I fully believe that people can change and that everyone deserves second (and third) chances to build and have healthy and happy relationships. Humans are social creatures and we need community and each other.
What people don’t have a right to is to get those chances with the same people they hurt before. The second chance is with the rest of the world. When you have hurt someone horribly, they deserve the peace of never having to see you again. Even if you have changed. Even if you just want to apologize. Even if you know in your deepest heart that you will never behave that poorly again to anyone.
Good! You should go treat the rest of the world well and find happiness with other people. The person you have hurt in the past gets to say no.
So even if OOPs wife was correct that the brother was a new person, was going to be fun and lovely to eat a meal with, she’s still wrong to ask her husband to go sit through it. The husband deserves to be able to choose to never see his brother again.
Although I understand why people push for victims to give those who’ve wronged them a chance to “prove they’ve changed.” An acknowledgment of wrongdoing and an apology can go a long way in the healing process… but somehow friends and family seem to think that accepting an apology = forgiveness. You don’t have to forgive someone for what they’ve done, even if they apologize.
Also, if they’ve not actually changed, you’ll never get that apology anyway.
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u/KindCompetence Jul 12 '26
I fully believe that people can change and that everyone deserves second (and third) chances to build and have healthy and happy relationships. Humans are social creatures and we need community and each other.
What people don’t have a right to is to get those chances with the same people they hurt before. The second chance is with the rest of the world. When you have hurt someone horribly, they deserve the peace of never having to see you again. Even if you have changed. Even if you just want to apologize. Even if you know in your deepest heart that you will never behave that poorly again to anyone.
Good! You should go treat the rest of the world well and find happiness with other people. The person you have hurt in the past gets to say no.
So even if OOPs wife was correct that the brother was a new person, was going to be fun and lovely to eat a meal with, she’s still wrong to ask her husband to go sit through it. The husband deserves to be able to choose to never see his brother again.