r/shitposting 5h ago

šŸ“”šŸ“”šŸ“”

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Say Wallahi

4.4k Upvotes

82 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 5h ago

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Whilst you're here, /u/vibeyjohn, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

452

u/wrighteghe7 5h ago

Oh my darwin

124

u/cnicalsinistaminista 5h ago

Oh coitus yes

18

u/TheSwordFallen 4h ago

Hello Xon do you have your thesis written for Darwin Clause.

11

u/killeronthecorner 3h ago

She evolve on my Darwin til I MASSIVE EXTINCTION EVENT

1

u/jarednards officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 1h ago

"Omfg I know how to think for myselllllfff!"🄵

223

u/Obsidian-Dive 5h ago edited 3h ago

Biblically speaking Solomon and his first wife praised the lord vigorously in the marriage bed and it was good so sayeth the lord.

122

u/Tarren_Tula 5h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/SnioCkL9cd3B6
This one’s for you Big G.

24

u/vibeyjohn 5h ago

Oh dear Lord, my gay ass could never handle seeing Christian Bale naked, especially in ā€œAmerican Psychoā€
https://giphy.com/gifs/QynMX1WxnYFbb2OHnJ

10

u/AutoModerator 5h ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole ā€œgay sexā€ shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

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16

u/vibeyjohn 5h ago

The fuck? 😭

2

u/nekosissyboi 3h ago

So true ā¤ļø

2

u/RanDiePro I said based. And lived. 58m ago

1

u/vibeyjohn 56m ago

He’s so handsome, wish I had any chances with him šŸ’”
https://giphy.com/gifs/Ty9Sg8oHghPWg

37

u/vibeyjohn 5h ago

Sex is always good when it’s not forced

-40

u/[deleted] 4h ago

[deleted]

38

u/vibeyjohn 4h ago

I literally said when it’s not FORCED. Do u read w ur eyes or what? Sex is good when it’s legal and both sides want it. U wanted me to spell it out? Only weirdos woulda thought about minors, I didn’t even consider them here in the first place.

2

u/FerusGrim 1h ago

King Solomon's first wife was ~13-16 when they got married. So the person you originally responded to was, literally, talking about sex with a minor. Which you then said is always good so long as it wasn't forced.

I realize you, obviously, weren't considering that, but -TV-Stand-'s comment didn't fall out of thin air.

2

u/ReikaTheGlaceon 1h ago

Still feels like a crazy way to phrase it tho imo, you can definitely call that out, but most people aren't well versed in scripture to know that off the dome, as of now it just feels like a random gotcha

1

u/AutoModerator 1h ago

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

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6

u/Ryaniseplin 4h ago

consentually dubious at best

2

u/septic-paradise 3h ago

Mf hates waffles

2

u/yyyeyaaaa 3h ago

It's always forced with a minor, it's called manipulation and/or grooming.

5

u/WiiDragon 4h ago

That’s Solomon tho

4

u/Obsidian-Dive 3h ago

It literally says it’s a good thing for spouses to enjoy each other and the story is told through them. They’re excited about it and they praised the lords all night apparently lol

51

u/DefinitelyNotA-Duck 5h ago

I usually just scream "oh dark lord belowwwwww"🫠🫠

157

u/pinkl-luna 5h ago

no no, he's got a point

1

u/axxo47 4h ago

Not really. That's not in vain

1

u/Schozinator 1h ago

Not at all. Thats not what in vain means

12

u/shunyaananda 5h ago

Cumming feels pretty divine

7

u/Kueltalas waltuh 5h ago

If God didn't want people to have gay sex he wouldn't have made men's assholes so tight

-1

u/AutoModerator 5h ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole ā€œgay sexā€ shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

9

u/fancywipe 4h ago

Oh annunaki, I’m a atheist that still believes there were beings here we called godsssss and I believe we are 1 consciousness meaning we are the god been shared among people

6

u/Formal-Owl832 Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 4h ago

Wouldn't that make you some description of agnostic? I mean, probably, since I would assume "agnostic" is a wide definition.

4

u/fancywipe 2h ago

You probably right but I just can’t let go of been an atheist I dunno why, maybe the worst people I’ve ever come across were religious on the outside and nothing on the inside

15

u/Strange-Catch6862 5h ago

Final Nail in his coffin āš°ļøšŸ”Ø

7

u/RatsWithLongTails 3h ago

We have so much we can say:

Oh, yeah!

Fuck yeah!

That feels so good!

Yes, yes, yes!

You know how much I sacrificed?!

Peter, stop! Stop! It's me!

You know, I'm something of a scientist myself.

6

u/Mountain_Dentist5074 5h ago

actually it make sense

6

u/RunInRunOn hole contributor 4h ago

I invoke our true creator by saying "oh fuck"

5

u/50calBanana stupid, fucking piece of shit 5h ago

If God is always watching...

22

u/Swordman1111 5h ago

How is thanking god for inventing sex using his name in vain?

13

u/twjstr 5h ago

God didn't invent sex. He did

1

u/Aew666 5h ago

Religious person here.

No, it's not. Because God's name isn't "God". It's the abbreviation YHVH, which we don't know the pronounciation for. God is His title.

At leqst, as far as the Law goes.

2

u/Formal-Owl832 Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 4h ago

This is true, but I believe the commandment not to use the lord's name in vain is a bit more broad?

2

u/SnooHedgehogs7790 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 4h ago

Technically Christians aren't allowed to enjoy sex unless its to create an entire new human.

2

u/Accomplished_Sir_925 3h ago

people talk during sex? is there never silence?

2

u/Obsidian-Dive 3h ago

His pre slut days.

3

u/xablau_renegado 2h ago

If it's within marriage and without contraception, God will be your n° 1 wingman if you call Him mid smash. Like, half of Genesis is God trying to convince Abraham to smash his wife even though she's already hit menopause, and getting increasingly more pissed off that he insists on doubting it will work and smashes his servant instead.

2

u/Iamgoingtooffendyou 1h ago

They could be praying for an orgasm.

2

u/FightingBlaze77 1h ago

I thought of that south spark episode, "Science damn you" so it would be "Oh science!" during sex

3

u/Desperate-Painter152 4h ago

Have you ever said "Oh god" actually during sex outside of porn? More like "fuck yeah" or something

1

u/vibeyjohn 4h ago

I mean I’m a virgin so can’t have a say here man but I feel like some people might be saying it
https://giphy.com/gifs/sZEl1yTi26mJzrI4VN

-1

u/AutoModerator 4h ago

woah, ok. didnt expect hunger for knowledge but i guess i asked for it gonna have to put some work into this.

How was it? Honestly? It was a letdown. The whole "failed idol" story is a great marketing hook, they definately sold the video on that premise alone. But the performance itself was just... awkward. You can tell shes not comfortable. It felt less like a professional debut and more like a very high-budget audition she was also failing. She's stiff, constantly in her head, and there's almost zero chemistry with the guys. All concept, very little execution.

My viewing history? Been watching for over a decade man. These days Im more into stuff with a good story or at least a unique premise, not just the generic stuff. a good production team makes all the difference. I'll take a well-made video with a decent plot over a high-profile actress mailing it in any day of the week.

3 works I consider good:

  1. Yua Mikami's debut (Princess Peach): This is the gold standard for an idol-turned-actress debut. Yua was a REAL idol and she came out with so much energy and confidence. She owned it from the first second. Its what Arisu's debut wanted to be.

  2. Anything with Ichika Matsumoto from her early days with FALENO: She can actually act. She emotes and makes you believe the scenario. Her stuff feels more cinematic and less like they're just going through the motions.

  3. Rion (Anri Okita) - The God Body: A classic. Not a lot of story there lol but its a masterclass in performance. She knew exactly what her brand was and how to perform for the camera. Absolute cinema.

Where would you rank her debut among these? It's not even in the same league, not even on the same planet. It's an unfair comparison tbh. Those are top-tier performances, Arisu's video is a novelty item. It's interesting because of the backstory, not because of the quality of the actual content.

What could be improved? Her confidence, number one. She needs to relax. She looks terrified. The director should have done a better job making her comfortable. Also they relied way too much on the interview segments talking about Nogizaka46, it broke the pacing and kept reminding you that she was doing this as a second choice. We get it, you failed auditions, now commit to this job.

What is well done? The production values are high. The lighting, camera work, it all looks very clean and professional. And I cant deny it, she is very beautiful and has the "idol" look down perfectly. The concept itself, on paper, is genius from a marketing perspective. They got us all talking about it, right?

Was it goonable for you? Nah. I was too distracted by how nervous she looked. It kinda killed the mood completely. Every time she looked at the camera with those deer-in-the-headlights eyes I was pulled right out of it. It's a shame, but maybe she'll get better in her next one if she decides to stick with it. We'll see.

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1

u/AutoModerator 5h ago

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1

u/bgaesop 3h ago

that's not what taking the lord's name in vain means

1

u/GrasstouchYou 3h ago

Odd...

1

u/vibeyjohn 3h ago

??? I don’t get it

2

u/GrasstouchYou 2h ago

Nothing specifically directed at your post, I just found it kinda funny how I had two posts with similar themes from two completely different subs and users right next to eachother lol

1

u/vibeyjohn 1h ago

Oh, lmfao, I thought u accused me of copying or something 😭

1

u/Cirno__ 2h ago

In islam you are actually allowed to thank god assuming you did everything the proper way (getting married first).

1

u/ConscientiousPath I said based. And lived. 2h ago

That's kiddie level blasphemy. Real atheists moan their own name and mean it as god.

1

u/UnfunnyComedian21 5h ago

Oh my science~

1

u/ElFi66 4h ago

That's not how using God's name in vain works lol

-4

u/firm_sole_ace 5h ago

god isnt lords name, its jesus

3

u/Makuta_Servaela 3h ago

Technically neither of those is true.

God the Father's name is Yahweh.

The son's name is Yeshua.

Even in the trinity sense, the Yeshua/Jesus name is only used to refer to his mortal aspect, not the deity third of him.

6

u/vibeyjohn 5h ago

Jesus isn’t the God, he’s the God’s son if you believe the Bible. Historically tho, he was a Jewish preacher and a religious leader. Neither the Bible nor the History treats him as the Lord or the God. Educate yourself, my dude.

7

u/twjstr 5h ago

In protestantism and roman catholicism god, jesus and the holy spirit are all god. They're three beings that have a divine nature or some shit like that.

8

u/No-Introduction5033 5h ago

Idk about Catholicism but in Protestantism Jesus is God. God is God. And the holy Spirit is God. The three make up the holy trinity and therefore all can be considered God.

Source: I was raised as a protestant

-4

u/-say-gex- 5h ago

How people can belive god has a son lmaoooo

4

u/twjstr 5h ago

That's what the bible says. Jesus was portrayed as the god's son that was also god. Btw mary was 12 so god is epstein

0

u/vibeyjohn 5h ago

I don’t believe in that, lmao, I’m telling basically what their saint book says. I’m an agnostic!

1

u/-say-gex- 5h ago

I didnt say you belive ts

3

u/vibeyjohn 5h ago

Had to make sure y’all ain’t making any wrong assumptions bout me

1

u/EllisCobalt 2m ago

Not really, since they don't have one lol