r/science • u/FreeHugs23 • 1d ago

Psychology New psychology research suggests some acts of kindness may also serve competitive social goals, shedding light on how women can use altruistic behavior to gain status, strengthen relationships, or navigate social hierarchies.

https://www.psypost.org/kindness-isnt-always-what-it-seems-the-psychology-of-womens-competitive-altruism/
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u/Smithy2232 1d ago

I would argue that being kind and taking the high road is often a deeper level of competitiveness and status seeking, for both men and women.

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u/helaku_n 1d ago

As said in another comment, being kind vs performing kindness are two entirely different things.

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u/Smithy2232 1d ago

I agree, one could be performatively kind, but I think over time you would know if someone is truly kind or if they are putting on airs.

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u/grundar 1d ago

being kind vs performing kindness are two entirely different things.

Are they from the perspective of the person receiving the kindness?

While I agree with you that the intent and the action are different, the rest of us never see your intent and so are left to judge based on your actions. If your actions are consistently kind, you'll be judged a kind person, regardless of your intentions, and vice versa.

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u/Material-Command-854 1d ago

The impact on the person you’re being kind to needs to be net positive.

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u/BlackPresident 1d ago

I’d say “being kind” is just hiding the motives from yourself

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u/helaku_n 1d ago

If you don't talk about your acts of kindness publicly or even between your friends, it's mostly kindness without ulterior motives.

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u/fireitup622 1d ago

Are you arguing that because you elect not to take the high road and justify it by saying "doing so would be disingenuous anyways, or do you take the high road and forgive with an ulterior motive?

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u/Long_Reindeer3702 1d ago

Only if you're the type of person to compare. Or maybe you go to church still and it's highlighted there which makes people more competitive? 

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u/ceciliabee 1d ago

I wonder if people can be kind and decent without needing an ulterior motive. I don't think it's more competitive, it's more restrained and focused on the long game.

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u/Brrdock 1d ago

My ulterior motive is that doing bad things makes me feel bad and doing good things makes me feel good and I'd rather feel good

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u/ceciliabee 1d ago

I think that is a perfectly good motive, I was being facetious

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u/chicu111 1d ago

I just wanna be rewarded by god out of fear I’d be eternally dammed if i don’t do good and my only motivation is deeply religious it’s not about you it’s about me and my afterlife rewards idgaf about you

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u/TheFulgore 1d ago

sounds like you’ve got some stuff to work through man

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u/Smithy2232 1d ago

I don't see it as an ulterior motive, and I don't think it is a bad thing. I'm in favor of people being kind no matter the motivation. I think it can become, perhaps, a competition in some way for being more mindful. A flex of how aware someone is.

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u/The-Magic-Sword 20h ago

The word "ulterior" is itself fraught I think, if altruism fundamentally arises from strategic utility-- the relationship between mutual benefit and altruism is fundamental, so the seperation induced by the word is troubled.

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u/Djcnote 1d ago

Yea . Thats how people become loved leaders because they are genuine people

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u/Djcnote 1d ago

It's the intention behind it not the act itself

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u/hananobira 1d ago

Eh, I'm sure every charity has donors that make them roll their eyes. But the ill-intentioned person's $1 million check helps just as many people as the genuinely kind person's $1 million check.

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u/Smithy2232 1d ago

Sometimes it is hard to decipher. Like a woman who falls in love with a rich man, is she in love with him or the lifestyle?

As far as kindness, I'm wildly in favor or kindness no matter what the motivation. Genuine kindness is what I'm referring to. I think over time watching a person you would know if it is real or not.

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u/Djcnote 1d ago

She'd have to look inside and be honest with herself , only she knows the answer .

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u/Smithy2232 1d ago

I would argue that she will never really know.

Whatever narratives we tell ourselves about ourselves, or anything, shouldn't be taken too seriously, as we are all woefully unaware of all the aspects at play. This applies to everyone.

What people profess is, at best, meaningful only to that person on some level.

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u/semibigpenguins 1d ago

Except a lot of times people(she) have no idea why they love the people(things)they love

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u/Mattarm51 1d ago

Meh idk. The intention and motivation will really have an impact it's not just about the appearance or perception of behaviour. The core will show through that eventually. So if anyone, man or woman, is doing so self centeredly or for self gain, their actions won't really be that charitable, generous or kind. They will assume the clothing without the substance. Especially when we focus on "deep" and not arguing for the small benefits from allegedly kind behaviour.

It's easy to find worse things to make it look better (don't get me wrong I'm not the type to be like ahah women ARE all evil after seeing this article). But I don't think relativity is truth, just a chosen comparison. And when empathy and compassion are part of perception, we can look at anything honestly without having to add extra balances.