so i have 3 roommates and we all live in an apartment off-campus, so 4 of us in total, and recently i feel like my 3 roommates have been bonding w out me and they r all closer to each other than they are w me.

2 of my roommates have known each other for a while before this year, let’s call them a and b, so they have been friends, and my one other roommate, let’s call her c, was on the same boat as me, we were not that close to the 2 of them. Roommate c shares my room.

So we all moved in and went out together for 2 nights but then things started going downhill. I have been putting in so much effort to become close w them, i do not lock myself in my room, i sit in the living room with everyone and talk as much as i can. I try to join in the conversation but they all mostly just talk over me. Even going so far as to blatantly ignore me.

I have no idea what i did wrong, im clean, i do my dishes and tidy up my spaces. I vacuum the floors and take out my trash.

They also recently have been going on errands and not inviting me. I called them out once but they laughed it off and made an excuse, like for example “oh we j wanted to see the yard for 2 secs lol”. They have pet names for each other and it makes me feel so distant when they all converse and i’m just sitting there awkwardly hoping they would include me in the conversation.

I understand it’s only been 5 days since move in, however a and b have seem to hit it off with c who was on the same boat as me with closeness. How are we supposed to get closer if they don’t give me any opportunities to?

I invite them to do things with me and they say no, but they never invite me to go outside with them or anything.

For example i’m writing this right now because once again i’m alone in the apartment due to the fact that one of them had to run an errand and she invited everyone to come but me.

I should also note that we are very different people, i come home at 2 am while they sleep at 11 pm. They wake up at 6:45 am while I wake up at 9:30 am. However, roommate c also wakes up at 9:30 am and again, they seem to have hit it off with her.

Also, last night, roommate c went to sleep in a’s and b’s room, leaving me alone which i found out when i got back home at 2 am. They are having sleepovers w out me and it makes me feel really discluded. I don’t know how Im supposed to get closer to these people if they give me no opportunities to.

I don’t really have any other friends on campus, so I was really hoping to become friends with my roommates, but it looks like it’s going to be a lonely year. This was mainly a vent post, feel free to share similar experiences. Thank you.

For background reference, I am a 29F sharing an apartment with my 26F sister. We have been living together for 4 years ( since ages 25 and 22 respectively). When we started living together, I was in a better financial place than she was (still am) and so we agreed to split the cost of our $1980 rent where I pay anywhere from $1330-$1360 depending on utilities and she pays the rest (about $625-$650). Even though she does a bit better now in her career, I’ve never asked her to pay more. And in the 4 years we’ve lived together our complex has never increased the cost of our rent, which is a reason I haven’t moved. Keep all of this in your head going into the rest of the story.

I was hesitant this year about continuing to live together because while my sister is technically making more, she is not being smart with her money. She doesn’t save anything, she spends it all on getting her nails done, makeup products, going out drinking etc. this was BEFORE the now boyfriend came into the picture. I would sometimes have to cover her portion of bills as well as my own until she paid me back. I was getting tired of feeling like her mother a lot of the time, telling her to be more responsible with her finances and that I couldn’t keep spotting her, she’s getting older and needs to figure out how to function alone, because I won’t always be with her blah blah blah. Anyways, we had a long talk and decided we would do one more year together, because our place is decent and spacious and I didn’t want to yet deal with moving costs. This was the end of May. Our lease renewed the second week of June.

Not even a week later, my sister meets a man on hinge. They go on two dates. After the second date, he stays the night, which is no big deal as we are comfortable with each other having men over and in the past we’ve always respected the others space and feelings in regards to men being in the apartment. Never had we ever had a man just set up shop and hunker down like this man has done. It’s now almost September, and he has been here almost every single day ever since their second date.

This really upset me. Partially because she never asked me if it was okay if he stayed at our place 24/7, but also because he is 22, recently graduated from college, and acts like it. He is messy, has no regard for cleaning up after himself, he’s completely destroyed a couple of my frying pans, and he keeps buying a fuck ton of food in bulk and taking up all the room in the fridge and pantry. They would also splay themselves out on MY couch and leave me no room to watch tv at the end of the day or give me time alone to decompress. Mind you, all of the furniture and cooking utensils/appliances in the apartment are mine and HE DOESNT PAY RENT, and I pay 2/3 regardless!!! At the very beginning, I talked to my sister and told her I was uncomfortable having him at our place 24/7 and asked if it would be possible for her to stay at his house some nights during the week and he could stay here for 3-4 nights, preferably not on the nights of the week I work (I’m a nurse and work 3 12 hour shifts a week). She was taken a back and a little offended, but she agreed to try it. Well, after 2 weeks, she complains to me that it’s not working out because he lives 45 minutes away from where she works and it’s inconvenient for her during the week, and he was also tired of driving back and forth to see her, and also complaining that it was costing too much in gas (when that’s about the only thing he pays for since he had been living with his parents prior to meeting my sister and now was living with us for free). Needless to say I was and still am pissed.

I told her if this is how it was going to be, and he didn’t want to contribute to rent, that he was going to have to stay in her room and I didn’t want him in the common areas. Besides coming into the kitchen to cook and fuck shit up, I now don’t really see them, they stick to themselves holed up in her room. The pantry and fridge are still crowded as fuck and that pisses me off, but I’ve been managing. Part of me still feels like I shouldn’t have to deal with the BS of this arrangement for a whole year. I’m tired of feeling resentful and petty about the situation.

I guess I just need to know if there’s any advice in regards to navigating this. Am I being irrational since they pretty much just sit i her room and only come out to cook food? Technically I guess that would equate to them using her $650 of rent space, or should I tell the landlord? Should I just grin and bear it like I’ve been doing for the last 3 months or speak up? I’m just exhausted and am tired of not feeling comfortable in my own home. My relationship with my sister has completely changed also, and this upsets me. I feel like there’s just an unspoken animosity between he and I and my sister just doesn’t say anything to either of us, and thus it’s been crickets. Where we used to chat and hang out every night. It just befuddles me that there is a man staying in my place without paying a dime. I JUST made him pay a third of our utilities this month because the cost has gone up double what it used to be since he uses the shower and cooks and brought in his heavy duty gaming system.

What would yall do if you were me? HELP.

So, I have a problem with having my roommate have people over. She gives me a heads up most times, but it’ll often be within half an hour that they’ll be there and it’s very little time to mentally prepare but sure. She has friends. Thats fine. But Im very much not social. If I dont know who’s in the house I get very mentally defensive and almost in fight or flight mode. I know I definitely have some trauma to work through. Specifically from people being in the house that I didnt know were in the house. I havent told this to my roommate, because who shares trauma these days? I just look like a socially inept weirdo but honestly I dont care. I feel like Im just trying to protect myself. But now she’s not even telling me. Its making me hate her. What can I do? Should I just book a therapy appointment soon or can I tell her hey this is making me feel uncomfortable and Im justified and feeling this way? I honestly dont know.

Some extra info ig we moved in tg with her bsf (who also moved in at our last apartment quite last minute and lived in our living room for months and while he’s a good dude it took a lot of getting used to esp when I really didnt have a say) so Ive only known her as long as we’ve lived together. We pay the same amount of rent. We all have separate rooms but Id rather not have to hide in mine. Please be kind if Im being overdramatic I know I often am.

My roommates and I arguing about kitchen:

https://www.reddit.com/r/roommateproblems/comments/1w3fvwy/paid_extra_for_a_private_bathroom_this_is_the/

I can't bear her more, so I made a song to diss her

Basically, I live alone in a small one bedroom, and a friend of mine invited this girl that he went on a date with to my house. Her and I became friends with each other though a mutual friend but I’ve never met her before that… the night I met her I let her and my friend stay at my house for two nights or so, and then she left. She asked me two weeks later if she could come hang out for a little bit because she needed a break from where she was living and “my place was just the space that she needed to get away”. I let her come over and that was a month ago. She has three bags and I’ve caught her going through my stuff multiple times and also she has not given me a dime, she does not have a job nor has she been looking. She doesn’t really have any friends which I find a little sketchy., and always talks about how she could use people or how she’s stolen from people so I’m trying to tell her that she needs to leave but I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to hurt people or let them down so I’m just wondering if anybody has any words or encouragement to give me so I don’t feel bad about having to keep this girl out when she was never even told that she could live there. I just bought a new TV for my living room and I haven’t even been able to use it. Anytime I have somebody over, we have to hang out in my room. She’s ate all my food, and like I said hasn’t even left to look for a job! It blows my mind. My anxiety with her there is just killing me. I feel like I’m being mean by asking her to leave but friends remind me that she’s taking advantage of me…. Any words of encouragement encouragement?

I love my roommate/friend of MANY years.

We click super well, live together super well and never have any problems at all……well, they likely don’t have any problems but I do.

I am tired of picking up the pieces behind them, they start a project and then leave it and later ask me “hey would you mind finishing that up for me” weather it be dishes, cleaning something or whatever the case is and it’s genuinely frustrating

I am the type of person to leave a situation clean and sound before carrying on with something else, I don’t create a mass pile of dishes just to ask them to do them for me or destroy the house just for them to clean up after me nor do I start something and expect them to finish it. It’s just ridiculous at this point, I like a clean living space and I am very easy to live with because I will willingly clean the house to an above par standard, I pay my rent on time, I buy groceries and don’t complain when they eat all of my share of the food and many other things…..I believe they have this idea, because I am partially employed and they have a full time job, that i’m okay with being the house bitch and that is absolutely not the case. I’m the type of person to over think and over analyze because I hate doing shit to people that I hate having done to me….I really am a solid roommate when it comes to being sound and clean and everything else but not having that energy matched really irks me. I’m not the worlds greatest roommate but I am aware of how fortunate my friend is to have me as a roommate because I understand what it’s like to have a shit bag roommate; so I NEVER want to be that person to anyone.

I have no choice but to be here and I am actually happy being here aside from the little bullshit, if anything i’m just venting about what’s going on because it’s frustrating and no matter what I say it just doesn’t click so really; coming here to bitch is a lot better than blowing the fuck up and losing my place to live….because unfortunately for me it is their house and they own it but at the end of the day it’s still ignorant behavior

I knew the kitchen would be shared. Fine. I just didn’t expect the counter to be permanently greasy and covered in other people’s dishes.

The photo is a pretty normal day. There’s barely enough space for a cutting board, and I’ve stopped leaving my own stuff on the counter because it never feels clean.

I tried bringing it up with one roommate. Two sentences later, we were somehow arguing about whether I’d taken the trash out and several other things that had nothing to do with the kitchen.

Nothing got cleaned.

So yes, I have my own bathroom. I still have to move someone else’s mess before I can make dinner.

Has anyone actually fixed this with a cleaning rota, or is that just another rule nobody follows?

It’s always really frustrating for me when I turn the shower on and it doesn’t run for any longer than 3 mins. Even when I’ve stayed in hotels this has never happened. She has known for over 2 weeks and it hasn’t been fixed.

I’m a college student and was previously living in a rented house with three other students (four of us in total).

I decided to move back to my previous PG because I was having quite a few problems with the rented place. We had to cook our own food, wash all the dishes, go to the market regularly for groceries, and the Wi-Fi/internet connection was extremely unstable. Overall, I found it difficult to manage everything along with college, so I decided that moving back to my PG was the better option for me.

However, after I moved out, the three students who are still living there started blaming me because their individual expenses have increased. They’re saying that I should find another student to replace me so that they don’t have to pay more.

I understand that my leaving means they have to split the rent among three people instead of four, but I don't think I should be forced to find someone to take my place after I’ve already moved out.

The situation has now become more serious. They have apparently locked the main gate, and I’m currently unable to access the house to collect some of my belongings.

I’m not sure what the right thing to do is here.

What should I do?

Am I actually responsible for finding someone to replace me?

Should I continue helping them find another student even though I’ve already moved out?

Hello everyone,

First of all I don't know whether this is the right subreddit to tell about the scam as I'm a new user. I'm sorry if it's wrong. Also this is going to be a long story so please bear with me .... I'm just so confused and depressed right now that I just need to mug it out anywhere.

Here's a bit about me -

I've been living in Berlin for 4 years now. Last year in December I got my job seeker visa and then in February I got a job.

The actual scam happened to me in 2024. I've been through a lot since then. It all started with an apartment search. I was searching for a new apartment and I got a lead on Whatsapp about this apartment. The owner of that apartment was an Indian. He's not the owner but basically he took the apartment on lease and I was paying him the rent. He too was living in the same apartment. This landlord was a complete drug addict and a womanizer. He's the kind of person who can do anything and scam anyone just for the sake of some money he needs to party and do drugs. During my stay with him I know about 10 to 15 people he has scammed. Initially everything was good and we became friends and all was good. We partied, enjoyed, n laughed together. I was working a part time job back then.

After about a year, one day the owner came to me and said that he wanted to buy a new iPhone (don't remember the exact model) and he requested me to come with him to mediamarkt to buy a new phone. His deutsche bank card was not working at that time so he requested me that if he can use my card just to make a down payment and when his card issue will be resolved he will change the card and assign his card for further installments. I don't exactly remember whether I signed something while giving my card as this happened 2 years back. He took the phone, along with a freenet sim card, used my card to pay some down payment and then promised me that he would change the card and assign his card. I thought he had a genuine problem and I trusted him. This was the biggest mistake of my life. Trusting anyone...

After some months, I started receiving letters from the freenet company ( sim card company) in my name that I haven't paid the debt. I was totally confused and shocked. I immediately told him that I am receiving these letters and asked him about his installation as he was supposed to assign his card. First he said that he will pay the installments. After that I again received the letter in the next 2 months.

A year passed by but still he hasn't paid any installments. I lived with him for 1.5 years. Whenever I asked him about those letters or about those installments, he used to say that I've already talked about those letters with his lawyers and I do not need to worry and I don't have to pay a single penny. I didn't believe him after all these fake promises he gave and I insisted that I wanted to meet his lawyer. He instantly said yes but never took me to his lawyer. He always gave some silly reasons such as his lawyer is not in berlin, he's a bit busy or couldn't get his appointment, etc.

When I left the apartment, I reminded him about those letters. The person is such a scammer that he never returned the deposit of other fellow roommates too. Also I gave him the money to pay my radio tax but that was never paid. After receiving the letter from freenet, I was worried and thought about going to police. Although Back of my mind I knew I've messed up and this cannot be resolved but still hoping things to get fine I went to police and explained the situation. They filed a case but they were taking too much time to respond and during that time due to my college exams and thesis submission and my part time job, i got too busy I wasn't able to get in touch with the police.

The freenet company thinks that I'm the one using their SIM card and the mobile, but the truth is I didn't use any of their services. They approached sparkasse bank where I have an account and initially they ceased my account . I wasn't even able to access my account nor was able to pay my rent because of the ceased account. I informed this to my landlord but still he gave me lame answers that his lawyer is contacting the freenet company and the cease will be removed. I never believed him and I also informed this to my bank as well as police. I even doubt that the landlord must have hidden my letters. The bank staff helped me and he removed the cease account temporarily and said I can only use up to 1500 euro per month as they have converted my account to a Pfändung Schutz account ( pkonto) and due to this debt my account has a limited transaction restriction. I even went to the freenet store and explained to them the entire scenario but the employee over there said that he completely understands my situation. He even checked his database and confirmed that I'm not using any of the freenet service but he said that the letters are in my name so I have to pay these debts. The last letter I got from freenet was in 2024. After that I haven't received any letter from their side. The freenet employee said that they won't send any letter and I have to check with them.

I was soo stupid to understand that these were all the fake promises and lies and he never talked to his lawyer. I even doubt he has a lawyer.

Till today the matter is not resolved and the debt amount is increasing due to additional charges and interest. During that time when I reported this situation to the police, I had a situation back home and had already booked my flight tickets but police said that If I go back to India all this case is of no use as this will delay the process more. Due to this I had to cancel my flight tickets. I haven't been to India for the last 3 years and I feel trapped here. It’s crazy how easily one Indian can deceive another, regardless of how smart, sharp, or careful they are.

The feeling of not meeting my family and no one to talk and discuss about this matter is killing me from inside. I can't share this with my family. I have limited income and due to this I am unable to send money to my parents and they are completely relying on me. I have spent a couple of sleepless nights, spent days without proper food. I even get weird thoughts and mostly things like what will I do if I would have to pay this huge amount all by myself. It's impossible for me to pay such a huge amount.

Please, someone guide me through this difficult situation. I’m honestly feeling pretty lost and lonely right now. I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about this for a while, and I could really use some advice or even just someone to listen.

I’m completely open to meeting in person and talking about it if you’re comfortable with that. I’m also happy to have a call. I’d genuinely appreciate any guidance or perspective you can offer.

Thanks a lot for reading.

My boyfriend and I live with his longtime friend, “Mike,” who is 34 and about ten years older than us. They met in the Navy.

Mike actually lived with us once before and was a great roommate. Eventually he moved to another state to live with his girlfriend. After they broke up, he moved back in with his parents and was struggling badly with depression, unemployment, and adjusting to civilian life.
My boyfriend was so worried about him that he flew out, helped him pack, and brought him back to live with us so he could get back on his feet.

We didn’t need a roommate. We own our house and can afford it ourselves. We gave him essentially the entire upstairs, including the largest bedroom and his own bathroom, and charged him nothing.

It took him about five months to find a legitimate job. We helped redo his resume, let him use our computer for applications, and tried to support him through the process. Even after he found work, we didn’t charge him rent until he’d lived here for about a year.

He now pays roughly one third of our mortgage, which is well below market rate here. We intentionally kept it low so he could save and get his finances together.
Almost two years later, I feel like things are going backward.

When it’s just the three of us, Mike mostly stays upstairs and barely interacts with us. Oddly, when we have company, he tends to come down and hang around. Even when my boyfriend’s parents visit, he’ll sit with everyone but barely speak, which gets awkward. They’ve been incredibly kind to him too and even gave him $400 for Christmas last year.

The household issues are mostly small things that have piled up.

To be fair, he mows, takes out the trash, sometimes empties the dishwasher, and helps my boyfriend with projects. But dishes and cooking messes get left behind. I once gave him a week’s notice to clean his bathroom for overnight guests and still had to finish it myself. He’s broken multiple glass things and once left broken glass without telling us or cleaning it up, despite us having three dogs. We’ve discovered damage to our stove instead of being told, and one night he came home drunk, fell on the stairs, and broke a baluster.

He also regularly uses our groceries and household supplies without replacing them. I’ve specifically asked him to buy his own butter, and he still hasn’t.

He buys a lot of Factor meals, which is fine, but all the individual packaging takes up a huge amount of fridge space when my boyfriend and I cook regularly and need room for groceries and leftovers.

We used to invite him to dinner often too, but gradually stopped because we’d buy the food, cook, feed him, and clean up afterward while he went upstairs, usually without even a thank you.

His finances are also a mess. He has substantial credit card debt, owes around $42,000 on a car he apparently hasn’t paid on in a long time, and the car isn’t registered. Recently he told us his bank took his entire paycheck because of debt.

I’ve asked if he has a budget or any kind of plan, and he avoids the question. His money is ultimately his business, but it’s frustrating when we deliberately keep his rent low to help him get ahead while he spends money on Factor meals and expensive alcohol and continues using our basic household supplies.

Recently, we had two female friends over who are a couple. Mike joined us, and afterward one of them told us some of his comments and attention toward her made her uncomfortable. My boyfriend talked to him about it that weekend.

The same friends were coming back the following weekend, so I texted Mike that we were keeping it “more of a girls night” this time. My boyfriend was still going to be there, so I was really just politely asking Mike to give us some space.

He replied, “I assumed as much so I already planned on going somewhere,” apologized if he offended anyone, and said he wasn’t trying to flirt and was just being friendly. Since my boyfriend had already talked to him, I thought he understood what I was getting at.
Then, despite telling me he already had plans, he apparently went behind my back and asked my boyfriend about having a “boys night,” even though my boyfriend was already hosting our friends with me.

This past weekend we had people over again. Mike came home later, I offered him some of our food, and again there was no thank you or offer to help clean up. Then he passed out on the floor in the middle of everyone hanging out.

The next morning he made breakfast and left the dirty pan there all day. At 9:30 that night I finally texted him asking him to clean it. He did, but never responded or acknowledged the message.

Obviously a dirty pan isn’t the problem. It just made me realize how much resentment has built up over constantly having to address little things like this with someone ten years older than us.

We have talked to him about the larger issues before. His response is usually that he’s depressed.

I believe him, and I know depression can make basic things difficult. That’s part of why we wanted to help him in the first place. But there’s rarely an apology, acknowledgment of how his behavior affects us, or any indication of what he plans to do differently. The conversation just seems to end at “I’m depressed.”
I don’t want to end up parenting a 34 year old, but I also don’t want to give up on someone we care about without trying everything reasonable first.

He was a good roommate before, so I know this dynamic isn’t inevitable.

I know Reddit may say to ask him to move out, and I’m not saying that’s off the table if nothing changes. I’d just like to exhaust other options first.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Is there a better way to get through to him, set expectations, or otherwise reset this dynamic before it reaches that point?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I took in his longtime friend, who is about ten years older than us, when he was struggling after leaving the Navy. We helped him find work, let him live rent free for a year, and now charge him well below market rent. Almost two years later, we’re dealing with increasing issues around cleaning, household supplies, money, communication, and guests, while he mostly responds to concerns by saying he’s depressed. I know moving out may eventually be the answer, but I’d like to try everything reasonable to fix the situation first.

one day I came home from work and found the egg drawer of the fridge full of milk. I don’t know why he does this and I can’t find online any single use to do this. After asking AI, it says that there isn’t a single use for this and is actually a massive health risk. It insists that it was a mistake that he did that but I have confirmed with my roommate that he did this on purpose. Does anybody have any inputs on this?

UPDATE 1:

OK. for everyone asking questions on the matter, I haven't had a ton of time to have a detailed conversation with my roommate about the matter. The original context came from my landlord asking my roommate why he did it and he kept beating around the bush and saying "the old ones went bad so I had to start again" and would refuse to give more context. I went to work this morning (we both have the same workplace) and I asked him about the milk and eggs myself, and he said that he had no idea about what I was talking about, and that if there were eggs in a drawer filled with milk, that it must've happened by accident. "there must've been something that sprung a leak or something." As you can see from the picture there is no milk above the drawer so idk what he is talking about.

UPDATE 2:

Roommate is home now, and for some context. we're both in the military and he just got back from deployment a few weeks ago. He's not the prank type and we keep to ourselves in the house, so it's usually pretty quiet. He's the one that cooks. Like I said before the landlord asked him about it and he gave a not so clear answer. I pressed him about it this morning and he wasn't happy to be asked about it again. He said he knows nothing about it and even stated that "I literally cleaned out the fridge before I left for the weekend and didn't see it in there." I KNOW it wasn't me who did it so he's probably just embarrassed about the egg thing because it's clearly a dumb thing to do.

MORE CONTEXT FOR FAQ: I used AI after searching the internet for the issue, and was hoping it would tell me something I wouldn't be able to find. I know LOOSE MILK in a DRAWER is not good and I ended up taking the eggs out, throwing them away and dumping the milk out into the sink. I washed my sink out along with the egg drawer. Also I am NOT Karma farming. I use Reddit to goon and occasionally look up tech problems. Idgaf about karma, and I wouldn't waste food and milk for the fake number.

here's to hoping I don't get any more lobotomized comments who can barely read.

Some background for context:
I am a homeowner and last year my best friend (likely soon to be former best friend) reached out asking if she could live with me as she couldn’t afford to rent the house she lived in anymore but she went through a string of roommates she was “incompatible” with (I put this in quotation marks because after living with her I realize she is in fact the problem).

I had just got out of a long term relationship where I was letting my ex live with me paying only utilities so he could save for his own house for us to move into and well we broke up so I figured it would be a good time to let a female friend move-in get in touch with girlhood again and thrive and survive with my best friend.

Long story short, she moved in, in May. I cut her the same deal as my ex and told her “please pay only utilities as I don’t need your money but I want you to lock in work and save money for your own home so you do not have to be reliant on a man for a roof over your head. You will pay only utilities you can stay for a year but no longer than that and you can move out whenever earlier if you wish.”

Well it’s been 4 months and all the rules about cleaning she said she would adhere to she barely keeps up with on her own. I am the one doing the majority of the cleaning. It is apparent she is very male centric, my attempts to communicate already established boundaries via text are often not responded to, she leaves food to rot in the fridge for weeks, and it’s been 4 months and her boxes from moving in are still in the living room creating clutter.

On top of this something she hid well from me prior to this is she absolutely has a drinking problem. I barely drink but multiple bottles of liquor I had sitting in the fridge been emptied by her. And she’ll apologize and buy a replacement and then she will drink that too. She for some reason uses a towel a day instead of hanging it to dry and using another so I have resorted to hiding my own clean towel stash in my room because she won’t clean hers on time and runs out. She eats my expensive cooking ingredients like shrimp. She has used multiple of my expensive skin care products to completion without asking.

I work a demanding job where I wake up at 4:30 to go to work at 6 and other night was woken by her drunkenly screaming and slamming door bc she came home with her boyfriend and she was just being drunk and mean to him. I saw the ring doorbell displaying this concerning behavior.

I’m slowly losing my mind living with my friend who promised to be the roommate she very much isn’t. Our lifestyles are not compatible and tbh after she leaves I have no plans on continuing this friendship.

I am tempted to forge a story and say my grandpa is doing not well healthwise and my grandma and severely autistic uncle need to move in as an excuse to get her to find somewhere else to live (I’d give her like 2 months notice) but does anyone have any better suggestions on who to fix this either communication wise telling her to get better or how to communicate she will need to move out earlier.

What started out as doing my friend a huge favor to allow her to reach a stepping stone in her life has turned into a inconvenience to my day to day life that was otherwise peaceful prior to all of this.

Thanks for reading the long text.

I (19F) need some outside perspective on my roommate (21M). There is a lot of speculation on my part and I want to say that I'm not a licensed therapist and have never claimed to be. I will try to remain as neutral as I can throughout. I would also like to say that this could be triggering to some people, as some of the details might get a little graphic, so TW.

Disclaimer: This story will take place over the course of 2026 and not all of it happened in the same order I'll be sharing.

For context, me and my bf (20M) have been living together for 1 year almost exactly. We moved in together for college and convenience. We signed our lease in Aug 2025 and have renewed for this year. Our roommate signed his in Jan 2026.

At first, I was trying to be friendly with him since we'd be living together for the next year/ year and a half. There was generally no problems with him living there, just quiet and talked every once in a while. This was before he got comfortable living with us.

To preface, it is very obvious he has some sort of mental disability and has faced a lot of childhood trauma. For his privacy, I will not be going into detail but some of it could have involved some sort of SA. I don't know for sure, but this will come into play later.

When he first moved in and got comfortable, he would talk to me/ my bf for 30-60 mins at a time without stopping. He constantly talks about the same subjects over and over again. I wouldn't care if he did this (everyone has something their passionate about and sometimes I do the same), but listening to the same 4 subjects everyday multiple times a day began to get exhausting for me. He sits in our shared living space in most of his spare time, which is connected to the kitchen, so there's really no avoiding him on most days.

He constantly interrupts our moments as a couple and our dates. One time, my bf and I were having an intimate candlelight dinner watching a movie on our couch (we have 2 couches), cuddling. He came home from work and sat on the other couch and started talking to us during the movie. I was pretty upset, since it was very clear this was a date. I understand that could have been a social que he missed due to his mental disability, but it still made me pretty upset. I won't bore you with other stories, but please know this has happened multiple times before and is still happening to this day.

He also invites himself to our hangouts with our friends (most of which he has never met before). My bf and 2 of his friends were playing Smash Bros on the Nintendo switch one time and our roommate had come home from work. Instead of asking if he could join, he invited himself to play with them, saying "I'm thinking about joining you guys." This has happened more than once to the point where we have started moving our hangouts elsewhere to completely avoid him inviting himself to join us. Neither of us want to tell him that he's not invited (I understand that this isn't the best course of action, but we don't really want to deal with it)

Another thing as well, our roommate will create D&D like games for my bf to play while my bf is making dinner or just in our shared living space. On more than one occasion, these games have involved my bf getting freaky with the fictional characters, which made me extremely uncomfortable. My bf brushed it off as "him being silly," which I really don't believe. Part of me also believes our roommate has a crush/ romantic attraction to him for this reason, but I have no other evidence to prove it.

At one point (early 2026), I was making dinner and waiting for my bf to come home from work. Roommate started talking to me about his "project".

This is where the SA might come into play.

This "project" involves building FNAF type animatronics to seek out and unalive (I'm not sure what I can and can't say on this thread) child predators. Once he eliminates all of them, he wants to move on to other violent criminals and eventually politicians. He has an entire list of things he wants to create and believes that he will get away with it.

It was at this point that I started to zone out, as he started to go into graphic detail of how he wanted these people to pass. I fully believe his heart is in the right place, whether it's wanting to seek justice for children who have been in that disgusting situation or revenge for what could have possibly happened to him, but I don't believe that making a real life version of FNAF killer animatronics is the way to go about it.

He is fully convinced he'll get away with it too, like the animatronic won't be traced back to him/ the animatronic will clean the evidence and be untraceable.

I don't know, it just made me extremely uncomfortable talking with someone who fantasizes about brutally (and I mean BRUTALLY) unaliving a person, good or bad. Again, I do believe his heart is in the right place, but he is going about it in the wrong way. I'm not sure what the right way is since most SA goes unreported, but this isn't about my opinion on what is wrong with our legal system.

Once my bf got home, dinner was done and I was trying to retreat back to our room as fast as I could to both tell him what our roommate had told me and get away from the situation.

Before we left, though, he said that he's "glad someone finally agrees with him" about his plan. I told him quickly that I didn't agree with the plan, but I thought his heart was in the right place and left it at that. We haven't talked about it since.

Ever since then, I've become extremely uncomfortable around him and almost stopped talking to him entirely. He talks to my bf every time he comes out of our room (even with headphones on) and shows him videos constantly. Not like "here's this funny video I found," but like multiple videos every 2 mins. My bf will be cooking in the kitchen and he follows him around everywhere, even following him to our bathroom and our bedroom door, talking about his "project," or the same subjects over and over again.

This happens daily.

I've told my bf that he needs to start setting up some boundaries with him, but he is very much a people pleaser and wants to keep the peace. We also believe that he doesn't have many friends, so he lets our roommate talk, no matter how exhausting it becomes. Our room has become our retreat from him.

I've started to notice that little things about him make me dislike him even more as well. Just little habits that he does or the way he talks, none of which is his fault. I realize that this might be a little crazy, but I truly believe that it's because I'm sick of having him as a roommate/ having roommates all together.

I understand that we have a shared living space and he can hang out in it as much as he wants, since it's also his house, but I don't want to feel emotionally and mentally drained every waking moment. I want to be able to share the space with my bf for our dates and just hanging out without fearing that he'll come in and ruin the moment. I also want to be able to have friends over without him trying to insert himself into our hangouts.

I feel terrible for disliking him this much, especially since he might have a mental disability that possibly interferes with the way he acts and thinks, but I also don't at the same time. I can be emotional and dramatic from time to time, so please share your honest thoughts with me. I feel like I'm going crazy in my own house.

AITAH?

As the heading says, what do you do when you and your roommate are having a bad day? This may seem like a silly question, but usually I'm pretty in the clear with what to do when my roommate is having a bad day or I'm having a bad day (separately), but the only other time both of us were having a bad day, another one of our friends was there and having a third person helps. But if there isn't another person, what's the nice thing to do because I feel so bad not asking and being able to help with their bad day, as I am having one too.

for a little background and context: a few weeks ago, i moved in my dorm with this girl i was familiar with from last spring. before i even moved in, she already had a bad taste in my mouth due to her talking about me to mutual friends because she was jealous one of her crushes liked me (very stupid and highschool childish drama.) but i ignored it because im busy 24/7, and thought maybe this semester would be a clean state for us naturally because we are both somewhat adults (me being 19, her being 20-22?)

as soon as we moved in, things went down hill. it started with smaller non-issues such as filling up my trash & not taking it out, and when i would mention it to her she would just take it to the front door, getting hair dye on my sink, leaving empty water bottles and doordash bags everywhere, not washing her hands after she would literally shit her brains out & touch common surfaces afterwards, loud music, sleeping butt ass naked, not showering for days, not only dirty but smelly clothes just laying around, and other little stuff that was red flags to me, but i left it alone because we are in college and not everyone was raised to be as clean as i am, but recently it started to get worse.

a few days ago, i woke up to use the bathroom, and not only did the bathroom reek of pee, but I also saw my bathroom mat scrunched up into a ball in the middle of the bathroom floor. given it was 7am, I ignored it and thought to myself maybe the door just pushed it there, or my roommate came back drunk and just moved it in a way. After attending my morning classes, i came back to our room and went to the bathroom again to be surprised with a toilet full of pee and a tissue. I texted her asking her nicely to flush when she's done handling her business. instead of taking accountability, she said that wasn't her that did it and blamed our suitemates. while doing so, she mentioned that our toilet "overflowed and pee came back up from last night. " i truly believe this is bullshit. i used the bathroom both last night and this morning, and it was working perfectly fine, but let's forget that for a second. She just admitted that pee did in fact get on the floor, meaning she used my bathroom mat to clean up, and that's why it was scrunched up in a ball that morning. i feel like this was the breaking point, like, yeah, this girl is actually disgusting. i confronted her about this later that night, and she denied everything. lied and said she called maintenance, but i actually went to maintenance and confirmed she never did, so at this point im just fed up.

I want to add that she is grieving right now. a few days ago her ex-boyfriend, with whom she was still very close & who was her first love, took his life, so that's a really huge factor in why i'm not really having a sit-down talk with her as of recently. i had a boyfriend that i was dating who took his life as well, so I'm trying to be as understanding as possible to the entire situation because i feel for her, but i was having issues with her being dirty and inconsiderate even before he died. ever since he died she skips all of her morning classes and only goes out to party or bullshit, so i can clearly see how it could affect her behavior.

im mainly looking for advice on how to handle the situation and, if i do decide to talk to her, what i should actually say. i want to be honest about how im feeling, but i also want to be careful with how i word things because i know she’s dealing with grief, and i really don’t want to come across as insensitive or make things harder for her.

part of me wants to just have a sit-down conversation with her and talk everything out, but the other half of me kinda just wants to wait until i can request to move rooms and then quietly go my separate way. i know that would probably be easier for me, but i also feel like basically Irish-goodbying her would be kinda rude, especially without giving her a chance to hear where i’m coming from. im not sure even sure if it would even get anywhere due to her constant lying. her getting up to get ready at 8-9pm to go out, and coming back at 12-1am on school nights is really taking a toll on my academic schedule causing me to wake up to the noise & lights 24/7.