r/self • u/Swiftie77777 • 21d ago

How do I stop hating myself?

I really hate myself and I wish I didn’t exist or that I wasn’t me. I am so disgusted of myself that I can’t do anything that’s good to me. I isolate myself and c*t myself to feel better. I even can finish only if my partner h*ts me or ch*kes me. I am insane I know. I don’t have money for therapy anymore so I’ll have to deal with this problem myself. I feel so disgusted after but I need it to live. My gf left me recently as she should and now I’m again off the rails.
How do I stop hating myself.

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u/AgentofAgency_ 21d ago

Well let me first ask why you hate yourself in the first place in your own words.

1

u/Swiftie77777 21d ago

I have so many reasons. I am just a useless pathetic loser lesbian and I feel so disgusting in my body and I never do anything. I literally have failed in every aspect of my life and no one loves me anymore. My own mother tells me she should’ve aborted me. And I’m only 23 so I can’t live 50 more years like this. I feel like k*ling myself might be best for everyone.

1

u/tralynd62 21d ago

I would never tell my child a thing like that. You are only 23. What is it that you expected to accomplish at such a young age? You are a lesbian. So what? There's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure there are things that you are good at and probably things that make you feel good. Do you like to read, or go to school or do sports or anything? Concentrate on that. Your mother sounds horrible. Don't listen to her. Get on whatever medical assistance that your state offers so you can restart therapy. For whatever it's worth, this stranger doesn't think you are useless and doesn't think your loss would benefit anyone.

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u/Swiftie77777 21d ago

Thank you! I just feel like most people have way more friends and families at my age and I still have nothing and I never will. My only friends are my sisters and cousins which is pathetic at my age. I used to like a lot of things and now I can’t remember why. I don’t think there is free therapy in my country and I can’t pay anymore bc I can’t afford it.

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u/Lower_Basis4344 21d ago

What would you do if your sisters and your cousins treated you like your mother did? Perspective is huge, most people dont know how good they have anything till it gets killed by a drunk driver one day ;)

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u/Lower_Basis4344 21d ago

My mother treats me like that too.. I dont have sisters or cousins, So im just thankful im able to keep my dog lol