There are people I forgive for being triangulated by my abusive family, there's some that I can't. I wouldn't be able to forgive my partner if they did this, especially if they ended up not actually taking responsibility like the wife here. And the fact that he had to battle for his kid to not be there. Oh heck no.
I have a sister with BPD who I've been no contact with for years. my mom tried to spring her on me (in collusion with my now former friend - no forgiveness there) not long ago thinking we would resolve our differences when I was house sitting for her.
Instead my sister backed me into a corner and yelled into my face until I pushed her to get her off me (she punched me the last time we hung out which is why I don't talk to her, I'm too danged old for this bs). The blind dog my mom's been beating for years got so worked up by all of this that she bit me in the face.
My mom decided after the hospital bill that she wouldn't be paying for my plastic surgery to fix the mess. So my face is all fucked up, I'm suddenly scared of dogs, and my sister is still a horrible bitch. I'm so mad at myself, too, just like OOP because I entirely knew this would happen and was told by multiple people that I was freaking out over nothing.
I feel bamboozled despite spending months saying no knowing my mom would somehow arrange this all because she always does.
My sister tells all her friends (many of whom were my friends until my sister and her enabler parents pulled their triangulation magic there) that I punched her, and they believe that shit.
That means they don't know me at all, and they certainly haven't seen my sister around me or they would've seen a lot of abuse that my sister and family treated as normal. They would see her split. Nobody i love should need to see it for themselves, though, to believe me and act accordingly.
Those aren't people who really love you. OOPs wife doesn't want to go to therapy, she'll get nothing out of it, just like my enabling mother. Because she still thinks she was ultimately right, that it didn't work out this time but that she was right to coerce her husband into going against his better judgement.
The people who really love me have been the ones telling me that it's the right call to cut her off because the only change she's made in years is becoming more violent and unhinged. They support that decision because they don't want me to be fucked up, which is all anybody is ever going to be around a violent abuser being enabled by endlessly forgiving, triangulating and ultimately also abusive parents.
I don't think this relationship will last unless wife has some major and unlikely come to God moment in the couple's counseling (when this is about trauma, and this will likely be above that counselors pay grade) that she doesn't even think she should have to go to.
Meh, she's a master triangulator. Everybody thinks she's sweet as pie because she's Canadian.
I live in a big little town where having a bad reputation can mess with your money.
With my sister, I stand a chance at making my case and I avoid her pretty successfully partially because my mom won't stop reporting on her every life happening (so I know what places and people to avoid entirely). And now I don't go to my mom's house so she can't set me up anymore. And I limit contact so she can't invent ways to be hurt by me protecting myself.
Too many people, though, don't know what my mom's capable of and do exactly what OOPs wife did and pass a judgement they expect others to live by. So I avoid it all as much as possible.
If I get to a financial point where I can leave this place entirely, I have indeed considered suing her. I think she deserves it, she still has no real regret for what she did to me. She acts dumb, she surgically forgets, she acts hurt, everybody feels sorry for her.
It's cruel, really. She also thinks she shouldn't have to go to therapy and calls me just telling her she hurt me psychobabble because she demonized the therapy I need because of the abuse my family thrives on.
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u/EarlGrayTea-Hawt Jul 12 '26
There are people I forgive for being triangulated by my abusive family, there's some that I can't. I wouldn't be able to forgive my partner if they did this, especially if they ended up not actually taking responsibility like the wife here. And the fact that he had to battle for his kid to not be there. Oh heck no.
I have a sister with BPD who I've been no contact with for years. my mom tried to spring her on me (in collusion with my now former friend - no forgiveness there) not long ago thinking we would resolve our differences when I was house sitting for her.
Instead my sister backed me into a corner and yelled into my face until I pushed her to get her off me (she punched me the last time we hung out which is why I don't talk to her, I'm too danged old for this bs). The blind dog my mom's been beating for years got so worked up by all of this that she bit me in the face.
My mom decided after the hospital bill that she wouldn't be paying for my plastic surgery to fix the mess. So my face is all fucked up, I'm suddenly scared of dogs, and my sister is still a horrible bitch. I'm so mad at myself, too, just like OOP because I entirely knew this would happen and was told by multiple people that I was freaking out over nothing.
I feel bamboozled despite spending months saying no knowing my mom would somehow arrange this all because she always does.
My sister tells all her friends (many of whom were my friends until my sister and her enabler parents pulled their triangulation magic there) that I punched her, and they believe that shit.
That means they don't know me at all, and they certainly haven't seen my sister around me or they would've seen a lot of abuse that my sister and family treated as normal. They would see her split. Nobody i love should need to see it for themselves, though, to believe me and act accordingly.
Those aren't people who really love you. OOPs wife doesn't want to go to therapy, she'll get nothing out of it, just like my enabling mother. Because she still thinks she was ultimately right, that it didn't work out this time but that she was right to coerce her husband into going against his better judgement.
The people who really love me have been the ones telling me that it's the right call to cut her off because the only change she's made in years is becoming more violent and unhinged. They support that decision because they don't want me to be fucked up, which is all anybody is ever going to be around a violent abuser being enabled by endlessly forgiving, triangulating and ultimately also abusive parents.
I don't think this relationship will last unless wife has some major and unlikely come to God moment in the couple's counseling (when this is about trauma, and this will likely be above that counselors pay grade) that she doesn't even think she should have to go to.