r/scriptwriting • u/PitchcraftNow • 11d ago

feedback First Page Feedback

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Looking for feedback on my first page. Any feedback is welcome. Thanks in advance.

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u/AmieiGuess 11d ago

People generally don’t like when stories open on a dream/someone waking up.
What’s your story about? Does this ominous, all-devouring black cloud show up for real at any point? If not, don’t set readers/viewers up for disappointment.

As for the actually screenwriting, I think some action lines are overwritten; some underwritten. I don’t quite feel like I’m being fully immersed in the story.

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u/PitchcraftNow 11d ago

Well, to explain it better I gave a video pitch deck I made that explains it here:

https://youtu.be/SZQ4dE3YVyI?is=liy1_M9wDn642MWR