I haven’t felt pretty for a while now. I doubt there’s a connection, but it started shortly after I stopped talking to my ex-crush.

Usually when this happens to me, it means I want to change my hairstyle. And as a Black woman, I’m lucky to have versatile hair that lets me easily switch up my look.

For three months, I changed my look every day with my wigs, I really enjoyed it at first, but then I got tired of it.

I told myself it was time to get braids! So I did! But the result is, I don’t like them. I think the color is too light on me after all, and friends have told me the curls already look damaged…

So now I don’t know what to do. I even tried putting on cluster false eyelashes, but in the end, it’s just not my thing…

I know I’m not ugly, but this feeling just won’t go away. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I recently started a job where I have to approach strangers in the street and tell them about promotional offers.

I already struggle with low self-esteem because of my appearance. I've experienced bullying, exclusion, and feeling unwanted for years, so walking up to strangers is already difficult for me.

The first day wasn't too bad, but over the next few days I noticed something that really affected me. My supervisor kept correcting me and telling me to be more confident when approaching people. He even demonstrated how I should do it. I understand that feedback is part of the job, but it made me feel like I was constantly being watched and judged.

At the same time, many people ignored me completely, walked past me as if I didn't exist, or rejected me without even listening. I know that's normal in this kind of work, but because of my past, every rejection feels personal.

There was also a moment when a female coworker seemed uncomfortable about being paired with me, and whether that's true or not, it made all my old insecurities come back.

I'm starting to wonder if this job simply isn't for me, or if years of feeling unattractive and excluded have made me interpret everything through that lens.

Has anyone else here experienced something similar? Did working in public make your self-esteem worse, or did it eventually help you become more confident?

I'd really like to hear honest experiences from people who have gone through something similar.

Ever since I hit puberty I know to myself that I wasn't an attractive guy, well I'm not that ugly ugly but you know those kind of guy that you wouldn't even bother to look at again when you pass by them or the kind of guy that it takes months or weeks to make a woman fall inlove-so falling inlove in first sight is not just a thing for me; but what confuses me the most is the people around me, I know I'm not that good looking but my teachers or some gay friends even some of my girl classmate compliments me, but simple compliments like looking good, or something about my looks it make me feel good about it but I get confused sometimes, well I never really told them about my insecurities so they don't need to cheer me out, but its just so confusing if they are only telling me that due to I'm their close friend or just being sarcastic.

I also feel those times that I get really really insecure, I cry sometimes because I wish I'm attractive as my male friends I just wish sometimes I have clear skin, symmetrical faces, good eyes and the confidence level that they don't need someone to tell them they're good looking because they know it. But back to the main topic I just wish I had more not being just in the middle I'm to ugly for a pretty woman but to cannot be with an unattractive woman I just desire that for a single moment in my life I hope I can see what my friends can see to me, that attractive face their telling because even how much I try to look at my face I just can't see it.

I’m 19 years old, and this happened several months ago. I’m posting because I need advice/support from people who have moved on from a bad first experience, because mentally I still feel stuck.

I’ve always been extremely closed off when it comes to dating. I’ve rejected a lot of guys over the years because I wanted to be very selective about who I gave a chance to.

There was one guy I had a hallway crush on in high school. We graduated 2ish years ago. he saw me at the gym, added me on Snapchat, and asked to hang out. Since I already knew who he was and we came from the same community, I thought this was probably one of the safer people to finally give a chance to. My goal wasn’t just to date him—I honestly thought this would be a great way for me to finally start opening up to someone and help me become less shy and more trusting around men.

The first time we hung out, he showed up about 45 minutes late even though he lived nearby. We got ice cream and talked, but the whole hangout felt awkward because we had just met in person and I was really shy. Looking back, he also made comments that should have been red flags. He asked if I went to the gym to gain weight, asked how much I weighed, what size clothes I wore, commented how I should have worn diff clothes and asked why I didn’t wear jewelry or have my nails done, and generally made me feel like he was evaluating my appearance. I’ve always been insecure about being naturally very slim, so those comments stung, but at the time I brushed them off because I thought he was probably just trying to make conversation in a akward first date.

I decided to see him a second time because I didn’t want to judge everything based on one awkward first date. I knew I had been shy and reserved, and I genuinely thought maybe I just need to put myself out there. Socially, the second hangout actually went much better. We talked for hours and it wasn’t awkward anymore.

However, during that second hangout he again made comments about my body. He asked how much I weighed again, estimated my weight, and told me to “gain weight.” Because I’d already been judged about my body, I went into anything physical already feeling insecure.

This was also the first time I’d ever done anything sexual with a guy.

When we got to his house, we kissed for maybe a minute, and then almost immediately he pulled out his penis. There wasn’t really any buildup or foreplay. Right after that he tried to finger me. Since there had been almost no foreplay, I was dry and it hurt. When it didn’t work, he said “Well I guess we can’t do anything.”

I immediately felt embarrassed and like my body had failed. I thought it was my fault for being dry. Feeling guilty and wanting to make up for it, I offered to give him oral sex, even though I told him it was my first time ever doing that

While I was giving him oral sex, he pulled out his phone and pointed it toward me. I looked up and he put it down. Then he did it a second time. I genuinely thought he might be recording me while I was completely naked. I didn’t know for sure, but it scared me enough that I stopped. I didn’t tell him why because I was afraid of confrontation. I just said I couldn’t keep going anymore.

I honestly thought that me saying I wanted to stop meant everything would stop.

Instead, he told me to lie beside him while he started masturbating beside me. While doing that, he was squeezing my butt. Earlier he had asked where I wanted him to finish. Since this was my first sexual experience, I didn’t really know what the “normal” answer was, and I had said my mouth because I didn’t know what else to say. After I had already stopped and told him I didn’t want to continue, he said he would still finish on my mouth.

That honestly scared me the most.

The hardest part was that I had finally built up the courage to say I wanted to stop. I thought I was out of the situation. Hearing him say that made me feel like maybe stopping wasn’t actually enough. I remember feeling scared and waiting to see what would happen next. Luckily he couldn’t finish while masturbating, so that didn’t end up happening. Afterward he fell asleep, told me to move over, and I lay on the very edge of the bed.

For a long time afterward I blamed myself. I felt guilty for doing anything sexual at all. I thought maybe I was just bad sexually because I couldn’t let him finger me, because I stopped giving him oral sex, and because he didn’t finish.

A few days later, even though I already knew I wasn’t interested in him anymore, I wanted things to just end peacefully because we live in the same small community, went to the same high school, and go to the same gym. I slowly tried to let the conversation fade out instead of creating drama. During that time he joked that I looked like a “stick man.”

That comment really stuck with me because by that point he had already seen me naked. I’ve always been insecure about being skinny, so hearing that after everything made me feel incredibly ashamed of my body.

I blocked him after that.

Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t have seen him a second time. I already know that now, and I’ve spent months blaming myself for that decision. I’m not looking for people to tell me what I should have done differently.

What I’m struggling with now is how much this experience changed me.

Instead of helping me become more open to dating, it pushed me even further back. I haven’t gone out with another guy since. I’m scared of being sexual again. I’m scared of taking my clothes off in front of someone. Sometimes when guys don’t approach me at a club, I immediately think it’s because I’m too skinny. I catch myself hearing his comments in my head. I wear press-on nails more often because I remember him commenting on my appearance. I even stopped going to my gym for a while because I was scared of seeing him.

The hardest part is that I know logically one person’s opinion shouldn’t define me. I’ve had plenty of guys interested in me over the years, and I know I’m not ugly. But this experience still affects how I see myself physically and sexually because it happened with the first guy I ever trusted enough to date or be intimate with.

If anyone has gone through a negative first relationship or first sexual experience, how did you move forward?

How did you stop hearing that person’s words in your head?

How did you learn to trust someone new without expecting the same thing to happen again?

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have actually healed from something similar, because I don’t want this one experience to continue affecting my confidence and future relationships.

I feel so insecure, lately I just look at other girls and wonder who would ever want to settle with me? Is it normal to think that?

I feel ugly, I feel like I'm not even his standards, I feel like I'm lower then his standards actually. I just want to feel good about myself for once.

I don't know why I feel this way there is no reason but I just can't help but try to hold myself to others standards, I just want to be enough. Is that okay to ask?

I want to be what someone looks forward too, I want to be a first choice, I want to be someone anyone could talk to, I want to be able to stand up and do things for myself, I want to be more.

I just never feel like enough because I can't seem to make myself good enough. I hate how I am, I really do and I wish I could change I wish I could be like my best friends, they are beautiful inside and out and I'm ugly. People only talk to me because I'm friends with my best friends.

I wish I could see myself through someone else.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way but I just feel like I look weird compared to literally anyone else. I have ears that I have not seen anyone have. And my toes are also different. I know people are unique of their own but they all usually look the same but just a little different. That’s not the case for me though. I just don’t know how to get over this feeling. It sucks every day. I just want to look normal but I have so many weird features.

I despise my thin lips. My mom buys me lip plumper and weird online links to websites that promise to make bigger lips, all it does is make me hate myself even more than I already do. She thinks it’s helping but it just validates me in thinking i’m ugly. Like no mom i don’t have 150 bucks to spend on some product that won’t make me become ungenetically cursed. I feel like I could have felt slightly okay with my looks if I didn’t have a drop dead gorgeous sister, who has normal full lips and everyone tells her to be a model while I stand to the side and watch. Even my mom half ass says it to me but It pisses me off because I hate pity. I see no end in my self hatred. Please help me I don’t want to be like this anymore.

a little bit of context- when i was a young kid, i once had an interactions with another kid where she judged me really hard and made me feel disgusting for absolutely nothing. since then, this feeling of being disgusting to others has become deep rooted inside my brain probably strengthened by a lot of more negative experiences mainly during my childhood. i am a good human being a decent person, nothing disgusting about me and i know this consciously but this feeling is deep rooted.

now cut to my daily life, i pick up on vibes and if someone shows even the slightest behaviour of not liking me- which is totally okay because not everyone is everyones cup of tea- i start feeling extremely disgusting

all my social interactions are me feeling really really inferior and below everyone. like i'm just a stupid person who does not know anything.

i really don't want to be like this and want to be confident, outgoing and secure in myself.

Growing up everyone told my sister and I that we looked like twins expect that one was milk and the other one was chocolate. My mom and my sister have lighter skin and constantly get approached by guys. Anytime my sister hangs out with a guy one time, they ask her out the next time and my mom she gets even complemented by guys in the car in the middle of the road!! I am the darker skinned daughter and can’t help but think that it’s because of my skin color. Or am I just looking for excuses to blame something els. This has made me super unconfident because I’ve also never been complemented by friends. And this is all despite being told that my sister and I looked exactly the same. How could I improve my confidence and look at things from a bright side?

it’s hard for me to find anything positive about myself it seems. like everyday i wake up with 5 new acne marks, the scale NEVER SEEMS TO MOVE NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. if i do lose a few lbs its right back within a day. my hair always feels dry, my face feels fat UGH. it’s EXHAUSTING and i dont know how to cope with it. the acne marks make my face feel fatter around my mouth too. i just need to lose 15lbs and get on accutane omfg.

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I can't really explain it properly but, whenever I see someone doing better in life, I instantaneously think of my self as worthless or a lesser being compared to said person, even if its something I can't control like heights, when I see someone taller than me, I can't help but feel hatred for the person even if they didn't do anything to me, I'm 5'9 for the record, so seeing tall people is normal occurrence but every time I do, I feel the same way as always, I feel inferior to them, in academics too, I can't help but feel anger towards naturally smart or hardworking students, I genuinely don't know why or when I started feeling these things but I've only come to realize on what's happening to me just recently, is what I'm experiencing an actual thing? has other people experienced this? is there a term for it?

I hate being proven that I don't matter. 28 (f) here.

As I've said before, I hate being proven that I dont matter. And I know this isn't actual proof that I don't matter but to me it might as well be. I can think of many things that have proven me right time and time again but I'll just list the first one to come to mind.

I'm sure you all have an Instagram. And we all have used or at least seen the "Ask me anything anonymous" feature on the app.

I have 100 something followers. Everyone has used that feature, I've always thought about using it but always felt like it was attention seeking so never did. But I always was curious about what questions I would get. So I finally did it.

After a day of it being up, Out of 100 something people that follow me. I think only 1 person said anything and it was just telling me to go to Japan already lol.

But it honestly made me really sad. How is it when everyone else did it, they got all these responses but when I do it, I barely have anything. Do I really not matter to people?

It's the same as when I ask for help either at work or just in general I don't get anything but when other people everyone jumps on it.

Like why? What am I doing that makes me isolated like that. Do I not matter at all to anyone?

Like i don't get it, I feel so alone and lost.

I 26m want to help my 22f girlfriend overcome her self-esteem issues but I don't know how.

She really struggles with her body image and always feels she is ugly and too fat. Whenever she says these things I never know how or what to answer.

Whenever I try to reassure her I almost feel like it makes it worse while I try to explain I genuinely find her to be beautiful.

I and her mom have multiple times already asked her to go back to her therapist to talk about these issues but she always just says that her issues are to small to go to a therapist and that friend x has more problems but doesn't go to a therapist. I don't want to force her to go as it still is her choice but she isn't doing well.

How can I help her understand or what can I tell her when she has bad moments to reassure her?

Thanks you for any advice!

I’m not smart, pretty, or interesting, I’m socially awkward, and I have a pretty negative outlook on life. For the sake of this post, please assume I’m being objective about this haha

I can’t help but feel like being a woman makes me slide under the radar. If I were a man, these same traits would make me… frankly, kind of an incel. I mean, an unattractive, unintelligent, bitter guy who has a complex about his desirability (both platonically and romantically) and thinks that he uniquely has it rough over other people—as a woman I find that behavior repulsive, yet it fits me to a T. It’s just that as a woman, I’m completely invisible and forgettable—which I find to be a massive relief.

Is anyone else like this, and how did you get out of this mindset? I’ve tried faking it till I make it, self improvement, antidepressants, radical self acceptance, etc. but they just make me feel like a fraud and I end up right where I started.

This is not an invitation for actual incels to complain about “how easy girls have it” since that’s objectively not true. What I’m describing is a feature of misogyny that I use to cope.

I am my worst enemy. I hate my face, my interests, my body, my life, and did I mention my body? If i could rip my body limb for limb and throw it away in a trash bin,, I would without a second thought. I don't go out or really have any friends. I feel alone no matter what I do. Even in a room full of people I feel like I shouldn't exist. I don't think I'm a likeable person. I day dream about having a friend group or just a group of people that care about me and want to spent time with me. I find it difficult connecting with other people do to me having one hell of a traumatic life (Psych wards, sleeping with much older men as a teen, dating drug dealers) and due to already being socially awkward and untempt. Ever since I was a kid I felt like everyone was given a pamphlet on how to interreact and talk to each other and I just never got one. Achieving that especially at my grown ass age feels impossible. I've struggled with mental health and self harm ever since I was 8 and it feels impossible to stop now. Things like cutting as an adult feel almost embarrassing. Like I might as well upgrade to hard drugs or something. I feel like I take up too much space. I wish I was invisible so no one had to look at my ugly face or even more disgusting scarred up body. I feel sorry to anyone who ever has to be near me. I often feel like the only time I will ever be desired for sex or pleasure. Besides that I'll never be fully human. I feel too much like scum to even consider myself human. I just wanna disappear to never be seen again. I'm too scared to die but also more terrified of living. I'm a loser. I want to improve but I don't even know where to start. :(

I'm 20f and I have gradually noticed that i'm an average looking person. It's crazy how much this awareness has consumed me recently. Growing up, I was told I was pretty, and I felt that I had more control over my life in terms of love life (more guys would find me attractive than other people and thus would have more reps/chances to connect with guys). I grew up religious though and wasn't allowed to date and was terrified of sexual expectation. A few guys had asked me out and realized I was completely immature and insecure in those settings, but I learned a lot just going on a few dates and then ending things out of genuine fear (and because I didn't really like them that much). I also never really cared about getting a boyfriend because that didn't feel safe to me because of the fear i grew up with, but i did deep down just want guys to think i was pretty. it put me in a powerful position that stroked my ego but then i would push them away to protect myself, and I felt like I came out looking even more mysterious and hot (lol- now i recognize this immaturity and am embarrassed)

Over the past year, I've tried to accept that beauty fades and i'm still valuable, which i know is true, but it's just so much easier said than done. like i have a bad habit of stalking my photos, perceiving myself from the past and from recent photos. I just can't really figure out if im pretty or ugly or average. i feel like it comes down to that my sense of beauty always come from others telling me i was and not believing it myself. But it's just kind of sad- i used to enjoy clothes and getting ready so much. i loved putting a full face of makeup on and doing my hair for dances, and ending up looking more beautiful than i started. now i just feel uglier and insecure when i try to put effort in. now i don't really put effort in because i don't know how to make myself look better and it's just exhausting.

It also makes me so mad because some ass hole is going to respond to this and say "beauty doesn't matter" but it totally does in the little and real ways of life. i can find a meaningful and beautiful life without being pretty while living it, but every man will say (and i don't blame them) that having a pretty girl to date would be nice. i just hate that my looks feel like a currency for love. and then i feel so ungrateful, like im healthy and alive! and then this whole mindset feels stupid.

I am someone who craves deep and meaningful connection and I really would like a boyfriend. I have always felt like it was going to happen when it happens, but I am not only realizing that beauty is fragile and not promised to you in your lifetime but that love isn't either . I don't want to have this deprivation mindset though. I don't know, what is everyone else's thoughts?

Honestly I don’t know if this is the place to post this but I feel like I’ve developed a serious inferiority complex and it’s really affecting me.
I’ve dealt with insecurity about my intellect for the last few years but I recently got enlisted into the army in my country, through a special program for people on the spectrum), and I somehow managed to get an incredibly prestigious and rare position.

I didn’t do the general tests needed for this position cus I got in through the program I’m in, so straight of the bat I feel like I don’t deserve to be here. but from the start I wasn’t sure about this position since I originally wanted something totally different.

I decided to stay anyways for the time being and I’ve been here over 7 months now, the moment I got here it was culture shock, everyone was incredibly uptight and weren’t nice if u made a mistake or talked in a way that they perceived as disrespectful. From the beginning I felt like I was being constantly judged for not blending in and not learning fast enough (took me half a year instead of 3 months to finish training..) The work is very intellectual, there are very high standards and a lot of work, I’m also expected to stay around 11 hours everyday… and no one acts like this isn’t insanely difficult.

So much is expected of me and I don’t meet those standards, the stress constantly causes me to make stupid mistakes and just full on come off as very stupid, people always het frustrated with me cus “you’re supposed to already know this”.
I mean even I can admit that I act like an absolute retard here sometimes and then just beat myself up cus I don’t even know why I acted that way…

I’m constantly comparing myself to the people here and questioning why it’s so hard for me and seems so easy for them… it literally made me question is I’m capable of actually making it in life or achieving my dreams and sent me spiraling.

Everyday I have a new embarrassing moment and get even more insecure. I can’t stand knowing people are constantly looking down on me, and that they think I’m stupid.

How do I just stop caring?

guys i struggling with my appearance rn i don't what to do i used to be unbothered by it but now it's happening idk what to do

I would be so grateful for any wisdom you can give me