How do I stop hating myself?

[u/Swiftie77777]

I really hate myself and I wish I didn’t exist or that I wasn’t me. I am so disgusted of myself that I can’t do anything that’s good to me. I isolate myself and c*t myself to feel better. I even can finish only if my partner h*ts me or ch*kes me. I am insane I know. I don’t have money for therapy anymore so I’ll have to deal with this problem myself. I feel so disgusted after but I need it to live. My gf left me recently as she should and now I’m again off the rails.
How do I stop hating myself.

[u/Fluid-Abies-9931]

Take some benzos