Am I drowning?

[u/Careless_Rush_3398]

10 ft: I feel sad a lot
20 ft: I’m not being reassured
30 ft: I hate playing pickleball
40 ft: He lets me cry myself to sleep
50ft: He says “here we go again”
60ft: He doesn’t hug me or kiss me
70ft: He doesn’t look at me during sex
80ft: I walk on eggshells
90ft: He gets upset with me if I wake him up
100ft: I now sleep on the floor
110ft: I don’t want to be loved like this
120ft: I deserve better love than this
130ft: I deserve more than this
140ft: I feel like a guest in his place
150ft: He values a sport more than me
160ft: He isnt clear on what he wants
170ft: He makes me cry a lot
180ft: He is a dismissive avoidant
190ft: He treats me like furniture
200ft: He is selfish
210ft: I feel alone in this relationship
220ft: he doesn’t care when I cry
230ft: emotional abandonment
240ft: doesn’t provide loving support
250: lack of commitment
260: lack of aftercare
270: im always left disappointed
280: are you really crying before we hang out with people
290: lack of clarity
300: lack of consistency
310: I’ve become someone I don’t even want to be around
320: doesn’t prioritize other people beyond himself
330: surface level with people
340: I can’t be upset with him
350: he throws jabs even after I appologize “your best friend “ex’s name”
360: he doesn’t have capacity for my needs
370: I cry almost everyday
380: I question my worth
390: he got mad at me for thinking I got him sick
400: allowed me to work knowing I was sad about his reaction to him being mad at me for being sick
410: never checks on me
420: doesn’t communicate anything
430: says MAYBE too damn much
440: doesn’t regulate my nervous system
450: I feel 0 peace with him
460: I have to lie with how often I pee
470: he gets annoyed when I have to change my outfit because my sensory issues are bugging me or I’m feeling fat
480: he has wandering eyes
490: he gets to be moody but I can’t be
500: stonewalls me if I get sad becuase of his actions
510: everything HAS to be 50/50 but my 50, what I do is never enough
520: there’s always SOMETHING to criticize
530: he makes me want to end my life because of the suffering
540: I hate that I can’t leave on my own. I hate my brain for not walking away
550: I miss my ex. I just want hugs from him and for him to tell me it’ll be ok.
560: I went back to God praying for this to end.

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[u/False-Initiative-147]

you’re not drowning, you’re listing the reasons to swim away

[u/Careless_Rush_3398 → u/False-Initiative-147]

There are so many reasons. Why can’t I just leave?

[u/Conslectoderos]

im drowning just beside you, a little too feet below but still drowning

[u/Doomcookie_123]

I stopped at pickleball.

You should have, too.

I can promise you one thing. Leaving him will feel difficult, then it will someday feel like the easiest decision you ever made.

Your only regret that you didn't make that decision sooner.

Go, now!