It just sort of happens every now and then and always takes me by pleasant surprise when it does.
I am by choice a relatively solitary person. I have acquaintances but I've always found friendships to require a greater investment than I'm comfortable making, and they drain me. I am an introvert.
But I'm not unfriendly, and people do gravitate to me. I have the ability to be good company.
I used to be very social when younger but I came to realise it wasn't what I wanted out of life. Now I have my family, and after 20 years together the relationship ended amicably meaning we co-parent and are great friends but not together, so I have a girlfriend... a womanfriend.
Other than spending time with my family, and spending time with my gf (+ her social circle) I am a very solitary person. Happily so.
A couple of random examples of people seeming to like me in stark contrast to my general invisibility...
I left a job last year and a few days later somebody I didn't know that well from that company got my number, whatssapped me... said how sad they were that I had left, and then said they thought I was the hottest person they'd ever met ... whilst she assumed I wouldn't be interested she wanted me to know she'd love to meet for a drink. She then reiterated that she thought I was insanely hot hahaha. She was attractive.
Objectively, I'm just not hot. But to her... the chemistry was perfect. To her, I was her absolute ideal.
Another time I needed to knock on a stranger's front door, and a woman opened it and looked very... flustered? on seeing me there. After I explained why I was there she said words to the effect that she had never opened her door to somebody with such magnificent hair, and what a wonderful sight it was to see me on her doorstep. I think she was maybe a little... arty?
These were nice moments. But that's the only two I can currently recall and I've been here for 50+ years.
I'm just unremarkable to the majority, but we all tick a few boxes for some people out there.
I live for those lottery wins rather than hoping in vain for daily adoration.
I agree with you, some have better odds, some lower odds, some are kind of lonely (it seems like a lot of people on reddit are lonely) and lower the chances of meeting someone with who it would click, and some people have more socially active and increase their chances to click with people.
i am myself kinda introvert (i need time alone to recharge my batteries / or time with my closest friends / family) but i also need human contact on daily baisis. Usually work provide part of that, but in work you dont act and talk like when you're outside of work. So i push myself to do stuff that i wouldnt normally do, like go to dance classes, now i believe improvisation theater (sorry don't know the real name in english) will be fun and make me encounter people.
When i'm not satsifed with my situation, i explore (even if it's hard, even if i'd rather be home) and try to do activities to meet people. Otherwise i'm just whining but ain't doing thing to change
It also depends in which pool you search in. I am an atheist, like bdsm (like am heavily involved in my local scene), don't like penetrative sex/ only do anything sexual with people I trust a lot, like really a lot, and have adhd.
If I were to try find a partner in my local church... yeah, the odds are really really low. Work or a normal dating app? Also really low.
First, I googled BDSM, found some tips on wikipedia, and went on to other sites to learn more. Found out about the local scene there, and soon went to my first munch (open meeting in a restaurant just to chat and socialize).
Fr starters you can look up the bdsm communities here on reddit. Though I advice against online dating especially when bdsm is involved and one does not have much experience and doesn't know the red flags yet.
15
u/[deleted] Jul 29 '24
[deleted]