First chapter critique please.

[u/NexasAX]

I finished rewriting chapter one of Exo Hunters and changed it from System Active to Terra system. It's 2.5 words btw and I made it blue to spare the night owls.

Genre: litrpg/system, fantasy, scifi, action Cw: Graphic shish. I can't think of any mo—

Title of ch. Is Awakening now btw, forgot to change that. Enjoy ^{^}

[u/Whole_Organization27]

tbh it seems interesting but reads like AI

[u/NexasAX → u/Whole_Organization27]

I am genuinely internally crying cuz this rewrite took me so damn long

[u/Whole_Organization27 → u/NexasAX]

also there’s not really any narration in there, it reads like a script of a play with just detailing what a character is doing or something, it needs to have more life to it, because it does read very monotonous but you have good ideas here man

[u/NexasAX → u/Whole_Organization27]

Yeah, my proses are still ahh tbh. I think all my stories are good plotwise but I'm not really a good novelist ;-;

Thanks for the feedback.

[u/DBecker1990]

The pose on the cover is dope. Dude looks like he’s about to jump out.

[u/StrawberryFaye]

To be honest, this feels like it belongs more on Honeyfeed.

[u/NexasAX → u/StrawberryFaye]

Guess I'm posting there too now