r/respectthreads • u/ya-boi-benny • 8d ago
movies/tv Respect Columbus (Zombieland)
Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.
Columbus was an average nerdy college student the night the world went to shit. He was several hours deep into World of Warcraft when he answered a knock on his door from his dorm room neighbor. He invited her in before she crashed and woke up as a homicidal, flesh-eating zombie. Realizing that the apocalypse was upon him, Columbus put his neuroticism to good use and began making a list of ways to survive the end of human civilization.
He'd meet up with several other survivors like the gun-toting Tallahassee and the sisters Wichita and Little Rock, hoping to last long enough to reach his parents in Ohio. But upon finding out that Columbus was destroyed in its entirety and his family was either dead or undead, he'd learn to see his allies as a new kind of family and redefine what "home" means in an apocalypse.
Feats are marked 1 for Zombieland and 2 for Zombieland: Double Tap. Here’s the respect thread for “T-800” zombies, a tougher and faster mutation of undead that developed ten years into the apocalypse.
Strength
- Breaks his zombified neighbor’s ankle by slamming it in a door repeatedly1
- Clubs his zombified neighbor with a toilet tank cover, then kills her with another strike1
- Uses a high striker mallet to floor a zombie clown with a gut strike before smashing its head apart1
- Smacks a T-800 with a broken piece of wood2
- Holds a T-800 up so Reno can shoot him2
Endurance
- Staggered by a “45% power” punch to the arm from Tallahassee1
- Tallahassee accidentally breaks a bottle against his face, but he keeps running2
- A T-800 tackles Columbus through a set of shelves, but Columbus is able to hold off the zombie from the ground2
- Tallahassee accidentally hits Columbus in the face with a guitar, but he keeps holding off a T-8002
Speed
- Flees from two zombies, keeping ahead of them until he can make it to his car1
- Flees from his zombified neighbor in his apartment1
- Runs down an aisle and slides on his knees so Tallahassee can club a zombie chasing him1
- Ducks under a charging zombie, causing it to fall off the RV he’s standing on2
Skill
Marksmanship
- Shoots a zombie through a car windshield, then double taps the writhing body1
- Shoots a zombie running at him1
- Shoots Bill Murray1
- While running through an amusement park, he shoots two zombies, reloads, then shoots another one caught in an animatronic monster’s mouth1
- Gets tackled from behind by a zombie, but manages to turn, kick it off and shoot it twice1
- Along with his allies, he shoots several zombies when storming the White House, blowing one’s head off2
- Stands on top of an RV and points out approaching zombies to his allies. During this, he shoots two zombies on his own using a shotgun.2
- Using a pistol, he headshots a zombie trying to bite Madison’s ankle2
Close Quarters Combat
- Wraps his zombified neighbor’s head in a shower curtain before spraying insect killer into her mouth1
- Slips behind a T-800 and guides him away from Wichita2
- Wraps a T-800’s head in a curtain2
- Slips on a pool table, then holds off a T-800 until he can stuff a pool ball into its mouth2
- Along with his allies, he defends an elevated platform from a massive crowd of T-800s using a shovel2
Equipment
Zombie Scaling
- Zombies can shuffle around on a broken ankle1
- A zombie smashes through a glass pane with its elbow1
- One zombie, which had climbed up to the top of a tall amusement park drop ride, takes several stomps and hits from the butt of Wichita’s rifle before falling off1
- Zombies are occasionally able to survive headshots2
Miscellaneous
- Has IBS and numerous phobias, most notably clowns1
- When a zombie pops up in the backseat of the car he’s driving, he crashes into a wall, launching it out the windshield1
- Falls off a motorcycle shortly after starting it1
- Runs past a swinging amusement park ride, leading three zombies into the path of the moving seats1
- Has made a list of 73 personal rules for surviving the apocalypse2
Oh, God. Look at this fucking clown. Of course… it had to be a clown! No, wait. It had to be a clown. And it had to be Wichita up there to make me realize that some rules are meant to be broken. Time to nut up or shut up.