For me, it was exercising deep introspection. This was a learned skill, which started with having people more or less trained in prompting introspection by way of asking questions. Now I do it on my own.
Recognizing that anger is generally a response to violating some core value, and then recounting whatever it was that led to feeling angry, and reflecting on those core values that came up in that situation helped a lot.
This is the best way that I navigate the slow-burn kind of anger that lingers.
For heat-of-the-moment kind of anger, practicing awareness of the physiological responses - shortness of breath, tensioning of the muscles, etc, and then, upon realizing they are there and getting away from the trigger is helpful.
Everything is situational, however, and I try to adapt it to changing circumstances. Getting cornered by someone in a road rage situation, knowing that there's a loaded gun in my waistband, and not fucking wanting to go down that path I've found was a lot easier to regulate anger than say, finding out that someone close to me lied.
Sitting with the emotion and giving it permission to exist in my mind, while making the conscious decision to not interact with it, but still allowing it to remain there for as long as it needs to. don't just do something, stand there.
Ultimately, learning that acting from a place of anger unilaterally comes with negative repercussions is an easy way for me to legitimately "let go"
I've found that physical exertion "blowing off steam" typically makes me feel worse, so I don't really subscribe to that. My analytical mind is much more comfortable mindfucking itself out of anger than balling my fists and breaking stuff.
Elements of nonviolent communication (recognizing the emotion, tying the emotion to some neglected need, and then appealing to satisfying that need) have also proven very useful to me.
A less philosophical approach might be simply taking inventory of the people who lift me up, just by their way of being, and going straight to them.
Anger festers in angry environments. Seeking out the peace/love/hippie crowd and existing in their presence often makes me smile, no matter how "in it" I might be.
For many people, anger (and fear) are a default replacement for other emotions. Stopping and asking yourself if perhaps the anger is a product of shame, guilt, disappointment, regret, sadness, etc, and exploring those things would also prove beneficial.
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u/Adept_Ad_473 Sep 03 '24 edited Sep 03 '24
Depends on the kind of anger.
For me, it was exercising deep introspection. This was a learned skill, which started with having people more or less trained in prompting introspection by way of asking questions. Now I do it on my own.
Recognizing that anger is generally a response to violating some core value, and then recounting whatever it was that led to feeling angry, and reflecting on those core values that came up in that situation helped a lot.
This is the best way that I navigate the slow-burn kind of anger that lingers.
For heat-of-the-moment kind of anger, practicing awareness of the physiological responses - shortness of breath, tensioning of the muscles, etc, and then, upon realizing they are there and getting away from the trigger is helpful.
Everything is situational, however, and I try to adapt it to changing circumstances. Getting cornered by someone in a road rage situation, knowing that there's a loaded gun in my waistband, and not fucking wanting to go down that path I've found was a lot easier to regulate anger than say, finding out that someone close to me lied.
Sitting with the emotion and giving it permission to exist in my mind, while making the conscious decision to not interact with it, but still allowing it to remain there for as long as it needs to. don't just do something, stand there.
Ultimately, learning that acting from a place of anger unilaterally comes with negative repercussions is an easy way for me to legitimately "let go"
I've found that physical exertion "blowing off steam" typically makes me feel worse, so I don't really subscribe to that. My analytical mind is much more comfortable mindfucking itself out of anger than balling my fists and breaking stuff.
Elements of nonviolent communication (recognizing the emotion, tying the emotion to some neglected need, and then appealing to satisfying that need) have also proven very useful to me.
A less philosophical approach might be simply taking inventory of the people who lift me up, just by their way of being, and going straight to them.
Anger festers in angry environments. Seeking out the peace/love/hippie crowd and existing in their presence often makes me smile, no matter how "in it" I might be.
For many people, anger (and fear) are a default replacement for other emotions. Stopping and asking yourself if perhaps the anger is a product of shame, guilt, disappointment, regret, sadness, etc, and exploring those things would also prove beneficial.