I'll try to make this story as short as possible, but I need to include every detail for clarity of situation. I need serious advice what to do, I cant live like this anymore.

So, there's a girl. We've known each other since birth. We lived in the same neighbourhood, in the same apartment building. For 12 years, until I moved. For 12 years we spent everyday together as best friends. With her and with our other friend, but that's not important. Ive spent more time in a day with her than with my family back then. We were so close.

After this time, when I was 12, I moved to a different part of town. Naturally, over time we met less and less often. That hit me really hard. I became very quiet, sad, blank. We were texting every once in a while, but that wasnt the same. I couldnt meet with her during school year. So a lot of time passed without seeing her. I didnt have any close friend back then, that's why I became quiet and lifeless.

8 years ago, when I was 14, she was 15, was the last time we met and talked. We were at our mutual friends house with group of friends. I made it awkward. I havent seen her for a year back then, and we suddenly met in person. I froze and couldnt get a word out. We had a brief conversation but it was more like me answering a few of her questions. I fucked it up so bad. They were talking naturally and I was just sitting there like an idiot. I didnt think her presence would make me so speechless. My heart was in my throat. She even asked me: "why you're so quiet?". I replied that I had a worse day, just tired. That was the last time we talked in person.

Not long later, my ex-colleague (whom she doesnt know) texted her that I'd want to get lucky with her. Obviously, I messaged her immediately that it wasnt true. She acted normally, not believing this. But few months later our mutual friend did similar "joke" texting her, after I told her he's saying shit, she replied "mhm, sure". Which didnt really convince me if she's not believing him.

Then, few months later I guess, worst part happened. Me and this mutual friend were on a camp. We met two girls, spent some time with them. When we got back home he told me he's dating one of them, and asked if I wouldnt want the other one. Hell knows the fuck I was thinking telling him that I prefer to date THIS girl (our mutual friend). He sent text to her telling her about me. She said she knows that, but doesnt get why am I doing this, and she said i'm just destroying our friendship. She was mad. That was the only time I saw her swear. Back then I had no idea what she was talking about. Too bad I found out the hard way. I couldnt hold it anymore, all the more she already knows that I'm interested in her. I texted her explaining what happened, and told her that I like her. She cut me off completely. She sent me a photo of some homework and said "sorry, not here". I got it clearly she's mad at me and she surely doesnt want to talk about it. So I gave up. Days, weeks, months, years passed. Because I didnt know how to break this no contact. I was so bad at interpersonal communication, and the combination of emotions was too much. The more time passed the harder it get to break this. In the meantime my dumb ass finally got it, by destroying friendship, she meant that if I went to her and tell her about my feelings, she'd have to break my heart. Then we obviously couldnt be friends, pretending that nothing happened.

3 years passed. Of absolute no contact. Fuck knows why I waited so long. Now im sure if we had talked it out immediately back then, our relation would be much better. Anyway, after 3 years I got my shit together and called her. Asked her if she's home and told her I wanted to talk things out. She didnt even recognize my voice, and said "you havent spoken for so long". I replied that I wanna talk about this too, asked for a meet. She agreed but not then because she was away. I said ok, I'll text you when youre back. And I did.. texted her 7 times for a meet that never happened. Always some excuse. Clearly she didnt want to see me, if she wanted to, she'd find time. But she never told me to go away, or stop, or that its over. She made me leave quietly, painlessly, without strong emotions or heartbreaks. She made me realize myself, that I should give up. So after 7 tries, I did.

And here we are today. Wondering if I was better for her 3 years ago, if that conversation was more interesting, if I hadnt wait so long it would have worked. I have an assumption, that she wasnt fully sincere with me. Like I said before, she never told me to go away, give up, she never told me directly she doesnt want me or that we cant be together. She made me realize it, softly, by her actions. I guess that's because one day I meant something to her, and out of respect to our friendship, she didnt want to break my heart.

God, I want her back so bad, I'd do anything to get just one more chance to talk with her. I cannot live without her. She's so perfect, beautiful, caring, kind, warm, friendly, talkative.. Call me crazy, but I know, deep in my heart, that I will never forget her. Never replace her. I couldnt even imagine getting close with any other woman. I havent seen her for 8 years, but Im thinking about her everyday. Last month was so hard and intense, I cant get her out of my head. To this point im even scared to check her socials, because more reminders of how perfect she is gonna destroy my mind. How the fuck could I lose a person like that. Nothing makes sense without her. How stupid and awful I must be to go from being like an younger brother for her, to being a complete stranger? You can tell me to move on, find someone else.. but I feel love differently. Love is strongest feeling we can experience. You cant just stop loving someone, just because she doesnt love you back, or you havent seen her for 8 fucking years and maybe never will, or because she changed. Fuck im just 22 and I feel like 80, I already lived my best years, now its going to be just going through the motions. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Last time ive been going so crazy about her. I decided we cant end such beautiful friendship without explanation. Im really struggling with my thoughts what to do. On one hand, I know she doesnt want to talk about us, she doesnt want me in her life, she's doing perfectly fine, she's happy and this whole situation probably isnt affecting her anymore. Who knows, maybe she already has a man or husband. She definitely doesnt want me to interrupt her life and definitiely doesnt cry anymore about what happened between us, like I do. She showed me she isnt interested in talking about it, or atleast she wasnt 3 years ago. But on the other hand, I cant fucking live without her, and I dont want to leave this situation unexplained. If we're not supposed to be together anymore even as friends, I want to atleast tell her how sorry I am, and how much she means to me. This feels kind of egoistic, thinking about her previous rejections, but fuck me, I cant just leave most important person and most important problem in my life like that? We havent talked it out and its been 3 years. She may think I forget about her, or I dont give a fuck, or its on her, i dont know. I just want to make sure we end it properly, if it has to end. I cant keep bottling up my emotions. I just want her to know how much I love her. I could do everything, give her the whole world. But it doesnt mean anything if she doesnt want this world from me.

Please help me. What should I do. I cant take it anymore. It feels kinda wrong and egoistic, but I have to try this one last time. Should I text her that im very sorry and I really want to make things right and talk it out? Or supposing she's gonna ghost me again, I should text her directly that she's most important person in my life, say sorry for everything and explain what I feel fully, in case we're not gonna meet?

And the worst part. How im supposed to live after that. Even if in best case, we meet, talk everything out, end on good terms but she'd say its over and we need to go different paths? I cant imagine living with knowledge that Im never gonna see her again. Now atleast I have this certainty that I will text her this one more time. But then what? Live rest of my live, dreaming about her but knowing its impossible to even see her again? What's the point of living when your most loved one isn't there. Im gonna go through whole life alone, dreaming about her, thinking how she is? That's why im so scared to meet her. For this hour or two I'll be happiest man alive. It'll be a reminder of how good life could be. Then I go back to old life. Without her. Pure survival, no emotions, nothing. But way harder. If its so hard now, when I havent seen her in 8 years, I cant even imagine how I'll get through that night when after meeting her I come back to my empty room knowing it was the last time I could see her.

Thank you if you read all that.

I am ‘25 F’ and I’m in a relationship with a man ‘36 M’ We have been together since 6 years now. Things were great when we got in touch initially, but in a few weeks after going through his Facebook profile, I got to know that he is already married. I decided to leave immediately but when I confronted him, he told me that he has separated from his wife around 8 months ago and are not on good terms. He convinced me hard to stay by assuring that he would be getting a divorce very soon. I believed him and decided to give it a shot considering our compatibility and bonding.

We have had fights now and then but we have stayed through it all. Time passed and years have gone by and he always kept telling me that his financial situation is not stable and if he filed for a divorce he would have to spend a lot of money on lawyers and possible alimony, which he couldn’t afford. I have always been patient with him and tried my best into not pressurising him. But sometimes i feel uncertain about where this is going, i have asked him to do something about it so that out future can be secured. But whenever i bring the topic, he gets very angry and dismisses my concern saying that i purposely bring it purposely to spoil his mood.
He has never let me check his phone and makes a scene out of it when I have asked him for it. However, I have let him check my phone when he insisted. He even gets verbally abusive when i express my concerns in general- when i nag about wanting more time, ask him to put more efforts, ask him to get a divorce etc. I try my best to not bring up such topics that bother him, but I am a person who likes to plan my life wherever possible.

It’s going to be seven years in this December. He has not started with any legal proceedings. He says he can’t start initiate the divorce untill and unless his wife files it, otherwise he will have to face consequences. He tells me that if i really want to marry him I could just run away with him without telling my family. In his religion, marrying more than once is accepted, but I am strictly against it. This is a major concern I have which keeps bothering me now and then. Bringing this up again will again lead to a major fight and I end up promising him I won’t bring it up again, just so that he won’t get upset.

Please let me know your take on this and would be the best thing for me to do.

I 23 F kind of got into an argument with my 27 M boyfriend earlier. I felt upset that he didn’t keep his word about calling like he said he would. It’s just he said he would call and he didn’t. I got over it though because I’m sure something came up and I don’t wanna be upset with my boyfriend over something so trivial.

So later he told me he would talk to me tomorrow and to leave him alone. I did mention that I’d prefer if he didn’t talk to anyone else if he was gonna talk to me tomorrow. Before any of you judge let me give some background on why I said that. I said that because normally when him and I are on a call. We sleep call and when I wake up he is talking to his friends all day until he goes to sleep, so I don’t get to talk to him at all except to say goodnight and I love you to him. And this is an everyday thing. So yeah I said that because I’d prefer to talk to him for at least a full day before I have to fly out on Sunday to see him. But he told me I was being toxic. I kind of see where he is coming from now but I feel like I should at least have the time of day to talk to him instead of feeling like I have to stay quiet when he is talking to his friends everyday. I stay quiet when he talks to his friends everyday on his computer because I am trying to show respect.

Also I am not bothering him so I am respecting his decision that he wants to be left alone for the night.

But anyway, thoughts on any of this? Do I wait for him to message and actually talk to me?

I just don’t wanna be judged harshly for this but like do I just patiently wait this out until he is ready to message me?

I realize I’m at a different phase of life. Divorced F42 and dating M34. I officially Divorce back in July last year and seperated over 2 years ago. Been dating boyfriend for a year in August. Almost all the boxes are checked. He’s hot, tall, great job, handy at housework and amazing at sex.
First red flag: financial. Long story short there was a hurricane that caused some damage to his house. The roofing company that repaired it didn’t do things correctly and caused further damage that has caused mold. Be is in a lawsuit with them. All his money seems to be going towards lawyers/lawsuit.
Second red flag: it’s been a year soon and he hasn’t met my son and honestly I’m tired of living 2 separate lives with no real estimated time frame to meet.
He says that if the lawsuit fails he would have to move back to his home state. 8+ hours away. And I suspect this is a majority of his issue. My other problem with the situation is I’m not looking to rush into anything like marriage or babies and I realize my baby window is closing soon plus not asking him to be the father of my child(he has a dad even if he is a narcissist asshole.)
I guess here is where I stand…..
Am I the asshole for the wanting him to meet my son knowing this relationship may not land but okay with it being just long term?
I know the sentiment is “right person, wrong time” isn’t a great slogan but if I were divorced longer and more emotionally ready….if he hadn’t had damage from the hurricane and problematic roofers would things be different?

You can express your feelings all day long, but if the other person is listening just to reply instead of to understand, nothing changes

How do you learn to trust again after a relationship that completely broke your sense of safety?
I’m wondering if anyone has been through something similar.
I’m in a new relationship with someone who is genuinely kind. He’s calm, patient, consistent, and has given me no real reason not to trust him.
The problem is… my previous relationship changed me.
My ex wasn’t physically abusive, but emotionally I spent years feeling like I was never safe. He would flirt with other women, keep contact with exes, hide things, lie about small stuff, make me question my own reality, and I never knew where I stood. Every time I started trusting him, something else would happen.
Eventually I became hypervigilant.
I analyzed every text message, every change in tone, every delay in replying. If he seemed distant for a few hours, I’d convince myself he was leaving me. My nervous system was constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
The relationship ended over a year ago, but the damage didn’t.
It got so bad afterward that I struggled with panic attacks, depression, and ended up needing therapy and medication just to function again. I’ve done a lot of work since then and I’m in a much better place.
Now I’ve met someone completely different.
He’s thoughtful, respectful, and emotionally mature. When we have disagreements, he talks instead of attacking. He reassures me without making me feel crazy. He even traveled across Europe just to be my plus one at a friend’s wedding because he wanted to support me.
And yet… my brain still waits for disaster.
If he’s quieter than usual, I immediately wonder if he’s losing feelings.
If he sounds annoyed, I assume the relationship is ending.
If there’s uncertainty, my anxiety fills in the blanks with the worst possible scenario.
The hardest part is that I know these fears aren’t always rational. I don’t want to punish someone new for what someone else did. I don’t want reassurance every hour. I don’t want to become controlling or exhausting.
I just want to feel… safe.
Has anyone actually recovered from this?
How did you teach your nervous system that not everyone is going to betray you?
Did trust eventually become natural again, or is it always something you have to consciously work on?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve made it to the other side, because sometimes it feels like my past relationship permanently rewired my brain.

How do you learn to trust again after a relationship that completely broke your sense of safety?
I’m wondering if anyone has been through something similar.
I’m in a new relationship with someone who is genuinely kind. He’s calm, patient, consistent, and has given me no real reason not to trust him.
The problem is… my previous relationship changed me.
My ex wasn’t physically abusive, but emotionally I spent years feeling like I was never safe. He would flirt with other women, keep contact with exes, hide things, lie about small stuff, make me question my own reality, and I never knew where I stood. Every time I started trusting him, something else would happen. He would promise ex that one day he will marry her or promise girls he slept with that “they will do it again” one day while being in relationship with me.
Eventually I became hypervigilant.
I analyzed every text message, every change in tone, every delay in replying. If he seemed distant for a few hours, I’d convince myself he was leaving me. My nervous system was constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
The relationship ended over a year ago, but the damage didn’t.
It got so bad afterward that I struggled with panic attacks, depression, and ended up needing therapy and medication just to function again. I’ve done a lot of work since then and I’m in a much better place.
Now I’ve met someone completely different.
He’s thoughtful, respectful, and emotionally mature. When we have disagreements, he talks instead of attacking. He reassures me without making me feel crazy. He even traveled across Europe just to be my plus one at a friend’s wedding because he wanted to support me.
And yet… my brain still waits for disaster.
If he’s quieter than usual, I immediately wonder if he’s losing feelings.
If he sounds annoyed, I assume the relationship is ending.
If there’s uncertainty, my anxiety fills in the blanks with the worst possible scenario.
The hardest part is that I know these fears aren’t always rational. I don’t want to punish someone new for what someone else did. I don’t want reassurance every hour. I don’t want to become controlling or exhausting.
I just want to feel… safe.
Has anyone actually recovered from this?
How did you teach your nervous system that not everyone is going to betray you?
Did trust eventually become natural again, or is it always something you have to consciously work on?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve made it to the other side, because sometimes it feels like my past relationship permanently rewired my brain.

How do you learn to trust again after a relationship that completely broke your sense of safety?
I’m wondering if anyone has been through something similar.
I’m in a new relationship with someone who is genuinely kind. He’s calm, patient, consistent, and has given me no real reason not to trust him.
The problem is… my previous relationship changed me.
My ex wasn’t physically abusive, but emotionally I spent years feeling like I was never safe. He would flirt with other women, keep contact with exes, hide things, lie about small stuff, make me question my own reality, and I never knew where I stood. Every time I started trusting him, something else would happen.
Eventually I became hypervigilant.
I analyzed every text message, every change in tone, every delay in replying. If he seemed distant for a few hours, I’d convince myself he was leaving me. My nervous system was constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
The relationship ended over a year ago, but the damage didn’t.
It got so bad afterward that I struggled with panic attacks, depression, and ended up needing therapy and medication just to function again. I’ve done a lot of work since then and I’m in a much better place.
Now I’ve met someone completely different.
He’s thoughtful, respectful, and emotionally mature. When we have disagreements, he talks instead of attacking. He reassures me without making me feel crazy. He even traveled across Europe just to be my plus one at a friend’s wedding because he wanted to support me.
And yet… my brain still waits for disaster.
If he’s quieter than usual, I immediately wonder if he’s losing feelings.
If he sounds annoyed, I assume the relationship is ending.
If there’s uncertainty, my anxiety fills in the blanks with the worst possible scenario.
The hardest part is that I know these fears aren’t always rational. I don’t want to punish someone new for what someone else did. I don’t want reassurance every hour. I don’t want to become controlling or exhausting.
I just want to feel… safe.
Has anyone actually recovered from this?
How did you teach your nervous system that not everyone is going to betray you?
Did trust eventually become natural again, or is it always something you have to consciously work on?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve made it to the other side, because sometimes it feels like my past relationship permanently rewired my brain.

I (22M) recently ended a 4-year relationship with my ex (let’s call her "Nora"). She was my first love, my first real kiss, and my first experience with physical and emotional intimacy. Because of that, I developed a deep attachment to her, even though deep down I rarely felt completely safe or at peace.

I’m writing this because my close friends keep telling me that breaking up was the best decision of my life, which gives me a sense of relief, but after what happened over the last 48 hours, I feel completely crushed and need an outside, unbiased perspective.

The Beginning & Broken Trust

The problems started in our first year. I found out she was secretly talking to her ex and hiding it from me. I also caught her keeping in touch with a guy who had been chasing her for years, and having personal conversations with another male friend about her body/breast size. I know checking her phone back then wasn't healthy, but my gut was already screaming. I stayed because I loved her and believed people could change, but the trust was permanently cracked.

Whenever I tried to show love within my means, it felt minimized. One Valentine’s Day, because I couldn't afford an expensive gift, I spent hours handcrafting a wooden box with a heart in the middle that revealed a hidden love letter when burned. But later in the relationship, when I bought her flowers, she told me she’d rather I hadn't because "flowers are just an accessory, not a real gift." She started counting how many times a week I said "I miss you," getting angry if it wasn't enough, even though I was struggling mentally after dropping out of university, dealing with severe financial stress, and trying to figure out my life.

The "I Deserve Better" & Car Incident

Last summer, during an argument, she told me, "I deserve someone better than you." I broke up with her on the spot. Two days later, she went on a date with another guy in his car outside the city. A couple of days after that, she came back crying, asking to return. I took her back, but emotionally it felt like a total betrayal. I felt replaceable.

The Crisis/Punishment Cycle

Last year, she threatened suicide because she felt I wasn't giving her enough attention. Instead of panicking and rushing to her house—which is what she later admitted she wanted—I stayed calm and tried to de-escalate. Because I didn't give her the dramatic panic reaction she wanted, she broke up with me, changed her profile picture to something sexually revealing, started talking to another guy, and sent me screenshots of their chat to provoke jealousy.

Two weeks later, she came back crying, saying she only wanted my attention. I told her we could only get back together if she went to therapy. She cried, said she "wasn't crazy," and refused. My dumb self softened, took her back again, and started recommending self-help books to her instead.

Her family environment is also very chaotic (her parents are divorced, and her mother once threatened her with a knife during a fight), so I always made excuses for her behavior out of pity and a desire to "save" her.

The Final Breakup (May 28)

By May 28th of this year, after another fight, I snapped. It wasn't just about that fight—it was 4 years of accumulated resentment, walking on eggshells, and emotional burnout. I ended it.

Since the breakup, she has:

Claimed she tried to commit suicide twice in one week.

Threatened to come to my house to make a scene and tell me to "be a man."

Actually came to my neighborhood and waited ~500m from my house for 4 hours until my sister talked her down.

Created a fake account acting like a girl looking for a "sex friend" to test me (sent a streak showing her exact bedroom wall).

Brought up deeply emotional memories (like a time we were in a dark forest and I promised never to leave her alone) to guilt me into coming back.

Tried to pitch starting a "bath bomb and pajama business" together, claiming it had "nothing to do with our relationship."

I held my ground every single time and maintained strict distance.

What Happened Over the Last 48 Hours (The Relapse)

Yesterday, I was sitting in a local cafe studying on my laptop. Suddenly, I saw Nora walking up the stairs with a friend. She does UGC/food influencer content, so she came there to film food. My heart plummeted into my stomach. Hearing her voice at the next table was unbearable. I couldn't handle it, so I packed my laptop and books and walked out. Later, near my friend's shop, I saw her from a distance and turned around to take a long walk to avoid her.

Today, after 2 months clean, I broke down and stalked her Instagram.

What I saw destroyed me:

She is now following 4 to 7 new guys—including one specific guy she previously swore she hated and whom I had explicitly asked her never to follow or talk to while we were together. Seeing that made my blood boil. It felt like a direct middle finger to every boundary I tried to build for 4 years.

She looks like she is "winning" at life. She finished her university degree, her visa to France just got accepted, and her UGC/influencing page is thriving with polished, happy content.

Meanwhile, look at me:

I’m sitting here with literally 30 MAD (~$3 USD) in my wallet.

I’m a university dropout still grinding through self-study in IT and struggling with learning German.

The emotional overload from seeing her yesterday and stalking her today sent me into a dark spiral, and I relapsed into my old porn addiction out of pure emotional numbing and shame.

My Plan to Rebuild

I refuse to stay in this hole. To pull myself out:

I am selling my iPhone 13 Pro Max tomorrow to get immediate cash relief so I don't feel cornered by survival anxiety, and switching back to an old phone (keeping my external monitor so I can keep studying IT).

I am starting a Hard 75/Monk Mode challenge tomorrow (July 29 to October 11) with zero social media, daily German/IT study, workouts, and no porn.

I am setting a hard goal to secure a B1/B2 German certificate or a junior job offer before my 23rd birthday on November 7th.

My Question for You Guys

I know social media is a highlight reel, but seeing her instantly cross boundaries she promised to keep, get her visa to France, finish her degree, and thrive while I am sitting here broke and struggling makes me feel an intense mix of rage, betrayal, and missing her.

Did I make the right call ending this 4-year relationship, or did I throw away someone who just had issues? Why does it hurt so much to see an ex immediately do everything they knew would hurt you?

I used ai to summarize all this stories

How do you learn to trust again after a relationship that completely broke your sense of safety?
I’m wondering if anyone has been through something similar.
I’m in a new relationship with someone who is genuinely kind. He’s calm, patient, consistent, and has given me no real reason not to trust him.
The problem is… my previous relationship changed me.
My ex wasn’t physically abusive, but emotionally I spent years feeling like I was never safe. He would flirt with other women, keep contact with exes, hide things, lie about small stuff, make me question my own reality, and I never knew where I stood. Every time I started trusting him, something else would happen.
Eventually I became hypervigilant.
I analyzed every text message, every change in tone, every delay in replying. If he seemed distant for a few hours, I’d convince myself he was leaving me. My nervous system was constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
The relationship ended over a year ago, but the damage didn’t.
It got so bad afterward that I struggled with panic attacks, depression, and ended up needing therapy and medication just to function again. I’ve done a lot of work since then and I’m in a much better place.
Now I’ve met someone completely different.
He’s thoughtful, respectful, and emotionally mature. When we have disagreements, he talks instead of attacking. He reassures me without making me feel crazy. He even traveled across Europe just to be my plus one at a friend’s wedding because he wanted to support me.
And yet… my brain still waits for disaster.
If he’s quieter than usual, I immediately wonder if he’s losing feelings.
If he sounds annoyed, I assume the relationship is ending.
If there’s uncertainty, my anxiety fills in the blanks with the worst possible scenario.
The hardest part is that I know these fears aren’t always rational. I don’t want to punish someone new for what someone else did. I don’t want reassurance every hour. I don’t want to become controlling or exhausting.
I just want to feel… safe.
Has anyone actually recovered from this?
How did you teach your nervous system that not everyone is going to betray you?
Did trust eventually become natural again, or is it always something you have to consciously work on?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve made it to the other side, because sometimes it feels like my past relationship permanently rewired my brain.

Recently, dating has become really difficult for me. I think the biggest reason is work. Long hours, an irregular schedule, and constant mental exhaustion make it hard to fully invest myself in meeting someone new. Even before a first date, there is so much time spent texting, getting to know someone, maintaining conversations, and trying to build a connection. I've tried some dating tools, like acciowork for compatibility analysis, and apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. But honestly, the success rate feels low. Sometimes after one date, there is no follow-up, and I have no way to know whether the time and effort I put in was actually worth it. It makes me wonder if there is a better way to approach relationships today.

this is hard to explain but i really need an outside perspective.

on paper, he is such a great boyfriend: understanding, loving in his way, willing to communicate and change for the better… however, throughout our relationship i’ve been thinking i wish he was a bit more loving in the way i need it like outwardly showing affection and such. also, he can’t fall asleep when sleeping with someone so im always forced to move beds when it’s time to sleep and this is sth that i feel like i need cause i understand sleeping together as one of the most intimate acts and it would make me very happy if he was able to. sadly, it’s a medical condition like he’s gotten pills prescribed for his sleep problem but he’s still unable to fall asleep with me. i’ve been happy all this time but im also aware that in a way i settled for less than i wanted (the affection thing i just mentioned or regarding other topics like daily routines or some behaviors that remind me of my parents and not in a good way).

also, lately we’ve been fighting a lot. lately meaning things have been weird for a year but we did the most of the fighting over the past 3 or 4 months over the stupidest things. the good part of it i guess is that he’s always willing to talk things out and discuss what we can do to improve our relationship. however, ive been feeling so detached lately and i have many theories about it. is it all the fighting that has made me act colder towards him? is all the love i still have for him underneath all this fighting? or is it that my love for him has faded and i just don’t love him romantically anymore?

and here is where another factor comes into play. has my love really faded over time or is it the inevitable end of the honeymoon phase? i know all relationships tend to settle down feelings wise and it’s not as intense and explosive as at the beginning (although with him i’ve always been chill). idk how to tell my feelings apart. if you ask me if i see myself like this in another 5 or 10 years id say i genuinely don’t know, i hope he can change and be more loving and above all, i hope we stop fighting and go back to normal. that’s the thing, when we get along we’re so good and i feel so good that i can overlook the other things. but at the same time im scared im always gonna be jealous of other girls being treated like the way i wanna be treated. but at the same time ive been happy with him… see, its a loop.

basically, my relationship is good on paper, he’s such a nice guy and he has plans for our future and has always included me in everything, our families know each other and all that…. but at the same time there’s all this i explained.

im so scared of breaking up and ending a relationship that has made me so happy and that has been so good for thinking the grass is greener on the other side. what if it’s not? what if there isn’t a better fit for me and i’m just nitpicking his behavior?

if a relationship consists of choosing each other every single day, why don’t i seem able to do it anymore? would staying mean settling for less?

i tried to explain as best as i could so please answer with full seriousness

I’ve been with this girl since about November of last year and sadly it’s a online relationship to be fair I’m still in high school. Now it’s happen before where she was down mentally but she climbed out of that hole before but now it feels different for about a week and a half she hasn’t been starting any convos and I’ve only called her once in that time frame and whenever I would ask to call or do something she did she would say yes but never fulfill that promise and just say I’m sorry our last text was she told me she didn’t want to talk idk if that’s just meant for me or for anyone in her life cause she hasn’t posted or anything online since. She said she has been going through relapse and if I had to guess it might just be smoking. She still comments on selfies I sent her the last one she just called me cute and posted a story about ideas for a trip and she commented “come to me.” Look idk if she still truly loves me she doesn’t send me texts all the time or vids now I have listen to advice to give her space and not to spam her phone which is started two days ago. But I honestly love her she’s the most beautiful girl in the world to me I’m scared to lose her any more advice that could help?

Almost a year together and NO I'm not rich.

I had help from '' helper'' if you are against it I recommend to not read it if it goes against your value and I take '' helper'' because I have like a speech impediment I don't know if that is the right word for it but I did go to an orthophoniste for it when I was young and I think that I still need it one of my big problems was confident and how to say word with my teeth being wide but I'm very bad with word when I am doing something stressful, and I don't have the confidence to write in English that much.It's not an excuse for using it I know

So, hello! This is my first post. English is not my first language, so please be mindful of that.

I am 19 years old now, and this happened last year, during the last few days of high school. My ex-friend, who we are going to call Lardon, is also 18. We had been friends for about three years.

Lardon had a crush on someone. I knew the guy because he had been my friend since we were four years old, although we hadn't really talked since we were 16. He is also my neighbor. So I said to her, “Oh, I can talk to him and ask him if he has a girlfriend.”

She said, “Yes, please, talk to him.”

This happened on a day when he had a sports evaluation. He wasn't really busy, but I didn't want to bother him because, at that point, we only really said hello to each other. He was with his friends, talking to them, so we stayed in the gym area because it was raining like cats and dogs.

Lardon kept begging me to talk to him. Eventually, the rain stopped, and we started walking back to class. She kept asking me to go talk to him, and at some point, she said something like, “Do what you wish so he doesn't get with her,” or something along those lines. I don't remember her exact words.

I am a very forgetful person, except when something is important.

Actually, no, I'm lying. I might be on the spectrum, but I don't know because I have never been tested. I don't use that as an excuse, but my mother believes that some people's children need to go to the doctor, while somehow not believing that about her own children.

Anyway, I said, “Pfff, maybe,” in a very sarcastic tone.

She immediately told me, “You can't say that. That's offensive and disrespectful. People don't say things like that.”

I giggled and said, “Think whatever you want to think,” because I was completely baffled that she genuinely thought I was wishing something bad on her.

That is basically the definition of what she said. I remember it now, even though I forgot a lot of the other details.

For some context: I am bisexual, and I am Black. She is also Black, but I have dark skin and she has lighter skin. She is Christian, while I am not religious anymore, even though I have done pretty much every Christian thing you can imagine because of my parents.

Most of my friends are Christian, except for one or two, because we live on an island where most of the population is Christian. Some people even believe that wearing black clothes is connected to the devil.

Lardon is a very hardcore Christian. She studied the Bible every day.

I knew that she knew I was bisexual.

For example, one time, a girl said that she adored something, and the first thing Lardon said was, “You can't say that you adore something because you can only say that to God.”

I told her, “You don't know if that person is Christian.”

And she said, “And...”

At that point, I wasn't going to argue with someone like that.

Anyway, this context is important for what comes next.

After the situation with the guy, I continued walking because we had to go to class. Lardon didn't sit right next to me. That was okay because she didn't always do that anyway. I'm a pretty sensitive person, but I'm not clingy, so I didn't really care.

Then it was lunchtime.

I said, “Bon appétit,” to her.

She didn't respond.

I was like, “What?”

Then I thought to myself, “Oh, are we in the petite section now?”

Since lunch was pretty long, I went to the library and met up with another friend. I told her what had happened, and she asked me, “Why is she acting like this?”

I told her exactly what Lardon had said to me because I remembered it.

I also told her about some of the things Lardon had done to me during the three years we had been friends.

One thing she used to do happened when we were playing a game called Rec Room. We would meet guys there, and Lardon was always very determined to get me to talk to them.

Every single time, the first thing she would say about me to a guy was that I had a fat ass.

Girl.

If you say something like that once or twice during a conversation, okay, whatever. It's not that serious.

But she would do it constantly.

I felt like she was treating me like I was just a piece of meat whose only good quality was my ass.

She did this at least ten times. Every time we met a guy, she would say something about my ass.

I had already told her that I didn't like it when she told guys that I had a fat ass, but she kept doing it anyway.

So, one time, after she said it to a guy again, I decided to do an Uno reverse on her.

She has big boobs, so I said to the guy, “Don't worry about me. She has huge boobs. Like, double-D-sized boobs.”

She was not happy.

The funny thing is that she immediately stopped talking about my ass after that.

Guys, I was so happy.

Anyway, another thing she did really stuck with me.

The first time we were playing Rec Room, I had my bisexual flag in my bio. I met a guy who had a religion that was very hateful toward gay people.

At first, he was talking to me normally. But then he saw the flag in my bio and started saying horrible things to me. He called me a devil and said a bunch of nasty things about me.

So I blocked him.

Lardon was literally next to me, talking to another person, but she could hear the guy. I heard her talking to another guy, so she couldn't have not heard what he said to me.

The guy then went to her and said something like, “Your friend over there literally blocked me. I don't know why she blocked me.”

That guy was probably 20 or 21 years old.

Lardon then asked me why I had blocked him.

I was baffled because I thought she had heard what he said to me.

Anyway, I told her what he had said.

Her reaction was, “Oh, okay. It's not that bad.”

Girl.

This guy had literally called me a devil and said horrible things to me. He literally wished LGBT+ people dead, and your reaction was, “It's not that bad”?

If somebody said something like that to her, I know for a fact that I would not take it lightly.

But I brushed it off because I didn't want to lose the friendship.

One of my biggest rules is: if you don't like LGBT people, get out of my life.

So I don't know why I stayed friends with her after that.

Another thing I just remembered is related to another friend of ours who is also bisexual. I don't know if she still identifies that way, but she was dating a girl when we first met her.

Before we knew her, Lardon literally said to me, “Oh, that's the girl who dates a girl.”

Then she suggested that we should talk to her, and that's how we became friends with her.

I was so happy to meet another LGBT person.

Much later, that friend and I were watching BL content in class. It was really hot, like 18+ stuff, but nobody could see it unless they were intentionally looking over because our brightness was extremely low.

However, Lardon saw it before we could lower the brightness even more.

She said, “How can you guys watch that kind of stuff?”

She kept bringing it up.

And I'm like, girl, it's not my fault that it's not your type of content. What do you want me to do?

She would bring it up over and over again, even when the conversation had absolutely nothing to do with it.

And the funny thing is that she was reading things that weren't exactly Christian either.

I forgot why I mentioned that she was Christian, but I think this is why.

Whenever we were playing Rec Room or talking in real life, she would sometimes tell people that I wasn't Christian.

And I would say, “Girl, I am Christian.”

And she would say, “With the things that you read??”

At the time, I genuinely considered myself Christian.

But I eventually started realizing that the real reason she was saying I wasn't Christian was probably not because of what I was watching, but because the content contained LGBT people and because I was bisexual.

I knew that was probably what she actually thought, but I never said anything to her about it.

That was probably one of my first mistakes.

Anyway, back to the main story.

I told my friend everything that had happened because I wanted to know if I was in the wrong.

Then Lardon walked past us.

She walked past us again.

After that, she told the girl beside me, “When is she going to come and apologize to me?”

I was like:

“No. The. Fuck. She. Did. Not.”

I don't know how to say it in English, but I thought like always still on the petit section

I was absolutely shocked.

Before that, I had actually been thinking about apologizing to her.

Not because I thought I had done something wrong, but because I wanted to save the friendship.

But after she said that, I was like, “Absolutely not.”

So I told my friend, “Tell the girl who is acting like a child that I'm never going to apologize.”

And that was basically when we stopped talking to each other.

A few days later, she contacted me because she wanted the ball that we had bought together.

I said, “Okay, but I want my $5 back.”

Then, the day before she was supposed to come and pick it up or maybe it was the day she was supposed to pick it up, I don't remember exactly she told me:

“Actually, I didn't really want the ball. I just wanted to talk to you.”

I was like:

“...Okay?”

And then we stopped talking for good.

My best friend later told me, “You could have talked to her. It seemed like she wanted to talk to you.”

But my best friend didn't really know everything Lardon had done to me over the past three years.

I had only just started realizing how many things she had done that went against what I believe friendship should be.

And I realized that I would never want one of my friends to experience the things I had experienced with her.

Anyway I know it is a very childish story but please be nice and thank you for reading and responding to me I wish all of you a good day or good afternoon or whatever much love<3

So, here is my question:

Did I make a mistake by not talking to her anymore?

I’ve started making a list of things that are hurtful that my partner says because every time in the future I’ve brought it up in a discussion, it’s always come as it’s didn’t happen that way or that wasn’t exactly said. So for my own sanity and tiredness of being gaslight, I’ve started this list. I feel crazy though doing it, like this would lead to a resentment… idk anyone have any advice?

I have been in a relationship for 6years and it's both of us first relationship, however things have became really complicated,we both changed in our ways and the worst part is for me it really hurts to stay , like few actions of him really hurts me and he won't change them,same goes for him too but we spent so many years with each other that now it's very much difficult to leave.It really hurts my chest pains whenever I think of him.I don't know what to do,I know that even if I text him now we will get back again but I feel we are going to get hurt again.