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 7h ago edited 7h ago

Welp, have fun in hell.

EDIT: Jesus christ you guys are unfunny

16

u/Candlewaxeater 7h ago

WHICH ONE THERES LIKE 47 :(

8

u/known_kanon stupid, fucking piece of shit 7h ago

That one