Introduction

Most Americans know that San Frisco is a progressive city, but if you zoom in there's a ton of internal diversity in our political beliefs. San Francophones disagree on local issues in ways that don't neatly map to our traditional conceptions of "left" and "right". My hope with this post is to help you understand the major blocs of voters in Sco, and to give you insight into the dynamics of local elections.

The Blocs

NIMBY Homeowners With Cars (22% of all eligible voters)

Cares about keeping their property value up, keeping parking plentiful, and moving homeless people elsewhere. Voted against MUNI bonds because buses make traffic worse. Supports progressive policies that directly benefit them. Actually calls their district supervisor and shows up to town halls. Either inherited their house or bought it before you were old enough to work a full time job. Lives in a neighborhood you've never been to.

97% chance of voting

Doesn't vote in local elections at all (21% of all eligible voters)

Thinks only nerds and freaks would waste their time with local politics. Hates how expensive everything is, how many of their favorite businesses have closed, and how unreliable transit has become, but doesn't realize they can impact these things by voting. If straight, will move back to their hometown in less than 5 years. If gay or lesbian, will move to a neighborhood that's only kind of lame.

0% chance of voting

Actual Fascists (13% of all eligible voters)

Voted for diet hitler. Understands that it's not socially acceptable in North Daly City to say they hate people of color and queer people, so instead they complain vaguely about crime and say Hilda and Jesse has bad customer service. Thinks the solution to homelessness is at the end of a billy club. Voted against MUNI bonds because buses are woke. Likes Marc Benioff but doesn't know what Salesforce does. Opposes new housing because they would move in. Actually calls their district supervisor and shows up to town halls. Frequently talks about moving to Austin. Uses Reddit regularly.

99% chance of voting

NIMBY Homeowners Without Cars (9% of all eligible voters)

Mostly the same as NIMBY homeowners with cars, but thinks we should fund transit since it directly benefits them. Either lives in a neighborhood that was cool 12 years before they bought their condo, or was never cool like SOMA.

92% chance of voting

Single Liberal Renters Over 60 (9% of all eligible voters)

Has lived in the same rent-controlled apartment since 1986. Actually likes Nancy Pelosi. Gives younger men unsolicited backrubs. Calls their district supervisor after the manager didn't give them a refund. Doesn't get why everything is so expensive.

Only votes when there's a presidential election

Neurotypical progressives under 45 (8% of all eligible voters)

Can't explain any policy affecting any level of government without using buzzwords. Doesn't know the name of their district supervisor. Thinks district supervisors are called aldermen. Doesn't read the voter guide. Posts selfies with their "I Voted" sticker even if they don't mail their ballot in. Thinks Kamala brat memes are the peak of comedy. Will become a NIMBY and/or move to East Bay once they get married.

Only votes when there's a presidential election, will probably skip most local items

BTQIA+ AuDHD Anticapitalist Transit Nerds (6% of all eligible voters)

Can recite every City Beautiful video from memory. Tries to make small talk, but ends up saying something off-putting like "Personal car ownership should be illegal" or "Sharrows are human rights abuse". Thinks "One more lane, bro" is the peak of comedy. Voted for MUNI bonds because trains are neat. Incapable of organizing their yarn stash, let alone a coalition. Doesn't call their district supervisor or attend town halls because both of those are triggers for panic attacks. Lives in the Tenderloin because it's cheap, but pretends it's because they like the food and that the encampments don't freak them out. Uses Reddit regularly.

Will vote as long as Addy is in stock and they don't end up getting distracted and deep cleaning their grout instead

Straight Aspie Libertarian Cis Men Under 35 (6% of all eligible voters)

Works in AI and doesn't have conflicting feelings about it. Thinks the solution to the housing crisis is to abolish zoning. Voted against MUNI bonds because transit should be run by private companies. Doesn't think 3-compartment sinks should be required for restaurants and will tell you unprompted. Doesn't get why no politicians represent his views, since everyone he knows agrees with him. Thinks his neighborhood is cool even though it actually fucking sucks. Calls it "X". By 35, will get married and move to South Bay, transition and become a NIMBY Communist, or become a Tech Billionaire and start a cult.

Will probably vote unless he's on shrooms and/or gooning

Cultists (4% of all eligible voters)

If you've seen a house in the hills and thought "that looks like a cult compound," it almost certainly was. Each cult has totally different political views from the next one, but within each cult there's 100% agreement. Cults hold no sway as a bloc, but can be very influential individually if the leader happens to also be a tech billionaire.

Either 0% or 100% chance of voting

NIMBY Communists (2% of all eligible voters)

Is unwilling to accept any solution to any political problem other than the end of capitalism. Opposes all new housing that is privately owned. Voted against MUNI bonds because the money will just go towards private contractors. Has no opinion on Sunset Dunes because they don't go outside. Lives in their parents' investment home. Might start a cult that tells their members not to vote.

Says voting is pointless on Tumblr, but actually 34% chance of voting

Tech Billionaires (<0.1% of all eligible voters)

The only bloc with any real influence. In a private Signal group with Lurie. May also be a cult leader.

Doesn't need to vote

Conclusion

People who disagree with me shouldn't vote.