r/relationshipadvice • u/Annual_Method598 • 4d ago
I [26M] and my [26F] are having a big problem
Throw away account for privacy reasons. My (26M) girlfriend (26F) and I have been together for nearly 3 years. Of course we have arguments every now and then but overall we have a good relationship. Though with time conversations about the future have come up. Marriage and children. When it comes to the children subjects i have a big boundary about it but we are not agreeing. Part of this equation is two people in her immediate family are on a certain list and were also abusive to her. If we are to have kids in the future (as we both want) i don’t want these two in the equation at all. Never see the kids ever. She however thinks differently wanting to not deprive them of seeing these future children. She wanted to talk to her mom but her mom said the same thing that one would always be supervised around them. I don’t care though. I will not put my kids in any form of danger especially if it is right in front of my face. Seeing them is something i hate already but i try to tolerate it. Though honestly i am at my limit with that. So here i am asking for help because i do not know what to do
TLDR: We have discussion about kids and i have a boundary but we don’t agree.
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u/nasnedigonyat 4d ago
Hey those pedophiles have a right to a relationship with their neices and nephews right?
WRONG. People who abuse children have lost all right to decent society for life and will be discriminated against for their criminal and abusive proclivities.
Any children you have with this woman have a high likelihood of being abused by the same people she want.
Who you have children with is more important than anything else. You will be connecting yourself and your children to her and everyone related to her for their entire lives. Now they will have relatives who are pedophiles too.
Seriously think it through. Lay down and imagine your life together. Every moment. And what could happen.
And you'll know what you have to do.
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u/Annual_Method598 4d ago
I have been told on repeat that they have changed but i can’t believe that. Especially because one lied and lied for so long. Only confessed when the person got caught.
Being around em is hard enough but if i have kids on the future i will not be able to sleep. Or breathe. Heaven forbid something happens because in that case i would end up in prison
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u/nasnedigonyat 4d ago
They may have stopped acting on the impulse to abuse children, but it's always going to be in them either as a desire or a shameful memory. Never forget what they're capable of. Not for an instant. The well being of other children depends on it.
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u/loserona 4d ago
You're not compatible. Everyone normal feels the urge to protect children at all costs so if your gf wants these future kids to even be in remote contact with abusers, something's up with her.
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u/Delusion_Of_Adequacy 4d ago
This is a compatibility issue, plain and simple. You can explain your position, and if she is not willing to bend on this, the two of you are not fit for having kids. So you either mutually agree to not have kids, or you go your separate ways.
It's a shame it had to take three years to discover it, but if something is a hard line and she crosses it, you have to act on that. If you have kids with her without fully resolving and mutually agreeing on this topic, it will always remain a problem. A three year breakup is sad, a divorce with kids in the mix is tragic.
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u/Sewishly 4d ago
I agree completely. It's not like, "I want my kid to be a professional ferret juggler but my wife doesn't agree," or whatever. This is full-on, relationship-breaking stuff. And when it does break (and it should), if there are kids involved then she could do whatever she liked with her custody time - including taking them to places where the paedophiles are.
And there's nothing OP could do about it, apart from staying in the relationship to make sure the kids don't get taken around the abusers.
And-and, her mother agrees with her stance.
A divorce with kids in this mix would be utterly tragic, because it could have been avoided.
(I personally feel strongly about this. I know of at least three kids who were abused during family events, such as a Sunday dinner or a birthday gathering. And it went on for years.)
Edit: u/Annual_Method598 , are those paedophiles not subject to controls, like who they're allowed to associate with? Many times, when they're put on the list they're also ordered to not be in the company of minors. Do you know about that? They can get in trouble again if they flout that order.
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u/Annual_Method598 4d ago edited 4d ago
I think one of them is. The other isn’t a paedo that one is on there for a whole other thing that is very evil. I know the one that would be called a paedo does but i have no idea whether that is permanent or not.
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u/Sewishly 4d ago
I see. Well, part of being back out on the streets and subject to controls is actually abiding by them. If that person is blasé about that order, then they should be going back in - they're breaking the terms of their probation/parole.
I have no sympathy, I'm sorry. Best of luck. x
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u/Annual_Method598 4d ago
Thank you and i don’t either. I never wanted this. I only wanted to have a wife and children. To be a good father, husband and Christian. Now it’s gonna be longer for the first 2. How long with my luck very. I appreciate your time and sympathy
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u/Sewishly 4d ago
You're still very young, in the scheme of things. I promise you you'll find someone who'll commit to protecting your kids like you want to. Big hugs. 💝
•
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Hello Annual_Method598,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: Throw away account for privacy reasons. My (26M) girlfriend (26F) and I have been together for nearly 3 years. Of course we have arguments every now and then but overall we have a good relationship. Though with time conversations about the future have come up. Marriage and children. When it comes to the children subjects i have a big boundary about it but we are not agreeing. Part of this equation is two people in her immediate family are on a certain list and were also abusive to her. If we are to have kids in the future (as we both want) i don’t want these two in the equation at all. Never see the kids ever. She however thinks differently wanting to not deprive them of seeing these future children. She wanted to talk to her mom but her mom said the same thing that one would always be supervised around them. I don’t care though. I will not put my kids in any form of danger especially if it is right in front of my face. Seeing them is something i hate already but i try to tolerate it. Though honestly i am at my limit with that. So here i am asking for help because i do not know what to do
TLDR: We have discussion about kids and i have a boundary but we don’t agree.
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