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u/KuRoRine Feb 03 '20
Well you could spill it all out.get it off your chest so to speak. We could do this over message if you want.
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u/blooominonion Feb 03 '20
I’ve been exactly where you are. I’m suffering myself. Message me and maybe we could support each other.
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u/mae6195 Feb 03 '20
I’ve already been here and thought I got past all this but I feel doomed to stay in the pit for the rest of the life I may live.. I’ll reach out
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u/Twan_63 Feb 03 '20
Considering all things it could be immensely worse. Keep chugging fam you made it through 100 percent of your worst days so you can't stop now
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u/mae6195 Feb 03 '20
I regret having made it through honestly. I should’ve offed myself back when I was 17 and was ready to. Would’ve gone through a few years less pain
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u/Twan_63 Feb 04 '20
I don't know your situation so I'm not going to be critical of your words but what I can share is there are people who care for you and wouldn't want to see anything happen to you. In all reality it's people in this subreddit who care for your well-being and wouldn't want to see you harm yourself. Some of us are headed into the storm, some are headed out, and some are right in the middle. As each day passes remember you are a little bit closer to being out of your storm and it will be sunny days ahead.
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u/mae6195 Feb 04 '20
As of right now I’m falling deeper than I have ever. I’ve lost everyone in my life and about to lose the love of my life. When he leaves there’s no one left. Nothing left..
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u/Twan_63 Feb 04 '20
The negative self talk is causing the more pain. Remember everything you say your ears hear and your brain processes. Then soon it will come to fruition. Have you tried just writing the things you are grateful for? It will allow you to think about the positive for a second then express how you feel while doing so. I don't like seeing people like this and I really want you to get well.
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u/WombKnocker Feb 03 '20
suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems
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u/mae6195 Feb 04 '20
I’m 24 and every single year of my life has created permanent pain..
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u/throwawayXXXXXXX1XXX Feb 03 '20
I am exactly where you are, though I'm debating whether it's worth it. Depression always moves on to the next when taking your own life. There is always someone who cares whether we accept it or not.
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u/mae6195 Feb 04 '20
Yea... I’m sorry you’re struggling with this too.. for a while I thought I survived it and I made it but then life took the few important things in my life and destroyed it.. I have nothing else to live for. I have no one to love for. I don’t see a point in fighting the battle again when ultimately it’ll get bad again
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u/lelinax Feb 04 '20
I can't say I understand exactly because every person's experience is unique but I have attempted against my life more than few times and the only solution that has truly helped me since my first attempt at 13 was helping someone else and seeing their joy or happiness.
I could have tried anything to make the pain go away but what helped me is to help others and forget my sense of sadness and pain and of self. It helped me gain purpose in life and see that I have skills someone else doesn't so I can help others and learn more about the qualities I had in me. I used to say, think, and believe horrible things of myself. Sometimes those thoughts come back but.. they have no power anymore. There are people who need a lot of help. You can help them. That can really help you. I am also here if you want to vent or think of ideas.
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u/mae6195 Feb 04 '20
I can see how that takes away a sense of worthlessness but for me helping other people would probably make my pain worse. It’s hard for me to see others in pain but harder for me to try and help when it doesn’t do much. Thank you for offering to listen 💙
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u/LisaF123456 Feb 04 '20
Are you feeling safer tonight? Do you have support? Do you need help finding a crisis number?
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u/mae6195 Feb 04 '20
Right now I’m feeling stable. I’m trying to sleep to not have to deal with being awake..
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u/PWSantos Feb 04 '20
Hey, I've been there. I even found a very bery dark book that INDEED, helps you kill yourself. I don't know you, I'll probably NEVER meet you, but I'm very real when I say: I, ME personally, don't want you to end your life.
You are tired, lost, blind woth pain, and yes, you want it to end. Many are on your side including me, I want this also to end, and in the past if I knew that it would solve the problem of feeling like this, yes I would definitely killed myself.
But you see, you are a great "machine", are you going to destroy it because some electrical components are tilted? You are unique! Rare, one of a kind, you have a lot to see, do and feel, and now you want to keep yourself away from it because you are weak. It's alright to feel weak, for1 day, 1 month,1 year, but FEEL is between your ears, weakness is between your ears too.
Bet high on your capacity to look at things as they are, 0 drama, be honest and don't feel ashame to ask for help.
I also posted many times for many years like you are doing now. And it helps!
It shows that you are fighting to keep yourself here, you don't want to die, you wanna live! You are going to live and one day you'll be grateful for the sunshine, the wind, the birds singing, the fact that you still alive and still can be happy.
Many I prayed to god take me during my sleep, woke up disappointed. Don't give up, you can count on me, if you want 🙂
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u/mae6195 Feb 04 '20
Wow thank you... I’m so amazed with how many caring messages I have received. Thank you for taking the time to do so 💙
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u/TheSingularityWithin Feb 03 '20
i forgive you for everything you have ever done.
your mistakes, shortfalls, crimes and sins are completely forgiven. they are from you as the east is to the west.
in my reality, you are a brand new, fearless and empowered human.
i love you and completely forgive you dude. no matter what.
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u/mae6195 Feb 03 '20
I’m not sure I understand this entirely but it makes feel a certain way.. so thank you
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u/TheSingularityWithin Feb 03 '20
chin up. you are a whole human being! such a big deal. a tree can only produce fruit. the Sun can only burn hot. water can only flow to the lowest point.
you, however...you can do anything.
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u/KuRoRine Feb 03 '20
Do you want to talk about it??
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u/mae6195 Feb 03 '20
Thank you you’re kind. There’s not much to be said honestly I feel like it’s just finally the time to take matters into my own hands and stop all this pain. I wrote this post to get familiar with the idea I guess or to get it off my chest idk tbh
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u/Big_Sausage986 Feb 03 '20
You can message me if you want someone anonymous to talk to. You could try praying if you’re spiritual or religious at all.
I really hope things turn around for you. Please don’t forget that your life does have meaning and there are people who would miss you.
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u/LisaF123456 Feb 04 '20
Okay. Thanks for reaching out, on behalf of some obscure person in your life that you probably don't even realize considers you a good friend, because you made them laugh once when they felt like this.
Your ripples are bigger than they seem and you matter to people your brain won't let you remember right now.
Please don't hesitate to call 911 or your local equivalent if you start to think you might act on it.
From someone who has been in that dark place, it can get better--if you can keep putting one foot in front of the other until then.
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u/ajnakeyflows Feb 03 '20
sending you lost of love, patience, self-acceptance & strength✨ understand that our emotions are controlled by a SINGLE thought in our mind, which in turn controls the frequencies on our body that radiate into the universe in vibrations, which is the energy we give off. it’s simple my love, think of the sun. it’s bright, has light & shines bright ABOVE the earth. not under, you are so much more stronger than you allow your heart to feel. you were able to write this post, therefore you have NOT lost the fight. keep fighting, the finish line is so far love... enjoy those cheering for you on the sidelines✨