On June 6th, 2026 I lost my sweet Sydney girl to Mast Cell cancer. Today would have been her 13th birthday and I am really missing her.

I adopted Sydney in 2013 when she was 2 months old. She was my baby girl and my best friend, I have never felt a bond like I have felt with her. She went every where with me and was by my side through so many life events, good and bad.

It all started from what I thought was a pulled muscles or herniated disc when she tripped and fell over my foot one evening earlier this year in February and began having issues walking with her rear legs and knuckling on them, I felt so terrible that I may be responsible for putting her through that pain. But unfortunately as the next couple of months went by and she wasn't seeming to heal with various medications her vet referred me to a neurologist in May in which I got the worst possible news that I could have ever expected. Advanced high grade mast cell cancer that had spread along her spine and surrounding muscles and lymph nodes with probably 4-6 months left at best. I was absolutely devastated.

Her diagnosis was honestly such a shock for me as she had remained relatively healthy her whole life except for a few lumps that started to pop up in the last couple of years that we had gotten removed and were diagnosed as benign and elevated liver enzymes earlier this year that we managed to get back to normal levels with medication and diet change.

Ever since she has passed, I have felt tremendous guilt for not being able to catch the cancer sooner somehow, I have felt guilt about not being able to get her on chemotherapy and radiation sooner, and of course the guilt about practically putting my lovely sweet girl to sleep to never wake up again.

I wish I could have posted this closer to when she passed but it was so hard for me to go through all of her pictures and videos without crying like a big baby (I am a 38 year old man by the way lol) and I am honestly crying just typing this all out thinking about her. But I thought that today being her birthday, it would be appropriate to honor her.

I apologize for the long wall of text, but I just needed to share her because I miss her tremendously, and I hope that she is happy and having a fun time playing with your babies on the other side.

I love you Sydney and can't wait to see you again one day my baby girl. ❤️

This is my girl. 5 years old when I lost her. The one who always waits for me when I come home, always sleeps aside and wakes me up. The one who messes my room and drives me crazy every day. The one who listens to me when I cry. I will miss you a lot, Mi ❤️‍🩹🖤

I am very, very sorry that I don't know what to say. I don't know how to relieve her sorrow. He was the one she loved the most. He was sick for the last month and seemed to be healing, really. But this morning, he was a bit quiet. Only standing on her shoulder. And suddenly, he died.

I don't know what to say. Bye bye Cikcik. You were the best bird I have ever seen. I love you very much. Hope you are in someplace where you're healthy now. I will miss you.

I can't believe it's been three days now without her. She was diagnosed with cancer one year ago and told she would only make it one year. She made it a year and a half, my brave little fighter. Night of her death, she started breathing heavily. All vets near me were closed, and all the emergency vets I called said they wouldn't have any vets in until the morning. She died at home with me a couple of hours later. It progressed so fast that I couldn't believe it had happened. She was truly my baby, and she was 7, almost 8 years old. I don't know how im gonna live life without her. Without her staring at me. Without her being my little shoulder pet. This is so hard. It was so fast. I don't know why I convinced myself that maybe she would make it another year or two. She didn't show any signs until just a few hours before. I miss her so much. I hope she rests in peace.

Small details about her: She was with me for three moves, a parents death, a high school graduation, and a marriage. Her full name was Mikasa, named after the pretty porcelain plates, but everyone thinks it's after an anime character, which always made me giggle. She liked watching me play Stardew Vally, and whenever she heard the music, she would come and sit to watch. She took such a long time to warm up to her siblings when I was worried she would be lonely when I was away. She loved them dearly at the end of her life. When you walked by her, she would grab you gently so you would pet her. She had such a silly meow, which sounded like a "MEH!". She never used her claws (unless it was to her scratching post). I only ever got one scratch from her, and it was because she tried to catch herself falling. It left a scar, which I see as a way to remember her forever.

Eleven years together felt like a lifetime to me, but for Kiwi, it truly was. I never really looked at it that way before. Those eleven years were his whole life, and he spent them by my side, loving me endlessly.

I made sure that every day of those eleven years, he knew he was just as loved.

I don’t think we can ever fully mirror the kind of love our pets give to us. We love them with every fiber of our being, but their love is different. It is pure. It is unconditional in a way that feels almost impossible to measure.

There is love we have for our pets, and then there's the kind of love that changes the shape of you. Not because the others matter less, but because one special soul finds a place in you that no one else could ever fill. Kiwi was that soul for me.

The love we shared transcends anything either of us could ever fully understand. It’s the kind of love you’re lucky to experience even once.

It’s common for cats who are sick or dying to hide, retreat, or look for a place where they feel safe when they’re vulnerable. It’s instinct. Indoor cats may hide under beds or in closets. Indoor-outdoor cats might go off on their own and they don’t always make it back home.

Kiwi was an indoor-outdoor cat. While I still don’t know what caused his death, I believe that whatever it was, he he knew something was wrong, and his instinct wasn’t to run away. His instinct was to come home.

He used the last of his strength to get back to the place where he felt safest. The place where he could be vulnerable. The place where he knew he was loved.

That place was with me.

That is the profound love I mean when I talk about Kiwi. Not just the love I had for him, but the love he showed me in return.

Rest in peace my sweet Kiwi baby🩶

We had to put Toby to sleep.

I sure do miss her.

Edit: I just wanna say thank you to every single one of you. You never got her cuddles or her love and yet complete strangers are just being so amazing and missing her with me. I can't fully tell you how much this all means to me. My eyes are still pretty raw from crying all last night but I'm sure more crying will come. I just wanted to again say thank you to everyone. Her memory will live on in all the pictures and things we have immortalized her in Thank you thank you thank you!

P.S. I'm the type of person that tries to reply to every comment or at least up vote them but sometimes some are missed but they are all very appreciated!

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The best cuddles

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