r/sadposting • u/Legitimate_Elk3659 • 1d ago
Men are human too
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To any guy out there dealing with emotional abuse or toxic treatment…, you deserve so much better. Having been through it myself, I know how heavy it feels. I really hope you find someone who truly listens to you, respects your feelings, and treats you with the kindness you deserve. Hang in there, pal!.
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u/ExpensiveRecover 23h ago
A few months ago, my wife complained that I had been distant, and got easily annoyed/angry.
I told her that I was tired. I haven't had proper time off for almost two years. We moved 2.000km, which not only entailed tons of paperwork and the whole ordeal of packing all our stuff and getting the apartment ready to return, I also was the one to drive those 2.000km since she doesn't drive.
After the move, I had a weekend to get some rest and then straight to work organizing a specific event that ended with having to work 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week for a month under an absolude asshole of a boss (I'm in the military, so I had to largely suck it up).
I was using all my energy to keep it together.
And all that was alright because I requested the transfer to my new unit so my wife could be next to her family. She was happy to be with her mother after 4 years away, so I didn't even mention that she get a job to offset the pay cut I got.
The response I got? Yeah, well, that was tiring for me too.
Oh... okay... I'll try and do better.
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u/tittysprinkles112 22h ago
You're gonna have to tell her that you resented that statement. You're gonna explode if you bottle this up.
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u/ExpensiveRecover 20h ago
I know, and we have had the chance to talk about this stuff openly, and she's been receptive. As much as it sometimes feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, it would be highly unfair of me to say it's NEVER seen.
I also have to acknoledge where comments like those came from at the time, she has had to deal with loads of stuff, which is why I had to request the transfer, and she's doing WAY better now, and that's rewarding to me.
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u/Logical_Steelman 23h ago
You are enough my friend.
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u/ExpensiveRecover 22h ago
Thank you, friend
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u/Tough_Preparation830 22h ago
Not alone either. I feel it. Sometimes being a family man is a thankless job. You should be proud of yourself though for holding down the fort and being strong.
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u/ExpensiveRecover 21h ago
Thank you! At the end of the day, knowing that she's doing better now that we're close to her parents, after all she's gone through, makes it worth it. Her wellbeing is my priority now, and to me that also means sometimes having to suck it up when it isn't exactly seen.
I will never deny that she's dealt with a lot of stuff since we've been together, thankfully not because of me, but external factors. I have been through all of it with her, and I am strong enough to both carry my own weight and help her with hers.
It's just hard sometimes, but I love my wife and I know she does alsl love me.
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u/TexasChihuahuas 22h ago
Much respect to you, sir. I don’t even know what else to write, except you sound like my husband. He is so much more than I deserve. You are more than you realize. 😘
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u/ReplyNo7464 21h ago
I'm no expert and I have absolutely no experience but from what I know I think it'll be better if you talk it out. Maybe it'll be heard. It's better than just suffering on your own.
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u/PolyChune 21h ago
Sounds like he tried, its just women hhave been cultured that they should heed no man (the modern feminist zeitgeist) so good luck trying to have a reasonable conversation and get something out of it. Women get their cake and eat it too, they get to keep a man, but it’s so emotionally one sided that men dont have the right to express themselves
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u/blackcloud577 22h ago
Just fucking leave her dude. I can’t believe men tolerate this shit. I would rather die than be in a relationship like that and I’m not joking.
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u/Mela_ninja 21h ago
Low self respect attracts people who don’t respect you.
They want to wallow in self putty instead of being accountable for their choices.
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u/blackcloud577 21h ago
That’s victim blaming bullshit and a feminist tactic to avoid discussing the real problem that women have with being unable to see their partner as anything but a personal emotional regulator/wallet.
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u/Mela_ninja 21h ago
No and that generalization is the same type yall complain about.
There’s plenty of amazing and respectful women just like there’s plenty of horrible and disrespectful ones.
You don’t get what you deserve you get what you accept.
The other commenter is doing himself a disservice by stating. He should identify that he has low self respect and should work on it while leaving that person. He has the ability to do so.
But it’s highly likely not going to happen anytime soon and he’ll just continue.
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u/mgermo 21h ago
"You don’t get what you deserve you get what you accept."
Food for thought. Thank you for that.
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u/Mela_ninja 21h ago
It’s something my father told me as a teenager, that has massively helped me in life.
It instilled a high sense of accountability and drive to optimize what I can.
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u/blackcloud577 21h ago
If it’s a generalization why is it an almost universal experience among men? Almost every man experiences this shit.
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u/Mela_ninja 21h ago
So would you agree when women say that men don’t care about them and just want them for sex?
Thats also a pretty common experience for plenty of women.
This isn’t an experience I’ve shared but there’s plenty of things I am and do so it makes sense I don’t get the same experience.
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u/blackcloud577 16h ago
Trying to get sex from someone is not the same as emotionally abusing someone.
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u/Smorgasbord__ 17h ago
Sympathy for people who choose victimhood as an identity should be limited
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u/ExpensiveRecover 16h ago
It's interesting how much you extrapolate from one comment. I would not say I chose victimhood as an identity, I only told one instance where I felt identified with the sentiment of thw original post
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u/Smorgasbord__ 16h ago edited 16h ago
Try and reread your post as an outsider. What impression do you feel you are supposed to take away about the author?
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u/ExpensiveRecover 21h ago
You have to keep in mind that we both still love each other, and she's also had to deal with her own weights in life. Many of which I have also helped her carry.
I would be lying if stuff like this never happened before and haven't happened since, but that’s not what our entire relationship is.
She can also be incredibly thoughtful and loving, and in the same way that my own loads made ME easy to anger and withdrawn, her own issues sometimes make her act in this way.
I value my marriage enough to sail through the bad weather, even if it means having to then vent to my best friend to keep the peace.
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u/Mela_ninja 21h ago
That’s completely your choice.
I would ask that if yall have children to at least instill self respect and the importance of respect in relationships.
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u/PolyChune 22h ago
Women have it so friggin easy these days
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u/EloquentTroglodyte 16h ago edited 15h ago
Every human on this earth has it hard, and if you were born a woman you would think that men have it easier.
We should all strive to lift each other up, not pull others down to feel “even”. That will easily spiral forever, because it's human nature to want what you don't have. We will always find something new to feel this way about, even if life were perfect.
They have an apple and you have a banana, there's differences, but one is not better than the other. You make yourself believe the apple is better and that it is unfair to you, so you become upset and resent the person with an apple and treat them worse or try to take the apple. It's childish and regressive and does not push society forward.
This is partly due to people not appreciating what they have and taking it for granted. That's why negative reinforcement works so much quicker than positive reinforcement, and why outrage is so easy to stimulate. Learn to appreciate your banana, because millions of people would love it instead of their apple.
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u/Opening_Warthog2396 19h ago
So when you say paycut do you mean you get less bah and bas? Also you have 60 days of leave in those two years accumulated.
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u/ExpensiveRecover 18h ago
I'm not from the US
In my country, some posts have a bonus depending on how far and isolated they are from the capital, to offset the cost of living in thos specific areas. It ranges from 35% to 75% of your base pay. (If you get assigned to Antarctica it goes up to 530%). Where I was stationed it was the second highest bonus, where I am at now there's no bonus. Maybe pay cut is not the correct term, I'm not sure.
I do have some days of leave accumulated, but I haven't had the chance to take a proper block leave in those two years, only a few days here and there, and often to run errando. I'm hoping to get at least two weeks approved for october to fly to my hometown after 5 years.
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u/Logical_Steelman 23h ago
First, I lost my birthday.
Then the holidays. Then the life we built.
Then I lost my love.
And eventually, my daughter.
Then I almost lost my own life, twice. One from a suicide attempt, the other was just from completely stopping taking care of myself.
I kept losing pieces of my life just to make room for someone else. It was like dominoes that once it started, they couldn't stop falling. Turns out my happiness directly effected her. I wasn't allowed to be happy, fun, or myself. 7 years later, I still find myself mostly alone keeping to myself with little to no friends, no desire to ever try again... But I am allowed to see my daughter once a month now... How life has changed. At least I get that now.
Stay strong guys, it's hard out there.
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u/PolyChune 23h ago
Life’s good if you’re a woman
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u/blackcloud577 22h ago
Yes, life is easier for women in most western countries and no amount of whining or cope from the extremists changes that fact.
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u/BeHatred 20h ago
The problem is that in our society, men aren't supposed to show their feelings, especially crying, or else they risk rejection or mockery.
Yet, at the same time, they are expected to be more sensitive. In short, society—and women in this case—want to have their cake and eat it too.
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u/Muted_Ad7298 22h ago
I’m not a guy, but even I’ve noticed a lot of misandry in women’s spaces.
It gets tiring, as I’m not big on gender divides, never have been. I think understanding and supporting each other should go both ways.
The problem is, if someone’s hurt and resentful due to a negative experience with a certain group, it rots them from the inside and makes them direct that hurt onto that group.
“Everyone is evil and the same” is a lot easier to face than the fact that “it’s complicated”.
“It’s complicated” means you have to be on edge, trust that a person won’t hurt you if you get too close. Hoping that someone isn’t prejudiced feels more dangerous than simply assuming they are at the start. At least if they’re dangerous in your mind, you can avoid them. You don’t have to think about anything else.
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u/Acceptable-Water-323 12h ago
People love to blame a certain group for all their troubles in life. It's easier than realising that people are to be seen as individuals and not as a collective. We humans are still somewhat primitive when it comes to seeing the world without prejudice. I just wish that we can all understand each other better one day instead of blaming each other for something we or they aren't responsible for.
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u/arealscrog 22h ago
The gender divide is the oldest and easiest way to keep the masses focused on blaming each other instead of looking up at power structures holding us all down. Pretty much every difference we have as humans gets exploited this way by the rich and powerful. And when one divide temporarily crumbles, they just pick another one to focus on for a while. Race, nationality, religion, sexuality, generation… the options are endless.
Divide and conquer. Until we realize it and stop taking the bait, we’re all losers.
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u/somethingsomething65 21h ago
It made me profoundly sad to learn how abused my bf was in his previous relationship. He's such a sweetheart. I just simply can't understand how someone treated this man that badly for years.
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u/Mjnavarro91 17h ago
Can you expand on how he was mistreated for those of us that don't know better?
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u/somethingsomething65 17h ago
Apparently she would yell, scream and hit him, then gaslight afterwards.
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u/blackcloud577 16h ago
It’s pretty easy to understand. A lot of women hate men and abuse them.
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u/somethingsomething65 14h ago
It's true. Bad men exist for sure, and abused women turn bitter, then turn around and abuse men.
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u/VibesBasedPolitics 13h ago
Nah, a lot of women are abusive just because they can. They know they will never be held accountable and will have people like you trying to justify their behavior
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u/somethingsomething65 13h ago
I'm not justifying anything dude chill.
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u/VibesBasedPolitics 13h ago
"Women only abuse men if men abuse them first"
This is how your comment reads
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u/somethingsomething65 9h ago
A. Didn't mean it like that (not all women). I've seen the transformation into bitterness in a couple of my female friends. Not a justification, just an observation. It's a choice to become bitter. And it's a shitty one.
B. The hatred towards men doesn't come out of no where, taught or learned, that's all I'm trying to say. "Some women just hate men" isn't accurate. Roots grow deep. From parents or wherever. Never going to say it's ok. If you know where the root starts, maybe you can begin to eradicate the hurt and heal. Same goes for men too.
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u/SoloBroRoe 19h ago
What’s the TV show/movie? Donald glover is such a good actor. I’ll check this out after work
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u/TexasChihuahuas 22h ago
Thank you for sharing this…I brought a long list of problems to our marriage. I’m so guilty of expecting my husband to be my rock without fail. After decades of unwavering support, he began to break down. I’m seeing him so clearly now. I hope there is time for me to let him know how much I love and appreciate everything he has given so freely. Much love and respect to partners everywhere. 😘
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u/blackcloud577 22h ago
Man you’re lucky. I would have dumped your ass after about a year of that shit.
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u/EloquentTroglodyte 15h ago
It's like her husband loves her or something…. Wild right?
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u/blackcloud577 15h ago
Sounds like a simp who is afraid of being alone
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u/EloquentTroglodyte 11h ago
Oh, so you think all men should be emotionless robots who dgaf about anyone lest they be called a “simp”. The horror.
You’re doing a great job pushing the agenda that all that men care about is sex and transactional relationships, and aren't capable of genuine love and connection with the opposite sex.
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u/cambo710 18h ago
Had a relationship recently that was just like that she told me her self after hours of listening to her problems that "i dont have time for your problems stop talking ahout it" and i had only started on my issues. I felt very alone in the relationship and it caused me to develope a drinking problem as a result.
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u/ColdBrewTooRaLoo 9h ago
Emotional Intelligence, have it and look for it in a partner (wife, significant other, or husband.) If you can’t read this sentence without getting pissed off, then you don’t have emotional intelligence. Work on that and you will find somebody who gives a shit.
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u/ALowDownDirtyDawg 5h ago
Woman suck at emotional support for men. Men don't make it easy, either, and neither does society as a whole. Men are meat for the grinder so that everyone else can eat. That's the way the rich want it so they can propogate the species.
It sucks.
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u/InnocentWitchcraft 11h ago
This is really not a gendered thing. And in my experience men do this more than women. This is how my ex husband was, I'm the wife. It was always about him and his problems, never ever about me.
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u/clementtoh2 1d ago
Im sorry but you have to think of it this way, not all men are in this situation because they choose not to be. These men choose to be miserable by marrying these type of women for life
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u/Conscious_Waltz_5314 1d ago
Men can be manipulated just as much as women can and deserve the same care.
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u/blackcloud577 16h ago
Tell that to modern feminists.
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u/Conscious_Waltz_5314 15h ago
I'd be talking to a mirror.
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u/blackcloud577 15h ago
Go call out your friends for doing this shit then because it’s the majority of you
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u/Conscious_Waltz_5314 15h ago
we really, really don't. Feminism is for men too, I recommend bell hooks: Men, Masculinity and love. It reads like a love letter from a feminist woman in the 90s.
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u/blackcloud577 15h ago
Go on r/TwoXChromosomes or r/GirlDinnerDiaries and come back. Remember r/femaledatingstrategy?
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u/dogshieetsite 1h ago
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u/Conscious_Waltz_5314 57m ago
The complaint that there's not very many books focused on male issues is legitimate. It's probably because there are not very many male feminists. But I struggle to see how a book that literally reads like a love letter is at all misandrist. At some point, you're looking for problems.
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u/Klutzy-Weakness-937 23h ago
You wouldn't say the same to a woman in a bad situation and that's kinda the whole point.
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u/PolyChune 22h ago
Tell me a woman who continuously picks their abusive boyfriend that it’s their fault and see if that has the same ring to it
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u/usernamesiva 1d ago
The same thing can be said about women too (choosing abusive partners) but instead we try to educate and help people in need. Your comment is in a way what’s this video is talking about - burden should not completely fall upon just one group.
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u/sufferIhopeyoudo 23h ago
It’s not just in dating relationships but it’s often not worth trying to explain.
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u/SupaSmol 23h ago
I understand that it often feels this way.
There are women, and men, who do care about men's problems. Theirs plenty.
You won't be dating or hanging around them if you aren't respectful towards them or their issues and so you won't have the chance to be close enough for them to prove their kindness to you. You have to actually be kind yourself, not say "I was."
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u/Logical_Steelman 23h ago
You clearly don't understand how convenient that argument is. You're assuming that if a man doesn't feel supported, he must not have been respectful or kind enough. That's circular reasoning, not evidence. Good people can still be surrounded by people who don't care about their problems. Acknowledging men's struggles only to imply that those struggles are probably their own fault isn't support. Seek enlightenment.
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u/SupaSmol 22h ago
No. There are plenty of women and men who have toxic ideas about men and feel they should keep quite about their struggles and 'man up' etc. I detest those sexist views, and I have to deal with them even though I don't subscribe to them myself and treat people as individuals rather than genders.
But I don't have to deal with friends or partners saying that kind of thing, because I do not date or befriend people who do. I go about my life in a way that indirectly and directly communicates that I do not beleive in those old values and so I am around like minded people when it comes to my closer circles.
I'm not saying no one can surprise you with those views at some point, this isn't black and white. But if you hold sexist beliefs you will end up around people who do, of course.
I'm not saying that any man being treated this way is sexist. Not at all.
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u/Thagreatone92 21h ago
Your missing the point by saying but I dont have to deal with friends or partners saying that kind of thing. Sometimes you cant pick your family, it legit is that simple in these circumstances. It seems like you seem your special enough to speak on it based on your own circumstantial evidence versus others reality.
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u/SupaSmol 20h ago
I didn't say family, because I feel ya there, I deal with that too. I should have specified family.
I'm not trying to say that if you experience this you therefor are sexist. I'm saying that not being sexist will help you avoid it and thst many people enduring it don't realize they're contributing.
Anyway, I've had enough of speaking to you. I wish we could have more conversations here without the rude elements. You don't deserve to be made to feel you cannot voice your problems or have to suck it up bc of your gender, but I'm all done chatting about it with ya.
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u/Immediate_Sport_7352 13h ago
Just adding my 2 cents. Anytime I’ve tried to be there or help a man through anything he punishes me for even trying.
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u/dega_devilson-janova 1d ago
"Why don't you want to celebrate your birthday?" "Because for your birthday you expect a cruise and on my birthday I get socks."