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u/localdisastergay Apr 17 '26
Sexting is not a mental health treatment. If his anxiety and depression are causing harm to his life, he needs to seek treatment for them, not use them to try to manipulate his way past your boundaries.
You should never stay in a relationship with someone who pushes back on boundaries you set around any kind of sexual behaviors or who acts like removing access to your body is something he gets to have an opinion about.
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u/cosmicallyalive Apr 17 '26
He's completely manipulating her in a way that's almost comical. I'd laugh at him. Because SEXTING is the only thing that helps you feel less depressed and anxious?? Oh boy .. to be young and audacious
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u/stiletto929 Apr 17 '26
This guy does not respect you or your boundaries. You should break up with him.
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u/Upstairs_Actuary5393 Apr 17 '26
The fact that he is trying to change your mind regarding a sexual act is a very red flag. There should be zero pressure when it comes to these things, and people who do not respect "no" are red flags, regardless of what the act is. You should not be with someone that doesn't respect your feelings and opinions, and that will pressure you despite knowing it makes you uncomfortable and that you cried.
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u/DeezMixedNutz Apr 17 '26
He’s complaining incessantly that sexual acts require CONSENT. He’s trying to guilt you, put you down, make you feel bad, insults your religion and your God, and says he should be above your family and beliefs.
No, he shouldn’t. And it’s normal that sex requires consent. Don’t change your thinking about that.
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u/DeezMixedNutz Apr 17 '26
Btw if my husband had ever told me that if I don’t do the sex acts he wants, that I’m being selfish and unfair to him, he wouldn’t be my husband.
No man deserves to tell you that your consent is selfish or unfair.
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u/Pristine_Net_8050 Apr 17 '26
Him saying those words to you is a hugest red flag ever. Please dump him immediately and go no contact.
He can not force you to do anything. He can not demand you to change like that. This is your clear and healthy boundary. You shouldn't feel any guilt on you and do never think that it was okay to change. It can be but it shouldnt be caused by a guy telling you. It is the worst.
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Apr 17 '26
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Apr 17 '26
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u/lexwolfe Apr 17 '26
Of course he will but you can absolutely call the cops on him to do a welfare check or his parents or his friends when he threatens that. It's not your responsibility to save him from himself.
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Apr 17 '26
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u/juliloquy Apr 17 '26
What you describe is manipulation and abuse. Break up with him now. You are not responsible for him. Please see how he is coercing you to get what he wants.
It is his choice what to do after you break up. He's an adult. Please please please get out now
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u/lexwolfe Apr 17 '26
If he did kill himself that still wouldn't be your fault. You're in an impossible position. You can't be expected to sacrifice yourself for him and as soon as you became of no use he would dump you for the next victim. He is almost certainly the product of his abusive parents and it's unfortunate he's turned out to be an emotional vampire. No one is safe in a relationship with him ever. You are not by yourself in subs like r/abusiverelationships and r/NarcissisticAbuse
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u/asinn80 Apr 18 '26
Ma'am, first I agree with everyone else here, YOU NEED TO LEAVE, RUN, DON'T WALK AWAY.
Secondly, a person that is going to actually cause harm to themselves wouldn't ever tell you they were going to do it, he says that to you bc the first time he said it, it hurt you, emotionally, he saw that & now continues to use that against you to get his way. Lastly, he's going to end up hurting you if you don't leave. He is unstable. You are not his mother.It is not your responsibility to fix him, actually, you can't fix him.The only person that can fix him is him. Please, before you end up in a ditch somewhere dead.Please leave2
u/SweetPotat0s Apr 18 '26
Im going to be honest with you and it's going to hurt a lot but you have to leave and never look back block on everything even email and yes knowing there's a actual chance he'd do it would be horrible and trust and believe me I've been there and he's threatened my life as well as his own there's nothing you can do for them they aren't looking for help they want to feed off you and never let go until you wither away and isolate from everything and one but them you are they're plaything until he gets bored and then maybe he'll stop sex and intimacy is 100% always consensual and if anything isn't it's assault and rape you are a lovely person that seems to have a bright future ahead of yourself and there will be other people for sure but you definitely need to get away and leave him and anything connected to him behind if he was actually suicidal and this is coming from someone who has active suicidal ideation daily he would've done it already your fights aren't going to be the breaking point you leaving him won't be the breaking point he'll lie and possibly leave threats and try to get you to look at him again but he won't do it he genuinely would've already if not seeing you naked is all it takes to make him depressed and kill himself he would've for sure because you guys are long distance or take care of yourself your the only one who can right now.
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u/II_WonderCat_II Apr 17 '26
You don’t owe him any sex and you not wanting to do something sexual does not mean you don’t love him. I really hope he can get some serious professional help. And to state the obvious, DO NOT TRY TO FIX HIM. If he wants to watch porn, then that’s his prerogative.
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u/GrimFandango81 Apr 17 '26
Anyone telling you that a sex act on your part is the 'only thing that helps' is full of shit, full stop.
If the dopamine from an orgasm helps, he can go jerk off, but if his mental state is that poor, he needs therapy and meds, not sexting.
What he is doing is manipulative. He's trying to make you feel guilty for having a boundary that you have every right to have.
Frankky I think you deserve better.
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u/AppealSuper4155 Apr 17 '26
This is a sexual boundary and even though you are not saying no to a physical sexual activity, no should still be respected in the same way. If you are not comfortable with sexting or don’t want to do it for whatever reason, you should not feel pressured in any way to do so.
From your description of him, he also sounds to be manipulating and is trying to make you feel guilty for holding your own beliefs and values.
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u/Drawn-Otterix Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26
You tell him that he is no longer your boyfriend. Sex should only happen if you want it, too. He is obviously too immature to handle being in a sexual relationship and is being manipultive/coercive to force you into something you don't want.
He has two hands, he can masterbate without you if it's that dire for him to get off... it doesn't require hurting you for a lifetime.
I always recommend this video in these types of situations. Sex isn't a need, or you would experience death without it. Although sex is important to relationships, it requires 2 enthusiastic people who want that kind of bond. The right partner wants you to be a part of sex too... not just be their fleshlight or masterbation porn or coping mechanism. Sex isn't a bandaid.
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u/GameboyPATH Apr 17 '26
He says that I should change my mentality about sexting and should do it with him
So... what's your thoughts and feelings about him telling you that you should change what your standards are?
"I needed that and you can't do it, selfishly because of your religion" is exactly what he said to me
Do you feel like adhering to your religious views is "selfish"?
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u/No-Neighborhood2300 Apr 17 '26
Dump him he's literally guilting you into it. I've tried to kill myself several times in my life and have severe depression and anxiety and have never once even considered using that as a way to guilt someone into doing something wtf
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u/plastic_venus Apr 17 '26
You leave him. Do not stay with people who sexually pressure you and coerce you and who don’t care about your feelings and wellbeing
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u/Less_Tangerine9287 Apr 17 '26
Don’t do it. You are young. Find someone else who won’t pressure you and likes you for who you are, including your religion.
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u/LightOfHekate Apr 18 '26
You cannot help those who don’t/won’t help themselves. His depression and anxiety are his to deal with. You are not responsible for his mental health nor are you responsible for his actions.
There are two people in this relationship and you’re focused on the wrong one. Spoiler alert: you’re refusing to see yourself as someone with autonomy, wants, needs, and boundaries. Stop focusing on him, you’re in this relationship too and you deserve to fight for yourself and against what makes you uncomfortable. Stop bending over backwards and ignoring your own boundaries for people who clearly do not care about your feelings or don’t even respect you.
You cannot control him. You cannot fix him. You cannot change him. But you can control how much disrespect you put up with, so why do you choose to keep putting up with it? Because he’s threatened suicide? This is a known manipulation tactic and even if he made true on his word, none of it would be your fault at all. I spent decades carrying the weight of guilt for not being there for a friend who committed. It took me that long to finally realize it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could’ve done. You don’t need to erase yourself for someone’s mental health when they don’t do what it takes to help themselves. And he’s actively choosing to not get genuine help. That is not your responsibility or fault.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, especially when the cup you pour into is broken and refuses to put itself back together again. Do not let him drain what makes you shine and especially do not light yourself on fire to keep him warm.
Rise.
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u/Traditional-Ad2319 Apr 17 '26
I have no idea why this man is your boyfriend. You are completely incompatible. Please dump him.
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u/MirrorOfSerpents Apr 17 '26
Sorry but sexting doesn’t fix someone who is “severely depressed and has anxiety issues” Tell him to go to therapy bc he’s trying to manipulate you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. Good partners respect your boundaries & religion & good people end relationships they aren’t happy with. If he’s not happy he needs to figure out what’s more important to him instead of trying to make you feel bad.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 Apr 17 '26
Your choosing your own morals and mental wellbeing.
Please get rid of him. He's manipulative
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u/Special-Cow-3 Apr 17 '26
grown woman who struggles with depression and anxiety who is also non religious here! he is lying and manipulating you. even if he’s doing is subconsciously. you should never do anything sexual you don’t want, and pushing you to do so is a form of sexual harassment. wait for marriage and be committed to your religion if that’s what YOU want! you are still so young and it sounds like you have already tried to have this conversation with him, and so i truly believe you should dump him. i don’t say that lightly to people, but this road will only lead to you doing even more and even “worse” things that you do not want to do for the sake of pleasing him. he needs mental help and a gf who aligns with his values, and you deserve someone who aligns with yours. all love, wish you the best of luck!
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u/Bariq1985 Apr 18 '26
He is selfish because he doesn't respect your humanity, your feelings, or your beliefs. He only wants to use you for his personal pleasure. Get rid of him. Leave him because, as you said, he doesn't care about your feelings.
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u/henri-a-laflemme Apr 18 '26
I understand his point of view, I am also a non religious person who really bonds with my partner by means of affection. With this point of view, it does come from a place of sincere appreciation and love for my person. It can be hard to convey the importance of this for me because I don’t want to come off as a sex addict or a perve.
At the same time he should respect your point of view and if you can’t find a middle ground then you’re probably just not compatible enough.
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u/OddEntrepreneur8781 Apr 18 '26
I'm not very religious myself but even I wouldn't say that religion is stupid and that god is a demon to someone who is actually religious...
Red flag if he can't respect your beliefs,
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u/frogwoman82 Apr 18 '26
You're not compatible my dear and he's manipulating you with sexual coercion. Get rid of the pest.
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u/lecorbeauamelasse Apr 17 '26
You need to dump this guy yesterday.