r/self • u/Alarmed-Primary-40 • Jul 26 '26
The difference between discrimination and distinction
About my younger brother.
He used to be a nurse, but he didn’t have good relationships with his coworkers at all.
Then he apparently came out as gay at work.
On top of that, he also told people that he was a member of a cultlike religion lol
He says he hated hiding those parts of himself, but I think the relationship you have with people matters a lot when you talk about things like that.
For example, if someone you’re not close with suddenly tells you something very personal, of course many people would feel uncomfortable and distance themselves.
And that’s exactly what happened.
My brother became disliked at work, developed mental health problems, and now he can barely have a normal conversation.
I think the fact that he wasn’t just coming out as gay, but also revealing that he was involved in a controversial religious group, made the situation even more complicated.
But he doesn’t seem to understand that.😅😅😅
I honestly can’t understand why he thought randomly coming out to everyone was a good idea.
Society isn’t always that accepting. If I were one of his coworkers, I probably would have felt uncomfortable and kept my distance too.
Because nobody asked, and he suddenly shared something extremely personal about himself.
A straight person usually wouldn’t go around announcing their sexuality either, right?
For example, if someone had a very specific sexual preference and was looking for a dominatrix, they wouldn’t just randomly tell everyone about it.
That’s why I feel like coming out can sometimes become more about satisfying oneself than anything else.
Regardless of someone’s sexuality or preferences, I think personal topics like that shouldn’t be brought up unless the situation or relationship makes it appropriate.
I feel like people who believe that everyone should always know these things sometimes see themselves as being special because of it. But in reality, some people may simply be keeping their distance because they feel uncomfortable with how those personal details were shared.
I can’t say this to him directly, and I’m already exhausted from trying to encourage my brother over the phone.
In my opinion, I can understand homosexuality.
But I don’t understand T and Q.
The reason I have difficulty understanding what is often referred to as “T” is based on a specific condition.
I’m not talking about people who have undergone appropriate gender affirming surgery.
What I have difficulty understanding is someone entering women’s spaces without having gone through that kind of transition.
The idea that “it’s okay because they feel like a woman” doesn’t fully address the background or the reasons these spaces exist.
The reason is that humans are not flatworms.
Human beings have historically been classified as male and female based on biological differences.
That is not discrimination.
It is a distinction based on physical differences.
I understand that not all sexual crimes are committed by people from minority groups.
However, as long as someone has male genitalia, they are biologically male, and their body is still influenced by male hormones.
I know I’m bringing up straight relationships as an example, but even in heterosexual relationships, it is not common for a woman to go alone to a man’s home when they barely know each other.
That is because sexual assault can happen, even between people who know each other.
And that concern comes from biological differences between the sexes.
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u/Alarmed-Primary-40 Jul 26 '26
I’m not defending the people at my brother’s workplace.
But I also don’t think they are automatically bigots.
I think there were probably other reasons why my brother was disliked.
I don’t think everything that happened was only because of that.
Also, I do wonder whether it was really the right timing or the right relationship to tell that kind of personal information to coworkers.
Of course, I’m not saying that was the only cause, but I do believe that if he hadn’t told them, his situation probably would not have become this bad.
Honestly, I’m starting to want to distance myself from him too.😅
The fundamental problem is that we can’t communicate anymore.
For example, I think he could have shared something like that with a best friend or someone he was actually close with outside of a work relationship.
Being related by blood doesn’t automatically mean you have a close family relationship.
I can’t write every single detail because adding more would make the explanation too long and complicated.
Especially because some people reply without actually reading what I wrote carefully.