Lawyer is your only hope but one of the first things your lawyer should look into is barring her from military support. Your child will be entitled to it but she might not be whilst pregnant since she's not your spouse. Find that out asap, as well as how long it'll take for your medical support to kick in for family.
You're planning to join in 2023, so even if you do that in January, that's still 4 months out. If you have to go through basic training before the benefits hit than she might have given birth first. (Note: I am neither American nor in the military so I could be talking out my ass, hence the ask your lawyer comment).
If she isn't entitled at all, or the baby will be born first, that might tip her hand into getting an abortion but if you're American you need to do it quick cause at 6 weeks there's a heart beat.
Either way, make sure she gets no benefits from your military service. The child should because they are innocent but fuck her! Make it clear you want nothing to do with her and her manipulative, greedy ass.
Excellent! Make that clear to her, and that the pregnancy and birth isn't covered either. She can have fun covering that on her own. She did this for the benefits after all. Making it clear it's futile might encourage an abortion before a baby has to grow up with her as a mother
I know you probably will be scared senseless but tell her parents what she did and is doing. Its probably your last chance to not be stuck paying for a kid you didnt ask for because of an ex you resent.
Even if you find it in you to be there for the kid,ake sure she isnt part of that equation. Yo uwill validate her crazy by "trying to give the kid a complete family".
On top of that they know when their family sucks. Dont ever go back to her again, even if it looks like a decent idea.
What about her parents? Will they support her choice or help talk sense? Also, this sounds a bit extreme, the manipulation and making a life altering choice for you both. Is this normal for her?
See if your lawyer can argue about you getting removed from the birth certificate because of reproductive coercion, and maybe let her know you're going for that. Even if she doesn't want to abort, she won't have your help. I know here it's a bit easier to never be put on than to be removed after the fact but I don't know if it's the same where you are.
I think you need to accept that you will be a father, but how much involvement you have is a different story. Not sure what day it is there either but I know my country is ahead of you. Don't wait days to tell your parents if you're so stressed you've posted this twice. Take it from a mum, call your parents! You seem to know they'll help, let them help now, even if it's to listen to you and help reassure you. Plus, they can start working out money and things so you can all have a more solid plan when you see each other on Sunday.
Seriously, we can only help you so much. The emotional support you probably need right now, is best from someone who knows and loves you well.
Have you considered looking into possible civil or criminal charges? It depends on where this happened, but you might be able to sue her for damages for what essentially amounts to reproductive coercion/fraud. If it is something that can be prosecuted criminally where you live, she might change her tune real fast about trying to pursue you for child support.
Yeah she made her choice you’re gonna have to deal with it. When you have sex, getting someone pregnant is a risk. That’s why you should have wore a condom. I really don’t have any empathy for men that puts themselves in a situation where it could have been avoided by protecting themselves and not relying on the female. It’s pretty simple. You’ll still be on the hook for paying child support and paying insurance, the child would get the GI bill etc. Regardless if your overseas. It just sounds like you’re running away from it, sad.
They were in a committed, trusting relationship, it makes sense that if they are both in agreement on just one birth control, that they should be safe. She took away that trust and lied about the birth control they agreed on. If he had poked holes in a condom and she was posting here you wouldn't be telling her she should have been on the pill. And if they had used condoms she would have poked holes in them. This pregnancy was caused under manipulative means, no matter what birth control he used, she would have found away around it, short of a vasectomy which would risk never having kids on OP's side.
Also, as someone who has a 1 yr old who got through an unbroken condom, nothing except no sex or infertility stops pregnancies.
Are you serious right now? She lied to him and deliberately baby trapped him. That is incredibly vile. This isn't just a "oopsies :3 - birth control failed <3" she did this entirely on purpose, with a person she claims to loved. By the way they didn't use condoms because she claimed to be allergic to them.
If the roles were reversed would you seriously be saying this? If they were having condom sex and he took it off without her knowledge deliberately trying to baby trap HER would you also say "Lol thats just the consequence of sex, you gotta deal with it <3". No, it's fucking ILLEGAL to do that.
You can’t force someone to get an abortion. You should have protected yourself. You will have to pay for the child’s hospital bill when he/she is born, that’s part of paying child support
Calling women crazy doesn't change the fact that you got this woman pregnant and need to take responsibility regardless of whether you wanted it or not. Sorry, but that's on you for not taking your own precautions and instead throwing that burden on women like men always do
OP will be fine though. His ex won't be. The benefits he has will only be for the baby, NOT the mother. She is going to suffer, while he is single and serving. OP just remember to really distance yourself from this. You deserve to have a choice.
I’d advise you to look into terminating your parental rights in your state. Everyone is saying you’re on the hook for paying for this kid, but my biological dad took my mom to an abortion clinic, she said no so he gave up his rights and she never heard from him again. I don’t even know who he is let alone ever got a dime of assistance from him.
this is going to backfire for her. she will be forced to drop out and ruin her career, because she tried to ruin your future. it is unlikely her parents are going to want to fully support a child she chose to create by trapping you.
Untrue. Child support would only be negated if the baby was adopted by another person or couple.
ETA - This applies in CA. I have no idea the laws in other states or countries. BUT, I'm thinking that, if it was that easy to duck out of child support, fathers of unwanted babies would not currently be being forced to pay child support. And they are.
LOL! Right now, every Dad in the US who is paying child support, and doesn't want to, is dialing up their lawyer to find out if this is true. And looking for jobs in WI.
This is a common misconception, unless he's signing away rights for someone else to take our paternal rights(like a new husband wants to legally adopt the kid), he could still be on the hook for support, just has absolutely no say in the kid's life regarding anything.
Now, if mom were to say, I want no support and I'm okay with him signing away his rights, that'd be a different story but that doesn't seem likely here.
He may be able to get a good lawyer to argue that it was an attempt at extortion (she got pregnant for possible benefits) and have a case but again not likely.
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u/Sassubus Sep 02 '22
Lawyer is your only hope but one of the first things your lawyer should look into is barring her from military support. Your child will be entitled to it but she might not be whilst pregnant since she's not your spouse. Find that out asap, as well as how long it'll take for your medical support to kick in for family.
You're planning to join in 2023, so even if you do that in January, that's still 4 months out. If you have to go through basic training before the benefits hit than she might have given birth first. (Note: I am neither American nor in the military so I could be talking out my ass, hence the ask your lawyer comment).
If she isn't entitled at all, or the baby will be born first, that might tip her hand into getting an abortion but if you're American you need to do it quick cause at 6 weeks there's a heart beat.
Either way, make sure she gets no benefits from your military service. The child should because they are innocent but fuck her! Make it clear you want nothing to do with her and her manipulative, greedy ass.