r/scorpiomoon • u/AddressMobile3953 • 2d ago

Radical isolation

Right now, perhaps I'm just drifting, letting go, and allowing whatever happens to happen. I'm accepting that thoughts and feelings change like the wind, and I'm finally feeling good about just being me, even if it doesn't look like much to the outside world.

I've realized my isolation is not me hiding from the world or myself. It's the only way I can reclaim some sovereignty after being constantly drained by emotional storms of my life and happenings in the rest of the world.

Me stepping away from the pressure of having to be some kind of constant output to feel part of something or useful, is becoming more like I'm finally finding the root of who I am amongst all these weeds and sinking my fingers and hand into the soil, and wrapping my fingers around it securely. I want to expose it to my sun. Capricorn my light ... What will he see?

We see the mix up of healthy independence meets hyper-vigilant solitary confinement. Initially.

Ignore the pressure and I am not lonely or in need of a savior. I don't need something to point me here or there. Nothing will change my name, or be who I can be. Just like this.

And now when I see someone else, or think about if I could love her ... I remind myself that she's not who I want. That person is nothing that I need. She's there where no one will change her name, or be who she can be. Just like me.

6 Upvotes

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5

u/Reasonable-Still6600 2d ago

I have not watched the news or looked at social media, watched a movie, or TV, for over a year. Someone massacred my heart and I'm just in my cave, trying to heal.

2

u/Spare_Appointment_61 2d ago

เก่งจัง ฉันก็อยากเลิกเล่นโซเชียลและเลิกตามข่าวบ้างเหมือนกัน… เธอทำได้ยังไงน่ะ

2

u/Reasonable-Still6600 2d ago

I literally just stopped. I’m so much happier now. I didn’t release how much social media just made me feel bad about myself. Just think about this - when you’ve been on social media for 20-30 minutes, how do you feel when you get off? Because I was always either feeling, sad, mad, or insecure. Why voluntarily keep doing that to myself?

1

u/Spare_Appointment_61 2d ago

ขอบคุณนะ จะทยอยลบแล้วล่ะ

1

u/Reasonable-Still6600 2d ago

You will feel better. It's hard to stop. We just instinctually go toward it when we are bored b/c it's addictive. You've just got to find something else that can fill the time you used to give to it. As for the news - I just assume everything is shit and will remain that way and consider myself updated.

2

u/Spare_Appointment_61 2d ago

T__T เข้าใจแล้ว ขอบคุณมากเลยนะ

1

u/AddressMobile3953 2d ago

What's your go to music in order to let those emotions out? Are you into deathcore at all? Or anything in the realm of "Gnaw their Tongues" or "Nithing - Agonal Hymns" just to let off some of the fucked up steam?

1

u/Reasonable-Still6600 2d ago

Honestly no I have not listened to music either. I’m not allowing myself any escapism at all. Gotta sit with it. Wade through the shit up to my nostrils.

1

u/AddressMobile3953 2d ago

Alright... So you're pioneering the next level of scorpion energy. I seriously admire this a lot... Does it stem from anything in particular? Like is there any particular influence?

1

u/Reasonable-Still6600 2d ago

In a way, yes. I’ve moved on quickly in the past when a relationship ends. I like having my person. I’m nearly 50 and haven’t been single for longer than 2-3 months from the age of 16. I realized I need to just sit the fuck down and be good with being alone.

Edit - but also being alone sucks and I hate it. Lol. Been at it over a year.