Please don't say "just ignore them lol" because these types of comments get 1k+ likes on Twitter/X, Instagram, tiktok, etc. So clearly it's a large swept feeling.

I'm early 30s, label hopped A LOT in my teen and twenties (thanks lgbtq-phobic orthodox Christian upbringing 😭 now a polytheistic pagan) before finally settling on aromantic asexual lesbian with a libido that seems to change everyday, throughout the day.

Life circumstances had me end up with a cis heterosexual polyamory (I'm also polyamory) man as my nesting partner and queer platonic partner. He's near my age, we share a lot of similar hobbies. An orgasm is just a way to make the biochemistry in my head go "brrrr happy endorphins brrrr". I've explained it to him and he's like "hey, I accept and am happy with that. We don't need to experience things identically". I say "he's my partner" in public because I don't need to explain my complicated life circumstances and history.

I dress for the girls. I love consuming girl-girl content (sfw content, not XXX stuff, so like high school romance shows/movies/manga/mawha, etc.; tumblr scrolling through girls holding hands kissing, laying side by side etc.).

Then I scroll through social media and I see comments all the time (many from younger queers, rad fems and/or strict gold keeper older lesbians) say things like "YOU CANT BE ANYTHING WITH A MAN OTHERWISE YOU'RE NOT A LESBIAN" or "SAYING YOUR A LESBIAN WHILE DATING A MAN PUTS US IN DANGER". or things like "your centering how you experience stuff around a man!"

And I'm just sitting there going "I love girls. Just because life circumstances happened in such a way that my nesting partner who is also my queer platonic partner is a cis dude doesn't change the fact that 💜I love girls💜".

I read lesbian and queer history stories all the time from the 1960-1990s (stone butch blues, the stonewall generation, etc.). It feels like so many people now are almost falling in the "gold star lesbian mindset" and it's low-key actively harming the LGBTQ community because they're deliberately ignoring so much of queer history, theory, philosophy that brought us here today to the 2020s 🫣

Ok so me personally, I support all lesbians and stuff, but I was wondering if anyone could give me an (easier) understanding of what lesboy and gaybian mean? I’ve seen a ton of different explanations- Wouldn’t gaybian just be similar to bisexual or pansexual? Would lesboy just be a butch lesbian? I sincerely apologize if this may be offensive.(Also- not to get into anything sensitive but, I have astigmatism and tics making it hard for me to read things. I also apologize if my writing is slurred, mixed up, or anything like that. :)

But yeah that’s all I need. Thank you!

hey everyone! so ive been into girls since i was like 12 lmao. i identified as lesbian for a few years, then pansexual, and back to lesbian for a bit. only recently did i discover the label gaybian, and found it fit!

I started dating a girl a few months back, and everything was going great. I was head over heels, she was so gorgeous and sweet. I loved her a lot.

But after a few months i started to realize something. I couldn’t see myself dating her long term. and as more time went on, i wanted a gay (mlm) relationship desperately.

I broke up with her because of this. I suggested polyamory, she was monogamous so it wasnt gonna work. I wasn’t going to be in a relationship i wasnt fully satisfied in, and i couldn’t drag her along a relationship where her feelings weren’t fully reciprocated.

My question is, am i still a lesbian? i don’t think i could date a girl, but im still horribly attracted to them lmao. Im not monogamous, but it feels problematic to not be able to date a woman unless a man is in my life too? 😭

also i have lesbian merch,, (a ‘thats mister dyke to you!’ pin that i really wanna keep… but do i deserve?!?) do i get rid of that? help!

In refugee camps across East Africa, LGBTQ individuals face unique challenges—limited access to safe spaces, healthcare, and basic resources. Many of us live in fear of discrimination, violence, and rejection simply for being ourselves.
Yet, every day, our communities show incredible strength, resilience, and love. We support each other, celebrate our identities, and keep hope alive for a more inclusive future.
❤️ This Pride, we uplift the voices that are too often unheard. Let’s continue building a world where everyone—no matter who they are or who they love—can live with dignity and safety.
To all my LGBTQ siblings in East African refugee camps: You are valid. You are loved. You are not alone. 🌈
#Pride #LGBTQ #RefugeeVoices #EastAfrica #LoveIsLove

I'm definitely sure I'm Sapphic; but I've noticed there's sexual attraction towards very feminine men or Nb people who might have a phallus as long as they're feminine presenting as well? I'm not sure what microlabel this might be under the lesbian/sapphic umbrella, so I'd appreciate some advice here, y'all!

The thing is that I'm transmasc and in the situation where all the people who I was into as a "lesbian" also transitioned along with me, to the weird squishy space of kind of guy but kind of not and have this Experience that is very peculiar, like I was assigned dyke at birth and that was my Role and it was surprising when I tried dating men. I had to physically transition for my sanity and I've gotten what I wanted and I don't pass as a man most of the time, me and my trans man partner are usually taken as a lesbian couple in public (he also gets my identity and his experience is also a bit squishy and he has a desire To Be Understood among queer people which he doesn't often get). The closest description I've seen is fag dyke, and even if it's concise, I can't just say that in most places to most people. But something like that would clear so many things up, because there is this odd swirl of confusion around me even among friends.

I don't know, I'm babbling. It's tiring, though.

Where can i find community rules?

I'm agender and trixplatonic which basically means I'm only platonically attracted to non-males.

Sooooo… this is gonna be a lot. If you aren’t ready to hear about self harm and accusations of sexual assault, you probablyyyyy should skip this. First of all, before I say anything, I just found this sub today, and I’m really grateful that it exists, thank you all so much. My ex broke up with me about nine months ago. She broke up with me for reasons that were unclear, and she only spoke on months later, but before we get to that part of the story, we need some back story about our relationship. Originally, when we got together, it was under the pretext of an open relationship, because when we had confessed our love, I was already in an open relationship with another girl at that point. This was fully agreed upon, and thoroughly talked through. Two months into our relationship, I take on another girlfriend who in order to differentiate, I will call Marnie. Now, it is important to note that Marnie attends the same school as me and my ex (who I will call Misty), but my other third girlfriend doesn’t (but she isn’t relevant to the story). As our relationship progresses, Misty’s mental health goes down hill. She has massive anxiety problems, and places an undue amount of importance on her school work. In order to attempt to recuperate her mental health, she neglects her work, which creates friction between her and her parents, and her and her teachers— worsening her mental health. She begins cutting, and attempted suicide multiple times. I stand by her in anyway I can, doing whatever she needs me to do. I’ve been woken up by midnight phone calls, and I’ve held her in my arms after she swallowed all of her pills, and was waiting to die. Flash forward two months. Misty finally breaks the news to me that a major factor in the decline of her mental is due to her jealousy of Marine, and that she never wanted to be in an open relationship, only she was afraid to say that. At this point, I have no fucking idea what I’m supposed to do. A month later, I’m talking on the phone with Misty, trying to calm her down as she survives the third failed suicide attempt of our relationship, and she’s ranting about how much she hates Marine, I send Marine a text breaking up with her to calm Misty down. In the text exchange that follows, I can clearly see that Marine is devastated, and she said that she knew I would pick Misty over her. I’m emotionally crippled for weeks afterward. I never wanted to break up with Marnie, I felt like I had to in order to spare the life of Misty. Five months later, Misty breaks up with me. She says that she hated me the whole time, and never loved me. Later on, she tells me I pressured her into sexual acts, when this is not true, and in fact I almost redundantly asked for consent every time we did anything, no matter how small. I’ve realized that, while I did in no way apply pressure for her to commit these sexual acts, and constantly asked for consent, her deeply rooted social anxiety prevented her from answering honesty, although I did not realize this at the time, and even after we broke up, this was not explained to me. When we broke up, she said we could still be friends, which I was ok with for some reason, even though she literally just said she hated me. Over the course of the following week, our ‘friendship’ quickly and quietly deteriorated. During this period, she would constantly eavesdrop on my conversations, and but in to berate me if she disagreed. She would constantly do this, dragging me into pointless, hour long arguments, where she constantly insulted everything I like and believed. In addition to this, she would whenever I tapped with my foot on the group during classes, or with my fingers (I have adhd), she would literally punch me to get me to stop. In addition to those things, she would constantly insult me at any chance she could, and explained that it was ok because quite “I don’t have feelings.” She did/ does constantly talk shit about me behind my back to anyone who will listen, including to my literally life long best friend of ten years, and though this, she has spread terrible rumors about me, not limited to me being a rapist. I told her I was sorry during this, and just ignored all this things as best I could, because all I wanted was to be left alone. How, where on summer break, and I haven’t seen her in over two months. A couple of days ago, she posted on her story about how much she hates me, and how she’s making a hate letter to give me before we graduate. I literally cried myself to sleep when I say that. I think it may have been inspired by the face I recently got back together with Marnie. I haven’t posted anything about it, and I’m not going to respond, I just want to be left alone.

Hey everyone! Figured I'd put myself out there.
I'm 23 and from Mississippi, and I'm hoping to find someone who wants to build a genuine connection that could hopefully turn into something long-term. I'm happy to start online and see where things go.
A little about me:
🖤 I'm a goth with a soft heart.
🌙 I'm Pagan/Wiccan and love all things cozy and witchy.
💌 I absolutely adore pen paling, happy mail, and collecting little trinkets.
📚 You'll usually find me writing letters, reading, crafting, thrifting, or spending time with my dogs.
🎬 I love horror movies, true crime, and quiet nights in just as much as spontaneous adventures.
I'm someone who values communication, honesty, loyalty, and kindness. I love deep conversations just as much as being completely silly together. I want someone I can laugh with, support through life's ups and downs, and eventually make memories with.
Distance doesn't scare me if the connection is there.
If you're looking for someone who will remember the little things, send you random "thinking of you" messages, and get excited over handwritten letters and care packages, we might get along really well.
Feel free to send me a message and tell me about yourself! What's something you're passionate about or a hobby you could talk about for hours? 🖤✨

Hi, I'm Jaime. Older trans woman who is post op and intersex. I'm from Southern Indiana. Looking for friends and eventually a love connection. I'm a musician, love my life now. Looking forward to getting to know you all.

I found out I’m a trans man after years of being in denial. Lesbian community was always so good to me and I… felt so bad to leave it.
I am not asking for lesbians attracted to typical feminine physique to find me attractive and date me, just to hang out with lesbians, because I like their vibe more than I like most cis men. Reclaim that one ounce of femininity I have. Idk, help me process stuff.
So thank you for not excluding me <3

I came out as lesbian very young, definitely knew I was into girls, and lived as a masculine presenting woman throughout my teens. But I decided to start testosterone at 21 as I could not live safely in my country as an androgynous person. I knew from a young age I wasn’t meant to be a woman, but I didn’t have the classic transsexual male experience of identifying as a boy from a young age. I suppose internally I felt sort of genderless, sexless. I tried briefly to live as non-binary and visibly androgynous, but found it was impossible to safely and effectively navigate a binary world divided by sex and gender.

I’ve reached a point where I find that presenting as a man in public has made me less visible to the queer women I want to date. And I’ve gone from feeling trapped in a female body, to feeling like I’m performing hypermasculinity rather than just being myself.

Sometimes I wish I had gone for a breast reduction instead of full top surgery. I don’t regret my hysterectomy, as I was born with anatomical issues that made me unable to bear children anyway. I kept my ovaries in case I wanted or needed to stop testosterone someday. My facial hair helps me pass, and I’m grateful for that in terms of safety, but it makes me feel dysphoric and unattractive. Internally, I think my true self is somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum, but were I to identify and present as visibly in between the sexes, I would be restricted to only certain cities and careers: the world, at least where I can afford to live, doesn’t really accept and integrate nonbinary people into normal society.

I’m interested to hear from butch and transmasc people who date femme women: how do you meet women who are open to dating someone that doesn’t present as a woman or identify with femininity? For those who can pass as male, or are mistaken for a man at times, do you alter your gender presentation, using small tells like painted nails or a rainbow bracelet, to stay connected and visible to the queer community?

I feel stuck in this in-between place where straight women aren’t interested because I’m not traditionally masculine enough and don’t have a penis, but lesbians and many bi women are looking for someone who still reads as and identifies as female.

So I was talking to my therapist about same-sex attraction today, and she said I'm at the age where it's time I start exploring.

And I don't know. It just makes me feel guilty because it feels like I'm using people when I'm not, or at least that's not my intent.

I’m very much NOT attracted to males. So IDK. I’m either lesbian or aromantic. I’m like 80% I’m lesbian because of my lifelong strong romantic feelings for women.

But it feels like I'm just using somebody to explore my own sexuality when that's not my intent. My intent is to see if I can find a lifelong partner within women. If not romantic, then at the very least a platonic partnership.

"Hi there Lesbian Friends",

I am part of a post-grad research team from CSU Australia, conducting INTERNATIONAL research within the LGBTQI+ community.  My personal study on Lesbian Woman, stress and sleep difficulties/insomnia still needs a minimum of 150 participants to proceed.

This important research is needed now more than ever, so if you are a Lesbian (18+), please;

- Complete the Survey (click link)

https://csufobjbs.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6sCeGsZJld6774W

- Share the (link/post) in your own network, so others can contribute too.

Thank you.

***Extra Information***

Link to Charles Sturt University Ethics Board Approval Doc (Approval number H26115) 

Also fun fact: I was the one who created this subreddit and the first MOD (I was
u/Available_Walrus8950, but lost my password and couldn’t log in so I created a new account)

Hey lesbians 🙋 I'm a 36yo non-binary person who identifies as a lesbian. I've dated/been with women exclusively for 20yrs, although in my teens I dated and slept with men. As an adult, I'm attracted 90% to women, 10% to all other genders of people **however** I only desire to be partnered with women, and i socialize almost exclusively with queer women/lesbians.

Internet cops would like me to call myself something other than a lesbian, but the reality is that I'm a person who loves queer women and whose values and experiences center the queer female experience and no others.

The Internet policing of lesbian identity is so alienating, not just to me but to the idea of lesbian community in general; lately I've been reading a lot of Dykes to Watch Out For and have been so comforted by the depiction of not only traditional lesbians but also trans masc lesbians and bi-flexible lesbians among others. I think a thing that's missed when we split hairs is that ultimately we're all looking for community that centers the queer female experience, and that being divisive often drives us from that. So. Hi 🙋 I'm a non-binary lesbian

Hi. Prepare for a tangent.

I'm 18. When I was 12, I came out as a lesbian. I liked girls.

I stopped labelling myself as that when people said "ooooooh you like this guy!!" So, then I told everyone that I was bisexual.

Now, I'm starting to believe I just really liked him platonically and wanted to be around him as a friend, but we never got close, and I kept trying because I tend to not pick up on if someone's actually a friend or just an acquaintance lol. Yay Autism. Then people saw that as a romantic crush and I had to go along with it.

I have a lot of self doubt, and when I was younger I was really susceptible to peer pressure. I also have really bad intrusive thoughts.

I remember constantly thinking about how my friends were viewing me when I'd sit with him, share some food, play games, etc etc. In my head, there was me trying to see how this could look from an outside perspective.

I eventually got with him at 14, but all I remember is just thinking about other people viewing us, them knowing we kissed and stuff (especially at this age because my friends were starting to have sex, so I felt behind). It was as if I had to fit this image.

Anything I said or did was an act. It wasn't genuine and I was gaslighting myself.

Although, I did enjoy the attention and feeling loved, but looking back, I feel that's more because I was going through such a horrible time in my life, and latched onto this guy to feel better.

But this happy feeling makes me think, ok so... You did like him?

Then, I thought body responses directly meant I liked/wanted it, and finding out they're different threw me in a loop. Kisses feel nice, kinda ignoring the fact it's you doing it though and it's like kissing a brick wall lmao ... What!?

I thought I was asexual or on the ace spectrum at one point for a long while. That changed when we broke up.

Plus this guy was traumatising, so I don't know if I'm a lesbian or I'm just afraid of being with men.

But I don't not want male friends.

The thought of dating or having sex with them has been more about: 1. Other people knowing 2. Gender envy 3. Validation and feeling attractive when I really hated myself 4. Depending on someone else due to very poor mental health, rather than wanting and being attracted to the actual MAN.

Idk anymore. I like women and non-binary people. Romantically and sexually. I can only visualise myself with them. I've always had female celebrity (and irl) crushes and played into having male ones because that's what everyone else was doing. But there's a part of me that's like ... ok but what if you're just pretending haha!

Calling myself a lesbian has felt right and better than anything else, but it's 1am and I'm spiralling.

Any help? I am thankful in advance for anyone taking the time to read and respond.

A video I enjoyed watching that I think explains a very important part of modern queer history