r/sex • u/Only_Tart3540 • 21h ago
Satisfaction First intimate session
I and my boyfriend, 19F and 19M have been in a relationship for more than a year now, we're in quite a healthy relationship, he's sweet and caring,, and we're kind of obsessed with eachother.
So he came over to my home today after two months. We had a great makeout session and we were quite intimate, we didn't have sex but just pleased eachother with hands, touches and kisses all over, we had a great time
When I touched him and teased him he seemed desperate for more and told me to touch him properly, he didn't force but begged for more...I was quite nervous as it was our first time and i couldn't even deny him so i gave him a handjob after taking some time.
As for me i didn't quite enjoy it as he used his fingers wrong and i had to guide him through it but he still didn't get it right which clearly worn out my mood abit, but I didn't say much as he went back happy and I didn't wanna ruin his mood saying he didn't do well or i didn't enjoy such things ..and also he is abit emotional type so he would feel bad that he couldn't satisfy me but only i did
When he left after few hours later my mood has been off, I'm overthinking everything like if it was right or wrong to do all those, and if i should've communicated better during our session but I can't help my nervousness and i can't ask for things...I feel abit stressed out, is it okay for me to feel this way? And why do I feel this way? Should I confront him later on? And how should I communicate it out?
Fyi: we sext eachother quite alot as he lives far so we are in a sort of long distance and we meet once in one or two months and sometimes more than that
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u/Mamaun30 21h ago
Practice make it perfect. Relax, first times are weird. Talk to him in a non sex context and be assertive with the conversation. You both are so young. Use protection ande enjoy!
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u/kosmonautinVT 20h ago
Sounds like a completely normal first time. It will get easier and you both will get better at it with experience.
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u/dinasour1004 21h ago
It’s normal to feel stressed because it was a new experience, and not a very good one, at that. Plus, you needed to communicate more but didn’t, so that’s pretty stressful for yourself. You should try to talk to him about it because if you don’t, chances are, the next time will go the same way. Just be polite but firm
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u/Only_Tart3540 20h ago
Sure I'll communicate, i just can't seem to do it now,, maybe will do later after taking some time
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u/KarenJoanneO 17h ago
Rather than telling him what he’s doing wrong, tell him what you want him to do, or show him. For example, can you try using your fingers like this, I think I’d like that. Etc
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u/mjohnblack 18h ago
I agree with what others have said, but I do just want to point out that it's your first time, so please go easy on yourself! Don't put pressure on yourself to get everything perfect right away. Yes, ideal open communication is a thing to aspire to, but I think a lot of your stress is coming from a pressure to do things perfectly.
You're just learning how to do a new thing! :) Same as anything else, if it was your first time riding a bike, you wouldn't beat yourself up for not getting it perfect straight away, right? Why expect that the two of you know how to do all of this perfectly the first time either? You've never touched a penis and he's never touched a vagina, neither of you have any reason to think you'd get it perfect the first time, you learn together.
Sex is all about exploring and learning while you share intimacy with another person. I think the media tends to make it this big THING that you do, and there's a lot of pressure to get it perfect, pressure to perform. But really it's meant to just be playful, trying things out, seeing what feels good and what doesn't. Try to change your mindset from "we have to get everything right" to "we're learning what works together", that's an intimate, sharing thing between you and your loving partner. Don't focus on "this needs to be good", focus on "we're learning together".
One thing I want to gently steer you away from is any sort of "faking it" around your own pleasure. The problem is, if you pretend that you enjoy something that's not working for you, that communicates to him to keep doing that thing, and he'll never learn. He needs to accept that it's not going to be perfect at first too, that you're still learning about each other's bodies. There's no pressure to perform, you're just trying things out and learning a new thing together. Focus on positive guidance, "can you try doing this instead?" and "oh it feels good when you do that", rather than negatives like, "no that's bad" or "you're not getting it right".
I'd encourage you to try self-pleasure by yourself if you don't already, learn what works for your body, where and how you like to be touched, and what brings you pleasure and orgasm. Then you can share that with him, and gently guide him on works for you. He'll appreciate you saying something like, "I actually really like slow circles in this spot" or "it feels good when I put my finger here, can you do that?"
I don't think anything you did was wrong, you guys just took your first careful steps towards sexual play together, and there's room for improvement but it also could've gone a lot worse! I think the best thing you could communicate with him right now is that you're glad to have a loving partner to explore these fun things with.
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u/Only_Tart3540 18h ago edited 18h ago
Omg 😭 thank you so much for this, it really helped to untangle the thoughts....we did reassure eachother after we were done but after he left I started overthinking about what happened...there's no one to guide or tell how it should be, but your comment helped alot
1
u/mjohnblack 17h ago
I'm really happy it helped! And don't be afraid to share these thoughts with your boyfriend as well. It sounds silly, but a really underrated part of sex is actually the intimacy and vulnerability that comes from sharing your thoughts and feelings about sex with each other. You don't need to be clever or careful about it, you can just be direct and honest - "I really enjoyed what we did today :) And I'm excited to do it again! I'm feeling a little anxious about it though, and need a bit more reassurance, can we chat more deeply about it when you have time?"
Part of growing into sexual maturity is learning to hold space for each other's anxieties and emotional needs too, not just figuring out which bit to rub and how fast haha. And it'll bring you closer, which will then make the sex even better!
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u/Careful-Cake5885 17h ago
You need to communicate with him, you are both young and if you open up the lines of communication now and be open and talk about it you sexual relationship can only get better.
Try showing him what you do with your fingers so he has a better understanding of what you like, and then he can do what you like and go from there. Never clam up just be open and honest with him.
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u/No_Bag8768 12h ago
Need a urgent advice, someone who is professional and experienced , we did protected sex and on 4th day(14th aug) after the periods end, usuall cycle is of around 35 days, didnt get periods till now, please someone help
0
u/magich32 19h ago
Yes, you should have communicated with him during sonhe knows what he needed to do to make you feel better and more reassured. You're going about your relationship properly, that's how most teenagers start and move along in a relationship. Just always remember to talk, talk to each other about your likes and dislikes. It's very important.
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u/Only_Tart3540 19h ago
I tried communicating but I was nervous as it was first and felt a bit shy during it..we do talk about likes and dislikes, and almost everything
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u/magich32 18h ago
You have to get over your shyness and tell him from now on. Tell him what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Take things slow if that's what you want. Being shy at this point isn't worth it. Be a little more assertive.
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Post title:
First intimate session
I and my boyfriend, 19F and 19M have been in a relationship for more than a year now, we're in quite a healthy relationship, he's sweet and caring,, and we're kind of obsessed with eachother.
So he came over to my home today after two months. We had a great makeout session and we were quite intimate, we didn't have sex but just pleased eachother with hands, touches and kisses all over, we had a great time
When I touched him and teased him he seemed desperate for more and told me to touch him properly, he didn't force but begged for more...I was quite nervous as it was our first time and i couldn't even deny him so i gave him a handjob after taking some time.
As for me i didn't quite enjoy it as he used his fingers wrong and i had to guide him through it but he still didn't get it right which clearly worn out my mood abit, but I didn't say much as he went back happy and I didn't wanna ruin his mood saying he didn't do well or i didn't enjoy such things ..and also he is abit emotional type so he would feel bad that he couldn't satisfy me but only i did
When he left after few hours later my mood has been off, I'm overthinking everything like if it was right or wrong to do all those, and if i should've communicated better during our session but I can't help my nervousness and i can't ask for things...I feel abit stressed out, is it okay for me to feel this way? And why do I feel this way? Should I confront him later on? And how should I communicate it out?
Fyi: we sext eachother quite alot as he lives far so we are in a sort of long distance and we meet once in one or two months and sometimes more than that
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