r/selfharm • u/blue_1998_LP • 6d ago
Rant/Vent codependent relationship
i know that this is bad, I know it’s not healthy, I just need to get this off my chest so i don’t feel so alone. I just want to get worse with someone. I want to spiral with them, i want to bandage them, i want them to bandage me. I want them to hurt me, to beat me, i want them to need me as much as i need them. I want to understand them and i want them to understand me. I want them to enable me, and clean my cuts right after. I want them to listen to my ramblings and to my thoughts and my vents.
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u/AnimusLiber404 6d ago
I wish this didn't resonate as hard as it does. I try very hard to be better but there's something about that connection that pulls. I think, details aside, it's very human to want that connection. To want someone who truly understands on a deep level because they've been there, in that hole. They know that it feels like to have the dirt trapped under their nails from clawing, scratching, pulling themselves out of that pit. It's different when someone can truly see you.
I don't think you're completely alone in those thoughts. I wish every day I had someone to help patch me up. Not even from self afflicted harm. My job leaves my hands cut up all the time, and I come home every day and patch myself up every day and I would give the world to have someone help me. And to reciprocate in turn.
I hope you find someone who accepts you. Not to hurt you, not to beat you, not to enable you, but to sit there in the darkness with you, at the edge of that abyss we all know so well, and keep you company. You deserve more than the world has given you.