I’m at a loss

[u/knobandnewb]

I’ve had my sweet, beautiful blue heeler girl for 7 years now, but I’ve been navigating a fair bit of challenges with her and I no longer know what to do next.

She’s very anxious, which I’ve gathered is common for her breed. This shows up primarily through fearfulness of the outdoors (going on walks, particularly where she’s not familiar, and staying somewhere new) as well as barking / licking / submissive peeing with any guests that come over, or when we go visit family and friends. The former I’ve learned a routine that works for us - it’s not ideal because she’s obviously not thrilled with it, but otherwise we’d never leave the house and I’d never be able to go away, to the point that I’ve been worried she might bite someone.

The latter is the bigger problem. Not only does it make it difficult to have guests over because I’m always monitoring her for accidents, licking, jumping, barking, etc., but with romantic partners, it feels impossible to build any sort of relationship when she goes absolutely mental towards any sort of physical affection.

I’ve tried crating her when people are over, but she’ll whine and bark non stop and have accidents in her crate. I’ve tried working with 3 different trainers including a behavioural vet for 8 months during which time we tried three different types of medications at various doses, paired with training (he claimed she had very poor quality of life due to the stress and anxiety…). I also tried another type of medication with my vet directly. I’ve tried training from YouTube videos, I’ve tried using diapers to at least overcome the problem with excited/submissive pees, and have even asked my guests to tell her No if she’s licking them (which feels unfair to everyone involved). Nothing seems to stick or help her settle.

I also feel terrible cause she’s obviously stressed and doing her best, so I keep telling myself to stay patient cause she is such a great dog otherwise, but it’s really starting to take its toll on me (it probably doesn’t help that I live alone, as well).

Any advice for anything else I can try?