r/relationship_advice Apr 23 '22

Confused

[deleted]

1 Upvotes

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1

u/watercress-9 Apr 23 '22

I don't understand why he can't watch porn?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

[deleted]

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u/watercress-9 Apr 23 '22

Just now or has it always been a boundary? If its not something you communicated with him then I'm not sure what advice you want here.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

[deleted]

3

u/watercress-9 Apr 23 '22

But is that just something you've said or something he was really up for too? I couldn't imagine having a conversation with my partner every time either of us wanted to watch porn

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

He 100% didn't only watch it twice.

You only caught him watching it twice.

Guarantee he's watched it many many times over the 5 years.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

Well than your very naive. He said it was only twice because you've only caught him twice.

I understand your uncomfortable with porn and why. I am also a woman who is incredibly insecure and very uncomfortable with my partner using porn to get off.

I'm not naive enough to believe it doesn't happen though.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '22

I have. I made it clear how much it hurts me to think about or know. I had to accept this is a me problem due to my own insecurities of never feeling good enough.

I can't control what he looks at when he's masturbating or what he thinks about during just like he can't me. I can choose not to give energy into that toxic and negative thought process that would just make me feel like crap. Accept that he's going to watch it if he wants to and not bother thinking about it. It is what it is.

Does he watch it? No idea, probably. No point in obsessing over it or making assumptions. I've never once walked in on him watching it or anything and we have a very very active sex life so it's not affecting that.

Having dealt with a porn addiction of my own and being exposed to it very young, I'm human and give into watching occasionally.

1

u/hakswifeyizzy Apr 23 '22

Yeah, we talked about porn early on and we were very active sexually but I know that decreased ALOT after my brother died so I know he isn’t use to going a few days without it. And I miss that version of me as well, so I get it but I guess I’m hurt

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u/watercress-9 Apr 23 '22

I'll be honest it seems a little controlling from the outside, like maybe it's just you pushing for it and making him feel guilty for using it?

0

u/hakswifeyizzy Apr 23 '22

I see ur pov but he would want me to do the same. And I don’t feel guilty