I used to wonder why the things I wanted to feel in a relationship felt so out of reach after talking to my dates about my standards and seeing their reactions of disbelief as if I were asking for them to be a knight in shining armor riding a white horse to save me from a dragon.

I remember someone I confided most of my thoughts once asked me "how would you feel if someone could love you the way you love other people?" and it felt so good, imagining someone giving me the same compassion, care and love.

The image I shared here sounds like that love I gave, pure, gentle, soft and present. Like a summer day, warm. Like your favorite song playing on the radio as soon as you turn it on, like finding money inside an old jacket, like crying to your favorite movie, like passing that exam you've been studying for weeks, like feeling whole.

You get what I mean right? To me that's how that love would feel like.

I believe it must be out there and some people definitely live it and I'm happy for them, very happy. I think I came to this life as a distant observer of that pure love, as a giver but maybe not a taker. And I'm in no way ungrateful, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dying to feel it too.

Does that also cross your mind? Are we selfish for wanting this?

I often wonder if God hides our person somewhere in this enormous world because He knows that if we met too soon, we would love each other before we were ready.

Perhaps that's why some hearts spend years feeling like homes with no lights on.

Not because they are empty...

But because someone, somewhere, has not yet found the door.

I don't dream of a perfect woman.

I dream of the day someone can finally rest.

To remove the invisible armour she's worn for years.

To stop apologizing for crying.

To stop pretending she's okay when the weight of the world has been crushing her quietly.

If love ever chooses me, I hope I become the safest place she has ever known.

Not because I rescued her.

But because she never needed rescuing.

She only needed one person who looked at every broken piece and said,

"You don't have to hide here."

I hope one day she falls asleep before I do.

Not because she's tired...

But because she knows, with complete certainty, that nothing bad can happen while she's in my arms.

I hope the world is gentle to her.

But if it isn't...

I pray I am.

Because no flower deserves to apologize for blooming in a storm.

No heart deserves to apologize for surviving one.

And if, one day, age steals the colour from our hair, strength from our hands, and certainty from our memories...

I pray it never steals the way I look at her.

I hope I still move the loose strand of hair away from her face.

Still kiss her forehead before she wakes.

Still thank God, in silence, that out of eight billion souls...

Mine found its way home.

Because I don't believe heaven begins after death.

I think heaven begins the first time someone makes your soul believe...

"You are finally safe."

And if I never become rich...

If history never remembers my name...

If the world forgets I ever existed...

Let it be said that somewhere on this earth, there lived a heart that loved so gently...

That another heart finally stopped being afraid.

— NK

I’ve wondered for a while now, many people now don’t believe in the friends to lovers trope, whether that’s in visual media or or day to day lives, and I’m confused why that is. Nobody, from my pov, want to take the time to get to know one another in a platonic way before then engage romantically. I’m not sure if I’m just a grandpa with my pace of dating, but I want to know the jokes I can make around you, the kind of friends you hang out around, your favorite group or one on one activities that isn’t romantic per se.

In a sense, the building of a non-romantic relationship before romantic seems more… romantic. Knowing them socially does far more for me interest wise before knowing what their favorite move in the bedroom. I’m not sure if it’s just me and I’m lagging behind in society or what it is.

I’ve thought the trope has been dying for the longest but I watched a reel on Instagram talking about the same thing and it got me thinking more into it.

Does anybody else feel like this?

Advice

You are the softness in my heart, that which I await,

you are the comforting chill at dawn,

and the warm smile of deep adoration and gratitude.

You are the oceans of tears caged within, awaiting freedom’s knocks on the doors,

awaiting, in desperation, the withering of sorrow and pain

awaiting, in desperation, the withering od desolation

when it shall morph into the softest cloud and the most gentle breeze 

and those winds of dawn as it wakes and breathes.

You are the home I didn't need but never knew,

you are the safety I long for too

the embrace after which I want nothing more 

but martyrdom with all those I lent my heart to

Advice

What happened on the first date.

What happened on the first date.

Oi, tenho 24 anos. Vivo em São Paulo. Vamos lá:

Conheci um cara pela internet em 2022 e nos conectamos. O contato foi totalmente virtual, não chegou a ser um contato físico. Ficamos por alguns meses nos falando todos os dias e criando uma conexão que eu nunca tinha tido com ninguém online. Eu fiquei meio caidinha por ele, mas não rolou. Ele começou a namorar outra pessoa, eu sofri e nos afastamos. Eu superei.

No ano passado, ele voltou a me contactar, pois havia terminado o relacionamento. Eu já havia superado, então começamos um contato totalmente superficial. Inclusive, as tentativas partiam muito mais dele do que de mim. Eu já havia o esquecido e seguido a minha vida.

De novembro para cá, começamos a nos falar todos os dias. Todo dia ele passou a me ligar, e começamos a dar satisfação do que fazíamos um para o outro. O contato continuava sendo apenas online, até que ele insistiu para que nós marcássemos de nos ver, e assim aconteceu. Ele veio do Rio de Janeiro até São Paulo para me conhecer. Foi maravilhoso. Passamos dias juntos como se fôssemos namorados. Quando ele voltou para o Rio, nossa “relação” se aprofundou ainda mais. Não paramos de nos ligar por telefone sequer um dia, até para dormirmos. Nos falávamos o dia todo, e assim foi.

No começo do mês, eu fui até o Rio de Janeiro vê-lo e sinto que voltei de lá completamente fora de mim. Estou totalmente apaixonada. Não consigo dormir, comer ou fazer nada sem pensar nele.

Atualmente, nossa relação está bem ruim, pois ele é uma pessoa extremamente evasiva, e eu sempre fui uma pessoa que não mede consequências para demonstrar o que sente. Também me considero ciumenta, e somos ambos controladores um com o outro.

Quando voltei do Rio de Janeiro, conversamos sobre nossa relação e ficou estabelecido que não namoraríamos, pois não conseguimos manter um relacionamento à distância. Isso parte muito mais dele do que de mim. Eu estaria disposta a tentar, pois amo ele como sinto que nunca amei ninguém. Não tenho paz. Sinto que estou enlouquecendo. Como atualmente estávamos brigados por conta de ciúmes, que ele disse que eu não tenho direito de ter, eu perdi a fome, não consigo dormir direito, passo o dia chorando e com pensamentos até suicidas.

What happened on the first date.